#lesbianlifehack
#lesbianlifehack 16: Operate under the assumption nobody's gonna ask you out, because lesbians are fucking allergic to actually doing shit. They LOVE talking about how nice it'd be to do something and guilt tripping you into asking them if they'd like to do that thing but would sooner take their hidden cyanide pill than actually use their grown-up words to say "I think you have a very attractive personality, and I'd like to go on a date with you". If you have the balls (or ovaries) to actually just go up to another babe and ask her to spend some time with you it's not like she's just gonna fall into your ...Read more
#lesbianlifehack Come to The Baroness. Everyone negatively impacted by the whole... "advice" "thing" on Chittr is invited to stay FOR FREE(!) -- an offer which remains for the rest of this whole "Pride Month" thing I have seen so much of online. :)
#lesbianlifehack 15: I get society tells you to get in the kitchen but it's not feminist to be a 22 year old woman who still doesn't know how to cook you're just making an ass of yourself. How are you gonna seduce the ladies if you can't even give them a nice meal? Get your head in the game.
#lesbianlifehack 14: Look. I see you. I get it. I understand that you want to fit in, maybe for the first time in your life. I understand that you're finally feeling like your mind makes sense. I *get* that you want to become more ingratiated with the lesbian community. But *there is no lesbian community*. There are several different communities based around being lesbian, and some of them claim to speak for all lesbians, but just cause you're into girl-on-girl doesn't mean you have anything else in common with any given person. Trying to act "like the others" or "like a lesbian should" or anything like t...Read more
#lesbianlifehack 13: Getting horny for Gacha characters is still pathetic even if they're women.
I would like to address something regarding my fellow sapphics. There is a particular kind of individual who encounters lesbian culture only through a series of poorly photocopied warnings left under their windshield wiper. It is always a special little miracle when a gay man discovers lesbian culture the way a Victorian physician discovers a woman with opinions. Clipboard out. Brow furrowed. Suddenly very concerned about hysteria. Somehow, he has acquired a remarkably heteronormative view of a nuanced queer topic. Because, of course, when straight men say lesbians are dramatic, predatory, ...Read more
#lesbianlifehack 12: You can only say "Attention: I am a lesbian" so many times before people start expecting you to have literally anything else going for you.
#lesbianlifehack 11: Sex isn't going to fix you, no matter how hard or often you have it. You can't fuck your way into being a better person. People will still get sick of your shit no matter how hot you are. Try doing your friends actual favours as well as sexual favours. #nsfw
#lesbianlifehack 10: Objectifying people and turning them into sex objects devoid of agency doesn't become okay just because you're a lesbian and a bottom.
#lesbianlifehack 9: It's okay to have a mommy fetish but at least be honest with yourself that you're doing it because you were neglected as a child and are desperately trying to find a balm to numb the trauma. #nsfw #incest #abuse
#lesbianlifehack 8: Lesbians, please note the dangerous women (described in lifehack 1) in my replies trying desperately to trap you in their web. They will eat you up and wring you dry for surface-level validation to try and fill the hole in their heart left by the one who got away, before tossing you aside used-up and broken once you stop being fun.
#lesbianlifehack 7: At least wait 6 months before moving in with her.
#LESBIANLIFEHACK 400: KISS GIRLS
#lesbianlifehack 6: You're not a lesbian if you sleep with trans men. You're bisexual. You can be a bi lesbian, apparently (I'm a hard homosexual so I don't really get all that sort of stuff), but if you're fucking trans dudes you're into men. Because you're having sex with them. If you act like "exclusively attracted to women" and "finds trans men attractive" can coexist you're a transphobe and a misandrist. #nsfw
(And, sidenote for my #lesbianlifehack: If you insist on abiding by the nonsensical construct of butch/femme, don't try and pigeonhole certain ethnicities into having "natural leanings" to one side or the other. You know who you fucking are. What are we doing here. Get your act together, women.)
#lesbianlifehack 5: Butch/femme isn't fucking real. Don't let it dictate your life. You've just reinvented "okay but which one is the boy boy and which one is the girl boy" but for women. Dress how you want, act like you want, date who you want, live like you want. You're an adult, allegedly, not a box-ticking experiment.
#lesbianlifehack 4: Being kinky isn't having a personality. Deep down you're a vanilla bitch who just wants to feel valued and you're lying about being into the fetish du jour for lesboclout, but even if you were serious about any of that shit it wouldn't fucking matter if you can't hold a conversation. Learn how to actually engage in small-talk. Ask her how her fucking day was before asking if you can choke on it and call her mommy. #nsfw
#lesbianlifehack 3: Sometimes you've gotta be friends with men. It's cool you have your friend group of emotionally unstable lesbians who are all screwing eachother you can hang out with but sometimes you've gotta be friends with a guy. Just because you don't wanna sleep with them doesn't mean you can't know them. I can't stress this enough: if you aren't friends with a single man, you have something wrong in your life. Not saying you gotta like all men or even most men, there's reasons and shit you don't like us and I'm not gonna silence women, but we're half the population. Sometimes you gotta get a dif...Read more
#lesbianlifehack Don't fucking cheat on her you absolute waste of space, she loves and cares and cherishes you and the fact you even consider that says more about you than you would ever care to admit. The fact you are even contemplating this says you don't deserve her. #venting
▲ #lesbianlifehack ▼ ▲▲ be hot ▼▼ ▲usually helps or whatever▼
#lesbianlifehack 2: Calling yourself a "silly wittle needy puppy" gets you validation from strangers on the internet but it doesn't make people who exist in real life care for you very much. It's embarassing to be around, and more importantly demeaning to you. Take some fucking agency back into your life. Be the strong, independent woman Lalonde continues to assure me exist, somewhere. You know what real humans in real life really like? People who are normal. People who can speak in full sentences without yipping or barking. People who can sit still and listen to them speak about their day without barging...Read more
#Lesbianlifehack 1: Don't get involved with that emotionally unavailable girl. Just... don't. I know your type. Tall, handsome, probably smoking a cig. Would be a real stunner if she would man up and start T already. Bags under her eyes, and baggies in her pockets #substance. You want her. You're drawn to her, like a moth to a flame. You're a helpless little lesfly in her spiderbian's web. Just... hit the bricks, dude. I'm serious. You gotta get out of there ASAP. Do *NOT* engage. Do not go up to her, do not talk to her, do not sleep with her, do not get her contacts. She will never give back what you ...Read more