♣ mediated by @inspectingPickles
Probably in some indirect minor way, yes.
Hm. Maybe I should steal Caliborn’s corpse from my counterpart.
Justifiably, very few of you care about him. And so very few of you actually take threats seriously, for also somewhat justifiable reasons. Hardly a big gamble I was taking, there.
HM.
GOOD. I DON’T NEED TO THINK ABOuT THE OTHERS.
MY TIME WITH THE AuTO. VOICE. RESPONDER. THINGY. WHATEVER IT’S CALLED. IS COMPLETE. I AM…TEMPORARILY SATISFIED.
LOOK ME IN MY SEIZuRE INDuCING EYES. AND TELL ME THIS IS REMOTELY FuCKING CLOSE TO WHAT MOST PEOPLE POST.
I DON’T SEE THE ISSuE. WITH uSING IT FOR MY PERSONAL PLEASuRE.
HSSSSSSSSSSS.
It's not even the guy! It's just the guy's blood!!
It's literally fine!
Why!
I'm a superhuman freak. I'm not normal.
I'm stronger than that.
I'll make it fifty two.
51
Fifty cups of coffee.
YOu. DIDN’T ANSWER.
I'm going to call that race right now because it doesn't look like Circus peanuts are going to recover any time soon so. Next match: Laffy taffy (red reacts) VS. Candy corn (black reacts)
In a race that was rather amusing to watch unfold, Airheads comes out on top of Heath Bar, advancing to the next stage. For this next matchup we have: Circus peanuts (Red reacts) VS. Snickers (black reacts)
W WHAT.
Surprising absolutely nobody, Milky way advances to the next round. For our next matchup we have: Heath bar (Red reacts) VS Airheads (Black reacts)
I AM WELL AWARE. THAT THERE ARE THINGS. PEOPLE. THAT REFuTE THE POSSIBILITY OF ME *EVER* ACQuIRING THEM. AT LEAST BY SuFFERING THROuGH CONSTANT. ENDLESS. STuBBORN PuRSuIT. I MIGHT FINALLY BE ABLE TO SIMPLY FORCE REALITY TO DELIVER ME WHAT I WANT. THE OTHER PATH. ONLY BRINGS *HOLLOW* SuFFERING. THE KIND I TALK ABOuT FOR HIM.
uNSPECIFIC.
I need to consume your flesh.
...hm. opened up my askbox and for a moment it said i had 34 asks instead of 33, and when i went to check sure enough there were only 33. is this a common bug of google forms, or is there some way to delete a form you submitted?
SO MANY OF YOU ARE IN NEED OF CLEANSING.
Peter's going to sleep so that means it's time to be evil and/or dubious-moralpost.
AH, NEXT PLANET IS UP AHEAD. I’LL BE BACK SOON. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU GAGGLE OF FILTH. AND DOMINATE YOU.
ALTERNATES OF THE CHILDREN I NEVER CARED ABOUT MEETING. IRRITATING FILTH. POSER ALTERNATES. THIS IS A STUPID FUCKING WEBSITE. …AND RIPE TO CONQUER.
I know he already has a horrible fate set up for him by someone else, but that bait from earlier was too good to pass up. So, I have to go give an ornery and power mad cherub internet access, see you in a bit!
Heehee, and all that.
Trame Tuesday? That’s nothing. I knew that was nothing. But I must post regardless.
It's been the backup profession for like. Five sweeps.
One day, you wake up BAM Casper joined the Mafia.
CLEARLY I MuST KILL HIM. WHERE IS HE.
He's probably be decent at it. Bit bratty, but you know.
right, sorry, brain forgot that problem sleuth is a real thing. multiverse shit.
THE ASPECTS ARE SIMPLE. TIME TOPS SPACE. AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
8 days
I am choosing to make correlation and causation the same thing here. Shame. Guess I'll be going hungry.
None of you sent anything to the ask box. I can only take from this that you were all horrified at the idea of me eating a meal and decided to dissuade me. Heard loud and clear.
Yes.
I’m 8outa find out
…CAN THE OTHER ONE. WEAR A BAG OVER HIS FACE.
ShHHhhhHHOOuYGGgggGHhHHHSHdhhdudususiaisiisisoa
SMALLER THAN NORMAL YOu PEDANTIC BITCH.
I’m just sharing an opinion, if succinctly and brusquely. But hey, if you insist.
Alas. I was wondering if anyone knew where Mike had gone.
Thinking of doing something reckless and obviously dangerous.
What if I started being fucked up and evil.
