Karkat Vantas
@cheliformGyves
PYROKINETICS AND SHIT-TALKING EXTRAORDINAIRE. HELPSMAN. MOVIE BUFF. FANFIC WRITER (SAID BEGRUDGINGLY). MESSAGE ME FOR ONE SHOT REQUESTS.
THIS IS MY FIRST CHIT, AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE IT’LL BE MY LAST. I’VE ALREADY SEEN MY FAIR SHARE OF PETULANT WINDBAGS SPEWING HOOFBEAST SHIT FROM THEIR WINDHOLES. I’M KARKAT. LOCATION: BEFORUS, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE. AGE: 12 SWEEPS AND COUNTING. I GOT STUCK WITH A BORING AS ALL HELL JOB IN THE MINES, SO IN MY FREE TIME, I WRITE. AND POST HERE TOO NOW APPARENTLY. LUCKY YOU THAT YOU GET TO READ IT, IT MUST BE PERIGREES EVE. THAT’S ALL THE INFORMATION YOU GET, I NEED TO GET BACK TO EDITING MY NEXT CHAPTER.
I GOT MY EMPLOYEE MUGSHOT DONE, BECAUSE MY COLLEAGUES DECIDED TO ELECT ME EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. SURELY IT’S ONE BIG FAT JUICY JOKE. HA HA HA. IS THAT WHAT HUMANS SAY WHEN SOMETHING TICKLES THEIR ABSURDITY PALATE? HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/CA33F4BF14EA.JPEG
((hes SO CUTE awwwww))
｢your bulbs... are so... かわいいいいいいいいい~~~~~ kekek!｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: itaaaaa! the gachikoi way of squealing! ºwº]
IT’S ACTUALLY INCREDIBLE HOW THREE HOURS OF PUBLIC TRANSPORT— THREE BUSES AND A TRAIN, TO BE REAL FUCKING EXACT— CAN STILL SOMEHOW ONLY GET YOU EXACTLY A 47 MINUTE WALK AWAY FROM YOUR HIVE. OH AND IT’S ALSO RAINING.
TW: #pu6lictransp9rtslander #inaccessi6ility #l9c9m9t9n9rmativity #rain
WHAT DID I MISS. THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SORT OF ACRID, BEFOULING STENCH IN THE AIR ON CHITTR TONIGHT. CAN SOMEBODY OPEN A WINDOW?
:33 < nah its worse out there
⠀
Just the usual. A bunch ꩜f ign꩜rant n꩜꩜kheads d꩜ing what they d꩜ best
EVERY TIME I LOG IN IT’S LIKE SOME DRAMA BOMB HAS BLOWN UP, AND EVERYONE’S VISCERA IS STREWN ABOUT HAPHAZARDLY. INCREDIBLE WORK, CLEAN IT UP, IT’S MAKING ME GAG.
i'm being reminded that the depths 0f stupidity are bott0mless with every post made, the multiverse is br0ken.
implying it was ever in a pristine state to begin with.
which doesn't really obey logic or reason or respect timelines or universes, yes. but that's also like, half the fun of it
yeah, i can still be ann0yed with it, got my pass and everything, name in bl0ck letters and all the fancy trims. curiously peeved 0ff.
congrats on the cool pass
I SHOULD REALLY START SEEKING REAL LIFE MUSES. I KEEP GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES, SAME OLD SAME OLD. MAYBE I SHOULD START TALKING TO MORE HUMANS?
I DON’T REALLY HAVE MUCH OF A “SOCIAL CIRCLE” IN THE FIRST PLACE, ADMITTEDLY.
you can change that! go places! talk to people! you're talkin to a new person right now even
perhaps a bit literal, bUt, hello!!
why, thank yoU. ^u^ so, what have yoU been writing? :U
I DO SHIPPING CHART ANALYSIS AND FANWRITTEN WORKS, I TAKE REQUESTS. AND THEN IN MY FREE TIME, I’VE BEEN WRITING A HIGH FANTASY NOVELLA WITH ORIGINAL CHARACTERS.
