Kurloz Makara, The Miracult Preacher
@taciturnTerror
:o) / :o( / There will be NSFW. https://forms.gle/aSPRBixHP5pts3BE7 <-- Askbox
:o) Ah...That's much better. Do you feel the air? That biting chill? :o) Can you see the way the leaves are slowly starting to turn...? :o) The best season is upon us, my dear acolytes. AND I AM HERE TO BRING THE MOTHERFUCKING RANCOR! ;o) Do you like scary movies? you heard god damn right. THE KURLOZ NIGHTS OF FRIGHTS IS COMING! spooks? scares? jokes? japes? WE GON' HAVE IT MOTHERFUCKIN' ALL, YOU SCARY BITCH! you want movies? shit, i got movies i got movies comin' out my god damn hair I HOPE TO SEE SOME OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS THERE THROUGHOUT THE SPOOKIEST MONTH WE GOT! c'mon, you want in, right? you ain't gon' turn cluckbeast now, are you? BETTER MOTHERFUCKIN' NOT! HAW HAW HAW HAW! see below images for details. plain text information forthcoming in reply chit. #NightsofFrights #Watchparty #GetIn (( Graphics made by @gullibleColumnist sorry the first draft didn't credit u I've been so frazzled.))
:o/ Apologies for the runaround, my friends. I'm going to have to cancel today's showing. :o( Something has come up personally I need to attend to. :o) We will return to our scheduled programming on the 13th with Dracula and Sinners. :o) Thank you all for your understanding.
:o) Hello, my friends :o) Tonight will be the next #NightsofFrights! :o) We will be watching The Birds and 28 Days Later :o) Content warnings will be forthcoming later. :o) I do hope to see you there!
:o) Due to conflicts, I will be moving the next showing of #NightsofFrights to Saturday :o) Thank you for understanding. It will remain at the same time.
:o) We are now heading into the realms of American Psycho for #NightsofFrights :o) Feel free to join us- link in prior chit.
:o) A mere ten minutes remains before our next #NightsofFrights! :o) Today we are viewing The Addams Family and American Psycho. Content warnings are attached to my previous chit. :o) https://hyperbeam.com/v/Clownhound
:o) Not long now, my dear friends. The third #NightsofFrights occurs in but a short two hours (and change) :o) On our roster today is The Addams Family (from Earth Year 1991) and American Psycho. :o) Content warnings for both will be posted in reply chits, as always. :o) I hope to see you there...~
:o) The Addams Family content warnings: Comic/macabre violence Weapons, including knives, swords, guns, and crossbows Children deliberately attempting to injure one another, played for comedy Torture devices / restraint Electrocution played for humor Brief blood and fake/gag gore Death threats and references to murder Fire / burning imagery Seances, graves, corpses, and general death imagery Mild frightening or grotesque imagery Sexual innuendo Passionate kissing / suggestive dialogue BDSM/torture-related sexual jokes Mild profanity Alcohol use and cigar smoking
:o) American Psycho content warnings: Graphic bloody violence and murder Gore and graphic injury detail Violence against women Threats with weapons Severed body parts / corpses Animal killing Sustained psychological threat Explicit sexual content Threesomes / sex involving multiple partners Sex workers Sexualized violence and abusive sexual behavior Nudity, including breasts and buttocks Explicit sexual dialogue Misogyny and degrading treatment of women Homophobic, racist, and antisemitic language/references Strong profanity Cocaine use Heavy alcohol use Smoking Infidelity Obsessive behavior, narcissism, and severe psychological instability Disturbing descriptions/references involving murder and bodies
OOOOOOO THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE MOVIES!!!!!
:o) Tonight, my friends, the #NightsofFrights returns! :o) We'll have more details closer to the time. :o) But today we are watching The Addams Family and American Psycho. :o) See you there...
:o) We are forging ahead with Obsession at #NightsofFrights! :o) Link in my last chit.
