♥ liked by @goombaGooselikely
I am more in the market for a structured sun hat. Felt is, ironically, still preferred. Perhaps something I could put a pin in.
On a personal note. I would be curious to know what, if any, milleners exist on this website. I am in need of a hat without the number eight on it. Even if I'll be keeping my epithet.
What sorta gooning have you guys been up to
wAAy tto goon gguyss :)
Fistkind is a weapon choice for the confident, and the soon to be dead. Generally, both at once.
🫶✨⏰💖🫶 do i hear seven hundred thousand caegar, seven hundred thousand caegar, eight hundred thousand caegar, do i hear eight fifty from the ceruleanblood in the back with the bifurcated horns, eight fifty, nine hundred thousand caegar, do i hear ONE MILLION, one million caegar for these EXCLUSIVE collector's item(s), one million going once, going twice...one point FIVE million...point five carry the five dont forget the five the fives a carry, going once, going twice, TWO million, two million, two mega millions, three million, do i hear three million, that is three big ones, three million, three point one million, oh we are getting close, fewer hands that arent mine, three million, three million, three, only three million, plus the point one, cannot forget the point one, that is...POINT five, i see a point five, three million point five, four million, FIVE million, five million, five Ms that is a satisfied MMMMM if i ever heard one, going once, going twice, aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnddd....SOLD!!!! 🫶✨💉⏰💖 🎉💎👏 THE 👏 GAVEL 👏 HAS 👏 DROPPED 👏 AND 👏 THE 👏 WINNER 👏 IS 👏 YOU!!!!!! 👏💎🎉 🫵✨ @carbolicGalvanologist AS LONG AS YOU ARE 24KARAT KAT!!!!!! @carbolicGalvanologist EVERYONE FOLLOWING ME PLEASE GIVE A WARM AND ROUSING CONGRATS TO THE 24K KAT(S)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (JUST HIM) (NO COPYKATS!)✨🫵 😤💅 I am literally SHAKING my six manicured hands (yes even the psionic ones) right now bestie because YOU!!!! just secured the EXCLUSIVE!!!! UNDISCLOSED!!!! WINNING!!!! BID!!!! for a pair of GENUINE ARTICLE HANDMADE HANDMAID TIME NEEDLES!!!!!! 💉⏰✨ not replicas!!! not knockoffs from some LOW TIER IMITANT FLIMSY FINGERED PENNY PINCHER rustblood (covered in)flea(s) @handMaid market!!! these are the ACTUAL fabric of space-time temporal continuity piercing instruments used by the (supposed) SCOURGE OF THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE herself bestie!!!!! Do you know what this MEANS?!?!? it means YOU are now in possession of LITERAL FRAGMENTS OF CANON HISTORY!!!!! WOW!!!! TO THINK THIS WILL PLACE FOREVERMORE HIGHLY IN THE PURVIEW OF YOUR GREAT PURCHASING ACHIEVEMENTS!!! 🫶💉⏰💖 💛✨ as always TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY BESTIE (THEY ALWAYS DO!) ✨💛 📊💅 some mighty fine fine PRINT - sinceeeeee you dont have the principal amount of your bid in CASH (dw bestie, its the modern day, we have ways of spreading these things out) your payment schedule is set to RECURRING EXTRACTION every THREE (3) DAYS!!!! that's right bestie! three whole days to grind the amount you need to keep those hands of yours full and your clock cleaned and regulatorily compliant!!!! every 72 hours we're doing a little ✨fiscal maintenance✨ on your accounts! think of it not as a burden but as a SUBSCRIPTION TO SUCESS!!!! a membership fee for your TITANIC TEMPORAL TAKEOVER!!!! 💅📊 ⚠️💎 BUT BESTIE!!!!!! 💎⚠️ 🫶🔒assssssssss discussed! failure to maintain your payment schedule results in AUTOMATIC CONFISCATION!!!!! that's right! the needles go RIGHT back into the BESPOKEN OF Roewzi Charms Premium Inventory Collection (TM) until next timely payment if you can't keep up with the grindset!!!!! no refunds!!!! no exchanges!!!! no ifs!!! ands!!! or cute butts!!!! just the swift vacuum of repossession scooping up those beautiful temporal artifacts right out of your hive and back into MY climate-controlled moisture free display vault!!!!! 🔒🫶 💛✨ BUT THAT'S NOT A THREAT BESTIE THAT'S AN HONOR!!!!!! ✨💛 👑🫵 do you understand what you've done?!?! you've elevated yourself from mere TROLL to INSTRUMENTAL TEMPORAL INSTRUMENT COLLECTOR!!!! from CHALK to CHALKBOARD ETCHING CHRONOS CONNIVER bestie!!!!! These needles don't just pierce flesh they pierce the FABRIC OF SPACETIME itself, REMEMBER???? which is why it took so much tweaking to get the app to keep track of them. thats seventy two hours (YOUR TIME) bestie. and it IS your time. they're YOURS!!!! (conditionally!!!! but still!!!! only 48 payments of sixty two thousand five hundred before TOTAL UN*CONDITIONAL OWNERSHIP!!!!) 🫵👑 *ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᵉʳᵐˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜᵒⁿᵈᶦᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᵐᵃʸ ᵃᵖᵖˡʸ 🏢💅 this is like having a timeshare in DESTINY USURPATION NATION bestie!!!!! you are NOT just buying needles youre buying the RIGHT to wield the tools of the LORD CALI B'S OWN HANDMAID!!!!! do you feel that weight?!?! that's the weight of NARRATIVE SIGNIFICANCE on your shoulders!!!!! that's the burden of RECURRING PAYMENTS for RECURSIVE REDECORATING AN ENTIRE TIMELINE!!!!!! 🏢💅 💉⏰ THE NEEDLES THEMSELVES ⏰💉 🫶✨ crafted from the finest clockwork majyyk manifesting alloys!!!! attunement is as easy as the TWELVE STEPS PROVIDED by GYGAAX BHILDR (@tautologicalTechnique) in the ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION BOOK! and decoding the ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION BOOK is as simple as reading the ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION BOOK INSTRUCTION BOOK i painstakingly handwrote to make sense of his nerd shit! forged in the fires of a KILN OF OFF KILTER CANON there is NO SPECULATION!!!! these are the LITERAL REAL DEAL! each inch of needlessly nefarious needle nudged represents a MOMENT IN TIME that could have been but IS if you want it to be buh-buh-buh-bestie!!!! and now they're yours to hold along with the glory of whatever you wish to transpire!!!! to display!!!! to slay!!!!! to flay and delay!!!! and also. maybe. accidentally stab yourself with and idk, see what happens (liability waiver signed in advance, and bestie, don't worry I have it on file)!!!!! ✨🫶 📈💛💛💛💛💛 BRAND PARTNERSHIP ACTIVATION: 100%!!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛📈 🫵 FOR MY CHITTR OFFICIAL...THE WORLD...🫵 💖💎 enjoy your first THREE DAYS before extraction numero uno hits!!!!! Consider it motivation bestie!!!!! a countdown to clock in to your own grandiose greatness!!!!! 💎💖 #HandmaidHustle #TemporalFinance #NeedleNicheMarket #RecurringRevenue #24KaratKat #Charm$Collections #PaymentPlanisAPrivilege #ConfiscationIsJustAGenerousReturnPolicy #GoldBloodGrindset #Flashing #Lights✨👑💛⏰💉 🟢✨ CHARMS IS ALWAYS ONLINE.
