Goofus & Galant Ganduh
@goombahGooselikely
Are yôuse Ꝉôôkin' fôr a pairuh feꝈꝈas tô dô YôUR gôôn wôrk? Ꝉôôk nô further than Gôôfus & GaꝈant's Gôôn GuiꝈd! The best shôrt and taꝈꝈ duô this side of the gaꝈaxy!
Are yôus Ꝉôôkin' fôr a pairuh feꝈꝈas tô dô YôUR gôôn wôrk? Ꝉôôk nô further than Gôôfus & GaꝈant's Gôôn GuiꝈd! Dô yôuse need a taꝈꝈ & a shôrt guyse tô banter as theyse guard a dôôr? We've gôt a cꝈean tight five! Dô yôuse need sôme feꝈꝈas tô môve crates back & fôrth in yôur warehôuse? We're dedicated team Ꝉifters AND fôrkꝈift certified. Dô yôuse need sôme guys tô escôrt yôur prôtagônist tô the interrôgatiôn bꝈôck withôut 'em gettin' awayse? ôur success rate is weꝈꝈ abôve average! We côme with ôur ôwn bꝈack beanies! We dô themes! We dô any môtive! We can dô seriôus! Cômedy! Gôôfus & GaꝈant dô it aꝈꝈ! We'ꝈꝈ take ambiguôusꝈy ꝈethaꝈ hits frôm the prôtag! We'ꝈꝈ expôsit at the startuh the episôde! AꝈꝈ fôr fair market rates. Yôuse can't get a better cannôn fôr yôur caegar than Gôôfus & GaꝈant's Gôôn GuiꝈd! We're prôud assôciatesuh the Greater GaꝈactic Gôôniôn, the prôud representativesuh gôôns Empire-wide, frôm the ꝈiꝈ gôônꝈets taking their first gôôsesteps ôn AꝈterniase, aꝈꝈ the wayse up tô the persônaꝈ bumbꝈin' buffôônsuh Navy AdmiraꝈs Ꝉôôkin' tô sabôtage each ôther. This is hôw yôuse KNôW yôuse'ꝈꝈ get quaꝈity henchwôrk frôm us. Reach ôut tônight fôr a freese quôte! Remember, if yôuse ain't gôônin' with Gôôfus & GaꝈant, yôuse're the gôôn! #Gôôns #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
Fight Night, huh? Wônder if theyse need any hired guns tô keep da peace... Nah, seems Ꝉike fôꝈks ain't dying at this arena anyways, nô pôint in us côming ôn dôwn.
ôneuh dese nights wese gôtta get ôurseꝈves a pictureuh da gôôsus. Figure the gôôd fôꝈksuh da interwebs might get intô dat.
Yeah wese stiꝈꝈ Ꝉive with da Ꝉusus. PꝈentyuh rôôm fôr him in da Gôôn Cave. Ꝉusii can dô a Ꝉôt fôr a pairuh aduꝈt trôꝈꝈs.
Sôme pretty big Big Bôsses arôund here... Makes a pairuh gôôns wônder whô theyse ôughta try jôinin' up with. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
Wese caꝈꝈ ôur hive the Gôôncave ôn accôuntuh it being a cave we gôôns Ꝉive in. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
We dressed in a cꝈôwn ôutfit ônce when we was wôrkin' fôr a cꝈôwn ôutfit. Nôt exactꝈy ôur speed, but the buggies were great. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
We're changin' up the br&in' a bit because we think it's giving fôꝈks the wrông idease. We ain't twô bit twô-bits y'knôw! We've gôt a strông wôrk ethic but we is môre than just gôôns sômetimes, y'knôw? We gôt persônaꝈity! We're reaꝈ peôpꝈe, with mares & aspiratiôns! Dô we nôt bꝈeed when we are cut? We knôw the wôrd gôôn is funny & aꝈꝈ tô yôuse, but that dôn't mean we can't be seriôus. #GôônꝈife #BehindTheCurtain
Gôôfus is wearin' a Benny hat, a vest, a shirt, & pants. GaꝈant is wearin' a fedôra, a nice jacket, a shirt, & pants. We aꝈsô wear themed ôutfits when we get a bôss whô wants dat sôrta thing. We're nôt taking anyuh this ôff fôr yôuse Ꝉôt. Why, even if we had a speciaꝈ sômeône we dunnô if we côuꝈd feeꝈ cônfident enôugh tô disrôbe fôr 'em... #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
I can almost picture it now! Couple a stylish fellas goonin around! Good on yas!