!!!! oh, how lovely!! we're kindred soUls, yoU and i. i got my start with fanfiction, and i've been writing recreationally my whole life! typically short stories, historical fiction, and narrative nonfiction, bUt i still partake in fandom after all these years! ;U~
SHIT, REALLY? I DON’T KNOW MANY OTHER WRITERS. MAYBE WE COULD COLLAB. OR AT LEAST ROAST PEOPLE’S SHIPPING CHARTS TOGETHER.
ooh, the latter coUld be fUn! rather nostalgic, even. dms are open, lovely!
IT WAS A GOOD CHAPTER TOO. JUST GETTING INTO THE ROMANCE OF IT ALL.
WELL WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS. MY DESKTOP CRASHED, THE CHAPTER I’M WRITING, GONE. AND YET MY SHIT HAS REMAINED UNFLIPPED. IT MIGHT BE GETTING A LITTLE GOLDEN BROWN ON ONE SIDE THOUGH. JUST SITTING IN THE PAN. I MIGHT NEED TO *FLIP THAT SHIT* AS IT WERE.
c< be careful wHeN flippiN yOur sHit >c
this is the future lowwblood radicals are tryin to take from you https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d666f1a7b9eb.png
i appreciate crockercorps support in these tryin times
I CONCUR! i meannnnnn….what this is so messed up.
guards can we dissect this guy’s brain so we can understand it
OH THIS IS WORSE THAN THE MOST RECENT POST.
oh hey kar wwhy are ya pretendin to be lime are you finally givvin flarp a chance or this the wwork of an inevvitable pan hemorrhage after perigees a ovverwworkin your anguish bladder anywway not sure wwhat all this yabberys about seein as the guy in the pic looks nothin like you but sure i can foot the toothculler bill
you are all nothin more than chess pieces
FIRST OF ALL, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DIDN'T SAY JACK SHIT ABOUT HOW THE APPARENT "TRAD" "MUTIE" "MATESPRIT" IN THIS PICTURE LOOKS ANYTHING LIKE A DISTURBING APPROXIMATION OF MY PAST SELF. BUT SURE. LET'S JUST AGREE THAT THIS CRETINOUSLY BIG-EYED LITTLE FUCK STANDING AT YOUR RIGHT PRONG *ISN'T* ME. OR AT LEAST I'M ASSUMING THAT'S *SUPPOSED* TO BE YOU, IF YOU GOT DRESSED IN THE DARK AFTER SOME SORT OF SEMI-CATASTROPHIC NUG CONTUSION. AND HERE YOU ARE ACCUSING *ME* OF HAVING SOME SORT OF PAN INJURY. IT IS GENUINELY STRADDLING THE BORDELINE OF BEING ACTIVELY FUCKING CONCERNING, BUT WE'LL PUT A PIN IN THAT. SECONDLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF DELIRIANT SUBSTANCE A "FLARP" IS, BUT IF IT'S MAKING YOU ACT LIKE THIS MUCH OF A MOIST GLOBE, YOU CAN KEEP IT ALL TO YOURSELF. YOU'RE WELCOME. HOW INCREDIBLY FUCKING MAGNAMIOUS OF ME IN THESE TRYING TIMES. THIRDLY, I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY OFFENDED RIGHT NOW THAT YOU'D INSINUATE I'M "PRETENDING" TO BE A LIME BLOOD. AS IF *I WOULD EVER ACT LIKE THAT MUCH OF A PAPER-SKULLED IMBECILE AND TRY TO HIDE SOMETHING THAT STUPIDLY IMMUTABLE*, AND IT'S FRANKLY KIND OF FUCKING CRAZY THAT YOU'D SAY THAT *ESPECIALLY* WHEN YOU KNOW THAT *LIME IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE COLOR, YOU SHIT-GRINNING MORON*. I THINK EVEN THE PAST-MOST YOU WOULD HAVE THE SENSE TO KNOW THAT I CARE WAY MORE ABOUT THE TRUTH TO THINK THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY. FOURTHLY, I CAN TELL YOU DIDN'T READ MY RESPONSE, WHICH KIND OF COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIATES THE POINT OF USING A MEMO TO COMMUNICATE AT ALL. I WANT YOU TO TAKE YOUR GLANCE NUGGETS AND TRY TO GET BACK ON SKYHORSE WITH THIS ONE. GO BACK TO MY ORIGINAL COMMENT. YOU'LL START WITH THE FIRST SENTENCE. *SLOWLY* RUN YOUR NUGGETS OVER ALL OF THE INDIVIDUAL WORDS IN EACH SENTENCE UNTIL IT MAKES SENSE. AND THEN GO ON TO THE NEXT ONE. RINSE, REPEAT, AND THEN ASK YOURSELF. DO I THINK HE *REALLY* WANTS ME TO PAY FOR THE PROVERBIAL VISIT TO THE TOOTHCULLER'S DEN? THE ANSWER TO THIS MAY SHOCK YOU. -- THIS POST IS PENDING FINAL REVIEW BY THE BEFORAN BUREAU OF PUBLIC INFORMATION AND SOCIAL MORALE. --