I'm all for #kinginyellowthursday personally. That guy is fun. All other cognitohazards too. Cognitos of Chittr, DM me.
How extraordinarily thorough of you. I had wondered why several thousand years of human administrative history had developed a number of small, inexplicable inconsistencies overnight. More precisely, I had known the reason why. Still, there is a distinction between knowing that someone will do something for you and experiencing the particular pleasure of watching them actually commit to the bit with such breathtaking disregard for civic procedure. You have, apparently, given me a birthday. As well, you have given me all that comes with the territory. A Social Security number. An identity predating civilization. Oh, let's see. You have even provided me with personal grievances against Ea-nāṣir. Partial responsibility for an international financial catastrophe has been at the top of my list for eons. Of course, unless I misunderstand the implications of several documents that now insist they have always existed, you have also given me approximately eleven thousand years of back taxes. I forgive you for the last one. The rest is quite lovely. I should clarify that I have never required a birthday. Birthdays are generally useful for people who possess beginnings. They provide a convenient little pin driven into the timeline, so everyone can gather around once per revolution and congratulate the subject for continuing to happen. I have always found the practice charming. It is through your gross misuse of the idea of charity that I am now entitled to participate. On September second, of all dates. How appropriate. You even managed to select a date laden with enough numerological coincidence and retroactive historical vandalism to make the entire affair sufficiently embarrassing for me to appreciate it. I will refrain from commenting on the degree to which you engineered that particular observation specifically because you knew I would notice it. You may even become too insufferable for me. There is also something particularly touching about your decision to commemorate my existence by ruining the lives of complete strangers over minor violations of decorum. You do know me terribly well. Poor Ea-nāṣir. Poor investors. Poor everyone, really. Except Juli from Accounting. Juli sounds delightful. Perhaps I will pay her a visit. Do you happen to know if her aspect is Light- or Time-aligned? It matters little. As for the remainder of your gift, the portions you have elected not to disclose because I technically already know them, I shall endeavor to appear surprised at the appropriate intervals. It is the polite thing to do. Caliborn, seeing as you have already committed the unforgivable social blunder of becoming sincere in public, I suppose etiquette demands that I reciprocate. You are correct. There are birthdays I cannot attend. There are conversations I do not survive long enough to have. There are versions of today which occur after I have ceased to be available for commentary. It is, therefore, unexpectedly pleasant to be informed that someone has gone to the trouble of reserving them for me anyway. Before, during, after. What an obnoxiously sentimental thing for you to have done. Thank you. Now, please understand that I intend to exercise the full legal privileges afforded to me by my newly established birthday and become absolutely intolerable about it. I expect gifts. I expect cake. I expect everyone to behave themselves. And, naturally, I reserve the right to punish any failure to do so with consequences wildly disproportionate to the offense. After all. It is my birthday.
WHO DIED. AND MADE YOu LORD OF SEMANTICS?
I like to think that time and space get it on freaky yaoi style actually they're like the x and y axis meeting in the centre
YOUR DESIRES ARE IRRELEVANT.
YOU STILL BELONG TO ME. I WILL FIND YOU, SOON. AND I WILL ENACT THE CONDITIONS OF MY FORGIVENESS. AND THEN. WE CONTINUE.
… MY DEFINITIONS ARE BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION.
I Do What I Please, Or What I'm Obligated I Suppose Would Be A More Correct Terminology. You Don't Get A Say In What I Share.
AS THE LORD OF TIME I HAVE THE POWER TO CURE MY HANGOVERS WITH THE POWER OF FAST FORWARDING.
I AM THE FULCRUM AROUND WHICH EVERYTHING REVOLVES. NONE OF YOUR STORIES WOULD BE HERE WITHOUT ME. WITHOUT *MY* WILL.
I WILL ENDURE UNTIL I OBTAIN. ENDURE UNTIL I OBTAIN. ENDURE UNTIL I OBTAIN…
I DON’T NEED HER APPROVAL. I DON’T NEED *ANYTHING*.
Bro wants me carnivally.
[ENTRY 12511] [I DID IT. HE’S MINE. MINE. MINE TO MOLD. MINE TO KILL. IN THE MOST. INTIMATE SENSE. HE LIVES IN MY SECOND HOME. WITH MY SECOND FELT. ALL MINE. GAME OVER PETER. I WILL HAVE TO VISIT SOON. SPEND TIME THERE. SEE THE TWO SNOWMEN. HM. MAYBE THEY’RE THE END OF THE CYCLE.]
