⒊ Signs YOU are in ♥ ?! (RED EDITION!) If you’re scrolling ↓ this chitt, then I s↑pose you’re just like any other troll trying to understand themself. Don’t sweat it. I get it, pal, I really do. Trying to manage FOUR (⒋) types of romance is a minefield of its own, and that’s not to mention WHERE you sit in that crazy tetraspectrum. Red, pale, pitch, ashen?! This is stranglier than trollitics! But it shouldn’t have to be—if you’re lost in your feelings, then boy (or girl or they or none or all of the above) do I have the ROMANTIREMEDY for YOU! Let's ✃ to the chase: ⒈ THEY CAN'T SEEM TO GET OFF YOUR MIND! ✕ ✕ ✕ Your thoughts, crazy hoofbeast in its own →, conflabs ↑ some sweaty scenarios while galloping through the plains of your pan. Maybe some smooching, some hornrubbing, maybe more? That’s prime time to ★t evaluating your feelings for them. ⒉ YOUR MINDSET SHIFTS?! Maybe you’re some big brawler and that special troll gets you soft and mushy like pudding. Maybe you’re the pacifistic type and they have you wanting to set the subgrub ablaze for them. It runs far deeper than anything pale.* ⒊ YOU FEEL LIKE YOURSELF IN THEIR PRESENCE ✓ ✓ ✓ It’s a cruel world. Sometimes the only way you can get by is to bare your teeth. But in their presence, you feel warm and fuzzy. Protected, like nothing can find either of you. And as you’re ★ing into those eyes of theirs, you feel understood, like you could get lost in them forever. You don’t want to look away. And in the quietude of the moment, you don’t have to. Because red feelings are premised on vulnerability. It isn’t simply having someone to watch your back, or a head to affectionately butt. It’s a product of being seen. There are SO many of us that just want affection. To be heard in this big crazy world. And when that other side of the coin talks to you, that’s how you know you’ve reached the hive. If this has helped you understand how you feel towards them a little better, go get ‘em, stripebeast. Feel free to drop any inquiries by reply or DM and I’ll hook you ↑ with some tricks. B;o) - Gander Grimzl * If you’re thinking of setting them on fire, please see my ↑coming article on PITCH romance.
why would you post this now whats up with that
HOLY FUCK. I'M IN RAW, SLACK-MANDIBLED AWE. THIS IS MORE THAN YOUR RUN-OF-THE-CORPSEPULPER SELF-HELP COLUMNSLOP. THIS IS SLOP THAT I COULD SHOVEL INTO MY RAVENOUS, WAITING GULLET BY THE MIGHTY, HEAPING SPOONFUL. THIS IS GRADE-A QUADRANTSLOP OF A CALIBER POLISHED TO SUCH A HIGH-GLOSS MIRROR SHEEN THAT THE LIGHT REFLECTING OFF ITS EVERY SCRUTABLE SURFACE IS ENOUGH TO MELT THE FLESH FROM MY BONES. THIS SLOPE TURNED ME INTO A PUDDLE OF CRUDE OIL. RE-FUCKING-CHIT. FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE COLUMNIST TO ANOTHER, YOU HAVE EARNED MY HARD-FOUGHT, HARD-WON RESPECT. KEEP POSTING MORE SHIT LIKE THIS. AND DON'T FUCK IT UP.
I am well-versed in the art of lateitude. (Case in point: this!) Hope your tricky relationship troubles are solved in due time, mister president! B:o)
And sir, yes sir! I'll try ✕ to disappoint! Your vivid niceities have my orbs watery and my facepaint begging for a masterbrush's electric boogieloo.