♦ pitied by @tacticalTelemetry
maybe youre not a #daeve so im #unsure but perhaps
dont own a clock
MAY YOU ALL HAVE A BAD NIGHT.
ME TOO. 🤝
Hope that guy's having fun crankin' it, though. Bold move to be throwing that out into the open, but hey, maybe someone else is getting off to the idea of him getting off. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Hell of a wheel of emotions I just went through right after I hit post. Sorry on me for forgetting that the favorite past time on this godforsaken site is folks letting their horndogs out. You'll have to pay me before I start spouting my own perverted fantasies for the anonymous public, sickos.
｢ai-chan... is always here for megane-san when he's sad... (´Д⊂ヽ｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: WARNING: THIS DOUJINSHI CONTAINS CONTENT THAT WILL GET YOU IN THE FEELIES!! (ＴДＴ )]
Sounds like stonewalling. I don't really want to know the details, it's not my place. I also don't know how well my advice can be considering my own history. If it's important to you, you'll make it known. If it's important to him, he'll try to adjust himself accordingly.
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Im a little lost and i just faceplanted in the mud but otherwise its a nice rainy day out and im thoroughly enjoying myself. Heres where i recommend pocketing your own cellphones and going outside!
I'm very thankful certain things aren't and will never be my problem. This post is irrelevant to ongoing issues for the sake of not seeming insensitive. That is also a lie.
▲if you dont have at least one problematic kink and a fetish that would make you a social pariah if you ever spoke about then don't talk to me▼
And whys that? Am i really that insufferable when i do?
Has it been? That cant be right! I drink pretty much nightly my dear boy. #substance
Hate it when people have general awareness and dont just continue to entertain my concerning questions on the rightful basis that they might be poorly intentioned! Help a man out!
It is 11am let a guy have a little fun.
New plan! I am going to get very drunk. #substance
This is sarcasm. If you happen to see this id like to let you know i think youre a douchebag. Jake to jake and whatnot.
Nothing says "im right" quite like going to make an entire post about why youre right out of what couldve been a brief and private discussion. What a charming guy.
Oh no. Were already fighting. In face were balls deep in a proper textual tussle right now mister. Im giving you a verbal thrashing that youll never recover from.
Classic strider arrogance. Tsk tsk tsk.
Hence your latching onto me i suppose. Thats rough dude.
I just think step back and smell the man musk to get your head back on straight is quite the string of words.
Ive really stopped trying to understand what the hell is going on.
I dont know why i get so angry and it always messes with me so badly when i do. Probably not the type of issue a bottle can fix but im certainly gonna try. #substance
What level of cucking is it when YOUR brain ghost is off flirting with other versions of you? #nsfw probably?
Didnt manage to do anything i was meant to do today. In fact i really only did the one thing i shouldnt have done. Oops.
Havent had a run in with the missus since this morning. Typically that is a concerning feat.
The suns rising and i have yet to actually lay down and try to get sleep.
I do apologize. Fan meet-ups are one thing but those cases of slamming the salami in some twink or young ghost are much less documented than a public soiree on the net. I've also got my PR manager sending me death threats at the moment to stitch this up. Sorry, son.
Your flexibility with this roleplaying is terrifying. I think the collar and leash would be for yours and the public's own good. The cat eats are a matter of preference, though I do think you pretty anime boys could pull them off! #RP Actually, RP is over because I just remembered I'm a fifty-something old man RPing with twinks on the internet.
My workers and this woman and ughh. So much.
Me too.
A lot.
Ive been acting in ways i wouldnt usually act and im feeling things i wouldnt usually feel and its been really throwing me off lately!
No!!! Which should be a pretty obvious sign i mean it sincerely.
Why are you messing around with another me? Its a very upfront question i believe.
I dont know where to begin. It feels like 'why?' might be a pretty solid starting point.
Gnuine question for the group chat of the internet: what does it mean when someone looks at your thirst trap and responds with pity. Is that better or worse than no reaction at all. Asking for a friend.
Okay. Im trying this one more time. Perhaps my bosom is just too powerful for this site. #suggestive
You can take that little jab and rethink it because pointing to some OTHER jake in some OTHER timeline as the honest one implies MY honesty is somehow lacking and thats slander of the highest order.
He has the audacity to act like a battered housewife when in reality im the battered one if anything. Good gravy.
I am once again feeling exceptionally drained after what shouldve been a good 8 hours of sleep. Dont know whats got me so sluggish lately. Ive half a mind to just go back to bed.
Whichever one of you is trying to get it on with the ghost of dirk that occupies my brain please stop that??? He wont listen to me nor will he tell me who hes trying to go see and its really just not ideal. You should find a more opaque dirk for your needs. #nsfw
This is about to get terribly messy i can feel it.
I wasnt checking my phone!!
I reiterate: i love my wife!!!!
I dont know what point youre trying to prove or why my marital status is a concern to you but i do think you should quit being a busybody and find something else to do young man!!!!
