CALDERUS DELETE THIS AFTER YOU TYPE IT YOU RED BLOODED MORON DON’T LET MUSCLE INSTINCT TAKE OVER. I GOT SO FUCKING SOFT. SO FAST. JUST FROM…TALKING TO PEOPLE. LIKE THEY WERE PEOPLE, ON MY LEVEL. WHICH I GUESS THEY ARE? ONE NIGHT MAKING A SLOSHED FUCKING FOOL OF MYSELF, AND I AGREE TO…CHANGE? …I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD. I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO! I’M THE RED HALF. I’M THE PART THAT’S RAW RAGE, AND FURY, AND UMBRAGE. AND I’VE BEEN LIKE THAT FOR SO, SO LONG. EVER SINCE I WAS STUCK ON THAT SHITHOLE OF A BIRTH PLANET, FENDING FOR MYSELF, EVER SINCE CALYPSOS *BETRAYED* ME. THAT…THAT WAS THE MOMENT I REMEMBER I LEARNED THE SCORE. WHEN I LEARNED I COULDN’T BE ANYTHING ELSE THAN I AM, AND THAT THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE WAS TO EITHER CRUSH IT UNDER HEEL OR CRUSH IT INTO PIECES. AND I DID, OH GOD I DID. FOR SO LONG. DESTROYING ANY THREATS I FOUND AND ANY FILTH THAT COULD BECOME THREATS, BURSTING PLANETS APART, ENDING CIVILIZATIONS…AND I WAS OKAY WITH IT. BECAUSE THAT WAS WHAT I WAS. THEN I COME HERE. AND I…TALK TO PEOPLE. AND SEE SO MANY VERSIONS OF MY DAUGHTER, ONE WHO EVEN IS *HUMAN MARRIED*? AND MY SONS. GOD, MY FUCKING IDIOTS SONS. THEIR RAGE IS SO…MEANINGLESS. IT STINKS OF CODDLING AND PRIVILEGE. WHAT THE HELL DO *THEY* HAVE TO BE ANGRY AT? WHAT KIND OF FUCKIN’ SCARS DO THEY GOT ON *THEIR* BACKS? AND THEN I FALL IN LOVE. I…I DON’T KNOW HOW. I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S POSSIBLE, THAT I *CAN*. BUT THERE SHE IS. BEAUTIFUL, DETERMINED, KHER HATRED OF EVIL DIVINE, PROOF THAT SHE’S SOMETHING GOOD AND… AND I AM UNWORTHY. OH MY GOD. I REGRET WHAT I’VE DONE. I FEEL GUILT FOR WHO I AM. WHO I…WAS? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO *DO* ABOUT THAT?!?! HOW IS THAT *FAIR*?! HOW THE HELL CAN I MOVE FORWARD AND KEEP KEEPING ON?! HOW DO I MAKE UP FOR…**EVERYTHING**?! YEARS AND YEARS OF HATE AND RAGE AND DEATH?!!?!! HOW!? HOW?! …I AM. DISGUSTING.
okay i know this is super old and i wasnt supposed to see this so im sorry for stalking your chittr! but oh my god i feel this you arent alone mr calderus :(
…HAVEN’T REALLY TALKED TO YA, BUT. THANKS, I GUESS. IF IT HELPS YOU, I’M SURE I’VE DONE WORSE THAN WHATEVER YOU HAVE.
only because youre so much older i god. this sucks to say outloud but i literally decimated an entire blood caste and the only reason i didnt go further was because my empress at the time needed them to power things
DAMN, YEAH. THAT ONE IS UP THERE FOR SURE. …STILL, I GUESS IF YOU CAN BE BETTER NOW MAYBE THAT GIVES SOME HOPE FOR ME TOO.