i just dont understand me sometimes. not like, me, me. but other mes. how? how could you be so... so... ugh! ugh! i dont even think im going to be able to pretend anymore. i was having fun puppyposting and being a silly dog but that memory box thing dredged up way too much! im jade harley. youre also jade harley. sometimes youre not. but thats okay. we can be okay. we dont have to do this. we dont have to be this way. you didnt have to turn out that way at all. but you did. and i did. we did, together. and were human. mostly. we try to be, anyway. but sometimes we just need to escape from that. whether its through being a puppy, playing with our friends, or, you know, whatever. but there are things we couldnt, or really, shouldnt escape from. we could have been better, you know. but everyone thinks that. but i know that. we could have been so much better than what weve become. all of us suck. i died, youre all... the way you are. neglectful, hurtful. sure there are some that arent really offenders, but ive got my eye on you because i cant help but to notice a pattern across all the ones that have yet to prove me wrong. i dont know if we can make it right. not to yiffy (terrible name and you should be jailed, by the way). i mean, deejay seems to take it well. but even beyond them. what we did with people who should be our friends is sickening. im glad! im glad i never got grimbarked, or, or, or, you know, like. brought into a candy or meat timeline or whatever. im glad i never put my friends through the wringer. im glad i dont have a reputation for being a #nsfw womanizing sex fiend. im glad that a lot of you were able to do what you want with your life. but, i didnt get to do that with mine. you know how many times i have to hear dave make the same joke that we live in the gorillaz plastic beach house? because we do. and its a terrible bubble and i dont know why we live here. but we do! im sorry for #venting. but this #vent is important to me. its so important to me to get off of my chest. because, its kind of a flashbang. chittr, that is. to join a website and try to see what all of my other selves are up to. and then i get told and shown day in and day out how terrible we are! like! on a moral scale! i think i can forgive some of it... we didnt always have control, you know. so. like. get over it. right? i should just get over it. but it eats at me. it digests me. i spend my time being ritualistically dissolved by thoughts of jealousy. i want to make it right. i want to make everything weve done right! but, but, but i cant! i just! cant! does anyone understand how i feel about this? seeing your alternates? just waste? everything? okay. ill shut up now.
im not sure if i can relate COMPLETELY cuz i havent seen 2 much of it but u kno sometimes i see the other mes around who still be drinking n drinking n im always like girl!!! (or boy or enby we kinda diverse like dat) u dont need that shit!! ur stronger than that n better than that and u deserve soooo much more than the bottom of a bottle and bluuuuh :( it just makes me a lil sad is all
anyway soz for yappsing abt myself in a post abt jadeys lol... but even if some o dis feels a lil 2 harsh esp considering some o the jades been goin thru a LOT i do think u have a good point its been rlly sad seeing a lot of the jades well u already articulated a lot of it in ur post so i wont be repeating it but yeah warchin em be like that and wanting to give em a hug but ur just one gal out in the world u cant fix the probs of some1 all on ur own they gotta figure it out themselves and u dont gotta shut up i feel like chittr as a whole needs a few GET YO SHITS TOGETHER post every now n then
i am doing everything i can to be a better me than i was a jade i still... get angry, or impulsive, or mean sometimes i feel like the wolf is coming out and i try to harness her! she got shit done and sometimes i just need to lock in!! but it still happens. and it still scares me. i am biased, i would probably forgive any jade for anything. but it does make me feel sad and a little guilty when i see ruby being sad about her mom. :( i dont know i guess i just wanted to share my thoughts as a partial/ex jade
i thought you meant i should be jailed. uh. i dont know what to say. we can uh. fetch later. i guess. youre one of the jades i tolerate.
its just another thing entirely out of my control the longer im here the longer its just something ill solumnly have to live with doesn’t help that regardless of everything in *those* worlds, everything at least looks happy i never had the chance to even grasp such a thing
it feels like ive lost the ability to ever truly be “okay” again and even that would feel like just a formality doesn’t matter if there was somehow a magical way to revive everyone, to out everything back how it was ive become used to my own company again, and i fucking hate it i never wanted to be, not after we all started the game and everything was going great there were obvious ups and downs but we triumphed all the same only for all ive wanted to be torn from my hands like a seagull stealing a sandwich or something and now, im here, not entirely alone but *her* snarkiness is the only thing that actually reminds me of who she used to be and even if i could turn back time, all strider style it still wouldn’t fix what has been done to myself i long to be the same happy go lucky girl that i used to be as much as i despise myself for not looking further into this stupid fucking thing before it killed everyone i should have done something, anything but instead i went along with everyone else and paid it no mind and now all but one is dead and the last one only occasionally feels like the girl i grew up with, the one that kept me company over chat when june and dave maybe couldn’t and to see all of these other me’s, doing god knows what with their lives id be mad if i wasnt who i am now, and currently i just can’t bring myself to care all id really want is to be any one of them i just want my friends back buts thats as much of an impossibility as everything else is nobodys gonna read all of this bullshit goddamnit, ughh might as well use the fact im awake to work on the cure again #vent #venting