

SATURN CORP.
@saturnOfficial
⌁AST GLUB SILENCER, ⌁OID KILLER, HEMO BREAKER, HUMAN TALKER, TROLL OF THE PEOPLE, HERO ⌁ITH A CAPITAL H. YOUR FRIEND, SATURN. AMA: https://forms.gle/CFKX36f2gFkrVQ7S9

|| STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE... ((OOC INFO)) || Name: SATURN. JUST SATURN. Positing any other name may result in fines and/or persecution. Age: 28 sweeps Alternian-born. Info about upbringing lost to redaction & omission. One can only assume he was raised with the strongest and purest of convictions given the end result... Left Alternia at 10 sweeps. Ping-ponged his way through being a bounty hunter, learning the art of arms dealing, artillery design, and geoclimate engineering. As per the autobiography, soon after was an encounter and kidnap by an exiled seadweller ship, the cause of his facial scar, the ship's unfortunate demise, and the birth of his dream of being Alternia's Hero. Several things happened in quick succession: - Returns to Alternia & arranges a meeting with HIC. - His proudest work, the satellite Zip It, paralyzes and kills G'lbglyob using a vast electric charge into the deepest oceans. - Orphaning is rendered defunct. The last troll to hold its title, lost in a whimper to artificial obscurity. - Traditional hemospectrum customs are outlawed, allowing for upward economic mobility...and upward cullings. Saturn nestles himself as the champion of retribution. HIC remains untouched. - Saturn Interstellar Corporation is appointed Alternia's economic pusher-beat, public relations, and bloody enforcer. Life is very different on this Alternia. The rest you will just have to find out zz;] Notable features: Lionfish stripes, venomous spines, premature white streak, red double scar through face from a plasma torch, dry skin & horns, tacky gills, bad asthma. Idiosyncracies: Unscrupulous moral backbone, chauvanistic tyrant, answers only to what he feels the universe owes him, OBNOXIOUS, twitchy trigger finger, thin skin, obsessive-compulsive hysterical sadist, thinks Alternian sociopolitical movements are a fine tool to sharpen his own self-importance on. Metatextually, the mun's Freudian chew toy. REFS BY MOI: https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0aac2ad44755.jpg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6afe13e74dac.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/58141739906c.jpg
LET ME CLARIFY A RECENT COMMENT MADE ON THIS ACCOUNT. SATURN INTERSTELLAR ABSOLUTELY TAKES MENTAL HEALTH OF ITS EMPLOYEES ⌁ERY SERIOUSLY. SO SERIOUSLY IN FACT, THAT ⌁E ARE HONORING SELF-CARE AND BETTERMENT TODAY THROUGH BROKEN PAN A⌁ARENESS NIGHT. (FORMER) EMPLOYEES STICKING THEIR HEADS INTO MAIL SORTING MACHINES AND ⌁AITING FOR THE CLICK IS NOT IN FACT "FUNNY" OR "NO BIG DEAL" NO MATTER HO⌁ MUCH YOU OR I MIGHT THINK AT FIRST ⌁O⌁, THAT TROLL GREG BETTER GET A GRIP IF HE THINKS STICKING HIS HEAD IN THE BIG SLICE AND DICER IS GONNA EARN HIM ANY HAND OUTS. BUT NO, THIS ISN'T THE FUTURE YOU AND I BUILT. ⌁E DON'T LAUGH AT TROLL GREG ANYMORE. ⌁E SAY HEY BUDDY. HEY. I SEE YOU. DON'T BE SAD, IT'S BROKEN PAN A⌁ARENESS NIGHT, I AM A⌁ARE OF YOUR BROKEN PAN, LET'S CELEBRATE HO⌁ MUCH YOU CAN'T KEEP UP ⌁ITH PRETTY NORMAL DEMANDS OF ALTERNIAN SOCIETY OR SOMETHING AND HO⌁ FUCKED UP THAT IS. ⌁HY ARE YOU LIKE THAT? HA⌁E A FLA⌁OR DISK PARTY AT MIDNIGHT FOR YOUR ⌁HOLE DEPARTMENT AS CONSOLATION FOR YOUR MEDIOCRE OUTPUT BECAUSE OF YOUR INNATE SHORTCOMINGS AS A PERSON. THERE ⌁ILL BE INEBRIATING SUBSTANCES TOO. GO TEAM. #C⌁-SUICIDE #C⌁-MENTALHEALTH #C⌁-BROKENPANS #MORE⌁AYSTHANONEACTUALLYHAHA #SERIOUS ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
BLAH BLAH BLAH RIZZ YKNO⌁ THAT'S THE PROBLEM PEOPLE ARE SO FOCUSED ON BEING PALATABLY INTERESTING FOR OTHER PEOPLE THAT THEY FORGET THAT THE REAL FUCKING METRIC OF LIFE IS ⌁HAT? CLASS. AND ⌁HAT IS CLASS? KINDA ONE OF THOSE INDEFINABLE ⌁ORDS. HARD TO DESCRIBE. NOT SOMETHING I E⌁ER HAD TO ⌁ORRY ABOUT BUILDING IN THE FIRST PLACE CAUSE I JUST HA⌁E IT, BUT I BET IT'S POSSIBLE FOR SOME SORRY CLASSLESS SONOFABITCH TO GRO⌁ SOME FROM SCRATCH. LIKE 90% OF IT IS MAXXING YOUR ⌁ISUAL CAPITAL ANY⌁AY--LIKE REALLY GO ALL OUT ON PERSONAL STYLE POINTS, IF IT SPARKLES OR SHINES IT'S GONNA BE GOOD, A LITTLE TONGUE IN CHEEK PHALLIC IMAGERY NE⌁ER HURT--BUT LIKE BE TASTEFUL ABOUT IT. BIGGEST GUN OR BIGGEST PEN OR SHIT LIKE THAT. BUT HEY, MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU JUST GOTTA ASSUME YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE BAG BECAUSE YOUR TOP SHIT. ⌁HICH, I MEAN, *I* DON'T KNO⌁ IF YOU'RE TOP SHIT, SOME OF YOU ALL ARE PRETTY SAD. BUT IT ⌁ORKS FOR ME BECAUSE I KNO⌁ I'M TOP SHIT. I DUNNO, MAYBE JUST IMAGINE YOU'RE ME? ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁

you will look at the behind-the-scenes ceo saturn moment i've been working on for the past month. )) https://youtu.be/xG2jkLAkcy4
THIS BODY IS A PURRBEASTNIP TEMPLE FOR INTERESTING AND BEAUTIFUL AND DANGEROUS TROLLS IN THEIR PRIME AND MY '61 FORD FALCON XYGT IS STILL MISSING FROM MY GARAGE BECAUSE SOME BITCH ARK OF THE CO⌁ENANTED SAID TEMPLE. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
⌁HERE ARE MY KEYS. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
SPEAKING OF A S⌁ELL TIME RIPPIN AND RUNNIN ⌁ITH PRETTY FACES THOUGH, THAT REMINDS ME. SATURN CORP IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ITS NE⌁ ⌁IRILE SUPPLEMENT AND ENHANCEMENT FORMULA, ⌁ITAJEX. ⌁ITAJEX, ⌁HATCHA DOING TO ME, ⌁ITAJEX, GOT THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE. TURNS YOUR NIGHTS ⌁ITH NOTHING LEFT IN THE GAS TANK INTO ALL ROCKET THRUSTERS ONLINE FOR THE FINISH LINE. A⌁AILABLE NO⌁ ⌁HERE⌁ER YOU GET ALL YOUR OTHER PHARMOCRAP THAT MAKES THE DAYS SMOOTH AS AN AN⌁IL TO THE PAN AND THE NIGHTS RO⌁DIER THAN A CA⌁ETROLL BACK IN THOSE PREDRONAL S⌁EEPS OF YORE. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
I THINK THE ONLY REASON ANYONE'S E⌁ER EMBARRASSED OR ASHAMED OF HIRING LIKE FI⌁E HOOKERS IN ONE NIGHT IS THAT THEY JUST DON'T HA⌁E THE CHOPS TO FIGURE OUT HO⌁ TO GET THE REAL CLASSY KNOCKOUT ONES. BUT THAT'S KIND OF A PERSONAL PROBLEM. HO⌁'S E⌁ERYONE'S NIGHT GOING? #NSF⌁ ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
LISTEN YKNO⌁ ⌁HAT I THINK? ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
FIREARMS ARE AN EXTREMELY O⌁ERRATED AND EXTREMELY SEXY SOCIAL LUBRICANT MUCH AS I'D LO⌁E TO SAY OTHER⌁ISE. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
E⌁ERYONE ⌁ANT ME. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁

Well, I am HR technically. And I /do/ love this.
⌁HAT DO YOU MEAN HE BLOCKED ME. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁

i'm 6asically.... a HER6....... so JOT THAT D5WN

you will look at my poorly socialized shitzipoo. thank you again @thrivingGarland https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ab7ac831f42b.png
THEY JUST DON'T MAKE GRATUITOUS EYE CANDY THE ⌁AY THEY USED TO ANYMORE. I MEAN, I STILL DO. BUT THEY DON'T. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
What they don't tell you when they ask you to sign your first autograph is that you're really just figuring out the exact shape your Repetitive Strain Injury is going to be five (5) or ten (10) sweeps later.
THAT AIN'T AN ANS⌁ERABLE QUESTION. BUT MY AD⌁ICE TO YOU IS TO START BARKING UP A DIFFERENT TREE FOR A CHANGE HABIBI. AS PER USUAL. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
SPECIAL EDITION OF SATURN AMA, LIFE GURU EDITION. I'M OFFERING FREE AD⌁ICE TONIGHT. FREE!!! LET BIG PAPA S HELP YOU SORT OUT ⌁HATE⌁ER DUMB MUNDANE CRAP YOU'RE STRESSING YOURSELF SILLY O⌁ER ⌁HEN YOU COULD BE ENJOYING YOURSELF, GRATEFULLY MIGHT I ADD, ⌁ITHOUT A CARE IN THE ⌁ORLD BECAUSE I FIXED YOUR SHIT. MAYBE O⌁ER DRINKS E⌁EN, ⌁HATE⌁ER YOU ⌁ANT. HTTPS://FORMS.GLE/CFKX36F2GFKR⌁Q7S9 ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
LOOK THE NAME'S A ⌁ORK IN PROGRESS I'⌁E GOT PEOPLE FOR THAT. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁
⌁AIT SHIT FUCK I FORGOT I NEEDED TO ANNOUNCE THE NE⌁ PRODUCT DESIGN COMING SOON THIS PERIGREE IT'S UHHHH *FLIPS CAEGAR* A GUN *THRO⌁S DART* THAT MOANS *SPINS ⌁HEEL* ⌁HEN YOU HEADSHOT SOMEONE. YIPPEE CLAP CLAP CLAP MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR PAN BUSTER (PATENT PNDG.) COMING SOON. ⌁⌁ SATURN INTERSTELLAR, HERE FOR YOU ⌁HEN YOU GOT NOTHING LEFT ⌁⌁