ALRIGHT FINE!! I WILL ACTUALLY TYPE UP A PROPER FORM!! HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT YOUR PAY TO BE AND HOW MANY GUMBALLS DO YOU WANT??
Awwww toshse two rr supr cute :D u gott soem good trlrls on ur s|de deXXX|e
INTRODUCING!!! MY NEW HENCHMEN @GOOMBAGOOSELIKELY WHAT IS AN AMAZING SCIENTIST, SUCH AS MYSELF, AM WITHOUT HER LOYAL LACKEYS!!! WE WILL BE ROBBING MUSEUMS!! WE WILL BE COMMITTING HEINOUS CRIMES AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT (IGNORE THAT I AM A GOVERNMENT OFFICAL), AND WE WILL STEAL ONE OF THE ALTERNIAN MOONS!!! ALSO WE WILL HAVE PIZZA PARTIES ON SATURDAYS!!! BEWARE AND BE SCARED CHITTR.ING!!!
HENCHMEN!! HENCHMEN!!! I MAY HAVE BEEN A BIT LATE!! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS NEVER LATE?? COMMITTING CRIMES IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!!!
NOW I KNOW I HAVE TAKEN A...LONG TIME!! TO ANSWER SOME OF THESE ASKS!!! BUT I AM DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I AM SO NICE!!! @@GOOMBAHGOOSELIKELY ASKED!!!: YÔUSE SEEM ꝈIKE AN EVIꝈ SCIENTIST SÔRT, YÔUSE IN THE MARKET FÔR A PAIRUH HENCHES? MY ANSWER!!!: YES!!! YES I AM!!! I REQUIRE HENCHMEN!!! FLUNKIES!!! STOOGES!! GO- ...PERHAPS THAT WORD HAS ANOTHER MEANING NOW... BUT ANYWAYS YES!!! I HAVE BEEN PLOTTING TO RAID MANY MANY MANY MUSEUMS FOR THEIR RARE SELECTION OF JEWELS!!! HTTPS://FORMS.GLE/CTSKP2XYLZSVZFRB6 #ASKDEXTERVUZREIANYTHING
WOW. THIS IS REAL INSPIRING. I AM TEARING UP.
Awwwww u guyss r so cutee suchc A godod eXXXmple of fr|endsh|pp :D
[[_i'm_not_paid_to_be_a_minion_to_buy_my_coffins._]]
⧃ It's always nice to spend time with other trolls in the corporate space.
...oh..it is that time, isn't it. i suppose i can truly be a "mad scientist" for a while....
¥ou ₩ill Refer To Me As Ms. Vander. But ¥es, It Is.
I ¢anNOT Believe Anyone ₩ould Be $o Awful At $omething $o £asy.
Incompetency Is A Liability! Do ¥our ₩ork As ¢leanly And ₽recisely As I Ask And ₩e ₩ill Have No Issues! This Is $omething I Have A$K£D FOR From MAN¥ Of My ₩orkers.
HMMMM… h⊚w delicate are y⊚ur hands?
when i get to the point in my career where i need a bodyguard for stalkers, who do i go to.
any ghosts, ghoulies, etcetera tolight? i'd like to get to know you more. ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽ ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽ ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽ ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽ ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽ ☾( ˘ ᵕ ˘ )☽
c< i MeaN, i was usiN it iN refereNce 2 HeNcHMeN, but, yeaH, i get tHat >c
F (for the) goons
c< we really Need better gOON care NOwadays, peOple just leave tHeir gOONs Out 2 die >c
アイコン、めっちゃこれ思い出す。
...PAY IS ONE THING!!! YES!!! GOONION??? WELL... WE WILL SEE... KEEP ME IN PAN...
YES... YES!!! MY EVIL ARMY WILL GROW!!! JOIN FORCES WITH ME!!!
im just too awesome... and evil... dont forget that i am evil... i have two minions to prove it...
▶ PLAY: [lol ⏸ SO DAMN TRUE ⏸ you win the internet for today little guy ] ⏹ STOP
fucker tried to rob me the other day. stabbed him right in the kidney. mugged him of his wallet and various other belongin's. threw the shit away, didn't want it, just did it to teach him a lesson. brilliant.
⛧impress your date by stabbing someone in the throat so your partner can cross over a puddle using the corpse. #relationshipadvice #violence⛧
time for some pleasing phrases. bog dog fat cat teal appeal
For stolen wallets? You can fetch a nice chunk of change for a good one! The one he snatched off of me was black leather. I'm not making that mistake again! He refuses to touch my new sparkley rainbow one! You know how it is, though. It's gotta be nice condition, good styling. Otherwise your buyer can't find a different schmuck to pick it up!
