Cookie Guroka
@candiedBeatup
ʚ♡ɞ HIIYAZ!!! ʚ♡ɞ
No₩ Hiring: Goon$ La¢key$ Underling$ Minion$ ¢ronie$ $tooge$ Flunkie$ $ideki¢k$ Follo₩er$ $ubordinate$ Attendant$ Retainer$ $ervant$ Agent$ O₱erative$ A¢¢om₱li¢e$ A$$o¢iate$ ¢onfederate$ ¢ollaborator$ Abettor$ ¢o-¢on$₱irator$ ₱artner$-In-¢rime Hel₱er$ A$$i$tant$ Aide$ Thug$ Heavie$ Mu$¢le Hired Mu$¢le Brui$er$ Enfor¢er$ $trongarm$ Leg-Breaker$ Button Men Hitmen Gunmen $hooter$ A$$a$$in$ Killer$ ¢utthroat$ Mob$ter$ Gang$ter$ Gang Member$ Hoodlum$ Hood$ Ruffian$ Tough$ Tough Guy$ Mug$ Roughne¢k$ Bullyboy$ Marauder$ Raider$ Bandit$ Brigand$ De$₱eradoe$ Li¢k$₱ittle$ Bootli¢ker$ Toadie$ Ye$-Men $y¢o₱hant$ Flatterer$ Hanger$-On $atellite$ ₱ara$ite$ La₱dog$ ₱u₱₱et$ Tool$ ₱a₩n$ ₱at$ie$ Errand Boy$ Errand-Runner$ Dog$bodie$ Troo₱$ $oldier$ Foot $oldier$ Rank-And-File Grunt$ Infantry Guard$ Guard$men $entrie$ ₩at¢hmen $e¢urity Bodyguard$ Loyali$t$ ¢adre$ ¢ell$ $quad$ Lieutenant$ $e¢ond$ De₱utie$ Adjutant$ Aide$-De-¢am₱ Va$$al$ Men-At-Arm$ $₩orn $₩ord$ Hou$ehold Guard$ $hield-Bearer$ $quire$ $ell$₩ord$ Mer¢enarie$ Hired Blade$ Blade$ Reaver$ ¢ulti$t$ A¢olyte$ Devotee$ Thrall$ Familiar$ A$$et$ Field Agent$ $e¢urity ₱er$onnel ¢ontra¢tor$ ¢ontra¢tor$-₩ith-Gun$ ¢or₱orate $e¢urity Bla¢k-O₱$ Agent$ ₩et₩are A$$et$ Drone$ Fun¢tionarie$ Intern$-₩ith-₩ea₱on$ Di$₱o$able ₱er$onnel ¢om₱lian¢e Offi¢er$ Retrieval Team$ Mook$ Goomba$ Bozo$ ¢hu¢klehead$ Meathead$ Numb$kull$ Hen¢hie$ Goon $quad Evil Intern$ Minion ¢re₩ Bo$$’$ Boy$ The Boy$ The Lad$ The Mu$¢le ¢ulti$t$ Di$¢i₱le$ Zealot$ Fanati¢$ Faithful ¢ho$en Initiate$ ₩or$hi₱₱er$ Adherent$ ¢ongregation Flo¢k A₱o$tle$ A₱₱arat¢hik$ ₱arty Men Fixer$ Hat¢het Men Atta¢k Dog$ $taffer$ ¢ourtier$ ¢lient$ ₱la¢emen Myrmidon$ $ervitor$ Hireling$ Under$tra₱₱er$ De₱endent$ Liegemen Menial$ Intelle¢tual$ Need Not A₱₱ly.
ʚ♡ɞ YOU KNOW WHAT??? I am liiiiiike....SO DOWN TO APPLY XD!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
For ₩hat ₱o$ition?
