#jokes
She must be blind not to see how I feel about her. And if she is, I guess that makes me glasses. #vagueposting
What do you call a gay goth? A fruit bat.
:33 < oh, rawwwrrr!! hiss and vinegar!! XOO :33 < i just p33ked at those mysterious rankings by doctor scratchpost :33 < oh mister @scratchDoctor i am about to explode and scr33ch!! :33 < you… :33 < you…! :33 < you didnt make me #1333, the most fitting and nicest of numbers!! :33 < h33h33h33!! just kitten around XPP #jokes #tierlist #1333isagoodnumber #pleaseagr33
How come when The Hulk smashes everything he's "Incredible", but when I do it I'm a "whore"? #jokes #notserious #stolethisfromtwitter
:33 < i miss… :33 < i miss… <:OO < oh i MISS… XPP < doodling adorable kitty cats on my cave walls! :33 < h33h33h33!! #wifeposting #orwhatever #jk #jokes #h33h33
"Psychosexual"? I mean, I've been into a few people with a couple screws loose, but I wouldn't go as far as to say *that*. #jokes #suggestive
Troll Bugs Bunny and Troll Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Troll Bugs Bunny turns to Troll Elmer Fudd and asks, "Is this whiskey?". Troll Elmer Fudd responds "Yeah, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank." #jokes @insecureNature
Having bought a new laser cutter, I decided I'd start selling some nice little custom drinks coasters on the side. My first two were a peace sign and the Death Star, but right as I was finishing up for the day, I got a request to make a heart-shaped coaster that read "LOVE" across it in big letters. I penciled it in for tomorrow, and had slightly forgotten about it until I read my planner and saw today's section read "Make LOVE before noon". #jokes suggestive @insecureNature
I'd been thinking about doing a little tea party for friends with hot drinks, pastries and some fun little events - a "Tea with Adalyn" day. I did at one point have a suggestion to serve some mate, a South American herbal drink, instead, because it's an underrated delight - and I almost obliged, before realising "Mate with Adalyn" wouldn't look good on the calendar. #jokes #nsfw @insecureNature
As a publisher, I print the names of authors' stories on the cheques when I cash them in at the bank. One day, as I was trying to redeem a recent pay, I saw the clerk freeze in fear, and it was only after I looked back at the cheque that I realised the problem. This payment was for a story I'd published called "Your Money Or Your Life" - which, of course, I had written in big block capitals across the top of the cheque. #jokes @insecureNature
A man is pulled over by the police for a broken headlight. The policeman looks in the car and sees a collection of knifes on the back seat. "Sir, may I ask why you have those knives?" - the driver replies "They're for my juggling act." The officer asks him to prove it, so he gets out of the car and begins to juggle the knives just as two men drive by, with one of them remarking "Wow, I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard." #jokes @insecureNature
Driving down the street, I was stopped by a police officer, who asked "May I see your driver's licence, ma'am?" I looked at her with displeasure. "Why can't you lot make up your minds? You took my licence from me yesterday, now you want me to have it!" #jokes @insecureNature
Happy Pride. Dhe Cisheds will be culled. #jokes
I wake up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it all half-done. #jokes @insecureNature
What do you get when you cross a meta joke with a rhetorical question? #jokes
:33 < you know, didnt tell anyone this before ever… :33 < but believe it or not i actually have mind pawers! :OO < “huh wha?! this rando silly kittycat loving oliveblood with meownipulation abilities?!” :33 < yesss actually lemme prove it: :33 < ooooooooo :33 < big fluffy meowbeasts with cute tails and purring oh so adorably softlyyyy :33 < and big ol eyesss and it is kneading your leg but you let it do it for hours cuz its so cuuute :33 < ooooooooo :OO :33 < okay so if when i wrote that you pictured a kitty doing all that… :33 < i guess that proves im a master meownipulator huh?! ;PP #idont...Read more
What do you get when you cross a road with a diamond? Robbed. #jokes
Did you hear that joke about the invisible ink? I have it written down somewhere, I just can't seem to find it... #jokes
First day on the job as an anaesthetist going well. Everyone's woken up so far. #jokes
Because of a medical condition, I have to take antibiotics before having any dental work done. When I'd decided I wanted to start a family, I cancelled my appointment in case the medication would pose any risk. I got a phone call a week or two later from the dentist's office to schedule another appointment. I wasn't sure how to explain why I wouldn't be booking any for a while, so I began "Well, I'm trying to get pregnant, and-" to which the receptionist sheepishly responded "Oh, I'm sorry! I'll call back later." #jokes #suggestive @insecureNature
2om3on3 on h3r3 i2 2t3aling my a32th3tic: 23xy mu2cl3h3ad purpl3blood who i2nt a clown G3t your own 2htick bro #jok32
HELLO CHITTR! TODAY FELT LIKE THE PERFECT DAY TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT THE VARIOUS DIFFERENT ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS UNDER THE SAME EXACT NAMES ARE *ACTUALLY* ALL DISTINCT AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE. WHEN YOU MESSAGE ONE, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE PERSON YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO MESSAGE RECEIVES THAT FUNNY QUIP OR HILARIOUS IMAGE YOU SENT THEM. INSTEAD, SOME COMPLETE STRANGER MAY BE READING YOUR MAIL INSTEAD! IMAGINE SENDING MAIL TO A COMPLETE STRANGER. WHAT A *FOOL* THAT WOULD MAKE YOU! #APRIL #FOOLS #JOKES #JAPES #JAPERY #FUNNY #UNSERIOUS #BUSINESS SEND POST.
>([upside inside out livin la vida wokea #cw #tw #jokes #music #lyrics #posting #c#ittr]
:33 < i have worked on a joke! please enjoy :OO < knock knock!! :33 < who is there? :OO < cat! :33 < cat who? :OO < blessings to you!! it sounded like you sn33zed! #jokes #h33h33 #lol #rawrflmao
Where does a thought go when it's forgotten? The drafts. #haha #jokes #foodforthought