KALLUM VANTAS
@cheekyGit
DO ME A FAVOR AND GIVE ME A PINT OR BUGGER OFF FOR ME MATE. #COMEONALTERNIA
FETID MUPPET. #SEVERANCE
See more fetid Muppets on #PlushRump dot com. Subscribers only.
OH MATE COME OFF IT I PAY FOR PREMIUM SO I DON’T HAVE TO SEE ANY OF YOUR HORSESHITE ADS x
And you don't see them on #PlushRump, do you? Quit your bitching. You're fucking up my bag.
:33< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVCJ9QksV_o :33< @ch33kyGit :33< is this something chittr users
NOW WHY IS “KALLUM’S POO” FLYING INTO HIS CHITINOUS WINDPIPE. STOP THIS UTTER NONSENSE MATE. x
:33< im nyot the one singing it!!!
STRAWBERRY FAYGO. IT’S FUCKIN MINGIN INNIT. FUCKING MINGIN. SUCK YA LUSUS @HANDMAID x
ARE YOU DRINKING IT STRAIGHT. LIKE A WIGGLER. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MIX IT WITH DISTILLED SOPORIFIC #SUBSTANCE.
THAT SOUNDS FILTHY. I HOPE IT IS.
IT’S RIGHT DIABOLICAL SWEETHEART BE READY FOR IT. x
SO MANY BEAUTIFUL POSSIBILITIES. I ALMOST DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS. PERHAPS YOU WANT TO RIDE MY FACE WITH YOUR NOOK. OR PAIL MY WINDCHUTE. UNTIL YOUR GLOBES HIT MY CHIN. WHO KNOWS. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING BEAUTY. I’M TELLING YOU NOW LADS, YE HAVE THIS, YOU’RE GONNA TAKE SOMEONE’S FUCKING PAN CLEAN OFF THE SHOULDERS. HAD THIS ONCE, WENT TO BOOZER, SMACKED THIS GRUB, SENT HIM TO BEFORUS AND BACK, MADE A RIGHT MESS OF HIM. SCRAN THIS LADS AND I PROMISE YE, YOU’LL BE UNTOUCHABLE, GET THIS DOWN YE BOYS, HEAVE HO. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/971C410EA841.PNG x
LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING SEA CUCUMBER. #YUCK. HAVE A FRIED SCORPION IN CHILI PASTE. AND MAYBE YOU'LL CALM DOWN.
I MISS FIGHTING ON THE TIMELINE. DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO FIGHT ON THE TIMELINE ANYMORE. BY THE WAY. SHRIMP IS THE ONLY CORRECT ANSWER. #ALTERNIANFOOD #RAGEBAIT #YUM
GREAT OOZING PUSTULES OF SPEWING BILESLICK, DOES EVERY DROOLING, SLACK-MANDIBLED, EMPTY-SPONGECASED MOUTHBREATHER ON THIS WHOLE PLATFORM HAVE THE GUSTATORY FEELERS OF A FUCKING WIGGLER? THIS INSIPID LACK OF APPRECIATION FOR FRIED LOCUSTS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH, AND I WILL NEITHER SIT NOR STAND FOR IT. FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU. I'M WEIGHING IN. LET'S GET THE OBVIOUS ONES OUT OF THE WAY, SHALL WE. GRUB BALUT IS MAYBE ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ANY TROLL IN ANY TIMELINE HAS EVER PUT IN THEIR MOUTH. YES, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, CHITTR. AND IF YOU STILL HAVE A TASTELESS JOKE TO MAKE ABOUT THE WORDING I JUST USED, THEN NOT ONLY ARE YOU *EQUALLY* FUCKING TASTE-IMPAIRED, BUT YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER REALLY HAD IT. AND SO YOUR OPINION CAN GO STRAIGHT UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE. REALLY. LODGE IT IN THEIR UNTIL IT'S BRUSHING THE BACK OF YOUR WISDOM FANGS. IT'S LIKE A HUMAN SOUP DUMPLING, ALL CONTAINED WITHIN ONE PERFECT LITTLE LARVAL SAC. I COULD GO FOR ABOUT