A prôper miniôn's aꝈways gôtta Ꝉôôk his best. It'd be a bad Ꝉôôk ôn da bôss tô be aꝈꝈ disheveꝈed. #GôônꝈife
Gôôn tip: It's NEVUH just the wind. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
We see a Ꝉôtta bôôbs ôn here but nôneuh dem are bumbꝈin'. Why is that? #GôônꝈife #Gôônin' #BumbꝈingBôôbs #ItsACꝈassicTermôfEndangerment #FrômDaBigBôsstôUsHenchtrôꝈꝈs #nsfw
Sô whichuh ôf yôuse is typing, the peôpꝈe wanna knôw. ShôuꝈd be ôbviôus by the typing quirk nôw, c'môn. But yeah, ôꝈ Gôôfus & GaꝈant here share a husktôp. We share everythin', reaꝈꝈy.
Wôrkin' a gig tônight as dôôr guards. ôneuh us aꝈways teꝈꝈs the truth, the ôther aꝈways Ꝉies. Gôôfus is being the truth guyse tô thrôw em ôff. Wôrks every time. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
Is yôur prôtagônist trying tô hôꝈd the greatest taꝈent shôw this smaꝈꝈ rec center has ever seen? Gôôfus & GaꝈant ôver here make fôr a stunnin' keratinsurgeôn duet.
Sômetimes peôpꝈe ask tôôse, "Heyse feꝈꝈas, hôw dô yôuse survive sô many gigs?" WeꝈꝈ, firstuh aꝈꝈ, we're reaꝈ prôs. But y'knôw what heꝈps? Wese gôtta sympathetic backstôry. If yôuse carry a pictureuh yôur aiꝈing Ꝉusus that needs yôuse tô prôvide fôr it in a Ꝉôcket ôn a neckꝈace, & then yôuse ôpen it up & sigh & smiꝈe wistfuꝈꝈy at it, yôuse'ꝈꝈ never be sꝈeepin' with the fishies, & them's the facts. #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
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ôh nô nô nô, if the ône at hive has the Ꝉôcket, that means yôuse're gônna be dead. Nôthin' abôut their ôwn môrtaꝈity, see?
& peôpꝈe ask us, see, "Which ôneuh yôuse is Gôôfus & which ôneuh yôuse is GaꝈant?" & we aꝈways gôtta teꝈꝈ 'em, dôes it reaꝈꝈy matter which is which? What matters is this Ꝉead pipe that's gônna get reaꝈ weꝈꝈ-acquainted with yôur kneecaps if yôuse dôn't payse up what yôuse ôwe, capisce? #GôônꝈife #Gôônin' #AꝈꝈYôuGôttaRemember #IsThatTheresATaꝈꝈône&AShôrtône #&TôPayYôurRespectsTôTheBigBôss #viôꝈence
Nôw the thing abôut gôônin' in this night & age. The wôrd's been cô-ôpted by sôme reaꝈ nasty piecesuh wôrk. We're taꝈkin' the sôrtsuh trôꝈꝈs yôuse'd never bring back hive tô yôur Ꝉusus, y'knôw? & peôpꝈe ask us, Gôôfus, GaꝈant, the wôrd's been ruined! Dôn'tcha knôw what it means? Yôuse sôund Ꝉike fôôꝈs, peôpꝈe are making funuh yôuse! WeꝈꝈ yes, we dô knôw what it means fuꝈꝈ weꝈꝈ. We REFUSE tô Ꝉet the time-hônôred gig (sôme sayse gôônin' was the third ever gig there was) ôf prôfessiônaꝈ gôôn be pushed arôund! It was ôur wôrd first & yôuse're gônna have tô puꝈꝈ it frôm ôur côꝈd, dead prôngs! #GôônꝈife #Gôônin' #Suggestive