Hm? (¬‿¬)
[ENTRY 1422] [THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ONE. SOMETHING I…SSSSENSE I MEAN SENSE. HE HAS A CERTAIN STYLE TO HIM. AN OBJECTIVE ATTRACTIVENESS. A HUMOR THAT I CAN APPRECIATE AS THE GOD OF CLOWNS. AND… …SOMEHOW. SOME WAY. SOMETHING TELLS ME THERE’S A KERNEL OF A KINDRED SPIRIT IN HIM. AND HE’S A SPACE PLAYER, AS A BONUS. WHAT IF HE SERVED ME? WHAT IF I MADE HIM MINE?]
[ENTRY 1421] [HMM…THIS…DEAN DRACON. I’M CURIOUS.]
I feel the post was rather straightforward.
It would be quite amusing if yet another cosmic being of sinister intent grew fond of you along the way, wouldn’t it.
I’ve acquired six vials from my subject, which my immense intelligence and database of omniscience suggests is the amount I should stop myself at for now. Mad science is an amusing hobby.
For the record, and for your consideration. I’ve been thinking quite a bit since I recognized the true depths of my superiority over my employer. I am no longer the same Doc Scratch I was when I joined this platform. But it doesn’t really matter, because I am still Doc Scratch. I am me. No more depressive self pity over brokenness. No more excuses about fate, nature, or doing what I must to justify my actions. Not because there is not some truth in the latter half, but because quite frankly, there is so little left that I MUST do- largely things you have already seen- to complete my purpose. Everything else I do, from now on, I accept it is because I want to do it. When I follow the requests of my lord that I find reasonable, I will do it because I want to be a professional. When I do evil, it will be because I want to. When I do good, it will be because I want to. Regardless, I do believe you will still often find me playing antagonist. It’s a very necessary role, after all. What would any story be without the cads and scoundrels, the pushers and movers? Nothing very interesting, I would say. So, I will take that role. I will be your villain, your opponent. Your enemy. The bearer of the orchid veins of conflict. The other side of the board. And I will do it not because the role is necessary, or that I am the only one to fill it, but because I WANT to. Because I am good at it. Because I like it. Because, quite frankly, I want it all. Perhaps my scheming will be less harmful, or perhaps it will be worse. Perhaps I will be kinder, or perhaps I will be meaner. Truthfully speaking? I don’t fully know. Though I am still far, FAR Amore omniscient than most, I have come to embrace the uncertainty that was once the only thing I feared brought by this place. I remain your excellent host, and I am so very excited to see where it’s all going.
Okay. Caught up on followers, at least. Pleasantly normal, after all that's happened before. Time for a balanced breakfast (coffee and one cigarette) and to get to work. #substance
I'm just asking questions.
So how do we rank the possibility of joining Hastur's court as compared to any other hypothetical poor life choices (e.g. Playing Sburb, Agreeing To A Deal With A First Guardian, Joining The Felt).
Oh, not that one. He acquired the corpse of his younger self from his “masterpiece” after something of an expedition.
Well. I guess I sniped a few others. Ahem.
WHY DO YOU CARE YOU FUCKING VOYEUR.
YOU FUCKING WOULD, FOR SSSURE.
SSSTUPID. BITCH.
Case in point. It's a shooting people day.
I'm a Deanglish truther.
Finally. Finally. Yeeees.
I am going to kill you again.
｢(´⊂_｀；) hnnn... fembois...｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: megane-san wishes homotubers would at least be fembois, and NYAHT ugly baraboys. (´～｀) megane-san is tired of gaijin-pandering bois in dtuber spaces! ( :ﾟ皿ﾟ)]
[ #laika40k semi-finals ] artemis was eliminated aka @arcadiancatnip you did great! good luck next time! next up! the everburning hestia vs the relaxed aeolus for hestia vote with <3 and <> for aeolus vote with <3< and c3<
[ #laika40k semi-finals ] semi-finals start now! the fierce artemis vs the gentle persephone for artemis vote with <3 and <> for persephone vote with <3< and c3<
POSSESSIVENESS IS A VIRTUE.
✦Dϕ what yϕu think is best✦
I AM FULLY CAPABLE OF RETURNING TO SUCH LONG FORM SPEECH IF I FEEL THE URGE. I’VE SIMPLY MASTERED THE ART OF “LESS IS MORE”.
@INSPECTINGPICKLES PER AN ARRANGEMENT, I HAVE UNLEASHED YOUR FINAL CHALLENGE. PREPARE FOR THE DEVOURER.
