「DAMARA MEGIDO’S TOP 10 ANIME. VERY RARE. VERY BEAUTIFUL. VERY BAD FOR NORMAL PEOPLE. 10. “LOWBLOOD WITCH GETS ONE BAD DEAL AND INVENTS FEMINISM THROUGH HALLUCINATION” A TERRIBLE BEAUTIFUL WITCH MOVIE. LIKE IF A MEDIEVAL PAINTING GOT SICK WITH FEVER AND STARTED MOANING ABOUT OPPRESSION. VERY OLD. VERY CURSED. VERY WOMAN-BEING-DESTROYED-BY-SOCIETY-CORE. 9. “GIRL PROTECTS MYSTERY ORB WHILE SOME CLOAKED ASSHOLE RUINS THE VIBE” WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING THEN EVERYTHING. A GIRL CARRIES AN EGG. A MAN ASKS QUESTIONS. FISH SHADOWS SOMETIMES. GOD MIGHT BE DEAD. 8. “TWO GIRLS LEARN THE IMPORTANT LESSON THAT EXISTING IS USUALLY FATAL” UGLY LITTLE HORROR OVA. VERY MEAN. VERY STRANGE. LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE MADE IT AFTER EATING BAD SOPOR SLIME. NO COMFORT. ONLY PUNISHMENT. 7. “TINY CHITIN CIVILIANS DISCOVER THEIR LANDLORD IS THE CONSTERN WITH A SHOE” LIVE-ACTION APARTMENT PLUS ANIMATED COCKROACH SOCIETY. TROLLS ARE APOCOLYPTIC GODS. ROACHES FUCK. EVERYONE SUFFERS. ALTERNIAN PREMIER CONTENT. HONESTLY. 6. “TEN SPACE NERDS AND ONE POSSIBLE MURDER BONUS TROLL” OLD SCI-FI MYSTERY ABOUT CADETS ON A SHIP. EXCEPT. THERE'S AN EXTRA ONE. GENDER AFFIRMING. VERY GOOD. 5. “SEVERAL IDIOTS RUN FROM A ROBOT BECAUSE THE ANIMATOR TOOK STIMULANTS” YES. 4. “THREE BAD DREAMS FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK CITIES ARE NORMAL” ANTHOLOGY SHORTS. CYBERPUNK. HORROR. EVIL. 3. “OLD NOBLE PERVERT REMEMBERS BEING HOT AND MAKES IT EVERYONE’S PROBLEM” HE IS JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL. 2. “WHOLE PLANET GETS LOBOTOMIZED AND STILL MANAGES TO BE ANNOYING” JUST LIKE HOME. MAKES ME SICK. I LOVE IT. ALMOST THE BEST MOVIE. 1. “COURT NOBLE COLLECTS QUADRANT PROBLEMS LIKE FIDUSPAWN CARDS AND DIES FROM BEING AESTHETIC” SLOW. ELEGANT. HAUNTED BY EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES. ARISTOCRATS MAKING TERRIBLE ROMANTIC DECISIONS IN DIM ROOMS. THE PAIN IS SUBTLE. THIS IS WORSE. HONORABLE MENNTIONS: “KITTEN WALKS THROUGH AFTERLIFE AND EVERYONE PRETENDS THIS IS FINE” MAKES ME SAD.」
(( cockroach one probs but "anime about an old pervert" wont get me far. Im too employed :[ ))
"GIRL PROTECTS MYSTERY ORB WHILE SOME CLOAKED ASSHOLE RUINS THE VIBE" IS A CERTIFIED CLASSIC. NOBODY CAN SIT THEIR ASS DOWN IN A MEANING-RIPE LACUNA OF SILENCE FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS WITHOUT BREAKING THEIR OWN SPONGECASE OPEN WITH THE CRACKING END OF A RIFLEKIND WEAPON BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A FUCKING IPAD WIGGLER WITH NO ABILITY TO DELAY GRATIFICATION, NOW. THERE ARE SOME ANIMATED MOVIES YOU HAVE TO LET HATCH AT THEIR OWN PACE. INSTEAD OF SMASHING THEM OPEN LIKE AN OINKBEAST BANK YOU'VE ONLY PUT ONE CAEGAR INTO BEFORE IT HAS A CHANCE TO COOL OFF FROM YOUR HOT LITTLE PRONG. ALSO, IT'S A SMASH HIT BY THAT ARTIST. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT PEOPLE ONLY EVER SEEM TO RECOGNIZE WHEN YOU PUT HIS NAME NEXT TO "A FUTURISTIC MAGITECH FANTASY WHERE BEAUTIFUL THREE-DIMENSIONAL BOYS WITH INSANE HAIR FIGHT WORLD-ENDING DRAGONS AND ONE-WINGED AURA FARMERS WITH WHITE HAIR WITH SWORDS THAT ARE ALSO GUNS," OR "A HALF-TROLL, HALF RAINBOW-DRINKER IN A COOL HAT WITH A DISGUSTING, FACE-SHAPED TUMOR ON HIS PRONG TROTS AROUND ON A BIOPUNK HOOFBEAST FIGHTING OTHER RAINBOW DRINKERS IN A BOMBED-OUT POST-APOCALYPSE: BLOODLUST." I WOULD HAVE RANKED IT HIGHER, BUT I'LL FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE SOME OF THESE OTHER OPTIONS SOUND LIKE THEY'RE DEFINITELY WORTH A WATCH. YOU'RE ON THIN ICE, MEGIDO. BUT YOU'RE SKATING SOME FIGURE-EIGHTS, HERE. I'M INTRIGUED.
「YOU KNOW BALL. BALLS EVEN. BUT EVENTUALLY. YOU MAY KNOW MY SPHERES. INSTEAD. IF YOU KEEP SPEAKING LIKE THAT.」
「DOWN, STRIPED PURRBEAST. DE ARINSU.」 SORRY. FORCE OF HABIT. I LEARNED EAST ALTERNIAN WHILE I WAS IN THE TROLL EDO PERIOD. STILL GETTING IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM.
「DO NOT APOLOGIZE. IT IS A PERFECTLY APT TRANSLATION. VERY FORMAL, VERY RESPECTFUL, YOU MAY PUT IT ON A CERTIFICATE. YOU UNDERSTAND MY EGG MOVIE. THAT IS RARE. MOST ENCOUNTER IT AND BEGIN CHEWING AT THEIR LIPS LIKE NERVOUS BARKBEASTS WITH TIGHT COLLARS. THEY CANNOT LET THE SYMBOL SIT. THEY CANNOT LET IT BREATHE. THEY WANT TO SCROLL A LORE WIKI, AS THEY DANGLE FROM THE CEILING LIKE SWINGBEASTS. I DO NOT FEED THEM THEIR LITTLE BOWL OF EXPLANATION SLOP. IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ITSELF. EXPLANATION WOULD KILL THE MOVIE. IT IS NOT A PUZZLEBOX. IT IS MY VASE. MY FUNERAL VASE THAT WHEN I EXPLAIN IT, SHATTERS AND NO PRIZE COMES OUT. AND YES. AMANO. BEAUTIFUL BASTARD. EVERYONE RECOGNIZES HIM WHEN HE DRAWS A PRETTY-HAIRED. WAR CRIMINALS. OR HAT WEARING PARASITES. BUT WHEN HE MAKES A GIRL WALK THROUGH THE TWIN DEITY'S EMPTY AQUARIUM, CARRYING THE UNBORN MATRIORB METAPHOR, SUDDENLY EVERYONE ACTS LIKE ART HISTORY IS ASSAILING THEM. I ONLY RANKED IT LOW, BECAUSE IF I PUT IT AT NUMBER ONE, TROLLS WOULD ASSUME THIS LIST HAD NORMAL TASTE. UNACCEPTABLE. THIS LIST NEEDS DISEASE AND TEETH. THE MOVIE DESERVES GREAT RESPECT. YOU MAY CONTINUE SPEAKING. VERY CAREFULLY.」
NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO YOU. I WON'T PRETEND THAT I'VE SEEN EVERY SEPTIC, NECROSIS-BLACKENED ROTSLOG OF AN ANIMATED SNUFF FILM YOU'RE INTO ON THIS LIST, BUT IT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF BULLSHIT I LIKE. THESE STUPID, SCATPANNED ADULT BLUEY WATCHERS COULD *NEVER.* THE ONE ABOUT THE COCKROACHES SPEAKS TO ME IN A WAY I LIKE. I'LL GIVE THAT ONE A WATCH. AS FAR AS THE GRIMY, GREASY, AND BEFANGED PIECES OF EAST ALTERNIAN ANIMATED CINEMA GO, THERE'S ONE DIRECTOR WHO HAS THE HIGHEST TIER SUBSCRIPTION ACCESS TO THE DEPTHS OF MY RANCID BLACK PUSHER, AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE'S PRETTY WELL KNOWN FOR YET ANOTHER POPULAR "GOOD FOR HER" ANIME, MY FAVORITE WORK BY THIS DIRECTOR IS "THREE SLOVENLY, HIVELESS VAGRANTS DISCOVER A WIGGLER IN THE TRASH ON TWELFTH PERIGEE'S EVE AND ATTEMPT TO FIND ITS ORIGINAL GUARDIAN WHILE COMMENTING ON THE NATURE OF GUARDIANSHIP, LUSUSHOOD FAILURE, ABANDONMENT, AND THE INHERENT PITY FESTERING WITHIN THE DEPTH OF EVERY PUSHER." NO FUCKING SHIT, DAMARA. I WATCH IT EVERY TWELFTH PERIGEE'S. EVERY FUCKING TIME. IT NEVER GETS OLD.
「INVITE ME. NEXT TIME. IT IS A FAVORITE OF MINE AS WELL.」 「ALSO.」 「I AM DEEPLY IN LOVE "A SNAKE OIL SALESMAN CONTESTS AGAINST A MYRIAD OF SUPERNATURAL PERILS THAT TRULY ERUPT FROM THE HORRIFIC PASTS OF THE SUPPORTING CAST AND ONLY HE THROUGH HIS TALKING, MYTHICAL BLADE MY EXORCISE THE DEMON AFTER LEARNING THE THREE FACETS OF THAT SUPERNATURAL BEING'S EXISTENCE."」
FOR A SECOND, I CONFUSED THIS WITH "YET ANOTHER FUCKING HIVELESS VAGRANT (ALBEIT YOUNGER AND LESS SLOVENLY) ACCEPTS AN UNETHICAL MEDICAL PROCEDURE FROM A SUSPICIOUS MEDICAL STUDENT WHO WANTS TO TREPANATE HIS FUCKING SPONGECASE IN THE HOPES THAT HE WILL DEVELOP PSYCHIC POWERS, AND THE NARRATIVE BECOMES UNRELIABLE WHEN HE BEGINS TO PERCEIVE ELABORATE, METAPHOR-LADEN HALLUCINATIONS THAT ALLOW HIM DEEP AND PROFOUND INSIGHT INTO TOTAL STRANGERS THAT HE USES TO HELP THEM AND EVENTUALLY CONFRONT HIS PAST AS A LYING, CORPORATE SCUMBAG." I STAYED UP ALL FUCKING LIGHT TO READ THAT ONE. IT GOT ADAPTED INTO A LIVE ACTION MOVIE, A WHILE BACK. I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN IT, AS A MATTER OF FACT. MAYBE I'M WORRIED THEY'LL HAVE PISSED AND SHIT ALL OVER A DAMN GOOD STORY. BUT I'LL CONCEDE THAT I DON'T THINK I'VE SEEN A MOVIE BY THAT TITLE. I'M NOT GOING TO MARCH MY ASS IN HERE AND PRETEND I'VE SEEN *EVERY* PIECE OF CINEMA WORTH TWO SHITS AND A FUCK, ANIMATED OR NOT. I'LL BE KEEPING A GANDERBULB ON YOU, DAMARA. IF YOU'RE EVER AROUND WHILE I'M RUNNING THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB (#ABCC), I'LL NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU GET A TURN ON THE REMOTE. THESE DROOLING, LIMP-FRONDED INVERTEBRATES NEED SOME REAL FUCKING CULTURE TO SHOVE IN THEIR DISCRETIONLESS HUNGER TRAPS.