Lightbringer
@incandescentVisionary
We are all but stardust in the great expanse of night.
It feels like not enough, and yet. It must be, for now. It must be.
I am unused to not having the means to solve a problem. But it is not mine to solve, I can only aid as I am asked.
I wonder if I have any pictures of myself with my siblings.... I miss them
I miss... my work. There is no need of it here.
Forgive me if you've explained it before and I've missed it, but what was your work?
I have not had reason to expand on it previously, no. I was... hm... Officially, I was the Divine Right Hand to a God of my home universe, a title which entailed many duties, the most important of which was to keep Diollea (my Divine patron) in check and ensure he did not act rashly (such as when he obliterated an intelligent species out of righteous anger). But my favorite duties, and the ones I was most suited to, were those involved in my role as spymaster and strategist to the people of my world. Every Universe has its intergalactic conquerors, much like the Alternians. The people of my home worked against those conquerors. It was fulfilling work, and I was quite adept at it. I saw very few casualties to our agents during my tenure. But there is little use for such work here, as I am now.
I'm sure there's bound to be someone who could benefit from your skills. You could look into finding ways to aid people who might need someone to warn them of treachery or danger that you can see coming, yes? Of course you could also take up a hobby to help fill the hours too!
Yes... But I am also wary of being overly meddlesome, as one of my... status, we'll say. I have been playing a truly absurd amount of chess with my counterpart, lately. I could probably stand to learn something else.
Might I recommend Mahjong? I'm still trying to learn that one myself. It's very interesting.
Would it shock you to know that until this very moment, I had no (conscious) awareness of it? The people of my home played other games. And yet now, I suppose, I must consider myself an expert. It may do to keep me busy, however, so you have my thanks.
How do you cope with the passing of someone who, for your whole life, was the most powerful entity you could have ever conceived of? How do you accept the mortality of the gods you worshipped?
You b33g!!n an33w, r33forg33 your pan. R33al!!t!!33s ar33 !!nf!!n!!t33, th33 truth !!s not always so stabl33. J!!ngl33 j!!ngl33. !t !!s not 33asy but !!t !!s a start
In my experience? Poorly at first. Though for me it technically has not happened yet.
We can only do our best, in their wake. It's all anyone can do, really. But perhaps we as gods must shoulder the lofty aspiration of one day eclipsing them, for the sake of those beneath us.
I fear I have already eclipsed them, though not necessarily for the better. There is too much of me to fill the mold I was left with.
I miss... the warmth of His light. The comfort which could be found there. I fear mine is far colder.
I have been meaning to change my color to a more pleasant one. Is this much better?
It feels too... orange.
It is easier to bear this morning.
My toxic trait is that I have always struggled to relinquish control. I suppose this has only gotten worse since my ascension.
I suppose, I at least have access to peers now. One, for better or worse, my inverse. For a sense of balance, should he agree to my proposal. He is intentionally deliberating, lest I know his answer before we speak again.
Anything less than total control would have been far different. Far better. My aspect unchanged, but my class... Burdens, shared. Companionship to be had. Who would ever want such a title at such a cost?
I hate knowing what I might have had, in another life. I do not want what he has. I have no interest in forcing a bond that does not belong to me. But I must admit that find myself unexpectedly devastated that my capacity for such a relationship was ripped from me so completely. It isn't something I thought I would need or want. I have always been more concerned with the absence of my siblings. And yet...
Oh Lords, I was not meant to be a lonely creature. And I cannot seek solace in the people of this world, because it is, at its core, unbalanced. In their eyes, they are not my equals. It will never feel like love.
Why did they do this to me?
And I know, I know this, I know why, I will never not know why. But knowing does not come with understanding. It does not come with acceptance.
You are the ties that bind. You are just as capable of unbinding them.
I should not have engaged. I did not want to know. I do not want to know.
Perhaps it is time for me to retire for the night as well. Else I will spend the remainder of the evening looking for things to do.
Or else I might also start ruminating on what isn't.
I could tell him where the thing is. However. It is a little funny.
He will find it soon enough. It is funnier this way. And, perhaps, less stressful for the girl's pet.
It makes me look beautiful, perhaps, yes, but certainly also terrible. Not like a God I would like to have near. It is a pity. It is good work.
I suppose for you it would be. For me it is just as strange to know that was a possibility. Not in my timeline, of course. But in others.
See the bullshit he has going on?? Over there? In fucking Hell Universe or whatever That's NUTS. He doesn't even know.
Honestly, I think it makes me look... scary. Intimidating. Deeply unapproachable.
You know. The last time I visited people of this world, one of them painted a... something. Of me. A kind of... Religious iconography. It admittedly is a decent likeness; however, I find it... unsettling. Perhaps it is just the sensation of having my divinity so boldly displayed unsettling me. I do not think I was designed with Godhood in mind, and yet...
Perhaps. It could however also just be an act of deference. Acknowledgement of power. Not all religious iconography is created out of love for the focus of their beliefs, after all. I am uncertain.