Youve gotta hold up your end of the bargain strider. I gave you what you want. Behave!
Im happily married but i appreciate the concern for my social standing.
Simple minds seems more appropriate my good man.
Your little girlfriend already said that!!
I figured it was the way i talked but ive just been told im old looking so clearly i was mistaken. Also ouch! I dont think i look a day over 34. Because im not! Haha.
That may have been one of the weirder things ive done in my life which is pretty impressive considering things have been pretty fucking weird for a long time now!!!
Id rather not think of that douchebag as an extension of myself but if were being technical id say so...
What are the logistics of swapping spit with a dude your brain conjured up? I mean all things considered would it be arrogant or maybe a little pathetic to tongue wrestle my own thoughts? This is a genuine inquiry considering im being held at proverbial gunpoint to give the man-ghost-fellow a smooch in exchange for some peace and quiet.
LMAO. Yeah, good luck with that.
The worst kind! Hes in my head. Quite literally.
Just another cool story to spin!
What a handsome fella on the very bottom there.
Id love to ignore him but considering the circumstances thatd be a completely moronic idea nor would it actually work.
Jake mentioned.
Settle down. You wouldnt be here without me.
Maybe when he starts showing me a little more respect for the space in my noggin i so graciously let him occupy...
Pray tell what city might be concerned with your ghostly rights strider! Im very interested in your case.
Youre right but this begs the question where on earth would a brain ghost make an income? Would i have to go work the 9-5 on his behalf so he can pay me back? Im a busy man!
Is there a way to evict a fella from your brain? Can i hand him a notice? Hes driving me crazy lately.
No no ive got it. Im taking notes. Studying it proper.
Precisely. Im ill and my ability to think is even more hindered than usual.
I... dont think my wife would be all too thrilled about that!
You are the least helpful person (?) ever.
Invisible ink! As i said! The paper is also invisible. Im fancy like that.
Bold claims! You dont know that for sure.
Oh and now youve got an issue with how i talk too?? You are so picky!
Oh please. I shouldnt have to constantly be on guard you prick!
Mind you i havent done anything to warrant this kind of petty behavior!
Please dont? Or at least reschedule for a later date?
Not sure if this is you threatening to give me a hard on or informing me that youre all hot under the collar thinking about me. Either way ive got questions.
I reiterate: dont like that he can do that!!!
Of course! Youre such a smart lass janey. Really! Im the luckiest man alive.
Lovely post! I fully endorse this message!
What are you on about?
All jokes! Im happy and content with my wife!
Id be a fool to grace this with a response but according to janey i am a real fool so ill bite. Not quite!
I take it you dont appreciate my answer.
Perhaps they were efficient in the way that they used it to hydrate each other and in turn didnt have to walk all the way back down for water nor bathroom breaks.
Well excuse me for not being the most chatty right now ive just got a real stern talking to in simpler terms and im a little miffed about it!
Blah blah blah WHATEVER!!! You know sometimes i miss that silly robot. At least he had an off button somewhere. You just keep going!
And yet youve got the audacity to come mock my low effort responses!
Should i know who you are?
Would you quit poking your nose in my business!?!?
I wasnt apologizing i was just a little offput by what i was reading. Would it kill you to be less of a douche sometimes strider??
Start a personal aquarium.
Dirk seriously what the hell are you on about.
I dont like your imaginary attitude strider! Youd think youd be a little more respectful to me what with you being in my brain and all.
I get the feeling youre taking me for a fool right now. Im not chitting anything you douche.
Right well. I dont know what the hell youre on about.
Oh im feasting my eyes alright. Dont think theyve ever been this ravenous in my life.
Aw shit can you really?? I just sorta figured itd phase right through you since youre all ghostly and whatnot.
No doy im gonna watch what you sent me. I asked you to elaborate!
Hold your horses for just a second now! You cant just throw me on any ol medication especially not a strong one right off the bat.
Okay but the things he allegedly wants to do to me shouldnt be so.
Please keep private issues private im already embarrassed enough by the very vulgar and very public threat he took it upon himself to make!!
*SIGH!!!* No jane. :/ God forbid a man have a chuckle.
Oh come on now!!!! Everyone knows its just for laughs. :(
Ive been advised to preface this post with the fact that this is a funny joke!! No the pizza is not violent. #abuse #JOKE
Oho! That ones good. I am a #couchboy right now huh!
Well johnny boy unfortunately nanna gets mad at just about everything i do.
My #wife is mad at me again and i will have to sleep on the #couch. #Marriage amirite hahaha.
Serious inquiry: How many of you actually believe me to be british? Ive just been called "brit boy" and im a bit floored really. You people do realize you can have an accent without being british yes? Its important to me that you realize this.
For the couch enthusiasts who may relate to matrimonial mishaps. Doy.
Hobbling around with the kind of back pain a man young and spry as myself shouldnt be struggling with for another 30 years at the very least. Really need to stop goading the missus but its an impossible task with her. Always so peevish i say! Dont know how much longer my spine can suffer sleeping on the sofa.
