♦ pitied by @windyTrickster

it could be game of thrones

the all of it

it wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt so bad

jade loves me unlike you ungrateful

😢 🕶️🤏

🥺 🕶️🤏

🥺🕶️🤏

just say you hate me and want me to die

God damn, I sure do love waking up and feeling my bones ache.
The what

you are a tar pit a beloved tar pit but a tar pit nonetheless
STOP INVITING PEOPLE TO OUR UNIVERSE. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT'S SAFE TO DO. DID YOU EVEN CLEAR THAT WITH JADE??

i dont even drink milk i think its fuckin yuckay

raaah late night thoughts really are the worst sorry about that. i will be okay!! i love my friends and they love me and thats what matters

im still worried about sounding sselfish but i really like being here with dave and john. i havent felt this sense of belonging in a really long time. i missed it. i find myself missing them a lot even though i can see them whenever i want. which is silly of me but i guess im just scared of losing this #vent probablyyy its late and im tired

i cannot go outside ever again

https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9555e750fe1a.png speaking of!!!!! JOHN I LOVE YOU... YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME... I CANT BE STUCK WITH MUSTACHE GOATEE. PLEASE..... https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfprjQ8fP48msBc5vekQz8CT7vtOPeUwgR3NodfsVVgonYuQw/viewform

i must speak the truth...

every time i get close to someone i feel like a stray dog trying to live in a house

he drew a mustache and goatee on myface

thought of a great post and then i read the word fumbled 25 times in a row and forgot it thanks guys

the only fumble i ever made was that one dude i talked to once in a craft store in greenwich in 2019 for half an hour charlie baby i swear i can be so good call me

∘ ∘ ∘ ( °ヮ° ) ?

my garden needs tending johnathaniel

God my fuckin head is killing me and I'm down to 3 cigarettes, lil cal we are going through the shit right now. #substance

guys idk wtf i just made

Is that another lie.

motherfucker got me agreeing with my ex smfh

man be so nice to

man john cmon let me have this

i cant be mad about stupid bastards i have a cowboy to romance

mr egbert is looking at me with subtle but profound disappointment though

everyone shut up bro just said he was proud of me for my acts of violence

I'm finally home thank god, my piece of shit car managed to make it from there and back, I swear I need a new one.

anyway im fine and normal #normal

trying really hard not to be #pathetic or #sad but i wish they missed me. #vagueposting #no-one-here

sighs and lays on my side i think im gonna be offline for the rest of the night im just not feeling up to posting or chatting much right now . take care everyone

dude he is literally so fucking petty? grow up man
IMMATURE ASSHOLE CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY NAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH FOR A FEW HOURS.

unintentional one sided beef with all alternate karkats ended btw the true target of my ire has returned and is MAKING FRIENDS with MY jarley

Might have to resort on getting some gas station sushi today, it's looking real desperate.

Ugh I feel like shit, overslept a second time in a row, also had a weird ass dream involving some snake.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? NO I'M SERIOUS, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT??
FIRST I GET FOLLOWED BY A HOMUNCULUS VERSION OF MYSELF, AND THEN I GET FOLLOWED BY SOMEONE (NOT NAMING NAMES) WHOSE LAST FEW POSTS WERE ABOUT GETTING HIS BULGE SUCKED. CHITTR IS A PLACE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY JADE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES HERE WHEN THEY'RE ALL LIKE THIS?

RIGHT AWAY? KARKAT HATES MY WHIMSY......

being evil is hard.....

