The Haruspex
@absolvedAnnihilation
ctrl+f: "deduct.docx," "assess.docx," "protect.docx." ctrl+f: "leave_this_world_gentler_than_you_found_it.docx."
Also fuck the innate human need for social interactions and connections, cause I swear I feel like everytime I try to socialize and form connections I just end up feeling more, I guess shit or out of place or lonely, I don't know I seriously gotta get done with bro bot 2.0 and make some other robots, maybe I might make squarewave and sawtooth 2.0 next. #Mini-rant
ctrl+f:"emotion_is_not_always_a_good_metric_to_measure_successful_or_valuable_action_by.docx"
Really, you don't say?
ctrl+f:"im_saying_that_feeling_more_lonely_isnt_the_best_indicator_of_whether_connections_are_working.docx","you_may_be_doing_better_at_it_than_you_realize.docx"
mayb i should just take all my iron suplements 4 thr week rite now?
barely fvcking alive a+ +his poin+ anyway.
hope yov’ll be okay. hope i’ll make i+ +oo i gvess.
i don't say much here because i don't see the point in it. but if there's one thing i want to get off my chest, i lament that i'm not seen, and once the 'detective' puts me back - if he can - i'm going to go right back to being bottled up. he's not even a detective. he sauntered off in our murder mystery costume and thinks playing pretend is going to get us any closer to sorting this out. i'm not even angry. i can't be. that's the orange one, i think. i'm just disheartened. i gave up a while ago.
ctrl+f:"perhaps_the_separation_will_prove_a_wake_up_call_once_the_pieces_are_fit_back_into_place_differently.docx"
honestly? i'm scared that i'm going to die. that's what this merging thing is going to be. i, as i am now, am going to die. and i'm terrified.
ctrl+f:"merging_does_not_necessarily_entail_destruction.docx","who_you_are_and_the_narrative_of_your_self_will_still_be_there_as_part_of_the_whole.docx","your_perspective.docx","desires.docx","values.docx","all_of_that_has_a_place_to_belong.docx"
Still nursing my burns from the other day, I think they feel worse than the initial moment now which is far from my favorite thing. #cw-burns
rub healing gel on like in videogame deadass though theres like this gel stuff thats perfect for burn's, used it a few time's to treat cigarette burns
Right, these are a bit more severe than that but I'll do something like it I suppose.
i mean it work's fine for bigger stuff too if you dont mind your body feeling numb for like an hour. one time some crackhead's tried to roast me alive and that stuff helped a lot
I'll give it a shot then.
ctrl+f:"do_not_put_spikeplant_soothing_gel_on_second_or_third_degree_burns.docx"
a mOtHeRfUcKeR WoNdErS SoMeTiMeS WhAt's tHe pOiNt oF WaStInG LiKe pItY On hIm. GuShErS StIlL ToO FuCkInG SoFt )O: dOn't wAnT It gEtTiNg hArD EiThEr. No rEaL FuCkIn mIdDlE GrOuNd tO Be hAd.
ctrl+f:"find_a_place_inside_where_witnessing_and_responding_to_others_is_limitless.docx","much_of_it_is_necessarily_visualization_and_focus.docx","but_it_is_possible_to_steel_oneself_without_growing_cold.docx"
mMm mAyBe? It's kInDa lIkE I LiKe fEeLiNg tHiNgS, dIdN'T Do iT FoR A LoNg fUcKiNg tImE. gUeSs lIkE I WaNnA Be uNdErStOoD? lIkE FuCkInG GeT ThE PoInT ThRoUgH SoMe dUmB MoThErFuCkErS NuG In oNe gO.
ctrl+f:"misunderstood_the_subject_and_object_of_your_dilemma.docx","clarification_was_helpful.docx","understanding_unfortunately_only_comes_reliably_with_time_as_anything_that_can_be_done_in_one_go_is_rarely_sustainable.docx","but.docx","moments_of_being_understood_are_still_possible.docx","what_do_you_wish_they_understood_about_you.csdf"
Ɏ sometimes i feel like i'm not rea-a-al if i'm not being directly observed is tha-a-at norma-a-al Ɏ
ctrl+f:"normal_is_an_arbitrary_goalpost.docx","_but_it_can_be_natural.docx"
Ɏ oka-a-ay well is it na-a-atura-a-al then Ɏ
Ɏ kind of i guess Ɏ
ctrl+f:"then_its_natural_in_the_same_way_a_fever_is_natural_with_a_cold.docx","symptom_not_a_cause.docx","stress.docx","pressure.docx","pain.docx","habit.docx","these_things_can_be_causes_of_what_youre_describing.docx"
>>| .i really need to start making notes somewhere .about people. because .it feels like .i'm losing memories .about people .around me. which .is bad.
ctrl+f:"files_for_all_interactions_can_be_helpful.docx"
...I WISH… I WISH I KNEW PEOPLE COULD BE GOOD EARLIER.
ctrl+f:"that_good_is_inclusive_to_everyone.docx","you_are_also_in_that_category.docx"
DON’T REALLY BELIEVE THAT BUT WHATEVER YOU SAY.
ctrl+f:"note--that_category_is_not_'is_all_good.docx"',"it_is_'could_be_good.docx"',"is_there_anything_stopping_you.csdf"
A LONG LIFE OF BEING ME.
Do You Ever Mourn The Person You Used To Be?
ctrl+f:"how_would_you_like_to_grieve_her_if_you_could.csdf"
Most nights I have the energy to vigorously debate any troll and their views, even if they do not choose to meet me in good faith. Some nights, however, I feel as though I am being demonized for saying we should hold hands and be kind to each other.
ctrl+f:"demonization_is_a_necessary_first_step_to_break_up_stagnant_cruelty.docx","but_pacing_yourself_to_persist_is_never_a_failure.docx"
W£ don’t hav£ anything to talk about anymor£. £v£ry combination of words has b££n play£d out. Th£ atoms don’t form us anymor£.
ctrl+f:"something_new_will_take_shape_with_time.docx"
sometimes i think about laying down on my loungeplank and SLEEPING. but i remember i DID THAT ALREADY 6 days ago. I NEED TO KEEP RESEARCHING
>>>(Sleep) is the microdosing of deaths to desensitize (Us) to the true reality >>>(Memento) mori!.. >>>(A) chant (They) spew to strip all but one idea... >>>((We)) were meant for nothing more...
ctrl+f:"there_is_some_additional_utility_to_it_than_that.docx"