I am writing a mournful soliloquy 8efore I kill friend of the channel and former rival, @caligulasAquarium. It wasn't until I attempted to tag you did I realize there were so fucking many versions of you, 8ut here it goes. I used to think there was no greater cosmic em8arrassment than 8eing Eridan Ampora. 8ut. I was proven wrong. He went and achieved apotheosis. Which, really, the universe should only ever allow out of spite. Like, really consider this. Paradox Space is a perfectly 8alanced endless set of gears, 8allasts, and mechanisms 8eyond comprehension. It manufactures f8 itself like a loom drawing upon silk. Now, imagine, that grinding to a halt 8ecause some wanna8e fearmonger with a superiority complex decided that he wasn't 8eing treated fairly 8ecause of his lack of ridiculous uniform. So, he contacts the engineer of the machine. @handMaid. Some no8ody rust8itch in servitude to the lamest 'gang' in all of existence. Eridan was a8le to kiss enough of destiny's ass, pro8a8ly literally 8etween the three of these scatpans, and with the emotional complexity of a damp firework, managed to 8ecome a literal god. The Prince... of Hope. There is poetry to 8e written a8out that. None of it would 8e good, 8ut the kind scri88led in the violet ink on the 8ack of a napkin after 8eing thrown out of every seadweller society there is. Worst part is it suits him so well. He would 8ecome something mythic. Of course, we can expect the next several sweeps for him to let the idea of it deflate in his ego, and then adapt the melodramatics of a 7 sweep old again. What with his romantic resilience of a wet paper towel, he of course had to crawl into divinity waste chute first. He is, after all, melodrama itself! Insecure, catastrophically so! And now, I'm going along and learning he considers himself a 8astion of restraint? Do you know how terrifying it should 8e for you trolls when someone who was genuinely close to genocide a few times, every other convers8ion really, starts speaking softer. Staring out at the horizons fishing, and content? Contemplating not how many land dwellers he can harvest, 8ut what's next on the agenda? Like, for real! This isn't character growth! I refuse that idea. I re8uke it! 8ecause this is just the calm 8efore the storm. I h8 to say it, 8ut I pro8a8ly know him the 8est in this instance. If you see a violet8lood in flowing godtier pajamas, muttering a8out providence and destiny while smoking a faux cigarette and galivanting a8out like a depressed lighthouse keeper, you should pro8a8ly stay away. He's not a threat now, 8ut any one of you can trigger him into a wwretched wwonderful rage like no wwavves havve evver 8efore crashed against the coast. So to speak, anyway. Also, no, I'm not pitch88ing. I'm 8eing dramatic for the sake of FLARPing and trying to kill him. The 8etter the narrative, the juicier the kill!
Oh you are so fucked ddue
SINCE YOU TOOK THE TIME TO TAG ME. IN SOME BEEF I DON'T CARE ABOUT. ALLOW ME TO PROVIDE A FACT CHECK. @CALIGULASAQUARIUM'S PAJAMAS ARE NOT FLOWING. IF ANYTHING. THEY ARE CROPPED. IN A SLUTTY FASHION. NEARLY BEFITTING #GILLSOUTSEASON. DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE STOLE THEM FROM A DOOMED JUVENILE. IN A DEAD TIMELINE. PLEASE CHECK HIS PINNED FOR CONFIRMATION. AND BEAR THIS CORRECTION IN MIND. FOR YOUR FUTURE LONG AS FUCK NOTHINGPOSTS.
Thank you for providing me exactly eight notifications, my orgasm was minimal.
UNFORTUNATELY. I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO GET A TEXT BACK FROM YOUR KIND.
Longing for my 8ention that 8ad, huh? ::::) Well, when I'm done turning him into paste you can lick him off of my 8oots!
swweet bleedin neptune and i thought your ancestor wwas long wwinded id conjure up some flowwery retort about the fact youre just spillin all this slander as a cope to calm your stormy innards as they contort and twwist at the thought a facin me at the height a my powwer but wwho the fuck am i kiddin you do knoww me so wwell and thats wwhy this is special its wwhy wwe havve to fight the cosmos aches to wwitness the full planet crumblin girth of our divvine struggle for wwhat greater beauty can there be than the destruction wwrought by a clash betwween the vvery concept a fortune and that of belief itself god this is goin to be so awwesome the inhabitants a FLARPleanet are tremblin already i just scried it in my orb
Well that and the 311 caegars coughed into your pocket.
311 boonbonds actually wwhich is roughly three hundred and elevven quintillion boondollars wwhere the fuck did that dead hag get that kinda scratch is wwhat i wwanna knoww
I assumed it was a typo in her old age.
THE COSMIC INCREDULITY REALLY IS THE MEAT AND GRISTLE OF THE BULLSHIT. YOU NAILED THAT PART RIGHT ON THE HORNS. YOUR GROSS, VERBOSE, AND MOROSE DRAMA MATRIARCH OF AN ANCESTOR COULDN'T HAVE PUT IT BETTER, HERSELF. I'M JUST AS FLUMMOXED BY HIS VISIONARY GLOBE-POLISHING DIVA ARC MYSELF, BUT CULL ME FOR SAYING IT, THIS MIGHT BE THE BETTER VERSION. @CALIGULASAQUARIUM, IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT, IT'S FIGHT BEACH PART TWO. FUCK IT.