Murrit Turkin
@unclaspedKahuna
He/She/They television representative of the shit head slayer clan || interest machine exhibitionista || dispenser of the noble virus
>([if ya talk 2 an alt timeline version of ya #omie w#o aint downloaded t#e pronoun update yet s#ould u let em figure t#at out on t#ey own or #it em wit# a lil mix up from da future]
I think you should let them figure that out—
>([i grab u and punc# u in t#e face t#en i t#row u into t#e air and i jump after you and kick u in t#e tummy t#en i put you in a special #old and slam u against a tree and t#en i c#arge up a rasengan and #it u wit# it in t#e face w#ere is my brot#er sasuke]
Ouchie!
Sorry i just got punched in the tummy and jumped on and worked over i cant recall.
Oww—
my rival quiktrip damara is here https://i.p0stimg.cc/px1fdfyt/screensh0t-20260528-083848.png #sevenelevenp0sting
:33< https://i.imgur.com/ChZOj5y.png :33< kill her double dead surely mewll get a purrmeowtion fur killing a rival clawmpawnys empurrloy33!
y0u kn0w what maybe i sh0uld listen t0 y0u m0re 0ften
:33< thats what ive b33n saying!
>([droppin a log in a porta potty is one a da most violent an evil experiences available to trollkind t#at dont involve p#ysical injury]
>([woke up in sneakers i aint remember puttin on cuz i was ballin even in my sleep]
>([#ittin da cupe none of yall do anyt#in too stupid w#ile im snoozin] #ttps://cdn.imgc#est.com/files/14b8fbf74bcc.png]
>([ten t#ousand jades an one me cuz my steeze aint replicable]
What would you do if there WAS ten thousand Murrits though—
I don't e\/en think chittr could h/\ndle multiple of you///
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
YOU...REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. BUT LIKE, IF YOU'RE INSISTING I WON'T SAY NO.
WHOEVER THIS "ANONYMOUS BENEFACTOR" IS, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE RUMBLESPHERE-TWISTING CONUNDRUM OF SIMULTANEOUSLY DELIGHT AND DISGUST AT YOUR DESCRIPTION OF THE CLEARLY RELIGIOUS, ALBEIT DISTURBINGLY *CHARGED* EXPERIENCE YOU HAD SMASHING YOUR SLAVERING MAW AGAINST THAT MOLTEN PUPA POOL OF PIPING HOT, DAIRY-THICK ENLIGHTENMENT. AND I WISH I COULDN'T. BUT READING THIS CAUSED THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TO TICK *ONE* DEGREE UPWARD. I APPROVE.
MAYBE I WILL. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, LARDAAS. SO RIGHT NOW, I CHOOSE TO SEE YOU AS A DEEP DISH EARTH-C-HICAGO-STYLE PIZZA. AND WE BOTH KNOW *FULL* WELL WHAT A KARKAT CAN DO TO ONE OF THOSE.
WAIT, NO. HANG ON.
awwright fearless leader im takin the hint and goin out for pizza i shall say a prayer of thanks unto you for blessin me wwith your infinite culinary wwisdom and im only being half-sarcastic, the revvieww is sellin it to me big time as a guy wwho typically prefers neww hork pizza, because of course human neww york is simply superior in all respects
LISTEN DUDE, PREPARE TO BE FUCKING FLOORED. IT'S JUST NOT NATURAL HOW GOOD THIS SHIT IS.
...ON WHETHER OR NOT I CONCOCT A FETISH VIDEO FOR AN INCEL? I'M GOOD, MAN.
>([dats like 2 different tv #eaded ppl ive seen bummin around t#e tl must be a sign a t#e times]
:>[ ^) ]
>([let mine arrows fly towards t#y cranium]
you've ruined a perfectly adequate skull... houu could you do this to nne?
>([look all im sayin is if ur gonna blast #nsfw straig#t on2 t#e main feed u mig#t as well make it interestin like dont just post #ole i wanna see sum crazy ass fantasy abt #ig# fantasy dragon blood sex magic or somet#in cmoooooon]
>>| no. we .are doing vague #nsfw.
DRAGON B/OOD SSEX MAGIC YOU SSAY >8?
YESS I READ THAT >8/
>>| what.
NO >8? WHY WOU/D I BE MAD
>([i #eard t#eyre gonna start fining omegas w#o dont take #eat suppressants if u work in manufacturing sm# w#at #as t#is world come 2]
XDXD Bad sentence. XDXD
XDXD I refuse to believe any of those words are supposed to be used in the manner of which you just did. XDXD
>([expand ur mind jec open up ur c#akras and a w#ole new world will reveal itself]
XDXD I think this is a world I explicitly want zero part of, actually. For my own scraps of sanity left inside my thinkpan. XDXD
>([t#ey want me dead but i aint gon let em #ave t#e satisfaction]
I w/\s st/\rting to think you h/\d went /\nd died on me when you stopped posting for /\ while///
>([#ey everybody get longer wit# me]
XDXD Murrit what the fuck does this even mean. How am I supposed to 'get longer'? XDXD
One of your puerile 'memes' again, Turkin? Spare us.
No, I don't think I will.
>([if you got t#is many problems wit# gettin longer wit me up front u aint ever gonna go t#e distance]
XDXD I don't think I want to 'get longer' anyhow so. That's fine with me, actually. XDXD
>([im suc# a big fan of t#e midnig#t crew u guys] #ttps://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dreamworks-penguins/images/f/f7/Penguins_of_madagascar.png]
Delete this.
>([r u concerned abt a potential privacy issue wit# me postin ur personal selfies and w#atnot]
Hold up Let them cook.
>([#ope i dream of bad bitc#es an money w#en i go 2 sleep]
>([wis# t#is #ole would get filled some time soon #nsfw] #ttps://cdn.imgc#est.com/files/766c0da60277.png]
Nic3 hol3 👍
c< Nice HOle! >c
Perhaps if you actually interacted with the Repiton Corporation instead of acting out like a wriggler they'd actually listen to you.
>([are you sayin corporate fills ur #oles if u ask nicely]
How droll.
>([flowkenuinely my globes ac#e and itc# a lil #nsfw #myglobes #ac#e #anditc#]
>([#atin on t#is post is crazy im already t#e struggler fr w#y u gotta make it worse]
https://i—postimg—cc/VN1GjssS/498A7716-38A7-4CEA-BE31-A956221F1CC1—jpg
>([w#en im #appy i say: bitc#es love t#e way i float] >([w#en im sad i say: t#is time im really boutta do it]