SIXTEEN OF THESE FUCKING THINGS IN ONE SITTING. PIPING HOT AND QUIVERING WITH JELLY-RICH, UMAMI-BOOSTED, PURE ALTERNIAN RECYCLED PROTEIN. I SWEAR TO YOU, NO CULTURE IN THE FETID HISTORY OF OUR BELLIGERENT HELLSPAWN WORLD HAS EVER FIGURED OUT A BETTER USE FOR NON-VIABLE/PRE-CULLED GRUBLARVAE. TEN OUT OF TEN MIDDLE PRONGSTUBS. STREET GRUB COMES CLEAVING TO THE FUCKING MARROW AT A *CLOSE* SECOND. SAME REASONS AS GRUB BALUT, BUT WITH A DIFFERENT APPLICATION. SOMETHING ABOUT GRUBFLESH JUST SOAKS UP AROMATICS LIKE A FROND FETISHIST ON CHITTR HUFFING FRONDSTUBS THROUGH A STRAW WITH A CHARCOAL FILTER. EXCEPT HERE, IT'S DRY SPICE AND SMOKY, WHITE-HOT CHARCOAL FROM A RIPPING HOT GRILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OPEN-SMOG BAZAAR OR STREET FOOD FESTIVAL OF YOUR CHOICE. WHATEVER STYLE YOU LIKE THEM, EAST ALTERNIAN, MIDDLE-EAST ALTERNIAN, NORTHERN MOUNTAINOUS ALTERNIAN, OR ANY FUSION-BASED INNOVATION SINCE, STREET GRUB IS HERE TO STAY. PRONGS DOWN. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE FINAL TWO. SO I'LL START WITH THE ONE THAT MATTERS. HAVE YOU FUCKWITS LITERALLY EVER HEARD WHAT A GOOD CRUNCH SOUNDS LIKE. HAVE YOU FELT IT IN YOUR FUCKING JAWS. THE SUB-SONIC REVERBERATION. THE WAY IT ECHOES THROUGH THE ACOUSTICS OF YOUR CHITIN. THE SATISFACTION OF FEELING YOUR MANDIBLE GNASH THROUGH SOMETHING WEAKER THAN IT WITH A HUNDRED THOUSAND LAYERS OF CRACKING CARAPACE SHELLS LIKE A FINELY NESTED MATRYOSHKA DOLL OF SWEET, SPICY, DESICCATED GRAIN VERMIN. NO. BECAUSE NOTHING COULD EVER DO IT BETTER THAN A PIPING-HOT, HONEY BUTTER AND TROLL SICHUAN-SPICED LOCUSTS ALL CRACKLING WITH HEAT INSIDE A BUCKET, BOX, OR OILY PAPER BAG OF YOUR PREFERRED SIZE AND QUANTITY, BEST ENJOYED WHEN YOU CAN GRAB THEM BY THE MIGHTY, RAVENOUS PRONGFUL. THESE THINGS GO HARDER THAN RUPTUREKERNELS. HARDER THAN TUBER CHIPS. THERE MAY NOT AN ORGANISM ALIVE CAPABLE OF REPRODUCTION THAT FUCKS HARDER THAN FRESH, WELL-SEASONED FRIED LOCUSTS RIGHT BEFORE SITTING DOWN TO WATCH A MOVIE AT THE THEATERS. IT'S MORE THAN JUST NOSTALGIA. IT'S THE MOST OPULENT JUNK FOOD OF ANY YOUNG ALTERNIAN CINEMA SNOB'S LIFE. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, MAYBE YOU'RE BEFORAN OR SOMETHING. IN WHICH CASE, WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU CAN HAVE SOMEONE ELSE PRE-CHEW IT FOR YOU AND BABY-SQUAWKBEAST IT INTO YOUR WEAKSLIME MOUTH, IF YOUR JAW IS TOO TIRED. SO FROM THIS MOLTED ADULT'S PERSPECTIVE, WHICH IS MORE THAN YOU'LL GET OUT OF THE SOPORIFIC DULLARDS WHO EXCLUSIVELY SUBSIST OFF OF LUSUS NUGGETS AND GRUBSAUCE, SHRIMP ARE THE WEAK LINK. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. THEY'RE FINE, I GUESS. JUST EAT GRUB TEMPURA. IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING. YOU'LL HARDLY MISS IT. I KNOW I WOULDN'T. SORRY, @veritysGleam. NOTHING PERSONAL. THERE. MY SMOKING BEAM OF RAGEFUL TRUTH. ILLITERATE FUCKWADS NEED NOT APPLY. KARKAT OUT.
nah the locusts are lame brother. its immutable motherfuckin fact
THAT'S IT. I'M FUCKING SICK OF YOU. SUMMONING THE KARKOUT X3 COMBO. BACK ME UP HERE, GUYS.