:o) Turns out that I am #AlreadyHere :o) #NightsofFrights commences in but a mere few minutes with The Dark Crystal, followed by Obsession! :o) #GetIn #WatchParty https://hyperbeam.com/v/Clownhound
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! can't wait ᴹ:)
:o) A heads up that I may be a couple of minutes late! :o) Some prior arrangements are running down to the wire, but it shall not be long, rest assured. 15 minutes late at the maximum.
:o) But an hour and half (roughly) until the #NightsofFrights! :o) I hope to see you all there. Content warnings are in the replies of my previous post. :o) We are watching The Dark Crystal and Obsession. :o) I hope to see you there...
:o) Today, as promised, is the second #NightsofFrights! :o) Today we will be showing The Dark Crystal and Obsession, in roughly 9 1/2 hours from this post's posting. :o) Be there, if you please! :o) Content warnings for each film will be in a reply chit!
:o) Content Warnings for The Dark Crystal: Fantasy violence and character death Frightening / grotesque creature designs Captivity and imprisonment Torture-like scenes / forced restraint Life-force draining and transformation Mild blood and injury Creature/animal violence and death Threatening chase sequences and peril Disturbing eating imagery Themes of death, decay, and oppression
:o) Content Warnings for Obsession: Strong bloody violence and gore Graphic injury detail Suicide and self-harm Sexual coercion / sexual-threat themes Obsessive and controlling relationship behavior Sex scene / sexual dialogue Nudity Strong language Drug references and prescription-drug misuse Alcohol and smoking Animal harm/death Vomiting and other bodily fluids / excrement Death, grief, and cancer references Bullying references Sustained psychological horror and threat Occasional jump scares
nice
:o) Tomorrow, our second Nights of Frights begins, my friends! :o) Are you feeling spooky...? :o) This one will be much scarier than our last showing, rest assured. I will be airing The Dark Crystal and Obsession. For these films, content warnings will be published in a chit prior to the start of the event. :o) I hope to see you all there! Hee hee. :o) I remain, The Great and Terrible Kurloz.
FROM THE MOMENT THE NAME "CHALKBOX" WAS SEARED ONTO MY CHITTR PROFILE LIKE A DIGITAL BRANDING IRON, I HAVE CHAFED BENEATH IT. SOME OF YOU KNOW ME BY THIS TITLE AND NOTHING ELSE. TO SOME OF YOU, I STOPPED BEING "KARKAT" A LONG TIME AGO. AND ONCE UPON A TIME, I WOULD HAVE TOLD THOSE JACKOFFS TO KISS MY HEMOANONYMOUS ASS. BUT THAT OFFER IS NO LONGER VALID. THIS ASS HAS SINCE APPRECIATED IN VALUE BEYOND WHAT YOUR POCKET CAEGARS CAN AFFORD. IT'S BEEN THROUGH THE MOST BRUTAL AND CUTTHROAT OF ALL WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS — THE PRIME TIME SOAP OPERA OF COWORKERLY PLOT TWISTS. A MERGER. A MERGING OF ALLIANCES. PUBLICLY. IN THE TOWN SQUARE. PLAIN AS THE STUPID ON YOUR FACE. A FIRM, MEATY PRONGSHAKE BETWEEN TWO SHITBAGS FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE WHO HAVE SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE SAME COSMIC LANDFILL, ANYWAY. TWO FUCKWITS WHO HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I OR ANYONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT. TWO FECULENT NOOKSTAINS WHO KNOW THAT IF WE'RE GOING TO BE PRESS-GANGED INTO SERVICE IN THE WORST JOB IN EXISTENCE, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT IN STYLE. TO THE FELT. TO *ALL* OF THE FELT. YES, INCLUDING YOU, @handMaid. BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS, PERSONALLY. MAY THE GLOWING-HOT PROD OF MY ENMITY REND ITSELF UPON THE MEMBRANE OF YOUR GANDERBULBS WITH SIZZLING, BUBBLING AMUSEMENT. BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "ALL MEN KNOW HOW TO DO IS LIE AND STEAL AND FUCKING BETRAY." AND MOST OF ALL, TO MY COWORKERS. TO MY TEAM. TO THE FECKLESS, MISERABLE SHITHEELS WHO EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO GET THE JOB ALONGSIDE ME. TO THE ONES WHO NEVER GAVE UP. THE ONES FOR WHOM "CHALKBOX" WAS NEVER A BAD WORD. @comedyGold. @gullibleColumnist. @terribleFate, YOU TOO, YOU FUCKING WEIRDO. AND WHY THE FUCK NOT — @veritysGleam, MY LOYAL MAIDLING. @terminatedRegalia WANTS YOU TO REPORT TO A LEADER? YOU'RE SURE AS FUCK GOING TO GET ONE. SO HERE. FOR ALL YOU ANNOYING CHUTEMAGGOTS WHO EVER BUSTED MY GLOBES ABOUT NOT "COMMITTING TO THE WORKPLACE TEAM SPIRIT. FINE. YOU WIN. THIS IS THE PATHETIC, MICROSCOPIC CRUMB OF MY CONCESSION. @scratchDoctor. SINCE THE MOMENT YOU SIGNED MY EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT, I ONLY EVER WORE A SHRED OF THE COLOR TO SPITE YOUR DUMBFUCK ANTIQUATED DRESS CODE. EVERY TIME I YANK THE TIE OFF, IT'S WITH MY MIDDLE PRONGSTUB. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT DIRECTION I POINT IT IN — I KNOW IT'S ALWAYS FACING YOU. I HAVE IMBUED THAT TIE WITH ALL OF MY HATE. ALL OF MY RAGE. ALL OF THE BITTER, FULMINATING CHAGRIN IN MY EVERY PULSING LIFE FIBER. I PLAN TO DO THE SAME WITH THIS ONE, FOR THE RECORD. SO FEAST YOUR SMOOTH, BALD HEAD (IN PLACE OF ANY DISCERNIBLE GANDERBULBS) ON THE COLOR YOU SO CLEARLY WANT YOUR COVEN OF INTERDIMENSIONAL RAINBOW DRINKER COSPLAYERS TO WEAR. GO AHEAD. GLOAT LIKE YOU WON ME OVER, EVENTUALLY. LIKE I DECIDED TO REP THE COMPANY COLORS, FOR ONCE. IT IS MY HATE-FILLED, SPITE-FUELED, IRONIC GESTURE OF PROTEST TO YOU AND THE MALDING GREEN MANLET @caliBorn HIMSELF. YOU TWO, BY VIRTUE OF SIGNING MY CHECKS, HAVE SUFFICIENT CLEARANCE TO KISS MY ASS. THE FELT IS MORE THAN A NINE TO FIVE. MORE THAN A HIVE WHERE I KICK UP MY FRONDS AFTER A GRUELING ETERNITY OF TOIL, WHETHER IT'S IN THIS TIME PERIOD OR IN AN ISEKAI TO THE FAR-FLUNG PAST. MORE THAN A PRISON TO CONTAIN A HATRED THAT PARADOX SPACE ITSELF HAS BEEN TRYING TO SQUASH FOR AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN WEARING GRAY, AND IT STILL HASN'T CULLED ME YET. THE FELT IS WHERE I BELONG. FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. SO GO AHEAD. FUCK IT. WHO CARES WHAT YOU CALL ME. KARKAT. CHALKBOX. CHALKY. OR ANOTHER TITLE THAT I'LL UNVEIL IN ANOTHER, SEPARATE CHITT, RELATED TO HAVING FINALLY PUT A CERTAIN CHICANEROUS PURRBEAST IN HER PLACE IN REGARD TO WHO THE *SUPERIOR ROMANTIC CINEASTE* IS. IT DOESN'T MATTER. IF I'M HERE FOREVER, I'M DOING IT MY WAY. OR IN THIS CASE, A SORT OF JOINT-PARTNERSHIP WAY. BESPOKE NEW UNIFORM COURTESY OF @charmeuseCaressing. TAILORED BY THE FELT, YES, BUT ON *MY* TERMS. BECAUSE YOU DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT, NOT THE ONE YOU HAVE. AND MARA. IF YOU'RE READING THIS. AND I KNOW YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP YOURSELF. I WANT THAT PAIR OF NEEDLES YOU VANDALIZED OUT OF ROTTING GREEN COMPANY PROPERTY. NOT BECAUSE I GIVE A SHIT. BUT BECAUSE I KNOW AN OBNOXIOUS, OMNIPOTENT DIPSHIT WHO DOES. HOW MANY ZEROES WILL BE ON THE CHECK HE SIGNS WHEN I BRING BACK HIS SISTER'S THORASSIC BONE CURVATURE, I WONDER. ESPECIALLY WHEN I PRY IT FROM YOUR HOT, WHORELY HANDS. WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU AND EVERY OTHER POMPOUS, JACKBOOTED SHITHEEL WHO KEPT ME DOWN HERE, I'LL STAB THEM STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR WORKPLACE ORGANIZATION CHART AND TEAR IT A GAPING NEW WASTE CHUTE. THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME FUCKDAMN *CHANGES* AROUND HERE. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME LAMENTING THE LOSS OF YOUR UNDERLING, *MANAGER.* BECAUSE THAT PROMOTION. IS #ALREADYHERE.
They do say the outfit makes the man. It is a fine look, nonetheless.
hell yeah man
xx_HAWT._AURA._WOOF_WOOF_WOOF._ETC._HOLY_SHART......_xx
What an extraordinary amount of ceremony to announce that you have finally learned how to dress yourself. You appear to believe this is defiance because you have performed it loudly. That is a charming mistake. You may spit on the tie before you knot it. You may curse my name while you straighten the collar. You may privately imagine that every thread is woven from your hatred for me. None of this alters the rather conspicuous fact that, when you were finished, you looked in the mirror and saw exactly what I told you to become. You call it concession. I call it compliance with commentary. And now, after all that shrieking about autonomy, you have declared the Felt your home, its enemies your enemies, its property worth recovering, its hierarchy worth ascending, and its future something you personally intend to improve. You have not escaped the machine, Karkat. You have become ambitious about where you sit inside it. As for your promotion, I encourage you to enjoy it. Titles are very important to those of us who require them to feel taller. You may call yourself a leader. You may call yourself indispensable. You may even convince the others. But do not confuse increased responsibility with increased freedom. A longer leash is still attached at one end. There will be no zeroes on the check, I assure you. It was my loving craftsmanship that created those twins you seek. It was my guiding hand, and the blood, spit, and tears of our dearest Handmaid that enforced a sentimentality into them beyond anything you could seek to accomplish. If you get your grubby mitts on them, they will become merely knickknacks. You do not understand the forces at play for such a delicacy. No amount of lathes, or false gods, or any sort of conceited data-miners can replicate the item. You certainly cannot wield the item. Not yet. As much of a flusterfuck as your inherent fury has been, I admit it has carried you hurriedly through your few tasks you've been assigned. That is precisely why I continue to assign them to you. You are very useful when pointed in a direction you already wanted to charge. It saves me the trouble of convincing you. I merely arrange the furniture, place something sufficiently offensive at the opposite end of the room, and allow nature to take its course. You mistake momentum for independence rather often. That is not an insult, by the way. There are employees who require supervision, incentives, threats, explanations, carefully constructed systems of reward. You require an enemy. Preferably one with a face. Ideally one who has personally offended you. Give Karkat Vantas something to hate and suddenly punctuality ceases to be an issue. So by all means, continue climbing. Continue announcing your promotions before anyone has approved them. Continue turning every assignment into a personal crusade and every workplace inconvenience into some grand confrontation with fate itself. It has produced results, which is more than I can say for a distressing number of the people on my payroll. I do not care whether you obey happily. I care that, eventually, you obey. Reach the destination cursing me, arrive bleeding through the teeth you've ground to nubs, kick the door off its hinges. Despite all of this, you arrived where I wanted you to. And if you someday become capable of wielding those needles, truly wielding them, then you will understand why I am not particularly concerned about Damara possessing them now. Nor would I be concerned with your trite attempts at grabbing power. They are just rib bones after all. Even if you were rewarded, for what may be reduced to mere toothpicks upon being deposited into his unending pile of used toothpicks. You should be roughly familiar, given your residual duties of cleaning the manor. You may have even swept them up already. Though, in pursuing my Handmaid's hand in disparage, you have undoubtedly considered the aftermath of your duel to the death over these artifacts. Is it possible that you seek to be her maid of dishonor, staining the title of the Demoness with your own gauche time-poorly-spent shenanigans? While I commend you for finally choosing a worthwhile tailor, perhaps you shouldn't have chosen one so like myself. Your affiliation is showing quite clearly. You don your collar as though it is decoration. You do not quite understand the purpose of this restraint. That is fine. I will teach you. Look around. Any direction. You will know that I am, as you put it, already here.
