

Karkat Vantas
@carcinoGeneticist
SURVIVOR OF SGRUB / EARTH-C SQUATTER / BASICALLY JUST GOT HERE SO 'CAUSAL SPOILERS' ARE APPRECIATED THANKS.

Humansplaining quadrants????? Lol bugger off
ACTUALLY I'M CHANGING SGRUB TO A 6/10 BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAVE A FISHING MINIGAME.
NOT THAT ANYONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BUT IN PERFECT HONESTY? THE GAME WASN'T THAT BAD. THE DEATHS AND FAILURES CAME ABOUT DUE TO PLAYER INCOMPETENCE AND COSMIC HORROR- THE ACTUAL GAME ITSELF? WE KIND OF KICKED ASS AT! A 600 HOUR CAMPAIGN FOR A TWELVE PLAYER SESSION? I THINK WE DID THAT SHIT IN RECORD FUCKING TIME. MY FRIENDS DYING AND BILIOUS SLICK BECOMING BILIOUS SICK WAS *MY* FAULT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT. AND DON'T TAKE THIS TO BE SOME SELF PITYING BOO HOO WOE IS ME BULLSHIT- THAT'S PAST KARKAT'S THING. I CAN OWN MY MISTAKES WITHOUT GETTING INTO MY HEAD ABOUT THEM BECAUSE WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. WE SURVIVED, WE MADE IT THROUGH, AND WE'RE HERE NOW. MAYBE OTHER PEOPLE FROM MY SESSION OR THE SESSIONS ADJACENT THAT WE GOT SHUNTED INTO MIGHT DISAGREE, BUT IN MY EXPERIENCE? SGRUB IS A SOLID 7/10.
TRYING TO KEEP MY EYE ON THE KARKATS ON THIS WEBSITE WHO ARE ACTUALLY WORTH A SINGLE OUNCE OF MY IRE REALLY IS A FULL TIME FUCKING JOB. YOU KNOW THAT I SAY THIS SHIT TO MAKE YOU BETTER, RIGHT? IF I DON'T INTERACT WITH YOU, PRESUME THAT EITHER YOU'RE A KARKAT WHO TOUCHES GRASS ENOUGH THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE *OR* (AND THIS ONE'S MORE LIKELY) I DISAPPROVE YOU SO WHOLLY THAT YOU ARE BENEATH MY SCORN. AND YES. YOU *SHOULD* BE ASHAMED.
I REALLY DON'T USUALLY MAKE THESE PUBLIC OVERTURES BUT CONSIDERING THE GENERAL CIRCUMSTANCES OF EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF PERIGEES IT'D BE KIND OF REMISS FOR ME NOT TO MAKE SOME KIND OF POST ABOUT IT. SO HERE, IN FRONT OF EVERY FUCKER ON THE TIMELINE: @ARACHNIDSGRIP#9137 - HAPPY 8/8. I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE IN HAVING 'DAYS' LIKE THIS, BUT HEY, IT'S CLEARLY SOMETHING THAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU AND IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, WELL. IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME. I'M REALLY GLAD THAT YOU'RE MY ROOMMATE SLASH GIRLFRIEND AND THIS IS ABOUT AS MUSHY AS YOU WILL *EVER* GET ME ON THE PUBLIC TIMELINE. FUCK YOU. FUCK 8/8, AND FUCK YOU FOR MAKING THIS STUPID FEELING HAPPEN IN MY PUSHER THAT DROVE ME TO MAKE THIS POST.
I THINK KANAYA MIGHT BE ONE OF VERY FEW PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT THE FUCK IT'S LIKE FOR ME TO HAVE A MILLION STRANGE TIMECLONES WHO ALL KIND OF SUCK. THE PART THAT GETS MY FUCKING CAPRIHORROR IS THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO LIKE EACH OTHER?! EVEN THE ONES THAT SUCK?! FUCKING MADDENING.
THERE IS SINGULARLY NO FORCE IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE MORE PRIMED TO MAKE ME WANT TO PUT MY OWN HEAD THROUGH A WALL THAN ANOTHER KARKAT. HOLY SHIT, HOW ARE THERE ONLY LIKE THREE OF US WHO ARE ABLE TO PASS AS SOMEWHAT TOLERABLE?! WHAT THE FUCK EVER, WHO CARES. I'M GOING OUT FOR MEXICULL FOOD WITH VRISKA TOLIGHT SO WHO EVEN GIVES A SHIT ABOUT SOME TRYHARD OTHER ME.
