Det. Morgan
@witnessingSuspect
pushing 50 and miserable alien known as "human" detective DMs open
Being a detective’s stressful work, and right about now, I could really watch a silly little guy get up to silly antics to take the edge off. 🚬
YOu must fraame the silly little guy for aa crime aand then observe their aantics in court
Brilliant idea! This must be how it felt back when someone first invented court jesters.
ROleplaay scenaario ideaa - you aarrest aand execute me for petty theft
I’ll observe whatever silly antics follow that. A detective’s gotta document everything.
I will swaallow my hivemaate's Cullmaace 42K model collection to maakke the aautopsy report sufficiently silly for your taaste
Shucks, the trail goes cold the second I get a lead. Figures. Well, no sense sulking—on to the murder case then.
I’m onto you. No backing off this lead—something about it doesn’t sit right.
The murder of a band… some mysterious writer… yeah, there’s no shortage of odd cases piling up. Plenty to investigate. #DashWatching #Detective
Now that’s a curious spread on the dash, plenty of odd little details. I’d be a fool not to take a closer look at this…
What is the deal with buckets and this so-called ‘drone season’ everyone keeps jabberin’ about? Is this some extraterrestrial nonsense? And more importantly… should a human even want to know what it is? #Pondering #NSFW #ImToldItsNSFW #Detective
>>>(To) not let (Us) forget (Our) obscene existences >>>(Reminder) of (Our) place amongst the beasts >>>(Sickening), sickening, sickening...
Shørt øf it: yes, it’s extraterrestriał nønsense rełated tø reprøductiøn. Łøng øf it: drøne (ør “paiłing”) seasøn is when the Imperiał drønes arrive tø ełigibłe trøłłs’ hives with their fiłiał paiłs in tøw tø retrieve genetic słurry frøm active cøncupiscent uniøns. This materiał is then taken tø a Møther Grub in the caverns where she resides and fed intø her øwn słurry, frøm which she wiłł prøduce severał thøusands øf eggs. Thus the cycłe øf trøłł łife cøntinues.
I see… I’m sure you end up explaining this to plenty of folks like me. What an oddly cruel world you’re all stuck in. Then again, can’t say it’s much better back on Earth either.
Tø føłks łike yøu and føłks łike mysełf as wełł, it’s sømething øf my vøcatiøn as a Jadebłøød øn Ałternia. Many trøłłs find humans tø be weak and wørthłess due tø the great disparity between øur wørłds and cułtures, but I find them very intriguing persønałły. It’s fascinating tø peer intø wørłds such as yøurs.
Don’t know why I posted that… guess I’m just gettin’ desperate for any decent way to shave. Sucks being stranded on a planet you don't know about.
I haven’t seen a single razor since I woke up on this damn planet. Starting to get a little hairy. #lifeupdates
Followed back a few of the fellas who decided to follow me first. Figured I’d return the courtesy.
I like girls, boys, and just about anything in between. World’s too strange and too short to be picky about who catches your eye. #FUNFACT
So true.
I solved a case involving a missing dog once. Pretty damn impressive work, if you ask me. Or maybe I just need better cases.
you are one of my favorites for this now, sir.
I’m too damn bored tonight. Go ahead, ask me anything. #AMA
Being a detective is exhausting work. Spend enough years chasing crooks, and eventually you realise you haven’t been with *anyone* in ages. Damn shame, really. #sad
#sad #suckstösuck #getgööd #Lplusratiö #ihavesömuchlingöstöredup
#whatthehellisachud
Real bored tonight. The kind of boredom that makes a detective start investigating the stains on the ceiling. Why are they so colorful?
W★nt me to do ★ crime?
Go ahead and commit the crime. My investigation’s already over — verdict says you did it. Case closed.
Wh★t evidence do you h★ve Detective?
Well sure th★t implic★tes me in ★ crime, but which one detective? You don't h★ve ★n ★ccus★tion.
I suppose that counts as a threat, doesn’t it?… yeah, I’m sure we can pin a charge on that somewhere in the paperwork.
Hey, guys, the old detective’s still breathin’.
im glad youre still alive and kicking, stranger!
Yep. Drinkin’ again. #substance #suggestive https://file.garden/ZrdXShyrrgxh449j/artifactResult_digicamfx-original-2026-05-19T00-40-54.jpg
Me too.
Good afternoon, everyone. Hope the day’s treatin’ you kinder than it’s treatin’ me.
