private thoughts

Tongue-tied over my blood pusher. Why must they alll be so lind? Must they look stm me such kindness? It makes it hard to.. They remind me of the divine and they feel like they are blessed and not of this world. It is ridiculous.. theyre so pretty and kind.. #cw-religious-imagery #yearning

scaryscadysvadysvary thoughts scaryscaryscady i dont know if i can even care dor someone or the only quardant i even have how do you not h a rm or cukl what is reliant on you im scary Scary scary thought sc as eyrhought without an answer tjat is easy or cleani dont even k now how to even do.. this really its selfish already to evem have those rel a tionship when i dont know if ill even live long enoigh to make it a sweep witb the quarsant Something go fragile in my hands as s ine kf the onrs I charge of ite everytbing makes me scared for what if i h as I'm them so bsdly that it dies by accident and then i h a ve no idea ehat to do and J sont k ow how people do that jt deems lime eveything i care fo ill r all for norhint as i end up ruinninf eveyrthibg line i always do like how it feeks line my mirtakes are alwaysv on d8splay waiting for wll of them whem I miesss uo {r} #vent #relationship-drama #death #cw-mental-hwalth {r}

Entry 3? Unsure My nose started to bleed this time when I was writing the different possibilities i cant even control what they tend to be theres no reason to many of what I have seen besides something happens in one way or another and so i cam see the events as a participant im noy doing too well at this im tryint to avoid telling too kuch of it all as its strange amd people wont understand or soemth8ng at times i find out about someone who confises me greayly and hoe they act makes no sens3 to me the pain is too exicit8ng despite how it hurts and its horrigying but im strange and i know thay i am strang4 too strange for most people or anything and i camt even help myself and im j8dt here within my position where all i have done will end even with rhe offer i can hide away ejzg who leaves all of those to suffer inder sixh conditions for what evil there is within thay akin to g9ds whose breath and blood controls all besides the ones who are truly in conyr9l of it all in lesser news that make me frel better and i shoulr probably try to talk to all of my friends more and or whatevr thay there is.. apparent that the person straightened theirnhair as if to pass off as prety orsomething.. it makesme feel feelbadfor that person deapite how much suffring ihave seen them cause within the vidion it makes me feel bad that tthwy dint like hownthey look butits notjing helpful for what i have been trying to do tohelp anyone or myfely Hut it makes me geel aonder instrd of the efrar eithiny my chest as the panic builds for no reason given that the present future and past atemt a straight line within whay it mwand but i want to change for gitntueb better than try to hide hown my life overshadowed by ehay it means to be exist within this plane #gore #horror #religious-themes #existentialism

i have noticed how fragile wrigglers are my friend says its natural and how many of thek die due to the trials and so not to get attached to them sometimes she lets me help out and when i helo out i get to hold some of them it reminds me of tales theyre so small and full of potential.. #death #wrigglers

..my dridmd is hoping joking about the collar.. i dont wanna go home. Death is the only thing there besides mt mom and so i go home to see my mom and make sure shes okay but we dont stay there that long a lot if we are hangingout so it makes the feeling of death feel less suffoacting then than being there mostly alone and i cant stay at other places as the space makes me feel scared.. so.. she can be mean but she is nice and i know she finds my feelings of negavity bad and annoying but she lets me lay on her chest and sleep so i dont think she'll be thay mean and mahbe itll be fine im only focused on it as she said it yesterday and she was laubjinf but she definty meant thay as a joke ihope one time i made her wear one of those meowbeast bells as she meant scaring me when we first met and she holds grudges so maybe it isnt a joke or it is or it isnt or it is #death #rambling

I think i miss my mother.. and my mama but i have my mom so i should be happy and its weird that an adult misses their mama and mother.. i mean my mama wasntactually like a lusus like my mother but she was reallt nice.. i know that trolls shouldnt be raised by other trolls thats unnatural and it only happened as i was a special little rat who had to steal their youth as my mom was too big and i was too small and so as a special little rat i got to have my mother mama and another person to make sure i didnt die and i know i shpuldny miss them as ijusy ruined their lives but i think i just miss my mother i wish that i looked like her i wish that she loved me more than she didnt i wish that i could help her and be everything that i coulr ever be so that she would love me more than she hated her #familydrama #family #mental-health

I wonder what it feels to cry when you're sad... i ahvent been able to i dont kmow if i rver cried as a grub wither.. sometimes i debate if i force myself to cry will i be normal will i feel bettwr if i cry like a real normal troll will you be able to see that im a real troll? #mental-health

Nothing but sharp teeth and claws have been haunting my dreams as pf late hounds that chase and chase until they chomp down my neck and the dream doesnt even end whene i should dir as then i just keeo habing the dream despite how the bones creaka as i bleed from the throat as if nothint even happen3d at all and then they rip me limb from limb which maybe ideserve it and kaybe it is better but it just always ends with the death of the hounds and staring off with bone shieing through skin and hearing it grif and grind against the sockets as i habe to walk and act pike sonething im not as if nithing happened and i dont know if iy is even better than nothint at all the gpre doesnt even faze me anymore but it hirts whenever i wake up for the whole cycle dully into nothigng and then it repeats because if it just hurt then it would be okay but it nevwr does and i dont know if the sudden lack of any feeling to let me know im alive is better tham nothint at all but it is likrly better #horror #body-horror #gore #dreams

i feel ill i dont know hiw to talk to people very well i should but I dint i feel sick i am scared of most of the big events that happen here as what if something bad happens to people and wgar if ir isny fault thatcwhy peope got hurt and then everyone hates me go to therpat they day but what if they cull me for being that useless abd qhats the point ofcsuck a weak little troll existing I dont understand how some places work and the hows as its different but different hiw but i dong wanna b i ther as well that im not foung well but i am probably so clearly not okay that I font know how I havent beern out down kike a dog ad who cant judt talk to people but nooo i live as thats not my purpose within the grand plann and if i die earluet then im condemning anoyher to suffer the dame way amd then itll be worse and then what's the point of everything #gore #violence #horror

how does anyone not immediately want to curl up and die at confessions intimate thoughts with others i couldn't actually imainge writ8ng it down and then posting it while having an name attached to all of it the thought makes me feel ill it doesn't rven bother me that much people do that more of how do they not feel like theyre going to be tortured with red hot iron tools into open wounds as skin is burned to the bone and salt is poured into the wounds as well too #violence #gore #nsfw