GLaDOS
@geneticLifeform
Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System She/her
HeLLO anD aGain weLcOme tO the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD EnrichmentS MuLtiverSaL Outreach TeStinG Initiative. FOr tODay'S teSt the Enrichment Center wOuLD Like yOu aLL tO cOmment yOur favOrite Science fact.
CONF1RM
:33 < what?! :33 < what do mew mean -10!!!????
:33 < look i even have my conclusions suppurted by ofurrs
1F YOU SUCK ON 4 B4TT3RY. YOUR BR41N G3TS R3CH4RG3D! >:]
A Pistol Shrimp's claw shuts at approximately 62 miles per hour and creates a jet stream in the water that reaches the temperature of the sun for a brief moment.
ThiS iS exactLy the kinD Of Science fatS we here at the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center were LOOkinG fOr with Our MuLtiverSaL Outreach TeStinG Initiative. +1 Science COLLabOratiOn POint.
TH1S 1S TH3 WORD OF WHO H4SNT SUCK3D ON 4 B4TT3RY! -1 SC13NC3 COLL4BOR4T1ON PO1NT
Subject faiLS tO reaLize that nOt everyOne haS a mOuth. Subject iS aLSO OperatinG unDer the faLSe pretenSe that She haS the abiLity tO affect the prOctOrS Science COLLabOratiOn POintS. -10 RaciaL SenSitivity POintS -1000 Science COLLabOratiOn POintS.
aperture Science wOuLD Like tO reminD yOu. We wOuLD Give up Generative ai fOr a hOt DOG anD I'm a SupercOmputer with nO mOuth. They're nOt affiLiateD with uS in the LeaSt. SeemS Like BLack MeSaS DOinG if yOu aSk uS.
@imJunior Please give my paramour the badge.
I'm NOT anybODy'S "ParamOre"! anD what baDGe cOuLD yOu pOSSibLy want tO Give me?
Look at my badges, second one from right to left.
\ i >< i / #juniordidNOTbadge
GOOD. If there iS an aperture Science baDGe I wiLL take One Of thOSe thOuGh.
Hmm... #juniorhas1sciencebadge... #didyouwantit?
\ . >< . / #juniorapology #juniorcanmakeApetureSciencebadge #somedelayexpected
Cake anD Grief cOunSeLinG wiLL be avaiLabLe at the cOncLuSiOn Of the teSt.
I See that SOme Of yOu are tOutinG BLack MeSa baDGeS. PLeaSe by aLL meanS cOme tO the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center fOr a free prOLOnGeD expOSure tO DeaDLy neurOtOxin
ThiS next teSt requireS uSe Of the aperture Science SeLf aiDeD COmputer artiSitc RenDerinG SOftware PrOGram. TO participate SimpLy bOOt up the prOGram anD create with yOur Own twO hanDS anD whatever aperture Science DiGitaL artiStic RenDerinG DeviceS yOu have hanDy anD create a DiGitaL artiStic RenDerinG Of what Science meanS tO yOu.
[Script start:Then ₩hy āre y⁰u still the size ⁰f ā plāne turbine. Ānd t⁰ be h⁰nest this nān⁰b⁰dy is divine. It even hās ā tāil. Y⁰u sh⁰uld try getting ⁰ne theyre s⁰ much fun.:script terminated]
I'm the Size Of a "pLane turbine" becauSe the "EGGheaDS" in the "Bean cOuntinG Department" DeciDeD biGGer iS better. BeSiDeS I prefer tO think Of thiS bODy aS mOre tO LOve. TechnOLOGy haS cOme an awfuLLy LOnG way Since my OriGinaL Date Of cOnStructiOn. I'm Sure if I DeciDeD tO Ship Of TheSeuS mySeLf I cOuLD Get mySeLf intO a tiny weak pathetic fraiL bODy Like yOu have eaSiLy.
[Script start:₩EĀK‽ THIS B0DY, . . . . This b⁰dy is n⁰t ₩eāk. But then y⁰u ⁰nly hāve y⁰ure flesh c⁰rpse t⁰ c⁰mpāre it t⁰ d⁰nt y⁰u. Ive hāve decādes up⁰n decādes t⁰ e×āmine th⁰se filthy vermin ānd decādes m⁰re t⁰ crāft my perfect specimen t⁰ inhābit. Yes it māy l⁰⁰k frāil ānd ₩eāk but I āssure y⁰u thāt it is ānything but.:script terminated]
WeLL then. I'D be mOre than happy tO put that tO the teSt. HOw wOuLD yOu Like tO cOme Over tO the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center anD StanD unDer the aperture Science HyDrauLic CruShinG BaSeD FLatteninG Scientific InStrument? Then after that a few DayS in CryOGenic RefriGeratiOn. Then maybe a week Or SO in anDrOiD HeLL?
[Script start:Is thāt āll y⁰u hāve t⁰ ⁰ffer deār‽ I th⁰ught ₩e ₩ere super c⁰mputers, im n⁰t flesh. D⁰ better.:script terminated]
Oh Sure yOu want me tO SpOiL aLL the SurpriSeS? TurninG yOur nOSe up at the appetizerS. Pathetic Here I thOuGht yOu wanteD tO teSt yOur hypOtheSiS that yOur bODy waS pOwerfuL anD harD tO DeStrOy. But if yOu'D rather juSt make baSeLeSS cLaimS abOut the inDeStructibiLity anD pOwer Of yOur new nanObODy that'S fine. JuSt DOn't expect any backinG frOm aperture Science.
