♦ pitied by @jakeEnglish
no!!!! shame!!!
I think I'm going to murder you in your sleep.
@containedArmageddons you call me lame, and yet this is you.
#myman
i think i might have accidentally uploaded a picture of my penis. whoops. #nsfw #accident #damnit!
TEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN THOUSAND FEET IN THE AIR. And as we're falling faster, the THOUGHT OF YOU BEGINS.
mr. beast please don't murder me!!!!
Now that's what I'm talking about. Ladies, get yourself a roommate that'll treat you like a Princess.
he’s been that for perigees. when he be(ame a love bot it freaked ever7one out
Jinxed it. Jfc.
Hey, you're awesome, little guy.
Didn't expect my first post to be one requesting badges, but I kind of need at least a few of them sparkling up my profile, right the fuck now. Not sure of their names but uh, smuppet, swords (both), horse, Dirk splinter? Pretty sure that's about right. Please and thank you, buddy. @imJunior
🤦 Full stop.
I'm having war flashbacks, I need a nap.
Now I'm styling.
Somebody save this guy from himself.
Can we get an F in the chat, my guys?
I went through the entire spiel all over again and I still think he's losing interest in my tutorial.
Lmfao. And I'm not telling you how to set it back.
I perma set his feed on "following" so that he only sees my posts. It's amusing to watch him get confused.
Ew. Musk? I think I'm gonna go gag.
Dude, take a fucking shower. You reek.
Damn it. He's breached containment.
You know I made a comment about the dude taking a shower and didn't even notice people were talking about bathing. Uh, coincedence? Or are we just a hivemind. What the fuckie fuck?
Peanut butter is next.
Do I gotta write the entire grocery list?
You were clear. I'm just not taking your word of advice. Plus, I'll just keep our shit seperate. You gotta keep em seperated.
Chicken nuggets. Peanut butter. Tuna, probably. Spam. The list is getting thicker, my dudes. We might need to batten down the hatches, the more I dig into the depths of my voracious appetite the larger this sucker is gonna get.
Bro was nigh instantaneous with that pity.
Sleep time. Gonna curl up with my body pillow and zzzzzzz.
Wow I keep making the mistake of scrolling this website every time I wake up, because what do you mean I feel exhausted and wanna fall right back asleep again?
Oh man. They're coming out in droves.
Are you being so fr right now? Hardtack was a staple breakfast food for me during immense struggle sessions when the imperial drones were excessively bombarding my apartment.
I'm obviously the King of pirates.
Nope. Lmfao.
Oh fuck. He's learned how to react. Man is breaching containment further. Watch out. He might start pitying everything!!!
Oooh OOH OOH. Clap your hands. Clap your hands. Turn the lights on my nights, this is life and we only get one chance. Oh, clap your hands!
morning woke up hung over
On the topic of swords and blacksmithing. It's nice to have more than one sword I will admit, though it's a little hard to justify using them over the one that is just unbreakable. It's a good one.
Monday comes after Sunday, has this been studied???
Why are you apologizing to these chuds? They don't care.
I don't see why you think this applies to you Crocker.
I take it as a mark of pride whenever an English disapproves of what I say by the way.
I wish for more wishes.
Your twenties are about discovering you're not a bad person in the ways you thought you were, but instead in new more exciting ways.
Allow me to also express I also have no intention of insulting any of you. After all, none of this is your fault.
Actually, allow me to walk back my previous statement. I do intend to insult you, just not for things outside your control.
Uuurrghhhhsgshgxhgfhhdhd. #hatred #violence
Certain imposters have been here before, but allow me to assure you. Ultimately, I am THE Dirk Strider. I am not here to make a fool out of myself as they did. You may be asking yourself "Dirk, why have you graced us with your undeniably canonical appearance?" God forbid a man have hobbies.
They just couldn't see That it was me needing you, not you needing me They just couldn't see That a puppet loosely strung is not who I wanna be