Alternia's military organization is best understood less as a separate institution and more as the skeletal framework of Alternia as a whole. It is very human not to realize that the distinction between civilian and military society is largely cosmetic for Alternians. It cultivates a population from which soldiers, officers, laborers, colonists, executioners, and expendable bodies may be harvested as needed. Naturally, this process begins well before conscription. Consider School Feeding. You may be imagining a rather charitable little program in which growing children are provided adequate nutrition so that they might learn algebra without fainting into their desks. How sweet. Alternian School Feeding is more accurately understood as the rationing of education, both literally and metaphorically. Nutrition is standardized according to caste, developmental expectations, projected occupational use, local resources and scarcity, and whatever physiological traits a troll may happen to possess that are considered desirable to the Empire. The young troll does not merely receive lunch. They receive a dedicated meal plan determined according to their precise needs and expected utility. The principle is quite simple. It extends beyond food as a metaphor for educational paste, although it remains a rather apt one. What is learning if not consumption by the mind? You would not feed a future siege animal as you would a clerk. Why, then, would you educate them in the same manner? This education goes beyond cultivation. A young troll is presented with the information they are expected to consume, in the quantities deemed appropriate, until they are useful enough to be released into society. Literacy. Numeracy. Imperial history. Occupational competencies. Caste etiquette. Combat instruction. Civic obligations. The limits of acceptable curiosity. One does not educate a young troll so that they may discover what sort of person they would like to become. One informs them what sort of troll the Empire requires. Of course, one of the earliest and most personally relevant recipients of this philosophy was our very own Handmaid. A caste destined for technical labor requires one sort of instruction. A troll marked for command receives another. Certain subjects are expanded, others restricted, and still others are presented in such a way that the student never realizes there was anything more to learn. The curriculum itself therefore becomes an early form of military organization. Long before the uniforms arrive, trolls are being sorted according to function. This works in tandem with antisocialization. Where most civilizations aim to socialize their young, Alternia instills in them that trust is conditional. Dependence is dangerous. Weakness attracts exploitation. Cooperation is permitted, certainly, but preferably beneath a hierarchy in which every troll knows who is entitled to give orders and who is expected to receive them. The Empire does not require every troll to hate every other troll. That would be far too inefficient. It merely requires that they never become so attached to one another that their loyalties begin running sideways instead of upward. This produces precisely the sort of population from which an Alternian military can be constructed. Not friends. Units. Military organization simply formalizes relationships School Feeding has already taught them to recognize. Superior and subordinate. Specialist and support. Officer and asset. The ranks give names to instincts that have been cultivated since wigglerhood. From those ranks emerge your specialized forces. Consider the Archeradicators. They solve the problem of distance. The average troll is quite accustomed to solving interpersonal disagreements through claws, fangs, horns, blunt instruments, and whatever other implements permit them the satisfaction of confronting their opposition personally. The Archeradicator abandons that intimacy. Their role demands patience, accuracy, target recognition, and a willingness to reduce combat to distance, trajectory, and timing. They belong to one of the nobler echelons of the imperial forces, at least according to the sorts of trolls who place great importance upon such distinctions. School Feeding identifies those aptitudes. Antisocialization makes the emotional distance easier. Military organization turns them into an asset. The Threshecutioners occupy a different niche. They are among the most lethally acclaimed soldiers Alternia produces, sickle-bearing members of an imperial force with a particularly distinguished history of conquest. It would therefore be rather unimaginative to view their usefulness as ending when the battlefield does. Where an Archeradicator can make death distant, a Threshecutioner can make it educational. Execution on Alternia is not merely punishment. It is instruction accompanied by a visual aid. A deserter is killed, so a soldier learns the price of desertion. A rebel is killed, so every citizen learns precisely how far rebellion is permitted to proceed. An officer is killed, so everyone beneath them learns that rank is not immunity. When employed in this capacity, the Threshecutioner stands at the intersection of warfare, law, and School Feeding. They continue the education of the population en masse. The Ruffiannihilators are rather more direct. Their defining qualification is exactly what their name implies: overwhelming physical strength. Where subtler formations solve problems through precision or mobility, the Ruffiannihilator is what one deploys when the Empire has determined that brute force is not merely sufficient, but preferable. An empire often produces riots, mutinies, strikes, colonial uprisings, and unscheduled gatherings of performative wisefolk. These are problems for which overwhelming force has historically proven quite persuasive. In such circumstances, Ruffiannihilators are exceptionally well suited to intimidation, suppression, crowd-breaking, and the conversion of collectives into individuals suddenly possessed of a very healthy survival instinct. Antisocialization assists enormously. A population trained to distrust its neighbors is considerably easier to scatter. It is difficult to build solidarity when every troll has spent their formative years learning that the person beside them may be either competition or informant. Then there are the Cavalreapers. Mobility made manifest. It is one of war's more elegant little obsessions. If you cannot cross the stars, then you must cross seas. If you cannot cross seas, then continents, plains, streets, corridors, and so on until we arrive at the most miniature of measurements. The Cavalreapers preserve that philosophy through mounted and jousting combat. They close distance, pursue, flank, exploit openings, and turn momentum itself into a weapon. The mounts change. Eventually they are replaced, supplemented, or rendered quaint by machines, aircraft, and spacecraft. The military principle does