PHON3 PR1V1L3G3S R3VOK3D 3V3RYON3 S4Y GOODL1GHT D4V1S

honestly its probably a good thing jman isnt into masques cuz im pretty sure my outfit would have wigged him the fuck out #iwassexyasfuckthough #evenwithoutthestash

okay whatever im going to sleep tomorrow im taking jarley to have tea with posie and naya jman might join us my mustache will be normal i might still be ginger its fine

side eyeing john like a dog

im literally so normal and no one can say otherwise

babygirl you could literally ruin his life forever and i would support you

im normal #normal

who wants to guess how many of these are a petty little asshole backreading my shit

i was expecting this but it still. stings. thats fine. i think i need a moment to process this haha #vagueposting

like did it have to be tonight really come the fuck on

dont mediate me you little grey fuck
YOU TRY AND GIVE A GUY SOME GRACE AND HE TAKES IT OUT BACK AND SHOOTS IT WITH A SAWED OFF SHOTGUN IN FAVOR OF VAGUEPOSTING ABOUT YOU.

fuck whatever im gonna let tz pinch and pull my face until either he gets bored or i lose feeling in my cheeks

tz keeps sliding his hands all over my face help

jesus fucking christ

that wasnt related to any of you well most of you it was related to one of you he knows who he is

#ericcarlestyle

anyway i decided not to go tomorrow cuz its gonna be annoying enough getting my hair back to normal without adding a full day's time to it so #lol #outglutmasquerade #ishavedforthisyourewelcome

i knoww i should probably head home but. i kind of dont want to maybe thats selfish of me though

ergonomic claire wants me dead thats so fucked up
The Bro Striders enjoy my presence for NORMAL REASONS.

fuck im tired lol didnt even fucking do anything

NO!! NO!!! IM GOOD!! i think i mightve accidentally hit it and didnt realise.. you have to believe me.... https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/b4d4669ed12a.jpg

I'm going to kill him. #Violence #Direct-posting

God, there's not enough newports in the world to help me deal with this shit. #substance

i've been staying at bro's place for days straight. i should live with him atp.

WAIT YES IT IS??? I DIDNT DO THAT

i just looked the reaction isnt there im so scared

.I DONT REMEMBER DOING THIS??

I might, if I ever can go to bed, might just stay up all night.

Fuck, it's gonna be a long night, I don't got anymore benadryl.
I'm sorry to interrupt this wholesome moment, but I want to kick the shit out of that picture.

terezi also called me small upon meeting me i cant win

dropping the blankets on johns head now

Sigh, it's gonna be a long day I just know it, thank god for cigarettes. #substance

Pray that I don't slice his head off.

I'll keep it in mind I guess, now if you'll excuse me I have to go deal with...that John again.

That's a thing? Shit colour me surprised, truly technology had come such a long way, but really even if you did find a way I probably wouldn't go out, I gotta stick to my training.

but for real you stop that you calling yourself old makes me almost as old

Dawg you're forgetting one location, chuckecheese, that place went down hill in the past decade and I miss the old locations.

we sacrificed john to the dark lord

my back hurts #fellasleeponthecouch

i cant believe my own moirail didnt even wake me up so i wouldnt wake up with aches and pains #theywarnedmeaboutthosethirties

john and tz think my video game with low stakes and endless little tasks is lame but not jarley jarley thinks its cool #rideordie

life is so beautiful

i got so much bullshit up in my brain rn i gotta keep checking my own profile to see whats already leaked out and then i get caught up rereading how goddamn hilarious i am i have to start all over anyway this code red and 5 hour energy mix tastes like fuckin miracles my tongue is numb #substance ?

stop pitying that i told you im objectively correct about everything all the time always

dont be fooled by the way i seem to be right and awesome literally all the time im actually just objectively correct and possess godlike charisma thats all

DONT LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!

im so nice to john and i definitely didnt just tackle him at all

fuck i am so fucking tired

oh my god youre never going to stop are you

SO MEAN TO ME!!!!

this is torture. torture for jade

this would turn me into dennis itsalwayssunny i fear

i cannot keep dozing off i literally am having company soon

time to get up and face it, you got this.

