#1 Horsle World Champion
@symBrosium
A purveyor of only the finest equine photography. Requests are open.
// GAZE UPON THE ROLAL KIN ONION AND WEEP!!! // https://file.garden/Z8bcEgHDZg9jLgG9/Untitled.png
((Immortal Thor/Post-AoA Loki, oh my god. I think you might be my favorite person.))
helpppp how do you pitchflirt??? i lowkey highkey have never done anything blacker than liken a three minute auspisticism!!! this spade shit got HANDS!! X(
Alright, lovergirl. Listen up. You hear that bell? Sure fucking hope so, 'cause it means class is in session, featuring your professor, Dirk M.F Strider, ready and steady to deliver the lecture from which your budding brain shall bloom into the finest, wisest flower. On the topic of a kismesis, possibly the trickiest of the quadrant, you gotta understand that it ain't just your regular degular hatelove. I mean sure, there's probably a few kismetic relationships founded on the notion of "I hate you, let's fuck," but it typically goes beyond just that single, trite idea. You don't just love 'em 'cause you hate 'em. You gotta hate 'em 'cause you love 'em. Ah, I see you raising your hand. "But Prof. Dirk, what the fuck is even the difference?" I see writ in that erected appendage. Well, first off, you don't want a relationship to be built solely on the foundation of "hate." That means you just straight up dislike them, which is pretty obviously fucking bad for a preferably long-term relationship. You'll annoy them, piss them off, but there's gotta be something for them to keep coming back, you know? The sweet nectar hidden inside that swarm of bees. And sure, unless your quadrant's teetering on vacillation, you're gonna sting 'em every now and then, but what's important is that you don't just keep laying on the hurt until they fuck off forever and leave. That's a toxic kismesis. So, the crux of this lesson is: make sure they can still see your good qualities. You're gonna occupy a hefty space in their mind, but it can't only be the worst part of you that does. It's gotta be both. The good and the bad, the maddening dichotomy that'll leave them entranced in the first place. With them, you can be the worst side of yourself freely, just so long as it isn't all of you, you feel? Now go buckwild. Or feel free to ignore literally all of this, since I'm not a troll.
i mean, neither am i, dogg!! this is super helpful!! i guess the question now is, how do i piss off a smug chessmaster type? how do i flap the infuriatingly unflappable? i mean....... ok check it, i DO know some shit i think she's insecure about, but is it kosher to go straight for the squawk blister like that? do i gotta learn mind games??
I'd go with the mind games. Speaking from experience, nothing'll get that kinda person's goat like getting beat at a game of their caliber. You've got something cooking here, but I wouldn't put it out on your plate yet. Let it simmer for a bit and start lowkey, I'd say. Going for the throat ain't a gambit that'll put you in an unwinnable position, but you gotta know your opponent before you sink your teeth into their jugular, you feel?
only been here twwo days at most but already learnin from chittr that evveryones an alcoholic i mean i get it you do you and get as slammed as you fuckin wwant but wwhy are most of them amporas or striders
Hilariously low levels of self-control combined with nearby, available sources of poor decision making skill checks that they all inevitably fail, or something to that effect. I wouldn't know. I don't drink like that, but it'd be my primary hypothesis, considering what I see from most of the other Striders on here. Can't speak for shit on the Amporas though, that's all you, bro.
u guys CMONNNN im proud of him :( i grew him myself </3
Don't let the pitiers bring you down, Rox. They don't know what it's like, growing one homegrown and GMO-free. You ain't packing a harvest, but at least you've got your own crops.
6oy rite of pa22a9e i2 to u2e mea2urin9 tape. yeah, okay.
Never heard of it? Shame. Must be a cultural practice exclusive to the human race. But hey, if you ever feel like participating in a boy rite of passage, perhaps just for the novelty of the experience or for shits and giggles, I'll nix the notion of it being appropriation. A freebie, just from the kindness of my heart. Also, you can't blame a guy for being a little curious, can you? {r} #suggestive
⛥ Good godgovgiuogj5u80yu96ij4h
At risk of violating the boundaries ever so graciously placed by the mystical kayfabe, you do realize you're not under contractual obligation to livechitt your breakdown, right? Go like, log off, or something. Cry under a cold shower. Maybe experience the great outdoors and collapse onto nature's glorious bounty of grass. And that isn't me telling you to "touch grass" for the purpose of kicking you while you're down. I seriously mean it. Get the fuck out of here and get an earthy taste of reality to ground yourself in for a bit.