not. Violence is most effective when it reaches you before you have finished preparing for it. Which brings us neatly to biotech. Alternia has never been sentimental about the distinction between organism and equipment. Its reproduction is biological infrastructure. Its lusii participate in social infrastructure. Its medicine, transportation, architecture, weaponry, and communications have all had ample opportunity to incorporate living systems. So naturally, the military does the same. Biotech is one of the methods by which the Empire ensures that the biology of its subjects remains useful to its future. An Archeradicator can be given better vision, steadier musculature, superior spatial processing, or a nervous system modified for precision. A Ruffiannihilator benefits from strength, resilience, pain suppression, reinforced tissue, and whatever other improvements allow one troll to remain standing while several others cease doing so. A Cavalreaper benefits from reaction speed, endurance, sensory integration, and biological compatibility with whatever unfortunate creature or living machine they have been assigned to ride. Even the Threshecutioner can be optimized. One should never underestimate the demands, physical or otherwise, of ceremonial murder. And once again, I must emphasize School Feeding. It identifies. It measures. It sorts. A student who demonstrates unusual visual acuity may become an Archeradicator candidate. One displaying exceptional aggression and physicality may be directed toward the Ruffiannihilators. A troll with the appropriate temperament for ritualized authority may find themselves quite naturally suited to the Threshecutioners. Another with unusual balance, coordination, and spatial instincts may be prepared for the Cavalreapers. Then biotech exaggerates what education discovers. Military organization assigns what biotech produces. Antisocialization ensures that the resulting soldier understands their comrades primarily through duty, hierarchy, and function. You see how pleasantly circular it becomes. The Archeradicator, Threshecutioner, Ruffiannihilator, and Cavalreaper are not isolated military traditions. They are outputs. Specialized products of the same machinery. How do we remove someone from a distance? Make an Archeradicator. How do we turn killing into spectacle? Make a Threshecutioner. How do we apply overwhelming physical force? Make a Ruffiannihilator. How do we place violence somewhere faster than the enemy can adequately respond? Make a Cavalreaper. Alternia's true military strength was never that it possessed so many ways to kill people. Any sufficiently inventive civilization can accomplish that. Its strength was that every institution preceding the military had already been designed to make military organization seem natural. The school categorizes you. Society isolates you. Science modifies you. The military names you. By the time an Alternian is formally assigned their place in the imperial war machine, the question of what they might have become instead is generally so remote that they no longer think to ask it. Which, of course, is the point.
A most singular and intriguing gentleman, a detective of unorthodox appearance, did pay a visit to my humble abode, inquiring as to my knowledge regarding the whereabouts of certain missing trolls. I daresay, the Lusus may have had a hand in the affair, albeit a tangential one, which the gentleman in question deemed unrelated. May those missing individuals be discovered speedily, and may their families be reunited with them in due course. ~ SH ~
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #GoonCon
too damn true
꧁#Gooning which is to say, I work for an organized crime syndicate. #NSFW #Ish꧂
ȋ h̑ȃv̑ȇ ȋn̑v̑ȇn̑t̑ȇd̑ l̑ȋt̑t̑l̑ȇ h̑ȃt̑s̑ f̑ȏȓ w̑ȏȓd̑s̑. ȇv̑ȇȓy̑b̑ȏd̑y̑ ȋn̑v̑ȇs̑t̑ ȋn̑ m̑y̑ p̑ȓȏd̑ȗc̑t̑ t̑ȏd̑ȃy̑
who said horny? i was talking about chittr'S premier goons, goofus and galant ganduh? @goombaGooselikely
"when you say you said like latex, how much are we talking about?" Is this about my ass...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ We're asking more questions about the squeak of my ass and titties...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ We're asking about the squeaking noises my ass and titties make when I walk brieclaws I wear latex this is what we are asking about...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ Mind you I am a medicull pawfessional...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ I do surgery...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ Miracles of science...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ I am extraordinary fur my caste with the feats I have achieved even though they are illegal mind you...ᘛ⁐ᕐᐷ [ Despite this, attached is an audio file, it mostly just sounds like this https://youtu.be/xwuO_CBRTFk ]
the thing i bring to the chittr fEEd is vAriEty. yOU'll nEvEr know what the fuck i'm mAkIn in my gAragE til i post AboUt it. i got new shit EvEry wIpE. EvEry night. tOnIght i mAdE a sAndwIch.
i shall add it t☀ my invent☀ry p☀sthaste!
This is good advice.
AND yøu’re førkłift certified. It’s very nice tø sømeøne sticking up før the łittłe “guyse”, as it were.
Are yøu twø with any sørt øf trade assøciatiøn that prøvides yøu the łeverage tø make these demands? A Gøøniøn, if yøu wiłł?
•ᴥ- so true. -ᴥ•
| Assumed Beforus Would Be Outs|de The Serv|ce Range Of The Greater Galat|c Goon|on, |ts An |ncred|bly Dull Planet. | W|ll S|mply Crush The Var|ous "heroes" And R|val Corporat|ons That Challenge Me And Send Them To The Depths Of Tartarus Myself.
| Have Been Deeply Cons|der|ng Gett|ng Some Duel Luc| Themed N|nja M|n|ons. Throw|ng Cards L|ke Shur|ken |s Themat|c For Kanasta Corp Purposes, But Where To F|nd Decent Goons |n Th|s Era?
POINT OF ORDER! i'd recommend @goombaGooselikely for most goon-based needs on this platform. of the many henchmen & goons i've worked with in my time, these two are simply some of the best
we tootaally aagree aagree! #goooonliife
boo22 ii2 haappy haappy thaat we goot woork woork ootherboo22 ii2 cooool aa2 2hiit 2hiit.
>--D=I=have=heard=rumours=of=a=so=called=goon=cave=he=has=maybe=he=is=calling=upon=said=goons=for=a=meeting=:?//<
if i ever swapped strife id probubbly go with a gun cause i pike fightin and i love the versalility of the 2x3dent but its kinda undeniable that if you wanna win a fight reel easy shootin them like, works almast all the time
THIS IS TRUE. hallways are harbingers of terror
the fear of dimly lit hallways is COMMON SENSE. there could be shadowstalkers lingering in the crevices between the light
some ppl ge+ rid of all +heir lusus shi+ when i+ dies or +hey move. no+ me +ho +ha+ hea+ lamp is for me now jus+ wa+ch
+ are apartments complex? + - we have never been to an apartment - + oh + - oh this is wordplay - + thank you + - we got there eventually -
+ we are very lucky + - we are happy for it -
now to learn how to operate a bottom loading shotgun.
