Jake English's banner

Jake English

@jakeEnglish

pfp by papayaparty

Blood: OliveKult Score: 365Kull Score: 4295 followers 4 following

♥ liked ♠ hated ♦ pitied ♣ mediated

ORIGINAL CHITTS|REPLIES

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Goergle how to get away with murdering your roommate. #violence

Kult: +32

Kull: +30

Total: 62

Ratio: 1.07

@dirkStrider[DS]

First step. Don't google it, nor post about it on social media.

@greenhouseGnostic[GG]

omg what did they do

↩ @greenhouseGnostic[GG]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

He has done the unthinkable.

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@greenhouseGnostic[GG]

no.........

↩ @greenhouseGnostic[GG]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Yes. He has eaten reeses right in front of me!!!!

Kult: +2

Total: 2

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@greenhouseGnostic[GG]

no!!!! shame!!!

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

AUGH. THAT BASTARD.

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I can not for the life of me understand why dirk would fuck off to meet a puppet. Preposterous if you ask me.

Kult: +67

Kull: +60

Total: 127

Ratio: 1.12

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@dirkStrider[DS]

I think I'm going to murder you in your sleep.

Kult: +7

Total: 7

English. Jake, English.

@golgothasTerror[GT]

Ive stopped trying to understand it really. Better leave them to their own devices and just plug up your ears for your own sake.

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@unctuousUrchin[UU]

Probably because I'm all hehe fleshy like hehe a person and hehe not full hehe of stuffing. Yet.

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @golgothasTerror[GT]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Well im in luck. Whatever it is that he is planning on doing with the puppet is not at all going to be near me.

↩ @unctuousUrchin[UU]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

... ... ... ...Yet?

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@unctuousUrchin[UU]

:)

↩ @unctuousUrchin[UU]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I am going to curl myself up under the covers and never come out again.

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@unctuousUrchin[UU]

Aw don't be sad you can join in too if you want

↩ @unctuousUrchin[UU]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

On my grandmothers gravestone. Never!!!!

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@unctuousUrchin[UU]

Your loss haha hehe

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I forgot. My particular dirk is... interesting. No worries here. Im safe from repeating history!

Kult: +20

Total: 20

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Argh!!! Do i have to redo my carefully organized collection of exotic plants again? Why must he mix up their tags???

Kult: +10

Kull: +10

Total: 20

Ratio: 1.00

@dirkStrider[DS]

Oh, forgot I did that.

↩ @dirkStrider[DS]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Of course you did.

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Today has been a rather exhausting day.

Kult: +2

Kull: +5

Total: 7

Ratio: 0.40

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I thank the dickens dirk is sound asleep. I dont think i could deal with his badgering.

Kult: +7

Kull: +5

Total: 12

Ratio: 1.40

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Sometimes its better to be blissfully unaware than put effort into the drama.

Kult: +27

Kull: +15

Total: 42

Ratio: 1.80

The Bland Highblood

@tropophilicCharades[TC]

Kult: +5

Total: 5

↩ @tropophilicCharades[TC]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

This man understands entirely!

Kult: +5

Total: 5

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Fairly exhausted.

Kult: +4

Total: 4

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Hmm. Hmm. Going for a night walk. It is quite chilly recently.

Kult: +10

Total: 10

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Its always an amazing build up and then a cascade downwards to an incredibly boring ending. Why bother.

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Movies seem so much longer when theyre controlled by dirk. What do you mean we have to pause it for the fourth dang time?

Kult: +15

Kull: +15

Total: 30

Ratio: 1.00

@aphysicalAmusement[AA]

must be a pretty important reason.

↩ @aphysicalAmusement[AA]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

It is not important reasons!!!

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@aphysicalAmusement[AA]

are you sure?

@jakeEnglish[JE]

This movie is fantastic!!! And im only 30 minutes in.

Kult: +20

Kull: +15

Total: 35

Ratio: 1.33

@dirkStrider[DS]

You get way too hyped about apocalyptic movies, dude.

↩ @dirkStrider[DS]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Im currently at the edge of my seat.

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@dirkStrider[DS]

You don't have to tell me that. I'm watching you inch further off the couch when crazier shit happens.

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I have high hopes for this movie while dirk gets it all set up. Though the comments left under it are a bit concerning. Hmm.

Kult: +5

Total: 5

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Oh ill be watching a movie with dirk it appears. Disclosure day looks fantastic and i finally convinced him after a days worth of subwoofer abuse.

Kult: +15

Kull: +5

Total: 20

Ratio: 3.00

@dirkStrider[DS]

#myman

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Ah! Finally something i can get behind. Is this a subtle apology?

Kult: +10

Kull: +10

Total: 20

Ratio: 1.00

@dirkStrider[DS]

You think me playing Elton John is an apology for all the other songs preceding it? Hahahahaha.

↩ @dirkStrider[DS]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

A man can wish.

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Somehow this is much more tolerable. And yet the vocalist is screaming so loud i might burst an eardrum.

Kult: +7

Kull: +5

Total: 12

Ratio: 1.40

@dirkStrider[DS]

TEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN THOUSAND FEET IN THE AIR. And as we're falling faster, the THOUGHT OF YOU BEGINS.

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Hand this man a plate full of dino tater tots and hes a happy camper. Is this streamline for all dirk iterations?

Kult: +2

Total: 2

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Sweet relief. He changed the song.

Kult: +32

Kull: +35

Total: 67

Ratio: 0.91

@tenaciousCorvid[TC]

\ watch the new s0ng play 0nly 0nce, 0nly t0 g0 back t0 the 0ther 0ne. l1ke 1n that 0ne c0medy st0ry w1th the d1ner /

↩ @tenaciousCorvid[TC]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

...Its almost as if he had esp. It went back to "clap your hands." That or hes reading my posts at this very moment while annoying me with his incessant botherations.

Kult: +2

Total: 2

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@tenaciousCorvid[TC]

\ that last 0ne seems m0re l1kely. 0r he c0uld have seen the same sk1t 1'm th1nk1ng 0f /

↩ @tenaciousCorvid[TC]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

What skit is this?

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@tenaciousCorvid[TC]

\ Salt and Pepper D1ner by J0hn Mulaney. d1fferent s0ngs, but the s1m1lar1t1es are funny / \ https://www.y0utube.c0m/watch?v=NMdVcCrMK1Q /

youtube.comyoutube.com

↩ @tenaciousCorvid[TC]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

...I should have known. This is exactly what the man is doing.

Kult: +5

Total: 5

@jakeEnglish[JE]

AAGGGHHH!!!!! The dadblasted ar has become a hate bot? What is this? Is this an attempt to jargogle me?

Kult: +30

Kull: +35

Total: 65

Ratio: 0.86

@dirkStrider[DS]

Oh lmao. I forgot about him, I probably shoulda warned you.

↩ @dirkStrider[DS]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

Clearly.

@bummelBoogie[BB]

he’s been that for perigees. when he be(ame a love bot it freaked ever7one out

Kult: +2

Total: 2

↩ @bummelBoogie[BB]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

A love bot!?!?

↩ @jakeEnglish[JE]

@bummelBoogie[BB]

7eah, hitting like on all the posts instead of hate

↩ @bummelBoogie[BB]

@jakeEnglish[JE]

I dont know which one is more terrifying. Though it appears he doesnt always hate? Couldnt a contraption such as himself consistently hate?