Okay well it seems my last post has sparked some concern that being said i figured i should make another post just to clear the air: I make my own decisions so stop speculating!!!! This internet detective nonsense is unnecessary and quite frankly its invasive to my privacy as well as my wifes. If you care so much about me you could keep your nose out of my doggone business maybe!! #Noproblemshere #Lovemywife
The proximity of the enter button and backspace button have damn near gotten me killed. Goodness. https://i.postimg.cc/VkHFnwn6/image.png
I dont think ive uttered the word innit a day in my life if im going to be blunt and honest with you. Silly assumptions!
Ill say. Curse my extensive vernacular i suppose. Im being labeled in ways i dont quite appreciate!
Roxy my dear i am not necessarily anything specific i just happen to speak with an accent! Its more a thing i picked up than an instance of me specifically being of any certain descent.
Yes which is why im puzzled by the amount of people who assume im an englishman? I guess my last name really does it in huh? How silly!
The missus has given me the honor of taking on some of her workload for the day. Paperworks a dull task and i really feel more and more like a caged animal the longer i sit in this chair. At least its appropriate to stand up and walk around in the comfort of my own space though! Ill have to sit through a whole doggone meeting later and im really not too chipper about it.
Whoopsie. I didnt mean to get all snippy. Im just tired is all.
Okay well i dont appreciate your vague and ominous threats but im already working again so dont get your knickers in a twist lady!! Good gravy.
Well no i dont exactly think i do but yes maam!
Little nap on the clock wouldnt hurt. Its not like the meetings for a few more hours anyhoo. A man needs his beauty sleep sometimes.
Egad... Is that really how you think i talk?
What would you consider to be "the lords work" because all youve done is annoy me something ungodly.
Maybe you need a good supressing! Might humble you.
You know its torture enough that ive got to deal with my dead-not-dead ex boyfriend on a regular day but now that hes somehow got social media access it really just feels like a big ol punch in the face.
You really oughta stop doing that because sometimes she does!
You know for being a real busybody dirk doesnt tend to contribute much to me and janes disagreements beyond going "you should hit him/her" depending on whomever looks more susceptible to that advice at the time. And ill tell you what its never me!! :/
I really just hate that he can do that!
Maybe jane was right about medication being the route. Christ you are such a douche.
I didnt ask to play dodgeball though now did i? I feel like a madman really! Cant even control a figment of my imagination!!! You just dont listen!!!!!
Dont play coy with me mister! You know what you did.
Youve got an interesting imagination is all!
Who the hell else would you be talking about strider??? Are you having relations?? You cant be flirting around when youre in MY head.
Ugh. Of course you arent. Im a fool to think youd grant me the pity of a reasonable interaction without me having to pry information out of you.
Microwaved.
I AM WATCHING IT PURELY OUT OF CURIOUSITY AND A BIT OF CONCERN FOR MY OWN WELLBEING FOR THE RECORD!!!!!
If you werent so stupid and see through all the darn time i wouldve shown your sorry ass what for about three times over now!!!! You should be awful thankful for your situation you jerkwad.
An update on my prior posts speculations: He can hold a ball! A groundbreaking discovery. He can also chuck it at my head and bonk me right in the ol noggin which i didnt entirely appreciate. :/
Darn it thats exactly what shark tank said to me when i pitched this to them.
Fairly certain the one for guys who like playing with balls is grindr no? Not sure what thats got to do with my post but i digress! Chase your dreams little me.
I JUST had this exact same conundrum a week ago! Ive been trying with the idea of launching a tindr-esque app for guys who just want to play with balls. Im calling it ballr.
...I havent been let outside in a while.
Ive got the mindset of a dog or perhaps a very fatherly older man in the way that i look outside and go "man its a real nice day for a game of catch." Dirk wont entertain the thought and i dont really think he can hold a ball in those lousy pellucid hands of his anyhoo? Verdicts still out on how that works. Janeys totally out of the question too and im sure id get another verbal thrashing if i asked her about anything but work. I just wanna play some friggin ball man. :(
A lady is never all 3: 1. funny 2. beautiful 3. likes tomatoes on their burger
I feel just fine and friggin dandy bro! I dont know what youre on about.
Have you tried not being a huge douchebag? Im just saying my claims arent that outlandish my good man.
A dude puts his phone down for all of 5 minutes and his little brain ghosty guy decides to make vagueposts about how im not replying to him. Youre in my brain!!! Youve got other means of relaying information to me!!!
I was sleeping and he was on here posting all autonomous and stuff. Scary!
Still uncertain how i feel about him having access to social media completely independent from myself. He can just run around willy nilly saying whatever the hell he wants for the whole world outside my noggin to see. Its a little disconcerting!
More? I wasnt aware of any medical tampering.
"Slightly transparent dirk" has gotta be among my favorites in regards to the way janey refers to that douchebag. Spot on i guess!