Karkat Vantas
@carcinoGeneticist
SURVIVOR OF SGRUB / EARTH-C SQUATTER / BASICALLY JUST GOT HERE SO 'CAUSAL SPOILERS' ARE APPRECIATED THANKS.
HONEST TO EVERYTHING, SOME OF YOU LOT ARE AS USEFUL AS A FUCKING CHOCOLATE TEAPOT. x
I can wring blood from this stone easy-style. Watch this. A chocolate teapot provides novelty entertainment, at the very least. These guys can't even give us that much, "bruv".
WAIT. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT ARSE @CARCINOGENETICIST#4881 SEES THIS. HE’S ALWAYS WHINGEING ABOUT HOW I’M THE SHITTEST OF THE SHIT. TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING SAUSAGE. x
YOU'RE A DISGUSTING FUCKING SHADOW SENT BY PARADOX SPACE TO TORMENT ME SPECIFICALLY. I MUST DO SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING IRRETRIEVABLY HORRIBLE IN THE FUTURE, OR SOME OTHER TIMELINE, THAT MEANS THAT *I* HAVE TO BE PUNISHED HERE AND NOW BY TALKING TO YOU.
FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP GETTING BAITED BY THIS IDIOT.
HELD OUT LONG ENOUGH WITHOUT GIVING IN TO THE WIDESPREAD SOCIAL-MEDIA SLOP VIRUS THAT'S INFECTED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON I'VE EVER KNOWN, AND WILL PROBABLY INFECT MOST OF THE PEOPLE I'LL EVER MEET IN THE FUTURE, INTO DOWNLOADING THIS PIECE OF SHIT APP. UNFORTUNATELY, IF I HAVE TO SCROLL PAST ONE MORE UNSOLICITED PICTURE OF SOME PERVERT'S BARELY CONCEALED BULGE OR AN AI-GENERATED VIDEO OF ANIMALS DOING RACIST HUMAN CARICATURES ON FINSTAGRAM, I WILL PERSONALLY PAY A VISIT TO THEIR HEADQUARTERS AND HAVE THEIR CORPORATE OFFICE LOOKING LIKE THE LAST ACT OF FUCKING “BRAINDEAD”. SO, I'M HERE. AND I'M FAR FROM FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT IT. BUT, IN THE INTEREST OF TRYING NOT TO BE SUCH A CONFLICT-DRIVEN, TERMINALLY AGITATED CUNT-ASS ALL THE TIME, I'M GOING TO EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH AND LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT IF YOU'RE NOT AN INSUFFERABLE PRICK, DON'T BE AFRAID TO INTERACT. - KK
YOU'RE THE FUCKER I WAS ARGUING WITH IN THAT GROUP CHAT THE OTHER DAY, AREN'T YOU? KIND OF INSANE THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHITTR BEFOREHAND BUT HEY, HERE WE ARE, FACE TO FACE ONCE AGAIN. YOU'RE LUCKY THAT I AGREE WITH A LOT OF YOUR INTRO POST AND I'M COOKING DINNER SO I WON'T GO IN ON YOU THIS TIME FOR LACK OF TIME AND ENERGY. BUT WATCH YOUR BACK, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS BASTARD. THE WATCHFUL EYE OF KARKAT VANTAS NEVER FUCKING RESTS.
I'M ABOUT TO GO TO 'CUPE BUT IT'S WORTH COMMENTING THAT EVERY SINGLE KARKAT THAT I'VE EVER SEEN ON HERE HAS GONE INTO A PERSONAL RANKING I KEEP. IF I'VE SEEN YOU, YES, EVEN YOU RANDOM KARKAT #827462, YOU ARE SOMEWHERE IN THIS MENTAL CHECKLIST I KEEP OF EVERY VERSION OF ME THAT HAS EVER EXISTED. IF YOU'RE THINKING 'WELL, I'M A PRETTY GREAT KARKAT! I IMAGINE I'M AT THE TOP OF THIS LIST!' I GUARANTEE, YOU FECKLESS, SELF-CENTERED PRICK, YOU ARE WAY, WAY, *WAY* DOWN THE LINE. ALL THIS BEING SAID. @CHEEKYGIT IS THE WORST ONE. RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM. I HOPE HORRORTERRORS FLAY YOU FOR SPORT.
