'Weird Al'

Laivan Ferroo

1 week ago

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A user of established repute

@windlessArtificer[WA]

Oh god— Why is that weird cult on here—

'Weird Al'

1 week ago

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A user of established repute

@weirdAlchemist[WA]

@spiritualMotorist You should join us.

'Weird Al'

1 week ago

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A user of established repute

@weirdAlchemist[WA]

Oh yeah! You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta tell ya, it was really great! Except that I had to sit between two lovin' cerulean women with excruciatingly severe quadrant issues, and the little grub in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was well, the title is just too long to say! And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out, (my fault) And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside, And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died! Except for me... you know why? 'Cause I had my hands up! And my sigils in the alchemical iron position, 'Cause I had my hands up! And my sigils in the alchemical iron position, 'Cause I had my hands up! And my sigils in the alchemical iron position! Ah, hahaha! Hahaha! So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full cycles, Draggin' along my alchemical set and my head bag And my tenor spells and my twelve-pound firearm, And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark hand. But finally I arrived at the world famous Serpaz Helilo's Hive Where the jokes are oh so funny, And you can eat your soup right out of the accordion if you wanna! It's ok, they're clean! Well, she had checked down and turned down the jokes, And she turned on the client program, And she's just about to finish up that conversation with Sova, That she loves so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door! Well now, who could that be? She says "Who is it?" No answer, "Who is it?" There's no answer, "Who is it!!!" They're not sayin' anything! So, she goes to check the commotion and open the door and just as she suspected It's some purpleblood with a sea-salt curly Komeada haircut and only one smile! Oh man, she hated that she was right. So anyway, he shifts into her room and he grabs her lucky accordion! And she's like "Hey, you can't have that!!!" "That accordion been just like a accordion to me!" And he's like "Classic mistake." And she's like "Give it!" And he's like "Not unless you join." And she's like, "Okay." So she shot his hand and he grabbed her hardhat, And she swore she'd cull him and he grinned despite the pain, And she tried again and he caught her by the wrist, Yes indeed, you better believe it! And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook! And twenty seconds later, she heard a familiar voice! And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said! It said "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again!" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator!" "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again!" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator!" In The Alpocalypse! Alpocalypse #HarbingersofTheAlpocalypse #PartTwo

'Weird Al'

1 week ago

Verified

A user of established repute

@weirdAlchemist[WA]

Here at the Harbingers of the Alpocalypse, we only torture the folks we don't like, you're probably gonna be okay!

'Weird Al'

1 week ago

Verified

A user of established repute

@weirdAlchemist[WA]

Here at the Harbingers of the Alpocalypse, we have Allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, waterproofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers!