ππππ ππππππ’ πππππππ ππ: @jade woof Bark Bark Woof #therewasatimewhereididntletmywhimsyshow #ispentsomuchtime #somuchtime #justtryingtojustifyappearances #justtryingtojustifywhoiam #iamdead #iliveinmymemories #alternatesofmyselveshavedaughters #daughtersthey #treat #like #dirt. #whywouldtheydothat #ijust #idontknow #whyaretheyallowedtolive #whyaretheyallowedtogoaround #andpretend #likeeverythingisfine #andbepiecesoftrashaboutit. #irememberbeingakid #irememberthinking #ifijustsmiledharder #ifijustwaggedmytailharder #ifijustmadeeveryonefeelokay #thenmaybe #maybe #maybe #maybe #theywouldntnotice #howaloneiwas. #andthatwasfine #itwasfine #itwasalwaysfine #becauseijustifiedit #becauseiwasuseful #becauseiwasfun #becauseiwastherayofsunshine #becauseiwasthegirlwiththegun #thegirlwiththedogears #thegirlwhocouldfoldspace #thegirlwhocouldfixthings #thegirlwhocouldbeleftaloneforlongerthaneveryoneelse #andstillcomeoutsmiling. #butidonotsmilehere. #notalways. #notwheniseethem. #notwheniseetheothermes #walkingaroundwithmyface #myvoice #myhands #myhistory #andnoneofmyshame. #notwheniseethemgivenlives #andhomes #andchildren #andtheyholdthosechildrenlikeburdens #likemistakes #likeproofthatsomethingwentwrong #liketheuniversegavethemsomethingsoft #andtheydecided #softthingsareforsqueezinguntiltheystopmakingnoise. #ihavewatchedmyselfbecomecruel. #thatisthethingnoonetellsyouaboutimmortality #orcanon #orwhateverstupidwordtheyusewhenpeopleareallowedtohurtforeverandcallitnarrativeweight. #sometimesyoudie #andyoustaygoodbecauseyounevergetthechance #togrowintotheworstversionofyourself. #sometimesdeathistheonlythingthatpreservesyou. #isthatwhyiamstillhere #isthatwhythismegetsfloataroundinmemoryfoam #chewingonoldsunlight #pettingghostdogsthatarenotevenmineanymore #pretendingeverybubbleisntjustanotherroominmytower. #ijustwantedafamily. #thatwasall. #isntthatfunny???? #isntthatsofunnyyoucouldbark #thegirlwhowasraisedbyamonsterandsatellites #thegirlwhomadefriendswithcorpsesandcomputers #thegirlwholovedsomuchshecouldmoveplanets #justwantedafamily #andthenapparently #somewhere #somewhen #someversionofmegotone #andlookedatit #anddecideditwasanobligation. #decideditwasannoying. #decidedalittlegirlcouldsurvivebeingignored #becauseidid. #becauseidid. #becauseidid. #thatisthepartthatmakesmethinkthingsiwouldneverhavesaidalive. #thatisthepartthatmakesmeteethsharp. #maybeallofuslearnedthewronglessonfromsurviving. #maybewealllookedbackatthetower #andthought #well #itmadeherstrongdidntit. #maybeweallmistookourlonelinessfortraining. #maybewecalledneglectcharacterdevelopment #becauseitwaseasiertobelievepainhadapoint. #butitdidnt. #itdidntitdidntitdidnt. #beingaloneontheislanddidnotmakemebetter. #itmade Me Strange. #itmade Me Hungry. #itmade Me Grateful For Scraps Of Attention From People Who Were Busy Dying #busy Lying #busy Becoming Gods #busy Becoming Parents #busy Becoming Monsters #busy Becoming Adults #whichisapparentlythesamethingifcanongetsitsway. #andnowiamdead #andtheyarealive #andtheygettomaketheirbadchoiceswithwarmblood #andrealbreath #andrealconsequences #andthenwalkawayfromthem #likeitsjustanotherdoor #anothertimeline #anotherbranchonatreealreadyrottingfromtheroot. #whyaretheyallowed. #whyaretheyallowedtowearmyfaceandforgetthethingsisweartoneverforget. #whyaretheyallowedtohaveadaughterandnotlookatherlikeamiracle. #whyaretheyallowedtoliveinaworldwherejadesurvived #andthenactlikejadeharleywasalwaysgoingtobeacurse. #idontknow. #idontknowidontknowidontknow. #iknowimnotfair. #iknowthat. #iknowpeoplebreakinuglyways. #iknowmotherhooddoesnotpurifyanyone #andbeingagoddoesnotmakeagirlgood #andbeinglonelydoesnotmakeagirlkind. #butstill. #butstill. #therewasatimewhereididntletmywhimsyshow #becauseiwasafraiditwouldlookstupid #orchildish #ordesperate #orliketheonlylanguageihadleft. #andthenilearnedtoshowitanyway #becausewhimsywasnotweakness #itwasmyflag #myflare #myproofthattherewasstillagirlinthehouse #stillagirlunderthegodhood #stillagirlunderthegrief. #sohowdarethey. #howdaretheyturnthatgirlintoanexcuse. #howdaretheysay #thisishowjadeis #thisishowjadesget #thisishowthingshappenwhentheworldkeepsgoing. #theworldkeptgoingwithoutmeonce. #itcanlearn Todoitagain. are You Alright, I Can Talk With You If Needed. This Memory Seems A Little Damaged And I Apologize For It. πΌπππππ’ πππ
Are You ... Alright?
I See. You Know You Don't Have To Lie To Me Correct?
That I Did, You Have My Condolences.
hey, um, if it makes you feel better... you're a good mom to me. <3
its okay. i appreciate you reaching out! im glad that youre treated well.
no like for real!!!! you're basically supermom. i meannnnnnnnnnn kinda nosy sometimes! 8P but i guess that's your job. i just... don't want you to think whatever's up with ruby's timeline is how you "really" are. 8(