wowie... uhhh um hehehehe you look really good karkat glad i could made you feel welcome in a place that really isnt welcoming eheh and im really glad chalky stuck i was a lil worried you would say "THAT SUCKS NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN" but seems i worried for nothin hehehe (|;*
HE FINALLY LEARNS HOW TO GET SUITED AND BOOTED.
K4RL4T 1 DO N33D TO KNOW 1F 1 C4N L1CK TH4T CH4LK
hmm
im on my fucking way. i am #alreadythere.
:o) Thank you to all who attended our first #NightsofFrights. :o) There's plenty more where that came from. Join us on the 4th for The Dark Crystal and Obsession! :o) Content warnings for both forthcoming closer to the date.
It was a pleasure. T[][]ank you for [][]osting. ]:>
:o) The pleasure is all mine :o) Gentleman to gentleman :o) Our evening was... :o) Hee hee :o) Elevated :o) By your presence.
:o) Hee hee :o) Haa haa :o) Hoo hoo
:o) She up on my (pterodactyl) :o) We crunk off (scary gooey) :o) She said (Velma, Velma) :o) Girl, I'm so (villain)
○ ● ○ ╰( ◕ ◡ ◕ )╯ _|| ||_ 2ay it lOuder fOr the 2i2ter2 in the back!!! BEEP MOTHERFUCKING BEEP. ○ ● ○
c< tHe apOstrOpHe brOKe tHat HasHtag, sadly >c
:o) Surely I have no idea what you mean.... :o) Hee hee.
c< just lettiN ya KNOw >c
BEHOLD, MY SCARY MOTHERFUCKERS! THE NIGHT OF FRIGHTS IS UPON US! In but ten minutes time, we will begin... GET IN! BECOME ONE WITH THE HORRORS! :o) Though they aren't *that* horrific this week...for all you Bluebloody watchers out there, of course ;o) Never say Kurloz does nothing for you! https://hyperbeam.com/v/Clownhound :o) #Getin #NightsofFrights #Watchparty
:o) But an hour remains, my friends... :o) Some ten or so minutes before we are scheduled to go live, I will put the Hyperbeam link up for you all to peruse. :o) Spots are first come first serve! :o) Today's features are the live action Scooby-Doo films. Very silly. A good time, yes? :o) See you soon...~ :o) #Watchparty #NightsofFrights #Getin
:o) Closer and closer we creep! :o) Only three hours remain before the Nights of Frights begin. :o) Details in my pinned! :o) #Getin #NightsofFrights #Watchparty
$-$-$ woa dats craaaaayz™
:o) Hmmm...Tonight, tonight! :o) Yes, tonight.... :o) The Nights of FRIGHTS! :o) In but 15 hours (ish) from this posting... :o) THE TERRORS COMMENCE! :o) You'll come see what I have for you...won't you? :o) Details in my pinned :o) Tonight...Scooby-Doo! The two live action ones! :o) #Getin #NightsofFrights #Watchparty
ill hang out if i can get the time. should be fun, you of all trolls oughta knowv howv to run this sorta thing.
:o) But of course, my brother :o) I'm an old-hat at most things :o) But especially media.