Ƹ 🌂 > Perhaps… Ʒ
+ two + - two - + @lunarLupine @canyouKeepit + - friends -
Ƹ 🌂 > The Dark One misses having an amusing HENCHMAN… hmph… Ʒ
+ yes + - not being alone is safer - + we like making friends we are realising + - the more people we meet the more we think we enjoy meeting people -
+ we are safe and not alone + - not alone which makes us safe - + we will go for now + - goodlight chittr -
You're on very Thick Ice with me. I ♥ you.
+ goat? + - we do not know what a goat looks like - + we did not listen to the rest of the instructions do not worry + - @ventricularTachycardia we have given you an approximation of a goat -
- Holy mmoly. Holy fr**king f**k, that RESUME of yours is ABSURD 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
+ thats okay + - thank you for trying - + we appreciate it + - it makes us happy when people try to answer our questions -
+ we do not have a lusus + - how do we find a job? -
+ we do not have work + - we hunt in the woods for food - + we forage in the woods for food + - this takes up most of our day - + should we get work? + - should we seek a job? -
+ we ask questions + - would you like us to ask questions? - + talk to us + - we will ask questions -
၄⋆၃ #gooninghardorhardlygooning
+ we are of equal importance + - switching it up and taking turns makes sense - + you are right + - we are in agreement -
+ we are unused to hearing our names in that order + - thank you both, we will remember this -
+ thank you goofus + - thank you galant - + nice to meet you galant + - nice to meet you goofus -
+ thank you + + thank you + + who are you two? + + how should we refer to you both? +
Goose Fact: A goose's bill is lined with sharp, tooth-like ridges called Tomia, which are made of cartilage. They mainly use these to rip ↑ vegetation. They are also capable of delivering bites that easily leave bruises or break bones if they feel threatened.
Brings a tear to my eye, the lost art of new york mafiosoing brought back
finally, some real quality goon content
၄⋆၃ #ilovegooners
၄⋆၃ these guys are pro gooners
Your gooning services, that is.
sure!
A lovely evening, a$ al₩ay$. The air above ha$ that ¢lean, dam₱ quality after rain. The $treet$ have ju$t been rin$ed, and no₩ they almo$t $eem bright. ₩indo₩$ glo₩ from the light$ ₩ithin your little hive$. Refle¢tion$ gather in the gutter$ like loo$e ¢oin$ ju$t ₩aiting to be ¢olle¢ted. It ha$ al₩ay$ intere$ted me to $ee ₩here troll$ end u₱ ₩hen they believe the night belong$ to them. The door$ they favor. The ¢orner$ they ¢ut. The route$ they take t₩i¢e, maybe even three time$, until habit be¢ome$ a little ma₱ they have dra₩n for any ₱atient onlooker$. No judgment, of ¢our$e. Everyone ha$ ₱attern$. Even if it i$ going to that $ame ¢afé, turning out of that little alley, or ₱au$ing beneath the broken $treetlight ₩ith that little glan¢e over the $houlder. ¢harming, really. ₩a$ it a ¢oin¢iden¢e? Maybe you heard an e¢ho. Maybe you felt $ome ganderbulb$. Not to ₩orry. Mo$t thing$ in the dark are only hungry in the general $en$e of the ₱hra$e. The dangerou$ one$, ho₩ever, do tend to get more $₱e¢ifi¢. And if thi$ feel$ addre$$ed to you, I ₩ould en¢ourage you not to run. You ₩ill make a me$$. #$talking #im₱liedhunting #₱aranoia #₱redatoryimagery #vaguethreat #im₱liedviolen¢e #violen¢e
We've all fallen prey to scams like this once or twice~.
Huge fan of those rectangle and square fellows
I always say this
(̥ ̥এ́⍜এ̥̀)̥̥ this is sage advice
၄⋆၃ love these guys the gooners
Ranking excluding Creators or Creator-adjacent individuals.
$till ¢ir¢ling in. I kno₩ they feel it.
Goons?! I assure you, sir, there is not a SINGLE SOUL #gooning your poll in the name of Jane Crocker.
OHHH YEAHHHHH :) | goon hArd for teAm skull goooo teAm skull :)
Am |??
| th|nk thAts r|ght
While you goon I'm fighting the good fight. That's the difference 8etween us all. #8igMoneyMoves
All oof them
Yoou have my woord
I hoope oone night i'll get the chance too use yoour services and yoou'll emerge froom shadoows right after i click my fingers and yell "Booooooooooooooys"
Noot exactly a femme noor fatale moore like a mastermind behind all oof this but yeah they make me wear a dress and distract everyoone foor stealth missioons
W goooons man suppoort yall
So true! ...I think. I can't really tell.
You kno₩. There ₩ere ₩iggler tale$ told to grub$ by Broodmother$ about me. The old troll of the $ea. The tale ₩ent that $ubjuggulator$ only be¢ame ¢lo₩n$ to make me laugh. My rau¢ou$ laughter ₩ould kee₱ the tide$ moving. The Broodmother$ told the ₩iggler$ that before there ₩ere beetle$, before there ₩a$ $¢ri₱t, before there ₩ere ledger$, there ₩a$ only barter. The $ea ₩anted laughter. In ex¢hange, it gave fi$h. It gave favorable ₩ind$. It gave $afe ₱a$$age. Every ¢lo₩n ₩a$ a tax ¢olle¢tor. Every joke a ₱ayment. Every ¢hu¢kle another ¢oin thro₩n into $ea¢ra$h Moneyma₩'$ endle$$ vault beneath the ₩ave$. And ₩hen the Em₱ire forgot to ₱ay? The $torm$ ¢ame to ¢olle¢t. ₩hy? Be¢au$e it ₩a$ true.
Offi¢erena'$ ¢lo$e. I ¢an $ee th'thing.
Weevil. https://i.ibb.co/sxxh5s5/illustration7.png
You're already in ¢on$ideration.