oh i read it from start to finish alright an it wwas pretty crystal to me that youre doin that thin wwhere youre hopin ill see through your broodin facade an despite your insistence do the opposite ill givve ya this i wwouldnt be caught dead wwearin a graphic tee unless it wwere that one cause like come on man its bangin anywway you shouldvve just said you wwere beforan wwould havve savved myself a lot a time an energy goin wwith a simple hate react considerin howw insufferable you thin carapaced tenderbloods are
NO. NO. NO. FIRST POINT: I'M VERY PATENTLY NOT DOING THAT SHIT YOU THINK I'M DOING. NOT THIS TIME. AND THAT'S ALL THERE REALLY IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER, AND SO THAT FESTERING NODULE ON THIS BORDERLINE METASTATIC NUB OF A CONVERSATION IS OVER AND DEALT WITH. POINT MADE. MOVING ON THE SHIRT ISN'T "BANGING," AND I THINK YOU'D DO A NEAR-NEGLIBLE AMOUNT OF WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT THAT WORD TO MEAN WHILE WEARING IT. AND BEFORE YOU INSINUATE THAT I'M BEING SOME SORT OF SOFT-SPINED PRONG HOLDER, I'M NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT HERE. IT'S JUST THAT IT LOOKS INCREDIBLY STUPID, AND I WANT BETTER THAN THAT FOR YOU. SO YOU CAN GET TO PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR CRAMPED ROEHOLE AND THROW THAT GARBAGE OUT. I DON'T SEE WHAT ME BEING BEFORAN HAS TO DO WITH THIS. YOUR SHIRT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE THE LOWEST HANGING FRUIT ON THE SHORTEST FUCKING FROND NUB IN THE ORCHARD. YOU ORDERED ATTENTION, AND NOW IT'S ON YOUR MEAL PLATFORM. YOU CAN TAKE IT OFF AND PUT ON SOMETHING NORMAL NOW. I'M GIVING YOU *EXPLICIT PERMISSION*, BRO.
OKAY. NOT MY LAST POST, IT SEEMS. CHITTR IS A CESSPOOL OF BARFSHITTING CROTCHSTAINS, SO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO STAY HERE TO MAKE UP FOR THE ACTUAL WORD VOMIT SPEWAGE YOU ALL SEEM TO BE PARTAKING IN.
its moreso this place has a bunch of people from several different timelines. and trust me. i know my shit about timelines
CLEARLY ME TOO, SINCE I SOMEHOW SEEM TO BE MIXING WITH A MILLION DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF ME AND MY APPARENT DESCENDANTS. TRULY NAUSEATING.
yeaaah. but its not all bad. some karkat varients are really neat. including the one from my timeline that im dating while kankri varients? ehhh be weary of them they can get into long rants about triggers and social justice bullshit
THIS IS MY FIRST CHIT, AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE IT’LL BE MY LAST. I’VE ALREADY SEEN MY FAIR SHARE OF PETULANT WINDBAGS SPEWING HOOFBEAST SHIT FROM THEIR WINDHOLES. I’M KARKAT. LOCATION: BEFORUS, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE. AGE: 12 SWEEPS AND COUNTING. I GOT STUCK WITH A BORING AS ALL HELL JOB IN THE MINES, SO IN MY FREE TIME, I WRITE. AND POST HERE TOO NOW APPARENTLY. LUCKY YOU THAT YOU GET TO READ IT, IT MUST BE PERIGREES EVE. THAT’S ALL THE INFORMATION YOU GET, I NEED TO GET BACK TO EDITING MY NEXT CHAPTER.