
I WATCHED THE ODYSSEY TODAY. LET’S SET THE SCENE. PICTURE ME, IN MY CINEMA SUNDAY BEST. A COMFORTABLE YET SENSIBLE JUMPER, ELASTIC WAISTBAND SWEATS, MINI BLANKET BECAUSE THE CINEMA IS COLD AS SHIT. FRONT OF THE PREMIER SECTION, *NOT* THE FRONT ROW, WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A WET BAG OF HUMAN HORSE SHIT TO THE FACE? ANYWAY. THERE I AM. PANTS-CLAD AND LOVING IT. IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON WITH A BIG GIANT RAINBOW FLAG ATTACHED TO THE BACK. PLUS CANNONS AND FIREWORKS. A BIG BUCKET OF KERNELSPLOSIONS *WITH CHURNED DAIRY PRODUCT* IN MY RIGHT HAND, CRUEL-AID BOTTLE THE SIZE OF MY FACE IN THE OTHER. SEAT F-15, FEELING LIKE A GODDAMN FIGHTER JET ABOUT TO RELEASE MAYHEM ON A MOTHERFUCKER. THREE HOURS OF PURE. FUCKING. CINEMATIC REALNESS. HUMAN CHRISTOPHER NOLAN. YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN. MOVIE REVIEW INBOUND THIS WEEK, BECAUSE I HAVE WORDS. LOTS OF THEM. BUT RIGHT NOW I’VE HAD TO ROLL MYSELF OUT OF THIS THEATRE AND BACK HOME BECAUSE I FINISHED AN ENTIRE BUCKET OF KERNELSPLOSIONS BY MYSELF.