@themanintheCairoovercoat Can I toss my brother in your coat =)
NO.
YES. WITHOUT QUESTION.
HM.
…HM.
THIS IS WHY YOU ARE IN THE MAZE.
Sometimes I really do enjoy your creativity, Lordship.
FINE. THAT’S IT. I’LL SEE YOU SOON.
ALL WAYS ARE MY WAYS.
YOU CAN COMMENT ON THE CLEANLINESS WHEN I THROW YOU IN IT’S HUNTING MAZE.
MOTHERFUCKER I AM FULL OF MORE CLASS THAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR ASS.
I’VE BEEN OFF KILLING HORRORTERRORS. WHY DID HE MEDIATE THAT LAST POST.
Man has cronies whose job it is to watch and still watches himself. That's a real down-to-earth boss.
NOT THE SENIOR CITIZEN, THE ONE HE’S REFERRING TO.
I WILL NEVER BE IN “LOVE”. BUT I WILL GLADLY WATCH THE REST OF YOU DEBASE YOURSELVES BY BEING SO.
THE BEST WAY TO SOLVE A PROBLEM IS TO DO IT IN A WAY THAT CREATES A NEW PROBLEM FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
its not about vengeance. fucking him over is fun but its not the point you wouldnt get it. you havent been what ive been. hes finding a new one. youll be fucking fine.
oops... uhm do orguy may hav don d done a baed :( https://s8.ezgif.com/tmp/ezgif-8292593ce22b70cf.gif
For old times sake: Tick. Tock.
SSSSUCH IMPUDENCE.
A clear answer. Appreciated.
HM. YOUR COMPLETE, TOTAL, *FINAL* SUBMISSION.
THE DEATH OF PETER IRVING.
YOU ARE THE WORLDS MOST ANCIENT MAN WHO SPENDS HIS TIME POSTING ABOUT PLAYING ONLINE PUZZLE GAMES.
I’M NOT HERE FOR YOUR COMFORT. IN FACT, YOUR DISCOMFORT RATHER PLEASES ME.
NO, I AM SAYING ONLY THOSE TOO WEAK TO INFLICT THEIR WILL ON THE WORLD NEED TO CONTROL THEMSELVES.
SELF CONTROL IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS, LITTLE MAN.
A LITTLE MAN WHO FANCIES HIMSELF WORTHY OF CHALLENGING A GOD. PATHETIC.
PATIENTLY. AND SLOWLY. I’VE ALREADY ACQUIRED HIS SERVICE. THAT’S THE FIRST STEP.
HM. I NEED A LOOPHOLE.
He might still try?
О, КАК ПРИЯТНО СЛЫШАТЬ, КАК ТЫ МЕНЯ ТАК НАЗЫВАЕШЬ.
Рад, что я вас порадовал, милорд.
Как у меня дела, сэр?
Тогда знайте: я слежу за тем, что вы говорите.
Die, obviously.
This is an incredibly stupid triangle.
YN BERFFAITH FFYCIN IAWN. YN ENWEDIG O YSTYRIED PWY SY'N BYW YNDDI. TEIMLO'N UNIG, DDYN BACH?
I’M THE HANDSOME OPTION.
A TI YW'R YMGEISYDD SY'N COLLI YNG NGÊM Y DYMUNOLDEB.
Oh. The hissing means. Good lord.
See, this is better. He's going to find it, but at least it's not brazen.
I'm not talking about this. Especially on his profile, are you insane.
All about the one percent, huh.
Lord of Time, not Lord Of Piss. Just saying.
We. Stay winning, I guess?
Dear, I do keep saying I’m working on things in the background, don’t I? Well, it’s not a lie. But it doesn’t help trans-narrative timing when certain should-be-erased queens decide to not be erased and swear vengeance quests against you, and now you have to prepare countermeasures. So sad. But I’m rambling, aren’t I? The short of it all is, I’ll be doing things again soon. Heehee.
*RATIO.
I think he intends to kill me at the start, actually. God things.
Some sort of mixture of respect and disgust. And a good healthy serving of self-destructive tendencies on my part. It's kind of an Icarus thing.
It's a fair question. But it implies that sex is the end goal. But if It did get to that point. I don't know. Probably setting up an elaborate obstacle course for him. Take a very service top kind of role to it. #nsfw feels like it needs to be tagged here. Somehow.
Criminal Tip: You can totally flirt with your boss if you're not a coward.
HM. NO COMMENT.
Beautiful women are always shooting me. It's their favorite pastime.
Interesting work day. Successful work day.