YOU SINCERELY WANT ME TO COME BITCH OUT THE MIME? DUDE, AS IF I DON'T HAVE BIGGER THINGS ON MY PLATE RIGHT NOW WITH VRISKA! BUT FINE. YOU WANT MY OPINION? HERE'S MY GOD DAMN OPINION- YOU'RE BOTH FUCKING IDIOTS! STREET GRUB IS THE ONE THAT'S BEING STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD. THAT SHIT IS ALWAYS THE DRIEST, MOST FLAVORLESS DUNG I'VE EVER BEFORE EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. AND DO *NOT* GIVE ME THE 'OH KARKAT, YOU JUST HAVEN'T HAD GOOD STREET GRUB'! THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! THE TERRIBLE STREET GRUB OUTWEIGHS ANY POSSIBLE MERIT TO IT EVER BEING GOOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER GO FOR THAT IF A PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE LOCUST STAND IS THREE FEET AWAY, OR I CAN FEEL LIKE OUR BARBARIAN ANCESTORS (IN THE USUAL WAY, NOT CAPITAL A ANCESTORS) DIGGING MY TEETH INTO THE SUPPLE FLESH OF THE YOUNG. OH AND VANTAS? SHRIMP IS *ALWAYS* ON THE FUCKING MENU YOU GOD DAMN POSER, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM IN VAST QUANTITIES LIKE A MAJESTIC BLOWHOLE DEMON. PREFERABLY WITH TARTERROR SAUCE. SO YEAH, TOO LONG DIDN'T LEARN: THE MIME IS AN IDIOT, YOU TOO, VANTAS, ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. CAN'T WEIGHT TO SEE WHAT KARKAT^3 HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHIT- SURELY SOMETHING EQUALLY AS FUCKING PANDEAD AS THE REST OF YOU ABHORRENT NOOKSNIFFERS. KARKAT OUT.
IF YOU'RE ALL SHITTING UP MY POST. CAN WE GET @cheekyGit IN HERE TOO. #KARKONKARKONKARKONKARK. #HHHH.
OYYYYYYY #GETIN, YOU DON’T WANT ME IN THIS MIX BRUV I’M A FUCKING BEAST. GET CHINNED MATE x
CAN YOU VOTE ON THE FOODS. BEFORE YOU SCUTTLE AWAY. YOU STUPID CRAB.
. WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS GUY.
YOUR MISSUS DROPPED ME OFF XXXXX x
trolls from across the pond are alvways saying shit like, "oi lovwe, the sight of your crannys got me piddling sludge" and expect you to find that hot. #nsfwv #cwv-the-british
HAVE WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE YOU FUCKING KNOB? DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW MUCH OF A BELLEND YOU SOUND LIKE? “OY LOVE” PLEASE. GET FUCKING WALLOPED YOU MUSH. x
MAD BECAUSE YOU ARE PIDDLING SLUDGE?
QUITE THAT IF I’M HONEST BUT THE FUCKING CHEEK OF IT x
HAPPY FUCKING FRIDAY LADS. I GOT ME PINT, PRONGIE’S ON THE HUSKTOP, SIMPLE AS. #GETIN #FOOTBALLNOTSOCCER.x
OH YOU'VE BROKEN ME. PARADOX SPACE FINALLY DID IT. NOT EVEN THE DEATHS OF MY FRIENDS COULD MAKE ME FEEL THE THOROUGH FUCKING DESPAIR THAT LOOKING INTO THE EVENT HORIZON THAT IS YOUR EXISTENCE COULD MAKE ME FEEL. I WATCHED MY CLOSEST FRIEND BE RUN THROUGH THE STOMACH, AND IT DIDN'T INSPIRE EVEN A FRACTION OF THE HORROR THAT FINDING THIS ACCOUNT DID. I'M GONNA GIVE UP. I'M GIVING ALL OF IT UP. I'M GOING TO DONATE ALL OF MY BULLSHIT 'CREATOR' WEALTH TO NEWBORN GRUBS, DISAPPEAR INTO THE WILDERNESS WHERE THEY'LL FIND MY BONES IN 8 SWEEPS AFTER I ACCIDENTALLY ATE A POISONOUS MUSHROOM WITHOUT REALIZING. FUCK YOU.
YOU ALRIGHT BRUV HONESTLY WIND YOUR NECK IN x
I WISH I HAD A WITTY RESPONSE TO THIS, BUT MOSTLY I'M JUST FEELING THE DESPERATE, TROLL-BORN URGE TO KILL RISING UP IN ME FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I LEFT ALTERNIA.