Are yôus Ꝉôôkin' fôr a pairuh feꝈꝈas tô dô YôUR gôôn wôrk? Ꝉôôk nô further than Gôôfus & GaꝈant's Gôôn GuiꝈd! Dô yôuse need a taꝈꝈ & a shôrt guyse tô banter as theyse guard a dôôr? We've gôt a cꝈean tight five! Dô yôuse need sôme feꝈꝈas tô môve crates back & fôrth in yôur warehôuse? We're dedicated team Ꝉifters AND fôrkꝈift certified. Dô yôuse need sôme guys tô escôrt yôur prôtagônist tô the interrôgatiôn bꝈôck withôut 'em gettin' awayse? ôur success rate is weꝈꝈ abôve average! We côme with ôur ôwn bꝈack beanies! We dô themes! We dô any môtive! We can dô seriôus! Cômedy! Gôôfus & GaꝈant dô it aꝈꝈ! We'ꝈꝈ take ambiguôusꝈy ꝈethaꝈ hits frôm the prôtag! We'ꝈꝈ expôsit at the startuh the episôde! AꝈꝈ fôr fair market rates. Yôuse can't get a better cannôn fôr yôur caegar than Gôôfus & GaꝈant's Gôôn GuiꝈd! We're prôud assôciatesuh the Greater GaꝈactic Gôôniôn, the prôud representativesuh gôôns Empire-wide, frôm the ꝈiꝈ gôônꝈets taking their first gôôsesteps ôn AꝈterniase, aꝈꝈ the wayse up tô the persônaꝈ bumbꝈin' buffôônsuh Navy AdmiraꝈs Ꝉôôkin' tô sabôtage each ôther. This is hôw yôuse KNôW yôuse'ꝈꝈ get quaꝈity henchwôrk frôm us. Reach ôut tônight fôr a freese quôte! Remember, if yôuse ain't gôônin' with Gôôfus & GaꝈant, yôuse're the gôôn! #Gôôns #GôônꝈife #Gôônin'
Dôn't get tôôse excited bub, we're gôôn buddies & aꝈꝈ, but ain't nô ône ever hearduh a triôuh gôôns, right? Such a thing... sureꝈy it côuꝈd never be. It's either a singꝈetôn, a shôrt & taꝈꝈ duôse, ôr a ganguh gôôns. Nô triôs.
Yous right yous right…sides, I got myself a solid boss anyway! I can’t be strayin away from him any! Gotta stay loyal ta da big guy yanno? Yeah, yanno! I’m sure yous had ta have worked fuh a couple a big guys before, yeah?
AꝈꝈ sôrts bub, aꝈꝈ sôrts. But a truese henchpair never gôôn & teꝈꝈ!
Aw, lookit yous two! Couple a professionals! It almost brings a tear ta my eye ta see a pair a pals so committed ta deir goonin! The two a yous are real gems, yanno dat?
Right back atcha buddy 'ôꝈ paꝈ. Hmm, yôuse are a memberuh the Gôôniôn thôugh, right?
Oh, o course! I keep my membership card in my suit pocket at all times! I’m numbah 304! Used ta be 126 but I lost my old card an had ta reregister aftah…da incident.
We underst&... We ain't gônna make yôuse taꝈk abôut... da incident.
Thanks fellas I appreciate dat! Alls I’ll tell ya is dat dere was fire an booze involved a usually I likes me a li’l fire or a li’l booze but not a li’l fire AN a li’l booze yanno? Not a good time if ya ask me!
Fôr sure, fôr sure, wese ain't big fansuh fire in generaꝈ, but with aꝈꝈ that? HeꝈꝈ nô!
See yous two get it! But anyway dat’s all in da past! I gots my new card an it’s fine an dandy! An I’m gonna keep dis one nice an safe or my name ain’t- whoops! Can’t say dat! Workplace confidentiality an all!