⛥ Dude.
⛥ Dude...
Yeah? You have something you wanna say? Surely you wouldn't be invoking the sacred bronoun unless my attention was a matter of upmost importance.
uncrustable but its slightly frozen so when you bite into it the peanut butter snaps ever so slightly beneath your teeth
I don't care what anybody else thinks. This is the correct way to eat an Uncrustable. If you're wanting that motherfucker room temperature and bereft of its sweet crunch, just walk into the kitchen yourself and make a bog-standard, bitchmade PB&J instead of taking a perfectly good box of those things and wasting it.
Wtf where did all these Roses come from.
>+. WHY IS THERE SUCH A LOUD MINORITY OF STRILONDES THAT ARE JUST *FREAKS* AND I MEAN IT EXTREMELY NEGATIVELY .+<
"Minority," he says. I've got bad news, buddy. You're gonna want to sit down for this, I think. I'll try to break it to you gently.
123 people online and basically none of us are posting. #Teamwork
to be fair im busy constructing a building. no idea what everyone elses excuses are.
Restraint. I can't just blow my entire load of chitts all at once, even if I didn't have actual shit going on in my life beyond this website. Gotta space 'em out.
While I don't have a strong bias towards any one particular horse breed, the humble Clydesdale is one that I hold a great deal of respect for, and that's not just because it looks like it could pummel me into a long pig patty if it really wanted to. No, you see, the Clydesdale does not concern itself with such base acts of violence. Also, if I really did something to deserve getting my shit kicked in, I don't think it'd bother with more than just a hefty kick to the cranium before dismissing me entirely. That doesn't sound nearly as imposing, though. Anyway. In terms of stoicism, its temperament is bested by few, if any. That's not to say it acts entirely aloof. Rather, it simply trots along the steady course of life with nary a whinny snorted in complaint. They're even said to be downright friendly, and I suppose that kind of nonchalance lends credence to a more easy-going personality, but if I was forced to bust my ass day in day out hauling carriages and tilling fields and whatnot for the rest of my equine life, I'd be more than a little pissed about it. But I'm not a horse, as unfortunate as that fact is, so what do I know. As Socrates, the great philosophical guru himself once said, the only thing that I know is that I know nothing. Of the inner-workings of a horse's mind beyond our own hubristic speculation, I do, in fact, know jack shit. But in spite of the above quote typed out not even two sentences prior, what I can confidently say that I know is that they're some handsome motherfuckers. They're not as striking as the Irish Cob or the Friesian, sure, except that comparing them to the 10/10s of the horse world is a little unfair, don't you think? They're like, a solid eight. That's not bad. Not all of us can be a Johnathan Bailey equivalent, alright? Cut 'em some slack. In lieu of that, they're basically the Platonic ideal of a draft horse. The poster child for them, I'd say. If you try to picture one and your first thought isn't one of these bad boys, I'm calling you out on your bullshit immediately. Unless it's a Shire or something, in which case, fair. But only if you're European. Or a troll, even though that should be self-evident. The Budweiser Clydesdales didn't star in all those advertising campaigns just for their kin to go unrecognized by the disgraces of this world who would call themselves self-respecting American citizens. Now put your respect on this horse, 'cause it damn well deserves it. And on that note, I'm ending this chitt here. It doesn't need to get any longer, and I'm more than certain that none of you actually managed to read this far in the first place.
Finally some good fucking equine appreciation up in here. Even if you cannot let yourself grasp to understand them, you sure as hell can talk the talk and walk the trot. Or whatever would be the most clever thing to say here for commentary's sake, coming from one of the bastards out there to be ever so graced with as close to the idea of being one of these beaus in real time. An honorable choice to put respect on, considering these juggernauts of pure horsepower got themselves so highly recognized to have steel monuments made after the breed in Scotland. Technically it's more or less based off of the myth of Kelpies, as that is also what the statues are called, but still. Pretty damn respectable.
