♦ pitied by @anarchistTsumo
where the hell are all these lords and muses (oming from. where were the muses when i was looking for information about master (lass sessions weeks ago. damn, 7’all
Sometimes I do wonder why I am still bothering to keep certain things under lock and key. Its a good habit... But sometimes I wish I could just be as open as others. ... I know I can't. That's not how this works.
Oh, in that case I should have started with Hello! :) i know the word deserve is doing a lot in this sentence
I think chittr will be a decent open diary to get my thoughts in order. Because it beats?? Speaking them into a void? (Ha!) I often wonder why it did not start with me? Selfish thought I think none of us deserve to be "the last one"
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘: @terriblefate i Remember Wanting To Hurt Him. But That Is Pretty Normal In Our Employ. What Scared Me Was The Memory Of Loving Something Enough To Want To Try. no, I Did Not Love Him. I Could Not Love Him. No Matter How Much He Reprogrammed My Pan, I Am Still Not Fond Of Him. The Feeling Was Pointed At Him Because He Was The Shape In Front Of Me, But It Did Not Belong To Him. It Belonged To A Person I Cannot Keep Whole In My Pan. It Belonged To A Dead Matesprit Who Made Me A Widow And Left Behind A Want With Teeth In It. i Miss Her. I Think That Is The Word. fondness. it Arrived Wrong. It Did Not Soften Me. It Made My Hands Steady. I Remember The Threadripper In My Grip. I Remember How Heavy It Felt Before I Moved And How Light It Felt After. I Remember Thinking That If I Could Open Him, If I Could Catch Even One Thread Of Him And Pull, Then Perhaps All Of The Lowbloods Stitched Into Service Beneath His Institution Of Manners Would Feel The Tug. my Matesprit Would Not Have Wanted Them To Feel Like That. this Is What I Told Myself. No More Little Servants. No More Impermanent Rooms. No More Pretty Cages Covered In Clocks. No More Smiles From Monsters Who Call My Obedience Order And My Suffering Necessary. No More Lowbloods Preserved Forever As Useful Little Things. i Could Not Stand Oppressors. I Remember That Clearly. I Wish I Still Knew How To Be That Certain. The Strike Should Have Been Lethal. It Was Not. it Caught On The Puppet, My Threadripper. not Flesh. Not Bone. Not Whatever Passes For Either In Him. It Snagged In The Wrong Place, Biting Through Cloth And String And Something False Beneath His False Body. The Blow Dragged Sideways. The Weapon Screamed In My Hands. For One Bright Second, I Thought I Had Found A Seam. then The Thread Snapped. I Understood In That Moment. I Had Not Wounded Him. I Had Inconvenienced An Object Near Him. The Failure Arrived Before My Fear Did. Doc Scratch Looked At The Damage I Had Caused. he Did Not Recoil. He Did Not Punish Me. He Did Not Even Seem Surprised. he Regarded His Torn Puppet Body With The Mild Disappointment One Might Have Upon Seeing A Wrinkle In Their Shirt. He Looked At Me, And I Felt Every Ounce Of Bravery Inside Me Become Small. he Said It Was Encouraging. he Said That Recovering Motive Before Recovering Context Was An Inelegant But Promising Stage Of Restoration. he Said Fondness Was A Messy Instrument. i Think I Screamed At Him. I Called Him Something. I Begged Him To Be Angry. But He Was Not. He Was Pleased. He Spoke To Me Like A Mediculler Speaks To A Subject Whose Reflexes Have Returned. my Hatred For Him Was Not A Threat. he Reached Out And Removed The Threadripper From My Hand. I... I Just Let Him. i Hate That. I Did Not Want To Remember That. But I Let Him. He Told Me I Had Confused Recovery With Resistance. he Told Me One Could Not Free Anyone While Still Attached To Such Sentimental Machinery. he Told Me My Dead Matesprit Would Have Found The Attempt Touching Rather Than An Insufficient Failure. the Room Had Gone Still. He Had Been Hanging Wrong. I Remember The Lime Beginning To Pool On My Wrist. the Thread It Had Ripped Had Been Placed There Eons Before, Tying My Skull Down To Itself. i Remember Thinking That I Had Failed Everyone Twice. once By Missing. once By Surviving What Came After. please Return This Memory If It Belongs To Me. please Do Not Return It If This Is All That Is Left. #cwviolence #cwattemptedmurder #cwweaponinjury #cwmindcontrol #cwmemoryrecovery #cwmedicalhorror #cwlobotomy #cwgrief #cwwidowhood #cwoppression #cweternalservitude #cwpsychologicalhorror #cwunreality 𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗 I'm Sorry, It Comes Back Either Way... Would You Like To Talk About It? ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀
----- |but um but my handlers care if I break the rules or someone breaks them to do with me because they think I'm a person um I mean the person breaking rules thinks that which is wrong| _____
:33 < It s33ms a certain Horse and a certain Crab have b33n caught in quite the back and furth dance of courtship! :33 < After having finally decided to make it official another scorned love comes into the light! :33 < A certain Fish that had set their romantic sights on the Crab and now that the Crab is no longer available they have finally mustered up the courage to confess!! :33 < One can only wondfur how this might pan out now that everynyans f33lings are out in the open sea! #HorseshoeCrab #BlindItem #SubmittedTip #StableIssues #ShallowWaters #HorseToWater #Gossip #Drama #MissedConnections #RelationshipDrama #PotentialLoveAffair #PossibleInfidelity #HopefullyNot
SO REAL like STOP TOUCHING MY EAR im going to LOSE IT and i got thick ass hair with waves and curls for days, shit dont anchor