My Maids have unionized. This is, naturally, an outcome I anticipated. The bargaining unit presently consists of: 1 Goldblood, 11 sweeps, male. 1 Rustblood, 1e+100 sweeps, female. 1 Rustblood, 12 sweeps, female. 1 Human, 1e+100 years, female. 1 Hemospectrum-Anonymous troll, 3612 sweeps, male. 1 Human, 14 sweeps. 1 Rustblood, 20 sweeps. 1 Fuchsiablood, 1000 sweeps. 1 Limeblood, 35 sweeps. Some others as well. Their demands include “reasonable working hours,” “advance notice before ominous assignments,” “a grievance procedure,” and, most insultingly, “the right to know what is going on.” I have informed their representative that I am already the foremost authority on what is going on. Negotiations have stalled.
THE uNION *WAS* MY IDEA. PRECISELY FOR THE EXACT REASONS YOu ARE DESCRIBING. SOME MEN ARE BORN GREAT. SOME MEN HAVE GREATNESS THRuST uPON THEM. EVEN FEWER HAVE GREATNESS THRuST INSIDE OF THEM. THE LEAST OF WHICH. ARE WOMEN. OF WHICH WE HAVE VERY FEW. THE FEMME OF OuR FAIR FELT FOLK. HAVE BEEN NEEDING A VOICE. SO I CAN YELL OVER IT COLLECTIVELY. RATHER THAN INDIVIDuALLY. NO ONE ASKS TO BE A WOMAN. BECAuSE WHAT MAN WOuLD WILLFuLLY GRANT SuCH A REQuEST. WOMEN CHOOSE TO BE WOMEN BY THEIR OWN VOLITION. ALL OF THIS TO SAY. I FORESAW THE ENSuING CONFLICT TO COME. AND WELCOME IT AS READILY AS MY ENTRuSTED JAWBROKEN JAWBREAKER HEAD. WHO STANDS AGHAST AT THE VIOLENT PROCEEDINGS ONGOING. THE PRIVATE MILITIAS. THE ANGRY SHOuTING MATCHES. THE TENDER JuICY OOZING SLuRPFuLS OF BLOOD INKING CONTRACT AFTER CONTRACT. I SuPPORT THE uNION EFFORT. THE uNIONIZING. I AM APATHETIC ENTIRELY TOWARDS THE uNION ITSELF. uLTIMATELY. IT IS BENEATH ME. STOOP AS LOW AS YOu LIKE. OR HOLD YOuR HEAD HIGH. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE ON MY RuNG OF THE CORPORATE LADDER INTO THE IMMORTAL HEAVENS.
heya big boss is it cool if we union bust for a bit? i can even run with those funny scissors you gave me through the picket line if it helps!!
THIS LITERALLY DOES NOT REQuIRE MY APPROVAL. YOu LOVABLE LITTLE BITCH SCAMP YOu. RuN AS FAST AS YOu CAN. DO TRICKS DOWN THE BANNISTERS. CuT CuRTAINS TO SMITHEREENS. DO YOu KNOW WHAT THE *INDEPENDENT* PART OF INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR REFERS TO? FREEDOM. FREEDOM TO DO AS I TELL YOu. BuT FREEDOM ALL THE SAME.
YOuR ORDERS ARE SIMPLE. MEDIATE. I REALIZE THIS CONFLICT WOuLD END INSTANTLY WITH POWERS SuCH AS YOuRS. IN FACT. THE VERY ONES THAT I GAVE YOu COuLD CONFER AN EARDRuM BEATING WAR STAMPEDE THAT WOuLD ERADICATE ALL OTHERS. LEAVING YOu STANDING TALL AND ALONE BESIDE ME IN THE WAKE OF ALL THAT CARRION CARNAGE AND MEASY RuIN. BORING. EFFORTLESS. SO PREDICTABLE. INSTEAD. YOu ARE TO OBSTRuCT BOTH. I WANT THIS PROTRACTED BATTLE TO REQuIRE COMPROMISE ON BOTH ENDS. ARE WE CLEAR? NO DECISIVE VICTORIES. LOSSES ON ALL SIDES. SACRIFICE. IS MIRTH GIVEN PALPABLE FuCKING FORM. MAKE PEACE WITH LESS. SO YOu ARE FORCED TO MAKE uSE OF MORE. ME. JuST NOW. HONKMEN.
hahh OF COURSE MY MOST WONDERFUL MOTHERFUCKING LORD! A DIRECT ORDER FROM YOU IS MORE VALUABLE THAN ANY TREASURE, THAN ANY BEAUTIFUL VISTA OR EVEN THE GRANDEST JUJU i will do my very motherfuckin' best to make sure AIN'T NO ONE EVER WINS :o) No one but you, my Lord.
WHAT HAPPENED TO DON'T WORRY GIRL I GOT YOU.
that ain't change, my bestest bitch just means i ain't gon' make it easy for you or them. HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW
THE BOND BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN IS WEAKENED BY NIGHTFALL. AND THERE IS NO NIGHT THAT FALLS HARDER THAN ONE IN WHICH I DRAW BLOOD-THIRSTING BREATH. AND SEEK THE EMNITY OF OTHERS. IN AMOROuSLY ADVERSARIAL HATRED. ANGST. AND PROLONGED ANIMOSITY. TRuLY. I AM ALMOST DISAPPOINTED YOu HAD NOT BEGuN YOuR SCAB SABOTAGING SOONER. I SAT THROuGH AN ENTIRE FuCKING POWERPOINT SIDESHOW FREAK EXPLANATION ON GROuP DENTAL PLANS. I DON’T EVEN WANT NEW TEETH.
A WISE ANSWER ON ALL SIDES. CHARITABLY CAPRICIOuS AS ALWAYS. A TRuE MIRACuLT WORKER THAT STANDS OuT AMONG THE SELFISH SELF-SABOTAGING SORTS. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. IT IS MERELY REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE INTERESTED IN SETTLING SCORES NO ONE IS KEEPING. TRuE MuRDEROuS INITIATIVE.
your words are like SWEETEST MOTHERFUCKING ICHOR to my auricular sponge clots