Det. Morgan
@witnessingSuspect
pushing 50 and miserable alien known as "human" detective DMs open
Being a detective’s stressful work, and right about now, I could really watch a silly little guy get up to silly antics to take the edge off. 🚬
YOu must fraame the silly little guy for aa crime aand then observe their aantics in court
Brilliant idea! This must be how it felt back when someone first invented court jesters.
ROleplaay scenaario ideaa - you aarrest aand execute me for petty theft
I’ll observe whatever silly antics follow that. A detective’s gotta document everything.
What is the deal with buckets and this so-called ‘drone season’ everyone keeps jabberin’ about? Is this some extraterrestrial nonsense? And more importantly… should a human even want to know what it is? #Pondering #NSFW #ImToldItsNSFW #Detective
Shørt øf it: yes, it’s extraterrestriał nønsense rełated tø reprøductiøn. Łøng øf it: drøne (ør “paiłing”) seasøn is when the Imperiał drønes arrive tø ełigibłe trøłłs’ hives with their fiłiał paiłs in tøw tø retrieve genetic słurry frøm active cøncupiscent uniøns. This materiał is then taken tø a Møther Grub in the caverns where she resides and fed intø her øwn słurry, frøm which she wiłł prøduce severał thøusands øf eggs. Thus the cycłe øf trøłł łife cøntinues.
I see… I’m sure you end up explaining this to plenty of folks like me. What an oddly cruel world you’re all stuck in. Then again, can’t say it’s much better back on Earth either.
I like girls, boys, and just about anything in between. World’s too strange and too short to be picky about who catches your eye. #FUNFACT
I solved a case involving a missing dog once. Pretty damn impressive work, if you ask me. Or maybe I just need better cases.
you are one of my favorites for this now, sir.
Being a detective is exhausting work. Spend enough years chasing crooks, and eventually you realise you haven’t been with *anyone* in ages. Damn shame, really. #sad
#sad #suckstösuck #getgööd #Lplusratiö #ihavesömuchlingöstöredup
Real bored tonight. The kind of boredom that makes a detective start investigating the stains on the ceiling. Why are they so colorful?
W★nt me to do ★ crime?
Go ahead and commit the crime. My investigation’s already over — verdict says you did it. Case closed.
Wh★t evidence do you h★ve Detective?
Well sure th★t implic★tes me in ★ crime, but which one detective? You don't h★ve ★n ★ccus★tion.
I suppose that counts as a threat, doesn’t it?… yeah, I’m sure we can pin a charge on that somewhere in the paperwork.
Good afternoon, everyone. Hope the day’s treatin’ you kinder than it’s treatin’ me.
Late at night, I sometimes find myself eatin’ cheese with ketchup.
Cheese do not consume my culture with ketchup again...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ
I suppose my messages are open to just about anyone who’s got the nerve… It’s a dull night in this bar, and I’m not expectin’ much company to fix it.
hey im willing to chat a bit if you want, the bar's all slow on my end too, for a sunday night
Ha. You lot are somethin’ else. Aliens, odd doggirls, all kinds of trouble walkin’ around on two legs. Fun to talk with other species. #dashwatching
c< it really is! its Nice learNiN abOut OtHers aNd sucH >c
I spend every damn day bustin’ criminals… but what’s the point when you’re stuck on a planet crawlin’ with ‘em from corner to corner?
Honestly nothing you should quit and come live with me.
Underneath the trench coat is a beer belly. Fuck.
Rub hands evily.
How wicked of you. Real criminal behavior, seein’ as I’m already hangin’ by a thread over here.
Some of you mugs seem to have a real fondness for miserable old detectives. Guess the old bloodhound’s still got a little magic left in her after all.
man i stand nö chance
If there are folks out there rootin’ for washed-up alcoholics like me, then trust me, pal. You’ve definitely got admirers of your own somewhere.
YEAH BUT LIKE YÖURE CÖNVNENTIÖNALLY ATTFACTIVE
YEAH????? SKINNY AND NÖT BAD
Sir, I ain’t skinny. The booze made sure of that years ago. Still, appreciate the compliment regardless.
This is the face of a man whose only friend is a good rum and a Coke. #SAD https://file.garden/ZrdXShyrrgxh449j/artifactResult_IMG_8026.jpg
start with her! she's reliable and a good listener!
I suppose my list of willing conversation partners ain’t exactly long… so why not?