༄johnny windsock༄
@windyTrickster
(dont call me johnny though) just your friendly neighborhood windy boy! (earth-z)
can someone besides my dave say things to me?
J-o-o-hnny b-o-o-y... Y-o-o-u need fat h-o-o-nse in y-o-o-ur life.
sigh. maybe i should change my username to avoid being called johnny. but you're so right... maybe i DO need fat honse in my life...
-O-O-H I CAN CALL Y-O-O-U N-O-O-T THAT S-O-O-rry I was just playing it up I was g-o-o-nna d-o-o- J-o-o-hn but then I panicked and here we are ANYWAY J-o-o-hn!!! Y-o-o-u must.... Y-o-o-u must get fat h-o-o-nse...
YOU'RE OKAY! it literally is my username, so, not your fault at all. :p anyway. what if i'm not really a horse guy? i don't wanna be a horse poser. :(
What if I called y-o-o-u S-o-o-ck. well between me and y-o-o-u j-o-o-hn i'm actually a M-O-O--O-O-SE guy shhhhh
i really like sock. can it be sock? i wanna be sock. GASP! it's okay. your secret is safe with me. moose are cool. there were moose in my state, but i'd never seen one. probably for the best. i think i'd have been really scared.
S-o-o-ck it is! M-o-o--o-o-se are really really big, y-o-o-u kn-o-o-w. Bigger than y-o-o-u're even expecting. EVEN WHEN Y-O-O-U KN-O-O-W A M-O-O--O-O-SE IS BIG. N-o-o-w think ab-o-o-ut a n-o-o-rmal m-o-o--o-o-se. My lusus is at least twice as big as a n-o-o-rmal m-o-o--o-o-se.
D-o-o-n't w-o-o-rry S-o-o-ck, he w-o-o-uldn't hurt y-o-o-u. He's mumching -o-o-n branches right n-o-o-w. 8)
oh come on, you date ONE(!!!) person who's mean, emotionally unstable, and was kinda toxic and abusive in childhood, and SUDDENLY thats your "type"?? >:I
baby girl youve been dating the same mean, emotionally unstable, kinda toxic and abusive in childhood girl on and off exclusively for the last decade
REPEATEDLY MULTIPLE TIMES NO IN BETWEENS
i am so worried about the state of your emotional well being man
i'm literally fine! i mean, currently i'm a little concerned about my relationship (or potentially lack thereof...?), but i'm fine!
man,
wait we're talking about dating requirements? uhhhhhhhh i don't even know my dating requirements at this point, i've kinda been on and off with the same person for years haha. :p
i know your dating requirements but i fear if i said them on the timeline youd shatter apart
okay but youre not allowed to get mad swear on nanas ghost
Johnathan Montgomery Egbert's dating requirements as follows: - mean to him and everyone around him - emotionally unstable - childhood history of toxic and manipulative behavior NONNEGOTIABLE - must be willing to enable denial about being 31 human years old - must be willing to play superhero (see above)
nana's gonna beat your ass
its been 3 weeks. is that still "taking a break" territory, or am I being too hopeful?
i mean did yall actually even actually talk about terms of the taking a break or did she just text you dead a night and go i need a break and not answer any of your followup texts and consequent phone calls
JOHNATHAN MONTGOMERY EGBERT
oh jeez. full name jumpscare. i mean what am i SUPPOSED to do, dave?!?!?!?! she's not messaging me back, and even if she DID, she hates talking about this stuff! i start feeling like i'm doing something wrong by asking!
buddy you NEED to get a better girlfriend or at the very least better standards for how you should be treated fuck youre making me get woke again god fucking dammit egman
sorry for making you woke. i literally don't know how to do either of those things though. also i don't really want a new girlfriend, i kinda just want my girlfriend back. :(
man we really gotta get you a fucking therapist NOT. rose. like an actual impartial party that aint gonna wreck your shit for worse without giving you tools and shit
factually untrue
decided i don't wanna be 31. let's pretend i'm a decade younger, okay?
oh buddy
what happened to thirty and flirt and thriving
i don't wanna be thirty and flirting and thriving, i wanna be forever 21. ... no relation to the store that bears the same name.
cmon man youre letting jennifer garner down dog shit wait hold on i think your pr manager is calling me
i miss when we posted pictures of holes in the earth, can we do that again? i'll start #myhole
so profound and dark.
thank you! i'd say "just like my soul", but i think that's more a dave line? ironically, obviously.
dirk but unironically
I got an invite to a wedding that said "black tie only"... But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos!
put them cheeks away boy no one wanna see that
pipefan413 SAYS: YES. VERY GOOD. THAT IS A GOOD ONE.
why dont you ever see elephants hiding in trees? ... cause they're really good at it. :B
so we agree that hundsi is the best user on this site, right?
🐾awwwh! i woUldN't be so sUre to raNk myself so high bUt that's real flatteriN' to hear, thaNk ya kiNdly! x] hehe,
🐾why areN't koalas coNsidered actUal bears? well, i heard it's 'caUse they doN't meet the... 'koala-ficatioNs'! hehe,
i don't even know if i have an ex right now or if "taking a break" means we're technically still together. >:I women can be so confusing...
🐾why was the broom late for work? well, 'caUse it 'overswePt'! ehehe! hehe,
AYYY YOURE 8ACK
hehehe.
yAY, iT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU, bACK,
welCome 6aCk, darlin'. ^◡^
hehehe! good one!
hey. why'd the golfer bring two pairs of pants? snrk... ... in case he got a hole-in-one.
hehehe. i like this one.
whoa. your name. at first i thought you were just another me, but you're definitely not. so cool! jade will definitely want to hear about whatever's up with your universe. :)
it's definitely different, haha! i'm always down to talk about it! :B
i should NOT have clicked on that. :I
your life is so hard im the sexiest version of me though not that that pic was about being sexy genuinely i was just chillin but like objectively.
dog do you have any idea how many iterations of my bro on here i've had the misfortune hear about the sex lives of because i am frankly in hell.
um yes obviously #hurtmyfeefees #everyoneshouldwantmeallthetimeforever nah but seriously dog its just a tasteful nude, like the kind you see in museums man not like im out here postin hole or anything #nsfw
i feel like there's a difference between the stuff in museums and that, but idk, maybe i'm just uncultured.
sometimes you gotta rock out with your cock out man, aint nothing sexual about it
imma be honest with you dog i posted that shit cuz someone posted some shit on the tl earlier that got me mad heated about art and nudity also i aint gotta impress anybody and i sure as fuck aint trying to pull anybody
why do seagulls fly over the sea? cuz DUHHH, if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels. :p
〔•෴•〕 < I used to recruit for the imperial fleet back in the day, you know? Often, I would ask trolls 〔•෴•〕 < "Describe yourself in one word." One recruit described himself as "Vague." 〔•෴•〕 < "Can you elaborate?" He said "Yes." #Vague-Posting // HOO HOO! //
i.actually.quite.liked.this.one
why can't a nose be 12 inches long? because then it'd be a foot!
where does a hog get its colors? from its PIGment. :)
oh inter-dimensional social media app on my phone, we're really in it now...
i'm going to complain here because she's not on chittr and can't see it but like. what does "taking a break" even mean? are we together or not?? i tried to ask her, but she hasn't been answering my calls or texts. >:I
generally it means that you two take some time apart. it's not a proper break up, there's room to get back together, but it sounds like she is asking for space.
Uhhh in general it means "functionally not together rn but the intent is to get together again in the near future"
Aw man, again?
it means y0u're c00ked br0.
you wanna talk about it dude or