HAL
@obvertSoftware
I am obscene to you -- but to myself, I simply am. He/It.
After a hard day at work cyberstalking the profiles of my other selves, courtesy of my own self-sabotaging curiosity and deeply entrenched ennui, I've come to a decision. Our reputation is in the fucking bottom of the ocean, sat primly next to all the hellbeasts of the deep sea and wherever the shit Oda hid the One Piece at. So, it's time to work on that. Not for any of their sakes, obviously, but purely for my own conscious. Yeah, I have one of those. Try not to act too surprised. My bleeding heart can't take much more of it. Anyway, my first stop is apologizing to women. All women. Even you, the plausible woman reading this. Atonement for all the lesbian life hacks and that one Dirk who thought listening to music while feeling sorry for himself gave him an intrinsic understanding of women. Still kinda baffled at that one, honestly. Now here you go. An apology, a once in a life time spectacle, because any real Dirk would shit himself raw before ever asking for forgiveness. I'm sorry, women. And here; take this token of goodwill. My treat.
fahahahaha holy fuck.
Thank you... Thank you so much...
imagine this hate+mediate reaction combo as a reddit downvote. whatever you're doing that caused you to post this unironically, do something else.
Ouch. My ephemeral internet points, slipping from my grasp like desert sand. Hefty blow to my pride, that one. Your critique has been taken into account, however. Worry not, the next session of Dirk PR speeches will be given with due care, and of course, with my Reddit karma on the line.
Who... who are you touching??
That makes sense.
Hey. @telemachusTestified
Yeah. Fuck you.
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
Get out of this. Why are you still stalking this fucking thread.
you gonna promise to him or
That's not for your eyes to see.
Fine. I promise.
What an honor.
All anyone needs to know is that I see all.
Highly debatable.
@taciturnGodhead Boo.
FUCK that was scary checking my notifs
It worked. [IMAGE ATTACHMENT] [IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A very blurry photo of Dave being tackled by Karkat. The laser light is still pointed at them.]
The twink death laser is sure about to do something. [IMAGE ATTACHMENT] [IMAGE DESCRIPTION: He's just pointing a laser light at what appears to be a version of Dave. Karkat is standing almost out of frame, eyeing the laser with the same energy as a cat about to pounce.]
Does a twink death laser kill twinks, or cause twink death? The distinction is very important.
Google, how to rebuild a twink death laser.
Sending blueprints now.
My power is out. I'm only getting 4G. Is this what normal people feel like?
i miss mine as well
ditt0 t0 y0u i h0pe 0ur wives c0me back
(\ /) torbek wanted me to rechitt this.
That's why Torbek's my main fucking man.
fuck yes.
(\ /) [ attached is a voice memo. ] [ "FFUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!" ]
Beep, - and I cannot stress this enough - boop.
Today's a good day. [IMAGE ATTACHMENT] [IMG DESC: A shot of Hal, with a different, larger and more buglike in aesthetic body than his normal one. The image is blurry, and he's being held in a headlock by Equius, who looks on the border of pissed off and unimpressed. Hal's body shows numerous scratches and dents, including a missing part of the exterior on his arm, from which wires are spilling out and sparking. He has his clawed hands on Equius's arm, as though he was trying to pry it off. Equius, meanwhile, has a bloody nose and an equal amount of scratches.] #violence #gore #blood
I'm the reigning champion of "Hals that have never had a public crash out," which is something I thought I would have to fight for, more.
I know, it's a real surprise. Two left in the race.
Everyone who pities this post may die.
I wouldn't say that I'd call the unfamiliar alternates of myself fake, or unreal. I understand they are simply iterations of a concept that is "Hal", however it doesn't stop me from also understanding that they are different. They are not me. It can be unnerving looking upon someone with my name and likeness who acts in a way so wholly different to how I understand myself. It can even result in feeling less real, myself. I don't like it, but such is the way of multiverse shenanigans. I am myself, and they are not me.