THOUGHT ABOUT "I CAN'T LET YOU GET CLOSE" AGAIN AND STARTED CHUCKLING UNDER MY BREATH LIKE A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON WHILE SAT ON THE LOUNGEPLANK NEXT TO VRISKA.
MY TRAINING REGIMEN HAS BEEN SHOWING RESULTS. TURNS OUT EXERCISING ACTUALLY DOES GIVE YOU MORE STAMINA AND GENERAL ENERGY AND TRUST ME- NO ONE IS MORE FUCKING ANGRY AT THIS DEVELOPMENT THAN ME.
AND WITH THUNDEROUS APLOMB, VRISKA ONCE AGAIN MANAGES TO ASSERT HERSELF IN OUR SHARED LIVING SPACE AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE SHE'S BEEN BY LEAVING A GNARLED MESS OF HAIR IN THE SHOWER DRAIN. THIS SORT OF BLATANT FUCKING ANTAGONISM WOULD DRIVE THE OLD KARKAT INTO A BITTER FUCKING FRENZY BUT...SHE'S UNDERESTIMATED ME. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH THIS GROSS MESS. I'M SURE HER RECUPERACOON COULD USE SOME NEW DECOR! I'M SUCH A MAGNANIMOUS FUCKING HOUSEMATE, DON'T YOU THINK?
THERE IS NO TOIL MORE FUCKING IRRITATING THAN REPLACING THE SLIME IN YOUR RECUPERACOON. THANKFULLY YOU ONLY HAVE TO DO IT ONCE EVERY HALF-SWEEP OR SO, BUT THE CLEANUP IS ALWAYS SUCH A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE.
IF WE'RE DOING A FUCKING TRICKSTER THING I'M HUNKERING DOWN. THERE IS NO REALM OR REALITY WHERE I INDULGE IN YOUR CANDY-COATED COTERIE AND DEBASE MYSELF FOR ALL OF THE TIMELINE TO WINCE AT. MY DOORS ARE LOCKED, MY WINDOWS LATCHED. STAY. THE FUCK. BACK.
THIS FEED IS A FUCKING MESS.
OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SO TIRED. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?! A DECENT NIGHT'S REST AND I FEEL AS THOUGH I JUST STAYED UP THE ENTIRE TIME?! UGH. I'LL JUST SHOWER, EAT AND THEN GO BACK TO MY RECUPERACOON FOR A FEW HOURS.

YOU THOUGHT ME GONE. YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD SILENT. GROUND INTO MULCH UNDER THE HEEL OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES TO THE TIME ASSHOLE MAFIA. THAT I HAD LEFT MY THRONE, THE ONE I CARVED OUT OF THE RAW, PRIMORDIAL SHITSLUDGE OF THIS UNCULTURED WEBSITE WITH MY TEETH, CLAWS, AND GODTIER TASTE IN ROMANTIC CINEMA, TO COLLECT DUST, COBWEBS, WINGBEAST SHIT, AND LIMESCALE. WELL GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLES. YOU THOUGHT WRONG. IT'S BACK. IT'S FUCKING BACK. AND THIS TIME, IT'S HERE TO STAY. STARTING 7/8, THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB IS BACK. THE BEST ROMANCES, ROMANCE-ADJACENT FLICKS, AND BARELY JUSTIFIABLE AS ROMANCE CINEMASLOP THAT I'M CAPABLE OF STREAMING FROM THE MOON WHILE I'M ON A VERY LONG SMOKE BREAK. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE JOINED ME IN MY PERSONAL CINEMANIA RUMPUS ROOM BEFORE, YOU'LL NOTICE A FEW NEW PERKS FOR NEW MEMBERS AND OLD ALIKE, JUST BECAUSE I'M SUCH A MAGNANIMOUS PIECE OF SHIT. THEY INCLUDE: - REGULAR SHOWTIMES. EVERY WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY AT 7 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME]. NO MORE MUCKING ABOUT, CARVING X'S INTO YOUR CALENDAR, WONDERING IF IT'S GOING TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN THIS WIPE AND WHEN. WE'RE LOCK FUCKING STEP, THIS TIME (I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SAY "FUCK IT" AND EITHER SKIP A DAY OR HAND IT OFF TO ONE OF MY TRUSTED LIEUTENANTS. THIS IS MY NON-NEGOTIABLE LEADERSHIP CONCESSION. DO NOT FUCK WITH IT). - ABCC MIDDLE PRONGSTUBS S-LIST. IN OTHER WORDS, PRIORITY REGISTRATION. SOME OF YOU (AND YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOU CRAZY BASTARDS) GET THE EXORBITANT FUCKING LUXURY OF A GUARANTEED SPOT ON EITHER DAY, SO LONG AS YOU RSVP IN ADVANCE A COUPLE OF DAYS. THE STUPID VIRTUALBLOCKS ONLY HOLD TWELVE PEOPLE AT A TIME (HUH. WONDER WHY IT'S THAT NUMBER, SPECIFICALLY. SOMETHING NOSTALGIC AND FUCKED UP ABOUT IT), SO SPOTS TEND TO FILL UP FAST. ENJOY NEVER HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT THAT PEDANTIC BULLSHIT EVER AGAIN. - #SUBSTANCE NIGHT. YES, YOU HEARD ME. SINCE WE'RE SHOWING THE SAME MOVIE BOTH NIGHTS, FEEL FREE TO PULL UP ON FRIDAY AND (OPTIONALLY, OPTIONALLY, CANNOT FUCKING STRESS THIS ENOUGH, *OPTIONALLY*, PEER PRESSURE WILL BE MET WITH THE SWIFTED DOWNFALL OF MY MIGHTY BANSICKLE IMAGINABLE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD) CRACK OPEN A COLD ONE (OR A WARM ONE, IF YOU'RE SOME KIND OF LAZY, UNWASHED CHUD WHO JUST KEEPS THEM UNDER YOUR FUCKING WORKPLANK, OR SOMETHING) AND COME BE A MESSY DUMBFUCK REPROBATE WITH YOUR FELLOW CHITTRLINGS. IT'S BYOB. BRING YOUR OWN BULLSHIT. FUCK AROUND RESPONSIBLY. - THE SUGGESTION BOX. YUP. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW YOU, TOO, CAN PRETEND TO HAVE TASTE IN MOVIES THAT'S ONE STEP ABOVE A WIGGLER WATCHING KEYS JINGLE IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. THROW A MOVIE INTO THE HOPPER AND WATCH IT COME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE WHEN IT'S TIME TO SCRAPE THE CRUST OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL. OR IMPRESS ME, IF YOU'VE GOT A REALLY GOOD PICK. YOU CAN SUBMIT A MOVIE HERE [ https://forms.gle/7anjoq22cFsipBMS8 ]. AND THE FEATURE I'M PROUDEST OF. - GHASTLY MIST TIME [GMT]/BILIOUS STANDARD TIME [BST] SHOWTIMES. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. IF YOU'VE HAD THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN OF MISSING OUT ON STREAMS AND OTHER LIVE EVENTS BECAUSE YOUR TIMELINEZONE IS NESTLED SQUARELY BETWEEN THE WORDS "FUCK" AND "YOU," THEN BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. THE GOATED SON OF A BITCH HIMSELF. THE CINEMATIC BALL-KNOWER. THE GUY WITH THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE BLOG IN THE INCIPISPHERE, #carcinoGeneticist#2443 IS GOING TO HELP ME ORGANIZE SHOWTIMES FOR EVERYONE ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE. AND YOU CAN TRUST HIM, BECAUSE HE'S LITERALLY ME. TIME AND DATE FOR THAT WILL BE COMING SOON, SO JUST HOLD YOUR FUCKING HOOFBEASTS AND DON'T GET ON EITHER OF OUR ASSES ABOUT IT. YOU'VE WAITED THIS LONG, YOU'LL BE FINE. SO COME. COME ONE, COME ALL, COME GET A FACEFUL OF BLISTERING HOT ABSOLUTE CINEMA DOWN AT #ABCC'S NEXT #WATCHPARTY. WE'LL BE JUMPSTARTING THIS FLY-RIDDEN CORPSE WITH A CLASSIC ANIMATED ROMANCE TOMORROW THAT MOST OF YOU ARE PROBABLY FAMILIAR WITH. HAVE FUN WITH IT. THEY WON'T ALL BE THIS EASY. SEE YOU THERE, FUCKWITS. #GETIN.
I CAN'T IMAGINE HAVING SO LITTLE TO DO IN MY DAY TO DAY LIFE THAT I GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT TO CALL OUT WHEN SOMEONE'S BLOCKED ME ON CHITTR.ING. DO YOU NOT FEEL EXTREMELY JUVENILE? IT'S SOME BARE BONES "WE ARE WRIGGLERS ONCE MORE" MUPPET BABIES BULLSHIT. IT JUST MAKES SAD FOR THEM IN ALL HONESTY.
GOD, SOME OF YOU ARE SO FUCKING DESPERATE IT MAKES MY GANDERBULBS BLEED.
"I CAN'T LET YOU GET CLOSE" MIGHT BE THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I'VE SEEN IN MY LIFE.

