No₩ Hiring: Goon$ La¢key$ Underling$ Minion$ ¢ronie$ $tooge$ Flunkie$ $ideki¢k$ Follo₩er$ $ubordinate$ Attendant$ Retainer$ $ervant$ Agent$ O₱erative$ A¢¢om₱li¢e$ A$$o¢iate$ ¢onfederate$ ¢ollaborator$ Abettor$ ¢o-¢on$₱irator$ ₱artner$-In-¢rime Hel₱er$ A$$i$tant$ Aide$ Thug$ Heavie$ Mu$¢le Hired Mu$¢le Brui$er$ Enfor¢er$ $trongarm$ Leg-Breaker$ Button Men Hitmen Gunmen $hooter$ A$$a$$in$ Killer$ ¢utthroat$ Mob$ter$ Gang$ter$ Gang Member$ Hoodlum$ Hood$ Ruffian$ Tough$ Tough Guy$ Mug$ Roughne¢k$ Bullyboy$ Marauder$ Raider$ Bandit$ Brigand$ De$₱eradoe$ Li¢k$₱ittle$ Bootli¢ker$ Toadie$ Ye$-Men $y¢o₱hant$ Flatterer$ Hanger$-On $atellite$ ₱ara$ite$ La₱dog$ ₱u₱₱et$ Tool$ ₱a₩n$ ₱at$ie$ Errand Boy$ Errand-Runner$ Dog$bodie$ Troo₱$ $oldier$ Foot $oldier$ Rank-And-File Grunt$ Infantry Guard$ Guard$men $entrie$ ₩at¢hmen $e¢urity Bodyguard$ Loyali$t$ ¢adre$ ¢ell$ $quad$ Lieutenant$ $e¢ond$ De₱utie$ Adjutant$ Aide$-De-¢am₱ Va$$al$ Men-At-Arm$ $₩orn $₩ord$ Hou$ehold Guard$ $hield-Bearer$ $quire$ $ell$₩ord$ Mer¢enarie$ Hired Blade$ Blade$ Reaver$ ¢ulti$t$ A¢olyte$ Devotee$ Thrall$ Familiar$ A$$et$ Field Agent$ $e¢urity ₱er$onnel ¢ontra¢tor$ ¢ontra¢tor$-₩ith-Gun$ ¢or₱orate $e¢urity Bla¢k-O₱$ Agent$ ₩et₩are A$$et$ Drone$ Fun¢tionarie$ Intern$-₩ith-₩ea₱on$ Di$₱o$able ₱er$onnel ¢om₱lian¢e Offi¢er$ Retrieval Team$ Mook$ Goomba$ Bozo$ ¢hu¢klehead$ Meathead$ Numb$kull$ Hen¢hie$ Goon $quad Evil Intern$ Minion ¢re₩ Bo$$’$ Boy$ The Boy$ The Lad$ The Mu$¢le ¢ulti$t$ Di$¢i₱le$ Zealot$ Fanati¢$ Faithful ¢ho$en Initiate$ ₩or$hi₱₱er$ Adherent$ ¢ongregation Flo¢k A₱o$tle$ A₱₱arat¢hik$ ₱arty Men Fixer$ Hat¢het Men Atta¢k Dog$ $taffer$ ¢ourtier$ ¢lient$ ₱la¢emen Myrmidon$ $ervitor$ Hireling$ Under$tra₱₱er$ De₱endent$ Liegemen Menial$ Intelle¢tual$ Need Not A₱₱ly.
You kno₩, I've got my o₩n $u₱₱ly of Remoraider$, but I am al₩ay$ looking for hard ₩orking goon$.
Don't make me have to hunt you do₩n. Ju$t ₱ay your due$.
Alright. ₱ay u₱. No₩. I've ₩aited long enough. You got me on land. ((Art ¢redit: $₱ooky₱oo₱et on Di$¢ord))
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #GrimdarkGoons #TheOnlyTrueGoons
꒰ა(👀)໒꒱ b.ys wh. whimper when y.ure mean t. them
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ 𝙸f 𝙸 had a title www.hat do you think it www.ould be...
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #StatusUpdate #ThoughtGoon.ing
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ 𝙸ntellectually stimulat.ing goons #𝙸ntelligoons
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ Rise and grind
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ 𝙸'm currently do.ing some goon.ing for a mostly unknowww.n dame!!! 𝙸'm really hop.ing she talks to me soon ehe... 𝙸 www.ould just love to knowww. more about her @∆,@
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #MightGoon #GoodHypothetical
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ Yesyesyes!!!
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ WWW.AAAA SHE'S SOOO ME @∆,@
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ Aaaahhaah no one has ever said someth.ing so K𝙸ND!!! @`*∆,@"
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ Many people have been tell.ing me howww. good of a poster 𝙸 am @0@"!!
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ YES!!! 𝙸've never had a full time goon.ing partner!!! 𝙸 am in awww.e of your relationship!!! @∆,,,@ ╰┈➤ 𝙸've only been goon.ing for maybe 2 swww.eeps... but 𝙸 have plenty of .exeperience!!! ╰┈➤ My friends have said 𝙸'm the best on colony www.hich is such high praise ehe @~,,,@
love the goon work
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ Mmhmmhhh 𝙸 love www.hen the goons are difficult @~,,,@
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #TealGoons
ON Nights wheN it is rAiNiNg, i thiNk AbOut hOw the wOrLd empties As ALL CreAtures ChAse COver iN A desperAte pLeA FOr sAFety As the skies COver Over the pLANet Like A bLANket. there is A CertAiN beAuty iN thAt emptiNess. A uNity AmONgst LiviNg beiNg iN this ChAOtiC wOrLd OF COurse, it's ALsO beCAuse the rAiN is ACid. thOse drOpLets hurt, mAN
dOes ANyONe eLse hAve AN issue with their Lusus CONstANtLy peCkiNg At them? i Am NOt COrN, mOther
Hm. I have never c9nsidered 6eing c9mmissi9ned f9r my writing, 6ef9re. I supp9se I am, h9wever, amena6le t9 the idea.