2540.

anyway ive decided im too nice i need to go pick a fight with dork

i am rubbing my temples and whisperingd softly but with great urgency not my john not my problem not my john not my problem not my john not my problem not my joh-

ouugh i accidentally punched my chest in my excitement . i need to finish packing lalala

maplehoof is my best friend now

louder and with greater feeling not my john not my problem not my john not my probl

anyway i aint even need to ask who want me 😎 😉🕶️🤏 😎

i feel like im getting punched so many times right now

if i didnt have to respect dorks decision to stear clear of shit like this id see about using his intervention or something cuz thats abt the only thing i can think of that would fix this

nothing like almost getting clipped by a car trying to run a red light first thing in the am to perk you right up good morning all

dont talk to me or my katana or my katana or my katana or my katana or my broadsword or my wakizashi or my claymore or my katana or my katana ever again

ok true

and ill do it again probably

nevermind kys

(*ᵕ_ᵕ)⁾⁾ 🐀

paw on window. i miss john

you wish you had my raw swagger

they wont me jman

i got them egberts crawling all over me like flies on molasses

man im just trying to get my whimsy on why am i out here playin woke emotionally intelligent dave
It will never stop being hilarious telling people that John lost an entire camera crew of people. If it does stop, I’ve been hacked.

hi guys can i cut in real quick i need a breather

can you cross dimensionally ubereats someone or

i'm gonna get laughed at.

babe this is messy as fuck are you like okay

man

im right

dont hate just cuz youre never gonna be as sexy as the dad from talladega nights the ballad of ricky bobby
I was going to say no. But the John of my time lost an entire camera crew so I think you might be correct.

anyway on a side note when im in my 40s if i dont look like one of them scrungly redneck dads thats strangely irresistible to gay men in their late 20s early 30s im doing something wrong

hot damn

im sure its nothing i have to worry about and has nothing to do with how i reacted to anything

the other ones are gonna get me im scared man im so scared

damn freudian typo there

john never told me the secret

why is john doing this to me

never thought id say this but thank god bro likes older men

yknow i joked about gettin down w johns dad before i dropped the truth abt brodad but at least the inverse was never a risk

yeah everwyone else is just having fun without you nothing to worwrwy about

I DO LOVE YOU!!!

👻

🧟♂️👍 🧟♂️🕶️🤏

damn being excluded frwom socialization okay maybe you rweally arwe the weak link

what can i do.... to bring you back.....

DAVE!!! YOU HAVE TO GET UP!!!

okay well pacifism isn t that bad i mean you arwen t necessarwily the weak link because of that it s just all the otherw stuff i mean i am also a pacifist but that is because if i werwe to strwike someone i would kill them instantly so i would rwatherw not take lives so carwelessly it is like a rwesponsibility with such grweat powerw so it rweally depends on yourw angle arwe you a pacifist because you can t fight orw arwe you a pacifist because you rwefuse to fight

.fallacious argumenT

im so sad i miss daveathan

To late.

WAIT NO...

bite bite smacka you

gun

ill kill you

die maybe

justice for notorious misogynist johnathaniel windsockamin?

and you think because you land on their spaces by pure chance this absolves you of your crimes? jail jail for johnathaniel windsockamin forever

yesss go off queen

#canceljohnathniel

dont make it weird man

i have to be careful with what i say now hes observing me /silly

i got so lightheaded about something but im being so normal about it actually
This could’ve been written in a much cooler way btw for the people that can’t forget things and are going to be stuck remembering this chit.

i know i just said i was done bullying you but one last one before i go you made it super lame but i do kind of agree mostly you made it lame

anyway enough bullying johnny on the internet i gotta go check on dork and make sure hes not about to throw himself off a cliff or smth

this is your punishment for making me type the words heckin good pupper in 2026

dude youre literally lamer than your dad wtf

its a lot different reading the words online than it is to witness a grown ass man call a strangers dog a heckin good pupper to their face out loud with his mouth

they were like fine it didnt need to be a fad

maybe when youre not having to witness it on the daily irl

i got whimsy he shoulda left his brand of whimsy in 2016 where it belongs right alongside the bacon flavored everything and the beard bro culture

grown ass 31 year old man btw

dont do this girl he doesnt deserve it

i have to kill you now i hope you understand

theres im a grown ass man and theres grown ass man btw and well

man i cant even make myself type that one out cringe is dead but cmon man

we sure as fuck dont call em that

thank you for indulging me just this once

man you cant even go oh im a different timeline on any of these hoes like its straight up the year of our lord twenty fucking twenty six
Wow. Glad you figured out how to upload a photo grandpa.

shhhhhh it's ok

its 2026

dude

where do i even begin

dude

i'm saying like

@heartMarauder hey man i need you to come call this one old cuz

millennials are SO endearing.

i hate the way you say words but that is one cute ass dog

man what fucking year is it

it was bad so hows things man
how-organized-are-you? ♥:-im-so-organized-i-even-organize-my-organization ♠:-i-guess-i-like-to-keep-things-tidy ♦:-i-can-be-a-little-bit-disorganized ♣:-i-cant-keep-anything-organized-even-under-threat-of-disaster
are-you-a-light-owl? ♥:-yes-i-love-to-stay-up-super-late ♠:-im-more-of-an-early-bird ♦:-i-sleep-neither-early-nor-late ♣:-my-sleep-schedule-is-as-unpredictable-as-weather

perhaps, bUt that doesn't mean yoU have to jUst endUre it! she'll never learn without conseqUences.

⦓ Yes and its terrible! I just tend to wait until it passes... ⦔

(\ /) ... yeah. think that's where i've been for the last couple hours, i fear.

Oh ye★h th★t's norm★l.

◥▶◀◤ —> That has yet to stop a hoofbeast. Try again.

you didnt screw everything up johnathan your relationship is working the way it was designed to which is to say its really not working i mean

maybe its time you learned how again lol the fallacy in 'sunk cost fallacy' is load bearing btw
her showing up and apologizing while acting entitled to your forgiveness is a biiiiit lame of her. :/
... Mm. Good luck...

Ultimately you are the arbiter of your own decisions here, Johnny, if you think it's still worth it then like, go for it. I don't know any party involved and I'm not gonna act like I do. Just. Be careful, yknow?
It isn't fun, I know.
i’m dOiNg yOu a kInDnEsS. bLoCk tHaT HoE. sO YeAaAhH,,
I do not normally agree with that person. But yes. That's an "attempting to hook up with my ex again" text and you should probably block her.

I think it's time to move on boss. Maybe ask where the fuck she's been but like I dunno I'm not seeing anything good here.

DONT??? TEXT HER BACK??? wym what do i do i feel like thats self explanatory man
hEy sO BlOcK ThAt bItCh. ShE’S GoNnA TrY To hOoK Up. So yEaAaHh,,

so glad i had my messy breakup phase in my early 20s i think if i was still having messy relationship drama at my grown ass age id jump

no no my bros gettin dad egbert i was just trying to grind his gears a lil

dont worry about me gettin bitches im trying to talk my homie through dating

bro he wants his dad to be sad thats fucked up #iykyk

imagine how i feel

B)

lol

anyway like this post if you think i should seduce johns dad hate it if youre a loser

man,

ive revealed too much about my labels

dont tell jonny boy but the only person ive dated in the last like 10 years has been TZ and were both kind of agreed its more a decision to commit out of convenience than any proper pale romantic attraction on either part like its love but like its different you know what i mean? the commitment is the fulfillment of roles wed split if there was something he wanted more

factually untrue

i know your dating requirements but i fear if i said them on the timeline youd shatter apart

buddy you NEED to get a better girlfriend or at the very least better standards for how you should be treated fuck youre making me get woke again god fucking dammit egman