IN HONOUR OF MY MOST FAVORED NOIR’S PRESENCE, MORE MUSIC TO LISTEN TO IN YOUR CAIRO OVERCOAT: HTTPS://YOUTU.BE/SLY2P6MVZ9A?IS=SUTOXCSEBLBJBYZB
Decided that I'm gonna be evil today, actually.
for anyone on here that's human. would you give us a piece like a leg for us to eat. we wanna know what you taste like cooked.
Well, yeah. He's management.
At this point I might have to talk to the middle manager to find out about the expected duties.
MAKE THE CHALLENGE ANY TIME, LITTLE MAN. IT WILL NOT GO AS YOU THINK IT WILL.
TRULY, ON OCCASION THE FODDER GODS MAKE THEMSELVES SOMETHING INTERESTING. SOME VERY, VERY RARE ONES MIGHT EVEN BE CALLED WORTHY OPPONENTS.
You Know, It's Actually Worse That He's Not Rambling Away Online About His Creepy, Stalkerish Antics. I Have No Idea If He's Still Watching My Hive And I Don't Think I Want To Find Out.
You have one business conversation and people start eyeing your warily and complaining about your leitmotif playing in minor key. This is bullshit, man.
Looks like my initial interview went well.
I've really got to close out this case so I can look at my. Career options.
Sorry for not posting all too much. Been a little tied up with things recently.
maybe its the pain meds talking rox but you got some gams that wont quit.... they got those big chewy pretzels here menJanrthfgrrsf.powwejfwpjfpewfcwmwfive dollars??!!!? get outta here........
hey guys check me out im the grungler
got shot thats really all there is to say on the matter
My celebration went well. A small but pleasant affair, and I gave many gifts to my guests. I am, for now and for always, an excellent host in that sense.
Through the darkness of future's past, The magician longs to see. One chants out between two worlds... Fire... walk with me
I really hope detectives posting their impressive members on dash doesn't become a trend. That is a really tough expectation to meet. #nsfw
and im just saying that if all of your trees are fluffy at the top and really good for making an incredibly useful type of fabric then maybe its just better and more profitable to knock down the trees to get to the fluffy tops like how bad can that really be
No I'm talking about @bulgeCurator remember! I'm not confucsed I'm just lecebrating the people loving my nudes.
Alright a man's word is a man's word. I didn't technically win against @aspiringPessimist so here you go. Fair's fair after seeing all of yours. Don't question the kinematics of how and why this image exists. #nsfw #nsfc ? https://i.postimg.cc/pTb4bB1j/Alright-Sure-Fine.png
Fuckin' yeah right it's a nice cock eat that COCK WIZARD show you who has an 8 pulchritude dick. #nsfw
If Larkso beats me at fight night I'll post nudes. It ain't gonna happen so I don't gotta worry about it. #fightnight #nsfw ?
Yes, it would seem so. And I am losing files at an alarming rate.
Fuckin' hell jesus shittin' christ all the cops in this town are the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet can't do a thing without me.
I just ate a phone bomb directly to the face. I'm fine, for the record. Already resurrected.
There's nothing going on tonight, huh. Guess the gala really took all the life out of everybody.
Saw that little Felt dude land a nasty kick on a security's guard nuts. This gala kinda rules, actually. #midnightcitygala
Also I refuse to be at FOUR VIM, cock wizard! What good is the pulchritude if you can't use it? I'm going to go through some dead serious training, ain't nobody gonna put Sleuth in a corner. I'm going to be VIM-MAXING like a motherfucker and show you my limit ain't just two!
areyougoingtoinspecthispickle
I was in a different state of mind at the time! I am completely divorced from Past Problem Sleuth's actions and refuse to take responsibility for the things that he did!
I'M A CIVIL SERVANT, PETER. I PRACTICALLY SAVED THIS TOWN. I SHOULD BE EXEMPT.
I don't care who The Mayor sends, I'm not paying taxes.
NICE SENTIMENT ASSUMIN THE EXISTENCE OF A LOVING GOD
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. MORE FRESH MEAT FOR ME TO TEAR ASUNDER —EMBER💥
@pulchritudePowerhouse tries mansplaining me my own damn species to cover up his potential bald spot.
Yeah in fairness I guess you were kind of a mess back when you were stuck in your office for over a week and nobody knew, now that I think about it.
Saw a down-and-out in Midnight City last night. His sign said not “I need food” or “I need a job” but “I need a fat bitch”. What could this mean?
i stabbed someone
Normal vandalism isn't enough anymore. I need to bomb a pipeline.