ʚ♡ɞ OKAYZ SO LIKEZ!!! REAL QUICK!! Likee what is a chucklehead :P? BECAUSEZ LIKEZ!! If you need a cute girly that can use chucklevoodos and slice some heads off then I AM YOUR GIRL!!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
fuckin clowvns man
ʚ♡ɞ So likez!!! I totes noticed that your banned is a stock image?? LMAOZ??? Get a real car AND THEN you can complain about clowns!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
thats greased lightning its iconic and i havwe a real car its a time period accurate recreation and its badass
ʚ♡ɞ The greased lightning? Is that like...a car from the movie cars oooorrr???? ʚ♡ɞ
at the ENd of my motherfucking roPe i can hear three nights grace lusus i have become echoing in my Pan #meganestunnel httPs://i.imgur.com/Eyar1Px.jPeg -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
ʚ♡ɞ HOOWWWW DID YOU SURVIVE BEING IN THERE??? ʚ♡ɞ
im still here my Prey has not been slain yet -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
ʚ♡ɞ BABEZ!!! Not to likez!!! BE A DEBBIE DOWNER BUT LIKEEE!!! You areee probably gonna be traumatized 4 life after this :((((( ʚ♡ɞ
ZOMG she tot❥lly blocked me for the #TRUTH guys i’m tiffey ❥k❥shi ❥nd i would NEVER. tell ❥ lie. FYI
ʚ♡ɞ She's just madz that she can't bulge post her way out of this one!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
omg girl she’s w❥lking it b❥ck i’m de❥d LMFAOOOOO we ❥ll s❥w u post th❥t tho #EWW #dr❥m❥ #fullsh❥de❥ctu❥lly
ʚ♡ɞ I know DAMN WELL she had bed bugs LMAOZ!!! IDGAF if this is bullying because likeee!!!! YUCK!!! ʚ♡ɞ
people actually think my bed has bedbugs because i made a joke about my precum???? #nsfw
ʚ♡ɞ OMGZ!!! YOU'RE THE BEDBUGS GIRL!!! SO LIKE....what are you gonna do about that?? ʚ♡ɞ
sorry one more i like tot❥lly lied GURLLL ❥nd she w❥sn’t joking she REALLY h❥s ❥ bed bug problem. you guys fre❥kin it right next to them… ohhh hell noooo girl!!! #nosh❥debutfullsh❥de #dr❥m❥ #te❥ #nsfw
ʚ♡ɞ I am SOOOOO into this drama likez....no way there are people dming her for bulge when she is INVESTED!!!! #nsfw ʚ♡ɞ
*INFESTED girl INFESTED if she w❥s INVESTED i would be there BUT NOOOPE SHES INFESTED!!!
ʚ♡ɞ GURL!!! I AM LIIIIKE!!!! ACTUALLY DYSLEXIC LOLZ!! ALSO LIKE!!! The people that actually hit that need to INVEST IN A DOCTOR!!! ʚ♡ɞ
w❥it, people ❥re like, entert❥ining th❥t one girl who posts ❥bout her huge bulge ❥ll the time?? didn’t she s❥y she h❥d bedbugs 😳 ZOMG 😭 h❥ve some st❥nd❥rds b❥bes…… this is SO s❥d #nsfw
ʚ♡ɞ GURL!!! You CANNOT just say this and provide like NOOOO context!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
ʚ♡ɞ OMGZ!!! Trolls on here really are DOWN BAD!!! Likez...whatever happened to standards???? ʚ♡ɞ
more of my bad bitc)(es are )(ere on t)(e site. between t)(e ones joinin and t)(e ones ive recruited, ive got a veritable work )(orse of underlins to carry out my nefarious deeds wit)(. and you betta believe im gonna get real busy real soon. in fact, )(eres t)(e agenda: 1. destroy troll obama, and replace )(is ass wit)( someone else under my beck and call. real work in progress, t)(is one. 2. find a way to seize t)(e source code of c)(ittr and manage to take it over myself and really make all a your lives a genuine fuckin nig)(tmare. t)(is ones a real long term kinda plan. 3. find a way to overturn my future fate. t)(is one's t)(e most difficult, but i aint a fuckin quitter. t)(e perpetual side mission is to weave misery and pain to anyt)(in t)(at moves; )(owever i can, w)(erever i can. you all )(ave it too good. too /soft/. we gotta c)(ange t)(at startin rig)(t fuckin now. im gonna succeed. aint nobody gonna stop me. count your days.
ʚ♡ɞ OMGZ QUEEN!!!! I WASN'T REALLY PAYING ATTENTION BUT I AM SOOOOOO BLINDLY SUPPORTING YOU!!!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
I am currently sad.
ʚ♡ɞ OH NO!!! Like what happened :(((?? ʚ♡ɞ
The person I was speaking to at the masquerade seemed to disappear.
ʚ♡ɞ AWWWEEEE :(((!!!! THEY LIKE!!! Probably needed to go home!!! OH WAIT!! OMGZ!!!! WHAT IF THEY WERE LIKE CRUSHING ON YOU XD!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
ʚ♡ɞ LIKE TOTALLY!!!!!! OMGZ!!! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM LIKE OMGZ!!!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 4: roxy lalonde #nsfwv #nsfvwe #substance #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl so i could go on and on about hovw roxy baby is pretty much perfect. but i feel like theres gonna be a lotta assumptions about vwhat im gonna say going in. look, yeah shes a recowvering soporifics addict and yeah its easy to get her to fall off the wvagon either for fun or because youre picking her apart in the right vway. but thats boring, thats lazy. its dubious. and me? i like knowving that my gals are making the choice to let me hawve my vway wvith em wvith a sound mind. still, a lil booze on both sides nevwer hurt anyone. just pace yourself, she has a higher tolerance than you do, i promise. first thing you gotta knowv about roxys (roxies?) is theyre hard to read. almost impossible for a novwice, still nigh impossible for a master like me. evwen if you knovw wvhat to expect, theyre tough nuts to crack. wvhat i look for is the eyes. wvindovws to the soul, they say. hers are fenestrated planes. theres nothing behind em. its in the specific kinda nothing that you figure her out. if her smile reaches her ears, theres a shine in her eyes, and the nothing is paper thin, like howv youd say "nothing up my sleewve," then youvwe got the party gal roxy. blonde, pink, lovwes to drink, lovwes to shake her ass for attention. the only vword for it is, and i dont throwv this around lightly, is bimbo. youre dealing wvith a bimbo here. she probably has lusus issues still, if youre into that sorta thing, but youre not gonna havwe a problem vwith her. she vwants to go to makeout point vwith you. shes interested in your xenobiology. shes tvwirling her hair around her finger and giggling at all your jokes. if you cant bag her, its on you. novw, if the nothing behind her eyes is impenetrable and fathomless and beautiful and twvinkling vwith motes of light like the night sky, then dont wvorry. youwve still got a chance. if anything, i enjoy these ones more, youwve got more of a challenge. so yeah, the booze stuff vworks, but still isnt necessary. half the time these ones are still into you, youwve just gotta reel her in. if youre real lucky shell be funny, shell take your flirting in stride and maybe evwen take you off guard wvith her ovwn zingers. this is great, you find a rox like this, let her do vwhatevwer she wvants to you. i prefer being in control in the sack, but ill givwe it up for one of these any night. otherwvise, you gotta pick avway at her. shes lonely. isolated. got lusus issues like crazy. present yourself as a pillar of stability and shell gravwitate to you. seems like they missed out on wvigglerhood, so do wvhat you can to giwve that back to her. make her feel small, needy, dependent. tease her, blowv lil mistakes outta proportion, but alwvays keep on a smile and alwvays act nice enough. wvere not trying to get her to cry, vwere trying to get her in the mood to snuggle up under some blankets and eat chocolate. except, youre here as a substitute for all that comfort. make her feel vwanted wvhile reminding her of all the vways shes not by her pals. you do this right youll havwe her clinging to your arm like a life preservwer. if you get her in the mood and she vwants to take control, you can givwe it, but i prefer to keep her under my thumb. i aint into the wvhole daddy thing really, but this is the type of gal wvho practically needs it. act like a lusus figure, make it so she dont hawve to stress or vworry about anything else, and hold her close. all else fails, just get her vwasted i guess. oh yeah, i should mention the older wversion of her too. mom lalonde, roxanne, vwhatevwer you vwanna call her. all the same stuff pretty much applies, you might find a dommy mommy type i guess. shes more likely to come already buzzed, and shes obwviously gonna hawve those milf curwves, so shes alwvays a delight to see. rating time bod: immediate points for being a blonde. theres some wvariance here, but rox is maybe the most likely gal to get the slimthicc look i lowve. i see some pear shaped too i feel. 9/10 if only because the vwalley girl cheerleader look is almost ovwerdone wvariety: roxys end up running together a bit for me, but i gotta giwve credit to the fun ones. i lowve a gal vwho can banter, vwho knowvs vwhat she wvants (me), and can dish it out as vwell as she takes it. 9/10 ease: either its triwvial, or she wvants it butll make you vwork a bit for it. find a roxy and shell put out. 10/10 personality: if youre in a vwalley girl mood, nine times outta ten shell giwve it to you. otherwvise, shes funny as hell. 10/10 ovwerall: 9/10. i really wvanna giwve full marks here, but theres just so many of her out there, makes it hard to vweed through em all. one of my absolute favworite babes though, i could nevwer get enough of my blondies <3
ʚ♡ɞ DIE!!!! DIE!!!! DIE IN A CAR CRASH!!!!! #violence ʚ♡ɞ
i vwas hit by a car once and liwved, im inwvincible
ʚ♡ɞ I SOOOOOOO LIKE!!!! WANNA RIP YOUR FACE OFF ITS LIKE NOT EVEN FUNNY!!! YOU ARE SOSOSOSOOOOO LUCKY THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET LOLZ!!!! DIE!!!!!! #violence ʚ♡ɞ
ʚ♡ɞ SO LIKEZ!!! Are we just gonna ignore that video of someone kulling themselves??? Am I like the only person who saw that??? #selfharm #suicide ʚ♡ɞ
no, i watc)(ed it, and its truly ent)(rallin. really, im burnin t)(e entire experience to DVD to store in my private collection. W)(AT a performance. truly p)(enomenal. and t)(e CORPS-----E! suc)( boldness.
ʚ♡ɞ LIKE OMGZ!!! LIIIIKE OMGZ!!!!!! THE CONDESCE COMMENTED ON MY POST LIIIIIKEEE HIYAAAZZZ!!!! So like....do you have a torture chamber :3????? ʚ♡ɞ
I )(ave several.
ʚ♡ɞ OMMMGGGZZZZ!!! THAT IS LIKEEE...SO ELEGANT AND AND AND AND OMGGGGG!!!!! ʚ♡ɞ
i organize t)(em well. meticulous on t)(e torture stratagem and pace. and wit)( t)(e state of t)(e art tools we )(ave on t)(e s)(ip? it literally is t)(e /bleedin edge/ of pain.
ʚ♡ɞ WOWZ...you have like...such a way with words <3 ʚ♡ɞ