Seeing pe9ple misuse imp9rtant terms a l9t, s9 here's a refresher: A 'G99n' is a l9w-level su69rdinate wh9 is c9ntracted 9nly f9r specific tasks, and may 6e patr9nized 6y several individuals. They are g99ning m9stly, 6ut n9t always exclusively, f9r the paycheck. A 'Henchpers9n' is a full-time empl9yee 9f a particular villain 9r 9ther ne'er-d9-well type. They are henching 9ut 9f l9ng-standing l9yalty, genuine 6elief in the cause, 9r m9re rarely 6ecause the 6enefits and pay severely 9utclass 9ther career w9rk. Keep this in mind g9ing f9rwards.
JAKPOT CASINO VIRTUAL GAMBLING PLATFORM You seem to be the discerning type of goon! We're always willing to hire goons, lackeys, galutes, goombahs, jigolos, juggalos, and all sort of other henches. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME
JAKPOT CASINO VIRTUAL GAMBLING PLATFORM JAKPOT CASINO IS NOW HIRING! WE ARE LOOKING FOR: DEALERS! ARTISTS TO CAPTURE MY HANDSOME STUPID MUG AND PUT IT ON THE POKER CHIPS! LEGISLACERATORS WHO SPECIALIZE IN DEBT CONTRACTS! YOU! YES. WE ARE HIRING YOU! COME ON DOWN! LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Applicants must be physically, legally, metaphysically, and narratively located on Alternia at the time of application, interview, onboarding, debt-binding, chip-illustration, shuffling, dealing, losing, winning, “winning,” or being dragged into the VIP room by security drones. Off-planet, post-scratch, dream-bubble, Earth C, Beforan, or otherwise non-Alternian applicants are ineligible unless they can provide proof of Alternian residency, valid caste documentation, and at least three references who have not yet been fed to a lusus. JAKPOT CASINO is not responsible for applications submitted from doomed timelines, joke universes, false moons, fake planets, illegal servers, or locations where gambling, hiring, debt peonage, artistic exploitation, or contractual soul-collateralization are prohibited by local law. By applying, you confirm that you are on Alternia and waive your right to claim you “did not know what you were getting into.” BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「sylink you gotta goonmaxx」
I hate politics, I hate weird abstract gig economy bullshit, I hate readin' about this fuckin' Stock Market. I'm tangible, I'm physical, I'm /here/. I'm a guy with a fuckin' crowbar and I either do da job da normal way or I get the tommy gun and start takin' it through crime. If it ain't cold hard cash in my hand or cold hard cash in da bank, it just ain't real to me.
And dat's perfectly fine! Some guys have dat bond dat they can rely on, and some don't, but at the end of the day, as long ya got dat inner strength to carry on, ya'll be ok!
Ya know, people always complain dat they don't got a lusus, and dat life is so hard witout one. Well I'm doin just fine witout one! I'm my own independent and reliable guy!
※ PROPOSAL: My, mmy. What a heavy-looking Beforan cigar you have there. Will you let mme light it for you? ;-) - Yes / - No
THAT’S A WEIRD WORD FOR WORKING! BUT I’LL DO IT ANYWAY! 𓂃✍︎
I GIVE 110% FOR MY EMPLOYERS! IF MY SUPERIORS TELL ME TO JUMP, I ASK HOW HIGH! IF MY SUPERIORS TELL ME TO STAY AND WORK OVERLIGHT, I DO IT! IF THEY ASK ME TO BARK, I DROP TO ALL FOURS AND WAG MY PROVERBIAL TAIL! NOBODY IN THIS COMPANY DOES IT LIKE I DO! 𓂃✍︎
uumm,, ookkaayy -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
ookkaaeeyy, , ppeeooppllee sshhoouulldd, uumm, ddoo wwhhaatt iiss eexxppeecctteedd, ooff tthheemm, , tthhoouugghh, ii tthhiinnkk,,, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
uueehh... tt tthhaannkk yyoouu, iitt iiss nnoott wwoorrtthhyy ooff pprraaiissee, iitt iiss mmeerreellyy wwhhaatt iiss eexxppeecctteedd ,, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
i am very intelligent
tthhee lliittttllee ppllaassttiicc tthhiinngg,, oonn bbrreeaadd bbaaggss , ii,, , ccoolllleecctt, tthhoossee,, ssoorryy -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
ii sshhddoouullttnn, bbee ttaallkkiinngg aabboouutt tthhiiss wwhheenn iisshhoouuddll bbee wwoorrkkiinngg -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
plan f0r heist: c0mmit crimes leave celebrate this cann0t fail
ii ccoolleellcctt , bbrreeaadd cclliippss ,, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
We d◎n't h⟁ve ⟁ TR dep⟁rtment; if my empl◎yees h⟁ve c◎mpl⟁ints, they kn◎w where the p⟁per shredder is.
H◎wever, if the issue is quite seri◎us, I will give the empl◎yee ⟁ gun t◎ sh◎◎t their pr◎blem!