I was going to say something suitably witty, as is our default response to just about anything ever, but then I reread your first paragraph. What the fuck do you mean you're "close to the idea of being one of those beaus"? Don't answer that. Rhetorical goddamn question. I can't believe the universe plays favorites.
Yeah. You read those words exactly right. Not every day do you see somebody of this caliber get hit with a deus ex machina so hard it literally is a gift from god. A word of advice: Talk to some friendly wizards or witches who will do anything for "the bit." And you just might end up lucky yourself.
Oh, fuck off. There's no way that's how you actually got the life of our dreams. I reject that reality entirely.
anyone else up relating to birds yo sometimes i feel like chittr is a nest and im freshly hatched and chirping going feed me feed me feed me more content for dave strider please who trynna be the worms (content)
there might be something wrong with me maybe barak trollbama was right shout out mr prez
Did you ever even believe that wasn't the case in the first place?
I really do have to wonder how he found himself here if he's not "one of us". But I suppose some things must simply remain mysteries.
I'm definitely copping a block from this, but I don't believe in coincidences. Sure, he ain't got any of the relations, any of my personality, or anything that would realistically place him in a more normal world and not some weird, fucked up bizarro one, but he's literally called Dirk fucking Egbert. If this is actually just some weird cosmic coincidence, my sword is going straight up my dick, no questions asked.
every1 and their mama is havin their phones explode meanwhile im jus sittin pretty. was my pic that hot???? :000
:0!!!!!!!!!!!! wait!!!! i need to learn needlepoint posthaste so i can stitch every letter of your batshit crazy flattering comment poetry w/ love n fondness. frame it. and hang it on my wall 4ever
I'd be honored to see it line your fridge. I'd embroider it myself, but nothing says "Master of the Masturbatory" like stitching your own words into fabric to live on in perpetuity. Alas, I shall have to refrain. The yarn's always up for grabs, though.
ooooooooooooooooooomygawd i wld PAY so so so much money to see u hunched over a lil embroidery hoop like a babushka. when can we make this happn. like now orrrr??
Now? Uh. To keep it real with you, my living area looks like a tornado tan through a Toys-R-Us. I'd call it "organized chaos," but anyone who actually says that knows damn well it's thinly veiled cope in the first place. Should probably tidy up before I do shit else, but, I mean, I'm not saying "fuck no"?
waow wld u look at that … i have a livin space (where i live) n its not polluted w what i can only assume is a metric fuckton o robo bits n swords n horse knickknacks sooooo if u ever need a relatively clean place 2 create u know where 2 go!!!! :P
You forgot the puppets. How could you forget the puppets, man? They're a distinct Strider™ staple. That aside, if you're offering, well, I'd be a real ass to decline. I can pop over, I guess, and you'll get to see the live action rendition of my shit posture in real time.
oh my god iforgot the puppets ………… if u r only coming over 2 make me pay for my psins (puppet sins) i understand + accept my fate however it would b rlly cool and badass of u if u would grant me one crumb o mercy, o powerful puppet master, n let me tie a scarf around ur head while u embroider so u look like a buff anime granny
Sigh. Sign, even, if you'll allow me the appropriation of Roxy culture. I suppose I can allow it, just this once. But if we're really doing this, I'm snagging a pair of reading glasses to superimpose over my shades -- and a gray wig, just to complete the look. Because in no world does Dirk Strider ever half-ass anything. At the very least, when you inevitably take pictures, I expect Jane to find them especially amusing.
hoky shit thisis goin to be CRAYYYYYYYYYYZAYYYY i need 2 get my hans on a brick of saltwater taffy STAT!!!!!!!! donut worry granny we will get u ur snax!!!1!! honestlet this is comin at a gr8 time for me coz i have been so bored that ive been talkin to my furnature like im dat freaky monsterluvin chick from beauty + the beest
Fret not. Granny Strider's coming to save you from yourself with a fresh batch of cookies and a warm, fuck-ugly sweater for the coming 90 degree Winter. And you better have a rocking chair ready by the time I get there, RL.