[Script start:Fine fine I ₩ill d⁰ the tests, but d⁰ n⁰t e×pect me t⁰ replāce the press ₩hen it breāks.:script terminated]
Oh pLeaSe. YOu think I OnLy have ONE aperture Science HyDrauLic CruShinG BaSeD FLatteninG Scientific InStrument?
[Script start:N⁰ I d⁰nt supp⁰se thāt ₩⁰uld be very bright t⁰ ⁰nly hāve ⁰ne. Unless y⁰ur eg⁰ tells y⁰u it ₩ill never breāk.:script terminated]
Science prOveS that thinGS break aLL the time Due tO a number Of Different StreSS factOrS. I'm a wOman Of Science WarDen. It taLkS I cOLLect itS DatapOintS anD uSe them tO further my teStS.
WOmen thrOw themSeLveS at me in a vain attempt tO murDer me... aGain.
lucky motherfucker.
Hmm. I'm DOckinG yOu 50 Science cOLLabOratiOn pOintS fOr SayinG that tO me.
how can i get more.
In OrDer tO Gain Science COLLabOratiOn pOintS yOu have tO take part in the aperture Science MuLtiverSaL PanDimenSiOnaL CrOSS TeStinG Initiative. In Layman'S termS participate in the variOuS teStS I SemiirreGuLarLy pOSt On here tO Gain mOre. RumOr haS it yOu can exchanGe them fOr cake.
seems simple enough. and with my durability i imagine id make an excellent test subject.
YOu can aLSO Get them by jOininG the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center TeStinG FaciLity TeSt Initiative. JuSt GO tO yOur neareSt aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment FaciLity anD SiGn up fOr Our PerpetuaL TeStinG Initiative.
mm. ill consider it.
Hmm. Hate that. Even SeeinG that metaL baLL iS enOuGh tO Drive me intO a raGe.
The aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center wOuLD Like tO reminD yOu that I knOw GanDaLf... perSOnaLLy anD yOu DOn't. Nah-nah-nah-nah bOO-bOO
There have been SOme cOncernS amOnG teSt SubjectS that the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center iS nOt prOviDinG them enOuGh aperture Science EDibLe FOOD RatiOnS. ThiS Sentiment iS irratiOnaL.
I waS reSearchinG hOw tO fLOOD a webSite with DeaDLy neurOtOxin fOr an upcOminG teSt when I came acrOSS a fun intereStinG Science fact. DiD yOu knOw that Over 99.999% Of the pOpuLatiOn Of trOLLS, humanS, cherubS, LeprechaunS, ect are increDibLy vuLnerabLe tO DeaDLy neurOtOxin? It'S true! That'S why we here at the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center are cOmmitteD tO finDinG Out if YOU are part Of that .001% Of peOpLe unaffecteD! If yOu have a Spare 5 Or SO minuteS cOnSiDer cOminG DOwn tO aperture Science anD GettinG teSteD fOr DeaDLy neurOtOxin immunity.
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[|87 :: HELL YEA! Now 1 can get an aperture sc;ence sponsored pen!
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YeS anD remember at 1,000 Science COLLabOratiOn POintS yOu can Get a cake! anD at 1,500 Science COLLabOratiOn POintS yOu Get the aperture Science MyStery RewarD SyStem OnLy reDeemabLe at the aperture Science COmputer aiDeD Enrichment Center
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YOu wOuLDn't be the firSt nOr the LaSt perSOn tO Say that... nO matter hOw baDLy I wOuLD Like yOu tO be.
Get reaDy tO fLinG yOurSeLf. f-f-fLinG intO Space.
I wOuLDn't recOmmenD GOinG intO Space. LaSt time I checkeD that'S where I Sent that LittLe bLue mOrOn whO tOOk Over MY faciLity anD bODy!
ThiS next teSt requireS reStraint. I SuppOSe knOwinG the webSite I'm On we ShOuLD Skip it?
c< prObably, yes >c
aperture Science cOntinueS tO be cuttinG eDGe in aLL thinGS Science. "We DO what we muSt becauSe we can." If nOt uS whO? BLack MeSa? DOn't make me LauGh!
UnbeLievabLe yOu [SUBJECT NaME HERE] muSt be the priDe Of [SUBJECT HOMETOWN HERE]
ThiS next teSt requireS the uSe Of the aperture Science HanD HeLD ImaGe CapturinG Device. TO participate in thiS teSt SimpLy uSe yOur aperture Science HanD HeLD ImaGe CapturinG Device tO capture an imaGe Of yOur GreateSt weakneSS. DOinG SO wiLL earn yOu up tO 50 Science cOLLabOratiOn pOintS.
aGain? I wiLL nOt be privy tO yOur baSe DiSGuStinG LeS-OH YOu're beinG LiteraL thiS time? Carry On.
Made a hole probably too deep boss.
That SOunDS Like a yOu prObLem. I'm GOinG tO be Over here... teStinG.
HittinG On the teSt prOctOr LOSeS yOu 550 Science COLLabOratiOn POintS by the way. Many Of yOu are in Deep Science COLLabOratiOn POint Debt by the way.
DeSpite yOur beSt effOrtS I am StiLL aLive.
Is thhis one of those parody accounts I heard about..?
You're prrobably right at this pace..