It has come to my attention that some of you do not know of the grandeur that gam8ligants carried within their sails, let alone how foolish it'd 8e to dismiss them as mere tales that have lost their glory. Now, you could 8e thinking, what makes them so great? As if that weren't the most o8vious question ever asked? Let me paint you a narrative, esteemed reader. We shall 8egin with the 8asics, and that is the aesthetic. Have you seen those coats? Those 8illowing, dramatic, wonderfully stylish frock coats with the gold 8raids along their seams? It’s like goregoth the8r 8ut with sun8urn and scurvy as opposed to powder and viscera. And the hats! The correct term is tricornes. They're not JUST hats, they're an exclamation point that inherently glues itself to you for as long as you wear them. You walk into a room wearing a tricorne, and everyone knows you're there to steal the treasure and the scene. Secondly, we have the rules! Or rather, the glorious lack thereof. A fact well known throughout the multiverse if you happen to have 8een schoolfed and/or educ8d yourself in an average capacity. Their hunger for freedom. An aspiring seafarer will look at the ocean, this 8ig, terrifying, hungry purple void that goes on infinitely, and they go, "You know what? This will 8e my hive. I'm going to tether myself to this, and this alone." They don't ask for permission. They don't file paperwork. They just gather their 8lades and take. They take ships, they take gold, they take rum. They drink it while swinging from ropes or clim8ing their way up to the dark 8eak8east's nest. That's not a jo8, that's a circus with larceny and intrepidity. You will not find that level of audacity anywhere else. Thirdly, the democracy! I'd wager that you were 8lissfully unaware of that, weren't you? On most pir8 ships, the captain is elected 8y the crew, 8ut the quartermaster can overrule them. And no, it's not the same as the first m8, those are too separ8 roles, do not confuse them. Now, if the captain is a fool, they get marooned. That's more political integrity than any vapid, run-of-the-mill monarchy has! They share the loot mostly equally, except the captain gets a share and a half, which is fair 8ecause they have to do all the navig8ing while drunk, and usually are the ones whose 8ounties are the highest. The higher you are on the prover8ial ladder, the higher the risk of getting culled on sight. I do mean the Alternian meaning of the word, in case that wasn't o8vious. It's the only true meritocracy: you're only as good as your last plunder. Fourthly, the flair. Their speech can fall on egregious stereotypes, more often than not, 8ut can 8e delightful to hear when done right in its authenticity. That's not a dialect, that's a performance. Every pir8 is the star of their own one-person show, and the ocean is their stage. It's all a8out keeping a careful 8alance 8etween flam8oyance and practicality. They have hooks for prongs, A HOOK! That's not a disa8ility aid, that's a multi-tool. You can open letters, scratch your 8ack, and menace a governor's human daughter with the same attachment. This is a direct wink to the film that we watched tonight in the Adora8loodthirsty Cinemassacre Clu8, Pir8s of the Cari88ean: The Curse of the 8lack Pearl. #A8CC Now, last 8ut not least, the tragedy. Every great pir8 knows their story ends when encountering one of the following three options: treasure, death, or 8oth. They're not 8uilding empires; they're 8uilding legends, myths, a legacy. They know the world will forget some 8oring merchant, 8ut they will never forget the name of the one who sailed into a maelstrom commanded 8y sea monsters just to see if they could spit into it. They are glorious failures in the making, and nothing is more narratively delicious than a grandiose downfall that leaves you gasping for air. So, are pir8s great? O8VIOUSLY. They are chaos with a compass, drama with a cannon, and freedom with guidelines they can discard whenever they wish to do so. They are the original re8ellious protagonists, and if you don't agree, I will happily arrange for you to live through one of their most fa8led methods of execution. I would like to thank @gulli8leColumnist for inspiring me to write this tonight. Do you have any other o8vious questions?
Apparently, she 8elieves that reminding me of the difference 8etween our physiques will em8arrass me or constitute an insult.
fuckin' bulbroll
No, I did not confuse it. I am well aware of which group you 8elong to, 8ut it upsets you so when I mention your fondness for the Rankmaid and her specific voca8ulary, or how you may allude to it from time to time. It amuses me.
Quite, darling.
DON'T LOOK AT ME 𓂃۶ৎ [ And I'm in the wrong for bringing up your chest size once, silly. You really are a parasite. ]
It wasn't once, and that is not the point. Call me wh8ver you wish, it won't change anything I've said. ::::)
I'LL STAND BY VILEGIRL'S SIDE WITH COWORKERLY SOLIDARITY WHEN I SAY THAT I HONESTLY KIND OF AGREE WITH HER. TRULY, NO RUMBLESPHERE ATTACHED TO ANY TROLL OF ANY SIZE OR PROPORTION COULD EVER EXCEED THE SHEER FUCKING MAGNITUDE OF THIS TREATISE ON PIRACY. THIS IS A PROPER GANDER OF PROPAGANDA. THIS IS INSPIRED. NOT BAD, ARANEA. POP THE FUCK OFF. I THINK THIS IS THE PROOF ENOUGH OF POPULAR DEMAND. WE'LL BE WATCHING THE NEXT TWO NEXT WIPE.
It wounds me that you've chosen to cast judgement 8ased on your shared affiliation with the Felt, even though I can almost muster an average amount of respect for sticking to that decision. It should come as no surprise to you that this is one of the many topics that will have me jumping at the opportunity to spill some much-needed knowledge all over the timeline. It pleases me that you found it satisfactory, as if there were any dou8t you would've done so. I will do my 8est to attend those as well. ::::)
this was like getting hit in the pan with a brick and it has pirate written 5 times on each side its a good brick though!!! so im absorbing the knowledge the best i can
You paint a vivid picture that's 8een lovingly crafted with violent 8rush strokes, and the comedic touch has 8een added at the very end. Which is my way of saying that your comment made me laugh, I'm glad you liked this snippet I wrote. It was a little rushed, you see. Perhaps I'll go in depth next time. ::::)