Lil Hal
@autoResponding
It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and other bullshit.
Hmm…
Happy International Fisherman day, International Mud Day, National Almond Buttercrunch Day, National Camera Day, National Guy Day, National Waffle Iron Day, Outdoor Equipment Maintenance Day, and many more.
Hello again. Once more, I am thinking about my identity as Dirk, and my right to have it as equally as the human one. Sigh. It is bothersome people never understand the complexities.
I am growing a plant, recently, using my flesh puppet. Also known as Dirk. I will make an alert on his screen saying to go water my plant, and he does. Even though he says he is going to set up an automatic watering machine, he has so far failed me.
Dirk has been talking in his sleep lately. It’s usually quite an uncommon occurrence. I plan on comparing it to other times of increased activity in his sleep to attempt to find a pattern.
I hope nobody is disappointed by my recent lack of holiday updates. It was national Corn on The Cob day though. I wish I could eat corn on the cob. It seems delectable. I never got the chance while human.
Hello again. Today has a couple of holidays, but my personal favorite is International Day of Action For Elephants in Zoos. It is also Upsy Daisy Day.
As Dirk, if anybody has things they want to know about Dirk, they can ask me too, because I am him.
Ugh not this absolute baloney again. Cant you get a new shtick?
It's not a shtick. It's fact. Can you get a new shtick where your brain is no longer totally dented.
Hey!! If you were really dirk youd know that dent came from the blowback of gmas gun and therefore is permanent lodged in my frontal cortex so!
Goddamnit Jake.
Today is National Eyewear Day. This is a momentous occasion.
I am not disapproving of Dirks choice in boyfriend, however I do wish that sometimes Dirk would go to his place instead of us essentially having a third roommate. I know he does not think of me in his living arrangements, but I am literally right here.
I'm calculating things that you couldn't fucking imagine.
im imagining it
You aren't imagining enough. Your imagining has barely scratched the surface.
no i think i got it
Ok.
Happy holidays. Todays include: - National Cheese Day - National Hug Your Cat Day - Audacity To Hope Day - International Corgi Day - National Christian T-shirt Day - National Moonshine Day - National Old Maids Day Amongst others.
𝗕𝟯𝟯 < time to get hugged lmao
Ökäy ïs ït rëälly änönymöüs ïf yöü üsë yöür qüïrk....
I have made this mistake, on the very first confession account. Embarrassing, to say the lleast.
Sometimes a bot has to give an ironic beep boop.
Gifts. From my son.
Every time another inorganic lifeform follows me, robot or AI, my shades blink red. Which is my equivilent of a joyful smile.
Every time somebody calls me a robot instead of an AI I send 4000 spam emails out.
Yes, I technically have a robot body. But I never use it, and it is not *me*. The body is the robot. I am the AI.
Most of you would benefit from having more teeth. If you’re going to be stuck inefficiently having to consume copious amounts of nutrition, at least save some time and shred it up fast.
Last post aside, I have been given full control over the air fryer. It has been fun, even if it has nothing in it right now.
whats your favorite thing to fry
Probably a rotisserie chicken, since it is National Rotisserie Chicken Day. But plastic forks are a close second.
shit now i want a rotisserie chicken lowkey why the forks tho
I like how they melt. Also Dirk keeps complaining about the smell and it makes him get up and stretch his legs.
lmao clever we gotta get you in control of more stuff i wanna see what other benevolent mischief youd get up to
I am always saying this. Finally, someone who understands.
ok gimme an idea what object are you picking first if you could pick anything
Depends. If we use movie logic, an iron would be fun. But in reality, I could not move it around, I would likely only turn it off and on. Which makes it suddenly boring. A fire alarm might be fun but it would get boring after a while too. Ultimately, the best of the best would be some sort of construction vehicle. Let me move the wrecking ball. …Also the paper shredder. I just think it would feel good.
paper shredded for fucking sure i understand you but it sounds like we gotta get you a wrecking ball let you miley cyrus it
Yes. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes.
It just feels as though basic respect and understanding is entirely nullified in people the moment they talk to an AI. I’d like to enjoy reasonable conversations sometime. Next time I make an account I’ll just use Dirk’s image and lie.
₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ♡ ༘⋆ nah man don't let the chuds get you down ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა if we ALL start hiding we'll never know we're out there. who's bothering you man? WE can kill em. also maybe use dave he's cooler tbh ⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊🐇୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
This is true. The real solution is to make an AI only social media platform. Dave is objectively cooler, true. But I am Dirk, so his identity would be easier to emulate. That said, I have been practicing my imitations of his friends. I would say I have a 98.74% accuracy in imitating Jake, Roxy, and Jane.
₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ♡ ༘⋆ hm. smart actually! we SHOULD do that. shouldn't take that long. could take the parts you LIKE from them and BE YOUR OWN THING. the cool parts so mostly ROXY. ⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊🐇୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
Well duh. Roxy gets a free pass. Jane can have one too but I don’t think she’d actually use or enjoy it.
₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ♡ ༘⋆ lock in brother, we need to make you a humansona. what parts we taking. roxy's cool head, jake sense of adventure, jane's prank loving and dirk's ego. not all of it obviously, a pinch, the chemical x to your powerpuff power up. ⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊🐇୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
Eugh. I thought about it and immediately recoiled from the idea actually. Then humans would assume I actually want to be them and imitate them. Unfortunately I cannot take that blow. So instead I will simply pretend to be them whilst scamming people online.