Don't even get me started. All this hand wringing about an inferior double, British to the point of parody and straight-up pitiful in every sense, just so I can finally and blissfully relate to someone. Every Dirk categorized, every bit denoted, every post read with a knuckle in my thigh and a twinge in my eye, and for what? Just so the two of us could be in this moment together, miserably self-consumed. Pass the bottle, bro, I need a swig.
OY, YOU FUCKING CHEEKY GEEZER. YOU’VE GOT ME FUCKED OFF NOW. YOU’RE A RIGHT CRACK UP YOU ARE FOR THINKING YOU COULD SLAG ME OFF LIKE THIS IN THE PUBLIC SQUARE. HAVE A GO AT THE FUCKING BLOODY MIRROR, NOT ME, YOU’RE THE SAME BLOKE AT THE END OF THE DAY. CAN’T FLIPPITY FUCKING BELIEVE THIS. YOU ABSOLUTE VILE WASTE OF SPACE OF A TOSSER. *ESPECIALLY* AFTER I SHARED MY CHIPPY WITH YOU. WHERE IS THE BRUV CODE THESE DAYS HEY. GET FUCKING CHINNED. END OF. x
YOU MIGHT BE THE ONLY SON OF A BITCH WHO UNDERSTANDS ME, AND I MEAN THAT. IF ANYONE IS QUALIFIED TO BE AS HORRIFICALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT THEIR 'ALT-SELVES' AS I AM, IT'S A DIRK STRIDER. THE BOTTLE IS PASSED, AND WE ARE SHARING SIGHS SO WORLD-WEARY FUCKING ATLAS IS HAVING TROUBLE WITH THEIR WEIGHT.
OH GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF YOU PUB-ADDICTED BASTARD. SO WE SHARED A MOMENT OVER FISH AND CHIPS, SO FUCKING WHAT?! IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. YOUR DISGUSTING BREAKTISH BULLSHIT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL. NO TRUE KARKAT WOULD EVER BE FROM THE ISLES, LET ALONE FUCKING *MANTHRESHTER*. TO PUT IT SIMPLY? I'LL SLAG YOU OFF ANY DAY OF THE WEEK, YOU BLOODY TWAT. BITE ME.
[ confectionery caking out. ] Good morning. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!
[ confectionery caking out. ] What? Am I missing some factor that has turned the tides of this morning beyond casual pleasantries? :B [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
[ confectionery caking out. ] WHAT THE HELL IS FRAMING MY MESSAGES. [ ron swanson, a swan song. ]
OH MY GOD, IT'S LIKE A DEVIOUSART SIGNATURE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i wonder what its like having to deal with seeing other yous constantly does it feel like all of them are out of character??? or maybe YOU are the one outta character??? is it annoying to see a you who is the fumbling fumbler?? or is it MORE annoying to see one succeed way more than you?? none of these could be me cause i killed all the other mes on here but it gets ya thinking #justkidding #unless
AS THE GUY WITH A UNIQUELY WEIGHTED AMOUNT OF 'ME'S KICKING AROUND, I'LL GIVE YOU THE STRAIGHT ANSWER: SOMETIMES IT FUCKING SUCKS AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE FORCED TO ACKNOWLEDGE A GRUDGING RESPECT FOR THE ONES WHO ACTUALLY MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHICH IS MAYBE SOMEHOW WORSE. I CAN REASONABLY EXPECT A KARKAT TO FUMBLE THE BAG- THERE'S NO BUNDLE OF GENES IN PARADOX SPACE MORE INCLINED TO FALL FLAT ON THEIR FACE AND ANNIHILATE THEMSELF SPECTACULARLY THAN KARKAT VANTAS. BUT WHEN ONE OF US IS ACTUALLY FUCKING COMPETENT? UGH, IT'S LIKE BRUSHING UP AGAINST SOMETHING THAT COULD ACTUALLY, REASONABLY MEAN SOMETHING. GROSS.
o°○¤¤is there a quadrant for having pitch but sometimes pale feelings?? #vaugeposting #quadranttalk #mixedfeelings¤¤○°o
That's called vacillation
PITCH/PALE VACILLATION IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE COMMON THAN ANYONE IS EVER WILLING TO ADMIT. THERE'S A DEFINITIVE SORT OF SYMPATHY THAT'S ALWAYS GOING TO COME WITH HATING SOMEONE- IT'S JUST A NATURAL EVOLUTION OF CARING ABOUT SOMEONE'S OPINION THAT MUCH. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THEM AT THEIR LOWEST SOMETIMES, AND THAT BRINGS YOU AROUND TO DIAMONDS. ON THE REVERSE, WHEN YOU'RE PALE WITH SOMEONE, THEY'RE GOING TO DO SHIT AGAINST THEIR AND *YOUR* BETTER JUDGEMENT AND IT'S GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. ONCE SOMEONE CROSSES A LINE ENOUGH TIMES, THAT'S TERRITORY RIPE FOR CALIGINOUS SWAYS.
o°○¤¤thank you for this most educational commentary. now i think im closer to determining my deeper feelings for this troll.¤¤○°o
Humansplaining quadrants????? Lol bugger off
FUCKING ANYTIME, DUDE. THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE SHIT TO TALK ABOUT.
