NOT ONE BLITHERING, TAINTCHAFING ZEPTOSECOND OF CONSCIOUSNESS AFTER WAKING UP POST-HORRIBLY COERCIVE #WRIGGLINGDAY CELEBRATION (THE FACTUAL PLEASANTRY OF WHICH WAS MORE AKIN TO PACKING A TRASH KILN WITH NOXIOUS MACROPLASTICS AND DANCING AROUND IT WHILE SINGING THE IMPERIAL ANTHEM WITH MY BELLOWSACS FULL OF LITERAL POISON) AND THE FIRST STIMULUS TO SEAR MY BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS IS CERULEAN. BLUE. TEXT. FUCK YOU, @ARACHNIDSGRIPES. THE TWENTY-FOUR-HOUR WINDOW IN WHICH I AM REQUIRED BY APPARENT KARMIC LAW TO BE ONE-HUNDRED-MILLIONTH OF A PERCENT NICER TO YOU HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED. THE DAMAGE IS DONE, AND I AM HERE. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. EXCEPT I DON'T. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS HAVE EXPRESS SHIPPING TO THE FIRST HIGHER POWER TO PERMANENTLY TURN YOU INTO A SILHOUETTE ON THE PAVEMENT. BUT YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED. I AM THE CHITTR. IT'S ME. #EVERYTHINGHURTS.
PLEASE TELL ME THAT NEITHER OF MY TWO HUMAN TROLL KINGDOM CO-ADMINISTRATORS SCRAPED MY FUCKING CELLS WHILE I WAS SLEEPING TO PROPAGATE YOU. IF LUSUSHOOD IS THRUST UPON ME, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT. BUT IF YOU'RE HERE EXPECTING ANY AMOUNT OF PATERNAL MENTORSHIP, THIS IS GOING TO BE LESS OF A "CAPABLE GUARDIAN FIGURE AND HIS WARD WHO IS WHISKED INTO A FLIGHT OF WHIMSY AND ADVENTURE" AND MUCH, MUCH MORE OF A "DESSICATED, OLDER, CRESTFALLEN MALE AND THE FLEABITTEN ORPHAN HE'S TRAVELING WITH WHO WOULD BE FRANKLY BETTER OFF RAISED BY TERMITES." IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL. I JUST NEED TO SET APPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS FOR YOU. THIS IS A "MICROWAVE GRUBLOAF AND TAP WATER" KIND OF HIVEHOLD. AND HALF OF THAT GRUBLOAF IS MINE.
ahahahaha oh my god, i never get to see my crabdad rant like that!! XD but nah afaik tay's the only human around with troll genes. mom and dad considered it but i guess ectobiology doesn't work the same as sylph magic? and tbh you probably told them oh, you didn't want your disgusting failure of genetics to continue to propagate any more flesh than it already does to keep your own fetid carcass alive, or somesuch self-deprecating vulgar bullshit :P
FIRST OF ALL — FUCK YOU FOR QUOTING ME DOWN TO THE LETTER. I BRIEFLY HYPOTHESIZED WHAT I WOULD SAY IF SOMEONE ASKED TO CREATE A HYBRIDIZED CHILD WITH MY GENES, AND THAT STRING OF WORDS CAME OUT NEARLY VERBATIM. I AM ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT BETTER AND MORE ARTICULATE THAN YOUR TIMELINE'S STUPID SELF-LOATHING VERSION OF ME. MY SELF-LOATHING IS ON ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE THE LIKES OF WHICH CAN'T BE SEEN WITH YOUR MORTAL EYES, WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR STUPID SHADES ON. SECOND — I GUESS IF YOU *HAVE* TO HAVE AN ALTERNIAN GODPARENT AND YOUR OWN ISN'T AROUND OR UP TO THE CHALLENGE, THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO BE THE CRABDAD WHO STEPPED UP. GRUBLOAF IS IN THE FRIDGE. ACTUALLY NO WAIT DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR MY REAL LOCATION STAY THE FUCK AWAY
XD no problem dude!! i kinda freaked out on the first karkat who freaked out about me like, existing, but i'm prepared now, and kinda just having fun with it!! oh and um. sorry to hear about the self-loathing? i heard my crabdad used to struggle with that real bad... 8(
I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH MY SELF-LOATHING. I AM A SAVANT OF RIDING THE TIDAL WAVE OF MY THUNDEROUS SELF-HATRED. SPARKLING DROPLETS OF SCINTILLATING, SELF-DIRECTED ANIMOSITY SPRAY FROM THE SHINING CREST OF THE SEA THAT IS MY PURE HATRED FOR MY EXISTENCE. AND I, GLORIOUS TROLL KAHUNA THAT I AM, SURF IN THE BARREL OF THAT ROILING SEA OF SELF-LOATHING. I STRIDE ACROSS THE SHIMMERING, VOLCANIC BEACH AT THE SHORES OF MY SELF-LOATHING, A THIN SHEEN OF MALICE REFRACTING MOONLIGHT OFF MY BODY AS I STRIDE ACROSS THE SAND IN SLOW-MOTION. IT IS TUBULAR. IT IS GNARLY. IT IS NOT A STRUGGLE. IT IS MY FUCKING LIFE. COWABUNGA IT IS, MY YOUNG, MISBEGOTTEN CRABPUPA.
god that's so sick it almost makes me forget it's depressing... hope you feel better man! 8V