♠ hated by @charmingRebel
⌁HAT, LIKE IT'S HARD TO HATE IT? HATING YOUR KEYBOARD TRASH TAKES ABOUT AS MUCH RECOLLECTI⌁E EFFORT AS REMEMBERING A SINGULAR CASE OF PUSHERBURN THREE ⌁EEKS AGO. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
OH LIKE YOU THINK YOU'RE *THAT* MEMORABLE, HUH? ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
FINISHED THE NE⌁ REHASH OF THE HQ OFFICE. I KNO⌁ YOU'RE PROBABLY ⌁ONDERING, SATURN, DIDN'T YOU JUST REMODEL? AND THE ANS⌁ER IS NO YOU POOR FUMBLING MORON I REMODELED THE OFFSITE OFFICE ONE ⌁EEK AGO, THIS IS DIFFERENT AND E⌁EN BETTER, KEEP UP. ANY⌁AY TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME LINEUP. JUST ME AND THE BEST PEOPLE I KNO⌁. LET'S HOPE I DON'T GET TOO DISTRACTED BY ALL THE PRETTY FACES, HUH? ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
FIGURED I COULD THRO⌁ MY HAT INTO THE RING ⌁ITH ONE OF THOSE AMA THINGS. I'M AN OPEN BOOK, I KNO⌁ THE INTER⌁IE⌁S DON'T AL⌁AYS CAPTURE THE IN SITU ENERGY BUT I PROMISE I'M JUST A FLESH AND BLOOD TROLL JUST LIKE YOU. HTTPS://FORMS.GLE/BHM⌁SL176RGYM59Z7 ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
SOMEONE ASKS: HI *SATURN.* CAN YOU TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR TIMELINE? YOU MADE A FUN LITTLE TYPO THERE KITTEN, FIXED IT FOR YOU. MUST'⌁E HAD A MINOR PAN ANYEURISM OR SOMETHING YOU MIGHT ⌁ANNA GET THAT CHECKED OUT. NOTE TO MY DESK MONKEYS, MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT CHITTR HANDLE AND IP ADDRESS FOR THE FUTURE SO ⌁E CAN SEND MEDICAL CARE ASAP TO ANYONE ELSE THAT DOESN'T HA⌁E A FUCKING FUNCTIONAL PAN. ANY⌁AY! SURE I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT IT. ⌁ELL FOR ONE, ALTERNIA IS OUT OF ITS DARK AGES AFTER A ⌁ALIANT NEAR-BLOODLESS RESTRUCTURE. I STARTED IN HUMBLE BEGINNINGS, JUST A SIMPLE SELF-EXILED TROLL OPENING HIS EYES TO THE REST OF HO⌁ THE UNI⌁ERSE ⌁ORKS, SICK OF THE SOCIOPATHIC BLOODSHED IN HIS HOME. SEE, IT ⌁OULD HA⌁E BEEN EASY TO TURN MY BACK ON MY FELLO⌁ TROLLKIND, BUT I KNE⌁ DEEP IN MY PUSHER I HAD TO COME BACK SOMEDAY AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. SO, I (BRA⌁ELY NOT KNO⌁ING THE OUTCOME BUT ALSO DAMN FUCKING CLEAR THAT IT ⌁AS GONNA BE BADASS AND HEROIC) DID ⌁HAT NO OTHER TROLL HAS DONE BEFORE, AND SET MY SIGHTS ON A DEAL THAT HIC HERSELF COULDN'T REFUSE. I ⌁ON'T BOG YOUR PAN DAMAGED NOGGIN ⌁ITH THE ⌁HOLE SCOPE OF IT, BUT SHORT STORY MADE SHORTER? THAT LOUDMOUTH HORROR SQUID ⌁E ALL BEEN AQUI⌁ER O⌁ER SINCE ⌁E FIRST MOLTED IS PERMANENTLY OUT OF COMMISSION. HIC HERSELF ⌁AS MO⌁ED TO TRUE EMPATHETIC TEARS BY THE COSMIC EFFORT ⌁E PULLED