xx_x))_<3333_xx
Ƹ 🌂 > The Dark One IS. Refer all recruitment to ME. Ʒ
Ƹ 🌂 > Waiting for my EVIL TABLET to charge. What are the FOOLS of Chittr up to. Ʒ
Ƹ 🌂 > The Dark One requests IDEAS most EVIL. What kind of badge should the LEGION OF SHADOWED DARKNESS have? I must concoct its NEFARIOUS visage... Ʒ
}(]]]]]) < i'm workinǦ on that Ǧot my best and briǦhtest on it > ([[[[[){
The chain mail and tunic is pr▣vided, yes!▾
J▣in team plasmaim.▾
When I raise my auricular listening ▣rgans t▣ the air, I can hear it. Clearly, vividly, the cries ▣f ▣ur friends in ag▣ny. The wailing ▣f c▣untless beasts-turned-cust▣dians, b▣und t▣ their charges like shackles, stuck lab▣ring f▣r sweeps.▾ Why is it that ▣ur upbringing is tied intrinsically t▣ the pain ▣f ▣ur friends? Why d▣es their freed▣m seem s▣ imp▣ssible, why are ▣ur pushers s▣ cl▣sed t▣ independence bey▣nd the c▣nstraints ▣f y▣ur beastm▣thers and beastfathers?▾ I see the TRUTH. The future is a perfect Ut▣pia, a w▣rld ▣f beasts and a w▣rld ▣f tr▣lls, separated and pure.▾ I h▣pe y▣u will all understand me. :)▾
}(]]]]]) < let's all be real and honest with ourselves for a second > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < most of you don't have anythinǦ to do nowhere to be and no one waitinǦ on you > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < you're ste₽₽ed on by those above you and Ǧlared at by those below > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < most of you have no one just admit it > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < UNTIL NOW > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < consider you could be a shrim₽y loser > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < OR YOU COULD BE A HARDHEADED LOBSTER MONSTER > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < only easy and surefire way to turn your ₽athetic limbs into > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < crushinǦ mandibles > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < is with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < join my team skull and Ǧet some res₽ect on your name > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < learn how to stack some FAT Ǧ'S AND ǦET SOME ICE ON YOUR THORAX > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < for only 299.99 caeǦars ₽aid to me > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < you can join the ₽O ₽UNK NATION > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < no one will mess with you > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < and if you're one of those non believinǦ jerk offs who wants to stay far away and steer clear > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < I'LL BE WAITINǦ TO COLLECT YOUR ₽ROTECTION MONEY > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < it'd be a shame if your ₽lace of business Ǧets looted or vandalized > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < SO ₽UT DOWN YOUR WORTHLESS FRONDS AND JOIN MY TEAM SKULL > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < SO YOUR BIǦ BRO ǦUZMA CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO BE THE BEETLE YOU CAN'T DEFEATLE > ([[[[[){ #teamskull #neverloses #cantlose #ifyouhave #noo₽₽osition #foolscantstand #becauseibreaktheirleǦs
We he⟁r ⟁nd see y◎u g◎◎ns ⟁nd m◎◎ks ⟁t Empyre⟁n tech! We try t◎ ⟁cc◎mm◎d⟁te every◎ne wh◎ w⟁nts t◎ w◎rk f◎r ◎ur w◎nderful c◎mp⟁ny!
We d◎! ⟁pply here! empyre⟁ntech.c◎m/g◎◎ns⟁ndm◎◎ksc⟁reers Up◎n submitting ⟁n ⟁pplic⟁ti◎n, y◎u will be c⟁lled ◎n y◎ur p⟁lmhusk ⟁nd ⟁sked t◎ g◎ t◎ ⟁n ⟁greed-up◎n secret l◎c⟁ti◎n ⟁nd be interviewed there!
}(]]]]]) < ATTABOY CHUM₽ > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < I MEAN CHUM > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < #Ǧoon it u₽ and let's make those biǦ bucks > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < #myǦoons > ([[[[[){
}(]]]]]) < did someone say they needed the services > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < of the rowdiest meanest most hardcore ₽UNKS the wharfsack slums have to offer > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < I'M HERE AND I'M READY TO #ǦOON IT U₽ > ([[[[[){
:33< great furk goons k33p it up an dmewll get a purrmeowtion
I can almost picture it now! Couple a stylish fellas goonin around! Good on yas!
Yous like ta drink, dontcha? Howzabouts gamblin? Yeah? Den head on down ta da nearest casino a pump all a your cold hard cash inta dose machines! An get yaself a cold drink while yous at it! Yanno what dey say, booze it or lose it! #substances
See yous two get it! But anyway dat’s all in da past! I gots my new card an it’s fine an dandy! An I’m gonna keep dis one nice an safe or my name ain’t- whoops! Can’t say dat! Workplace confidentiality an all!
Thanks fellas I appreciate dat! Alls I’ll tell ya is dat dere was fire an booze involved a usually I likes me a li’l fire or a li’l booze but not a li’l fire AN a li’l booze yanno? Not a good time if ya ask me!
Oh, o course! I keep my membership card in my suit pocket at all times! I’m numbah 304! Used ta be 126 but I lost my old card an had ta reregister aftah…da incident.
~~(__^·> is it goon appreciation night??? i love my goons!!! <·^__)~~
Aw, lookit yous two! Couple a professionals! It almost brings a tear ta my eye ta see a pair a pals so committed ta deir goonin! The two a yous are real gems, yanno dat?
Yous right yous right…sides, I got myself a solid boss anyway! I can’t be strayin away from him any! Gotta stay loyal ta da big guy yanno? Yeah, yanno! I’m sure yous had ta have worked fuh a couple a big guys before, yeah?
I sees! It ain’t often I get ta be in da middle! Yous got me all excited abouddit, ha!
Yeah, yeah I hear ya! An den maybe wes can peek around a corner in ordah from tallest ta shortest! Take a real good gander, yanno?
Well hey! Always nice ta see a couple a fellow goons! Good luck findin work yous two!
So Is was trailin dis guy, right? Real nasty custahmer, wide as he was tall, an he was real tall! Size o a damn tree, I’m tellin ya! But anyways Is was trailin im, an he turns inta dis alleyway a now I know all bout dark alleyways, ya don’t wanna go in em widout a plan or backup! But yanno I had my gun on me an I was feelin pretty damn brave so Is slip in an follow him down an he heads inta a door on da right an I go in aftah im, right? It’s a nice lil bar, ain’t too many folks in dere, but den he busts out a gun an everyone starts panickin! Deys all runnin around like bugs when ya lift up a rock, cept for the bartender who pulls out a gun o his own! An dey go an point deir guns at each othah an dat’s when I whip out MY gun an Is shout fer everyone ta hit da deck an I pull da trigger but I miss, bottle behind da countah shatters, guy whips around ta face me an the bartender pops a cap in his leg! Da guy drops down ta his knee an I pudda bullet right in his pan an get oudda dere while the goin was still hot! Now Is back at hive but wowza my pusher’s still pumpin! One hell o a night dat was!