JOHNATHAN MONTGOMERY EGBERT

sometimes i like other mes other times yall scare the bajeezus outta me like i know whats wrong with me but whats wrong with yall

i think your longest was 4 months dude

cmon man youre letting jennifer garner down dog shit wait hold on i think your pr manager is calling me

what happened to thirty and flirt and thriving

oh buddy

it's really flattering that you think i can explain it but i think what makes the moustache gay in this case is how well groomed it is. like it's not just a "i don't feel like shaving" moustache or a "i wanna look interesting" one. it's like, a feature you are actually trying to make look good. (it works.)

oh, honey

yeah his name is melvin i didnt make him i think posie made him yknow how she is about that shit

like bro cmon chicks and dicks dig the stache burt reynolds was hot as fuck get on this shit

hold on walk it back a sec im not the first strilonde on this fuck forsaken site to rock the stache am i cuz like im all for the trendsetting and shit but dog that just feels wrong theres gotta be at least one other

dog do you have any idea how many iterations of my bro on here i've had the misfortune hear about the sex lives of because i am frankly in hell.

still on you, bud something something curating our online experience also if thats how you operate i cannot possibly imagine my sweet sweet sensual form is the most mentally damaging thing you'd ever had the misfortune of unspoilering #nsfw.ish

#notsorry #thatsonyoubuddy

uh huh, uh huh likely story

it means y0u're c00ked br0.

Aw man, again?
Uhhh in general it means "functionally not together rn but the intent is to get together again in the near future"

generally it means that you two take some time apart. it's not a proper break up, there's room to get back together, but it sounds like she is asking for space.
[I AM $O $ORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THI$ WAY (IM OLDER THAN YOU)]

Okay I know it was kind of horrific but people need to stop pitying my #decapitation jokes. Come on, they're funny. The way they're slipped in so subtly is an art. I need my humour to be appreciated more.

hes doin things wwith his slimy prongs idk

got called some unpleasant things while passing through a town and i suddenly understand why smiting is considered appealing.

Yes and yes.

Well! Things. What's New In Yours?

i just cant stop being right. aradia megido beats off- i mean, beats out nepeta leijon wvith a clear vwictory. aradia movwes on ahead to face her fellowv maid in the next round. hot. #cronusbabeoff #nsfwv next match... i dunno about this one, actually. i vwouldnt evwen knovw vwhere to start wvhen it comes to comparing these twvo gals. terezi pyrope, the nose wvith the most, ovwner of the fabled pyrump, going up against the handmaid, the demoness, the thing that goes "hnn" in the night. novw, i aint planning on @-ing anybody in these, but this is gonna be the exception. one of twvo exceptions. @handmaid youre up buttercup. much as i vwanna smash lil rezi, im throvwing my hat in wvith you. <3 or <> for terezi pyrope <3< or c3< for the handmaid

yeah ill call that a vwrap, i kinda wvanna rush through these boring match-ups. surprise surprise, aranea beat the lady nobody knovws in the #cronusbabeoff. shocker. bye dollie, better luck next time. er, hmm. actually im feeling a lil bad for her, giwven vwho she vwent against and wvhos running the thing... wvell! aranea movwes on! next up, novw heres an interesting one. porrim maryam vws. jane crocker! this is a high seed against lovw, but i think it could be anyones game. porrim has the ravw sex appeal and charisma, but janes been established on this site for a vwhile, just look through the "adored" tab dovwn there and youll see plenty of her cleawvage. i might havwe to let this one run a wvhile if its close. wvote belowv, as usual, for wvhich babe is hottest. #suggestiwve #nsfwv? <3 or <> for porrim <3< or c3< for jane

Thank you, John. This indiscretion has greatly retraumatized me, but I will forgive your ignorance this once. In the future, be more careful about what snacking tips you post.

I wouldn't be so sure.

>> ¡'m ડorry, ¡ d¡d aડડume you were 1¡ke a baj¡11¡on ડweepડ o1d 1o1o1 ¡ ડee ¡t now tho!!

it's a really cute look.

bro can't handle my veggie habits

he mediated that btw