OFF AND HER PUSHER GRE⌁ THREE SIZES THAT DAY. NO MORE DEAD LUSII, NO MORE HEMOTYPE-BASED CULLINGS SA⌁E FOR THE TELE⌁ISED RECIPROCITY COURT THAT COMES ON AT 1800 E⌁ERY CYCLE (RATINGS JUST DOUBLED BY THE ⌁AY), SATURN CORP. IS COMMITTED TO MERIT-BASED COMPETITION, THE MERGER OF THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE ⌁ITH EARTH ⌁ENT OFF GORGEOUSLY FI⌁E S⌁EEPS AGO. AND HEY! E⌁EN THE OCEANS ARE FINALLY BOUNCING BACK A LITTLE THANKS TO OUR ECOLOGICAL TEAM ⌁ORKING AROUND THE CLOCK. THEY FIGURE IT SHOULD BE PERMANENTLY LI⌁EABLE AGAIN IN AS LITTLE AS TEN MORE S⌁EEPS. SO YEAH, I'D SAY LIFE IS PRETTY GREAT IN THIS TIMELINE IF YOU'RE E⌁ER THINKING OF STARTING O⌁ER SOME⌁HERE NE⌁. THANKS FOR THE CHANCE FOR THE PROMO. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
SOMEONE ASKED: DO YOU HA⌁E RINGS? SURE DO. I KEEP EM AT HOME FOR THE PENCIL PUSHING CI⌁ILIAN SIDE OF SHIT MOSTLY SINCE THEY GET IN THE ⌁AY ⌁ITH HANDS-ON ⌁ORK. ⌁OULDN'T ⌁ANT THEM TO GET STAINED TOO BADLY. I'LL TAKE SOME PICS LATER. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
SOMEONE ASKED: HO⌁ OFTEN U JACKIN OFF CHEEKY, I LIKE IT ZZ;). ⌁HAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS A SUBSCRIPTION TO THE SATURN AFTERLIGHT NET⌁ORK, BEST SPOT FOR TAKING CARE OF ALL KINDSA CEO-ROCKSTAR-AND-HIS-NER⌁OUS-FAN FANTASIES. NO⌁ COMES ⌁ITH HARD LIGHT INTERACTI⌁E HOLOGRAMS! BUT I'LL GI⌁E YOU THIS ONE FOR FREE: DON'T NEED TO JACK OFF ⌁HEN YOU GOT A HALF DOZEN S⌁EETHEARTS JUST GAGGING FOR IT. THAT SAID, EH, MAYBE ONCE OR T⌁ICE A ⌁EEK JUST FOR THE TLC. #NSF⌁ ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
*SATURN*LO⌁ER69 ASKED: THANKS *SATURN*, THAT ⌁AS REALLY ILLUMINATING. P SURE THIS IS THE EXPOSITION PERSON BUT I ALSO LIKE TO THINK IT'S THE PERSON ⌁HO ASKED ABOUT THE JACKING OFF TOO. YOU'RE SO ⌁ERY FUCKING ⌁ELCOME, STRANGER THAT I'D LO⌁E TO GET TO KNO⌁ BETTER. ⌁HY DON'T YOU HOP IN MY MESSAGES AND ⌁E CAN TALK ABOUT IT MORE IN PRI⌁ATE? #SUGGESTI⌁E ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
*SATURN'S* FRIEND...K DUNNO IF I'D GO THAT FAR YET SUGAR, LEMME BUY YOU DINNER FIRST, ANY⌁AY. SATURN'S FRIEND ASKED: *SATURN*, ⌁HATS SO BAD ABOUT DENYING OKAY I'M GONNA OMIT THE LAST HALF OF THAT ONE, THIS IS GETTING JUST SILLY. NE⌁ER HEARD THAT NAME IN MY LIFE. MAYYYBE IN A HISTORY SCHOOLFEEDS SOME⌁HERE, BUT MOST OF THAT STUFF'S MADE UP OR LONG GONE OR EDITED BY THE OLD GUARD TO MAKE EM LOOK GOOD ANY⌁AY. BUMMER. YOU SHOULD REALLY ⌁ATCH ⌁HAT MISINFORMATION YOU PLUG INTO YOUR PAN, PUMPKIN. IT'LL KILL YOU SOMEDAY. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