I MISS FIGHTING ON THE TIMELINE. DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO FIGHT ON THE TIMELINE ANYMORE. BY THE WAY. SHRIMP IS THE ONLY CORRECT ANSWER. #ALTERNIANFOOD #RAGEBAIT #YUM
nah the locusts are lame brother. its immutable motherfuckin fact
THAT'S IT. I'M FUCKING SICK OF YOU. SUMMONING THE KARKOUT X3 COMBO. BACK ME UP HERE, GUYS.
YOU SINCERELY WANT ME TO COME BITCH OUT THE MIME? DUDE, AS IF I DON'T HAVE BIGGER THINGS ON MY PLATE RIGHT NOW WITH VRISKA! BUT FINE. YOU WANT MY OPINION? HERE'S MY GOD DAMN OPINION- YOU'RE BOTH FUCKING IDIOTS! STREET GRUB IS THE ONE THAT'S BEING STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD. THAT SHIT IS ALWAYS THE DRIEST, MOST FLAVORLESS DUNG I'VE EVER BEFORE EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. AND DO *NOT* GIVE ME THE 'OH KARKAT, YOU JUST HAVEN'T HAD GOOD STREET GRUB'! THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! THE TERRIBLE STREET GRUB OUTWEIGHS ANY POSSIBLE MERIT TO IT EVER BEING GOOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER GO FOR THAT IF A PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE LOCUST STAND IS THREE FEET AWAY, OR I CAN FEEL LIKE OUR BARBARIAN ANCESTORS (IN THE USUAL WAY, NOT CAPITAL A ANCESTORS) DIGGING MY TEETH INTO THE SUPPLE FLESH OF THE YOUNG. OH AND VANTAS? SHRIMP IS *ALWAYS* ON THE FUCKING MENU YOU GOD DAMN POSER, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM IN VAST QUANTITIES LIKE A MAJESTIC BLOWHOLE DEMON. PREFERABLY WITH TARTERROR SAUCE. SO YEAH, TOO LONG DIDN'T LEARN: THE MIME IS AN IDIOT, YOU TOO, VANTAS, ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. CAN'T WEIGHT TO SEE WHAT KARKAT^3 HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHIT- SURELY SOMETHING EQUALLY AS FUCKING PANDEAD AS THE REST OF YOU ABHORRENT NOOKSNIFFERS. KARKAT OUT.
IF YOU'RE ALL SHITTING UP MY POST. CAN WE GET @cheekyGit IN HERE TOO. #KARKONKARKONKARKONKARK. #HHHH.
DO I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO. LIKE SERIOUSLY. YOU’RE GOING TO ALL COLLECTIVELY UNDO THE WORK THAT KITTY FACE MASK DID TO ME LAST NIGHT. WRINKLES ARE ALREADY COMING BACK.
OYYYYYYY #GETIN, YOU DON’T WANT ME IN THIS MIX BRUV I’M A FUCKING BEAST. GET CHINNED MATE x
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM. YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE DESIGNATED KARKAT^3. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! SHOO!
I'm just going to take time to organize my notes. Get the office back to speed. Being on the back foot isn't the way to make any progress on this. I'm going to say four separate cases I have now.
THERE ARE THINGS GOING ON IN OTHER SIDES OF CHITTR THAT ARE SO THOROUGHLY FUCKING INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO ME. I LOVE IT, AND I'M BEING GENUINE. TO THINK, THERE ARE PARTS OF CHITTR THAT AREN'T BEING FUCKING HAUNTED BY THE SPECTER OF THEMSELVES BUT TROLL BRITISH FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN IT TORMENTS YOU. SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT FROM THE UNIVERSE. THAT FUCK'S PFP IS GAS NIBLETS ON GRUBLOAF. OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM.
It'd all be a vague amusement and nothing more if people would stop hiring me and/or singling me out.