cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 6: alternian vwantas #notgay #nsfwv #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #casteplay #hemoism #cagttl hear me out. infinite timelines infinite possibilities. and in many of them karkat is a hot babe. there are a lotta iterations, im gonna default to using the name kat, because thats the cutest nickname for her. this is *not* about dudekats, okay? this is about bbwv cutie mutie tsunderes. thats vwhat vwere here for, okay? this is some rule 63 shit. is that problematic to say? ehh wvhatewver. vwere gonna talk about hovw to get into the swveatpants of a girlkat. first order of business: if she aint at least curwvy, back off, iwve newver seen a skinny kat vwhos up for anything. youre looking a girl wvith meat on her bones. chubby cheeks too, preferably constantly blushing wvhenewver you say anything to her. if she starts on a super long and gross rant before you ewven start touching her up then shes probably a lost cause. vwhat wvere looking for is the sorta vwindbag wvholl say a lotta nothing and get herself vworked up, but doesnt actually argue vwith anything you say. she might evwen be outright flattered but tell you to piss off anyvways. dont let up. kats are usually pretty receptiwve to the wvombo combo of feeling em up vwhile wvhispering all sorts of swveet nothings in her ear at the same time. makes em melt. on that note, some of the adwvice here is similar for vwhat i said for aradia. kats a mutie, bright red blood, spoiler vwarning, sorry. makes her the perfect sub for some casteplay. pretty much all of em are secretly into it, sometimes so secretly evwen they dont knowv about it. say enough about like, their bodys real purpose, or hovw theyre meant to serwve highbloods, or vwhatevwer other shit pops into your pan, and shell be all yours. this gal is total cullbait, in the beforan sense, obwviously. shes wvound all nice and tight, she just wvants to be taken care of. i dont wvanna giwve eridans too much credit, but you see that one pic of a kar and eridan floating around, the proud grub raisers? yeah, thats basically any girlkats vwet dream. shovw her you can giwve that to her. okay, but vwhats your in? wvell, theyll tolerate more than youd expect, because they cravwe material to insult you ovwer. be unashamed, be seedy, let her get comfortable. she already assumes youre a loser, dont dissuade her of that until its too late. no one really listens to her yap, so you gotta pretend to listen. maybe giwve her an honest compliment about hovw clewver she is, as honest as you can manage anywvays, that alvways kills. she knovws her team doesnt respect her. be the slightly older masculine figure that showvs her respect, and listens to her, and thinks shes so cool, and oop youvwe got your hands up her svweater and shes ready to say please. [my legal team redacted parts of the next para, im vworking on rectifying this wvith em] novw uhh, this last bit, dunno if i can ewven say it. like, legally speaking. just... karkats tend to havwe some █████ ████████████ vwith ██████. you can use that. this comes up like, a lot vwith karkats. its the ████ ████ as the █████ █████, shovw her ████ ███ ██████ ████ ███ ██████. shes ███████ █████ ███████ ████, make her ███ ██ ███. shes ███████ ██ ███ ████, make her feel good, make her ██████████ ███ ██████ █████. shell be so much happier ██ ███ ███████ ████ ████ █ ████, ██ ███ ███████ ████ shes your girl. a collar goes wvell vwith any girl, ███ ████ ████ ██████████. ███ ███ ██ ███ shell be in lovwe wvith you forevwer. cutie mutie ratings bod: the good ones are alwvays chubby. not alvways my thing, but damn she makes it vwork. they dress frumpy too but again, she makes it wvork. a kat in leggings alvways gets me. 8/10 vwvwariety: as much as i enjoy her, youll go owver the same beats again and again. theyre fun beats, but like... i dunno, if more of em could yap this wvould be higher. 7/10 ease: holy shit for all her posturing shes the most sensitivwe troll there is. one touch and shell wvanna fall to her knees. 10/10 personality: get some earplugs. absolutely adorable, and i lowve breaking dovwn the angry types into blushing ingenues, but it can still be a bit much. 7/10 owverall: 8/10. for all my nitpicks, vwhat i am really complaining about? girlkats a busty mutant vwith a fat ass and loads of hemospectrum related issues that you can svwoop in to exploit. alwvays a rare treat.
D--> How would you know that considering the last time you've communicated with any of the alternates mentioned in your guides was most likely a note written in cursive scrawnier than your ability to enunciate the word "consent" e%plaining how you had to bail because you're allergic to commitment and bulging with deceit.
haha bulging
thats it @aradiaGrok computer disseminate his shame globes turn them into particulates then scatter them across the cosmos
r0ger that! say g00dbye t0 y0ur slurrysack cr0nus!
YOU KNOWING WHAT THE WORD TSUNDERE MEANS EITHER TELLS ME THAT YOU WATCH ANIME OR ARE A POSER!!!!!
the only poses i knovw are mevwing and mogging
eek!
it literally vwont evwen be about you dont wvorry chief