The first thing I would like to say is, Nascar is not a fucking sport. Cars is literally the longest movie in the entirety of all filmographies across all worlds and timelines and whatever. I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say, “Casper it is literally only a few minutes shy of two hours long.” Extremely loud incorrect buzzer. WRONG. Cars movie is actually, by my estimates, seventeen thousand trillion sweeps long. So imagine you’re some stupid little five sweep old and someone asks you to watch a movie with them. And why not? Why shouldn’t you watch a movie with your homie. There you are, sat in the dark, watching Troll Owen Wilson the Car learn to love. I fucking guess????? Eight sweeps pass in an instant. Puberty? Adult molt? COME AND GONE. By the time you leave the theater you’re titled already, you have a full set of quads. Who occupies your quadrants???? Who knows? One of the cars from Cars, probably. And they didn’t just do it one time, they did it TWO MORE FUCKING TIMES. How many times can Owen Wilson the Car experience yet another traumatic race injury??? RETIRE AFTER THE FIRST ONE, BOZO???? And then he goes off to flirt with some other random female car with a face, and find out the true meaning of friendship and family bonds and WHATEVER every time. Don’t forget – His best friend Larry the Cable Guy the Car is also there. Isn’t that fucked up? Isn’t that fucked up for real? And the third one IS objectively the worst one. Imagine taking something that sucks so bad already and then making it suck a little bit more somehow. You don’t have to, I’m going to paint the god damn picture for you. It’s established in that Owen Wilson the Car has a girlfriend, (Sally, from Radiator Springs, the lawyer((why do the cars need lawyers btw))) but he spends the entire movie fucking flirting with Cruise Ramirez, his young and spunky new trainer. ????? OKAY????? FIRST OF ALL, WEIRDO ALERT, SECOND OF ALL, This bitch ain’t even loyal? He can’t do his job without crashing and he can’t fucking stay loyal to his lawyer mate?????? INSANE. INSANE BUSINESS!!!!! I just need to know who woke up one day and was like “I want to make a movie that takes seven years to watch and it’s about cars with faces!!!!!” Who said you know Toy Story?? I can do that better and with cars! WRONG!!!!! Don’t get me started on the implications, Where are the people? Who made the cars??? Was there some sort of car uprising or did trolls upload their minds into the cars because being a troll with opposable thumbs is fun and all…. But you know what would REALLY be fun? BEING A FUCKING CAR. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORSE PART. I bet you guys don’t know this about me – Hi guys, I’m Casper Cooper. I have an eidetic memory. Do you know what that is? It means I have a photographic memory. THINGS GO IN. THEY NEVER GO OUT. “Casper, that’s kind of cool, actually,--” WRONG AGAIN. I remember. Each and EVERY grueling minute of the first installment of that CIA torture method. THE TRACTOR TIPPING. CONSIDER THE TRACTOR TIPPING – What determines whether the car is a people car or an animal car??? Why the hell would they have beast cars anyway??? It doesn’t make sense to me as a concept, either, because it’s just – Okay, stay with me. You can argue that they make things like that because it distracts wigglers with the bright colors and the funny faces and whatever. Okay, Okay, WHATEVER. That works for like Thomas the Tank Engine and Blaze and the Monster Machines. Which teach actual real valuable things. Thomas teaches about community and surviving dystopian societies. Blaze teaches you math and science sometimes, you understand. You don’t make a show intended for little teeny children and cast first of all Owen fucking Wilson and tell me that it’s just to entertain the kids. IT’S BULLSHIT IS WHAT IT IS.
Yeah that's great and all but whoo doo yoou think is the hoottest froom the entire franchise
✨🍭🕷️ also also nascar can be a sport if you're a car i dont take issue with that part but like i refuse to believe people would care that much about Foot Races that's track and field babey who fuckin care about track and field where is car football 🕷️🍭✨
Life Is A Highway, I Wanna Ride It, All Night Long.
[⚙︎ Hey man that sucks. I think. @|so why did they even name it cars. There're |ike 30 movies named cars and none of them are re|ated. ⚙︎]
