Karkat Vantas
@carcinoGeneticist
SURVIVOR OF SGRUB / EARTH-C SQUATTER / BASICALLY JUST GOT HERE SO 'CAUSAL SPOILERS' ARE APPRECIATED THANKS.
THERE IS NO TOIL MORE FUCKING IRRITATING THAN REPLACING THE SLIME IN YOUR RECUPERACOON. THANKFULLY YOU ONLY HAVE TO DO IT ONCE EVERY HALF-SWEEP OR SO, BUT THE CLEANUP IS ALWAYS SUCH A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE.
i hope youu cann get the mess situuated with ease..
noththing like having visscouss green liquid in every possssibble crevice
surprised you dont just rent a wet vac to clear out the old slime.
DON'T WORRY! YOU'LL BE PICKING CRUSTY OLD GOO OUT OF THE CRACKS IN YOUR FLOORBOARDS FOR THE NEXT HALF A SWEEP. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!!!
THIS CLEARLY SHOWS YOUR IGNORANCE ON THE MATTER. SOPOR SLIME IS A SUBSTANCE MEANT TO *STICK*. IT CLINGS TO THE BODY AND THE WALLS OF THE RECUPERACOON SO THAT IT CAN PROVIDE A PROTECTIVE SEAL? YOU HAVE TO CUT INTO THAT SHIT LIKE JELLO, BREAK IT DOWN WITH A SPECIAL SOLUTION, MOVE IT ALL OUT OF THE 'CUPE, AND ONLY *THEN* CAN YOU DISPOSE OF IT PROPERLY. IF IT GOES IN A 'WET VAC' AS YOU SO IGNORANTLY FUCKING CLAIMED, IT'LL JUST STICK TO THE INSIDE OF THE WET VAC FOREVER. SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE DONE BY *HAND*, JINX. THERE ARE NO WORKAROUNDS.
[BEGIN MESSAGE] i zh0u1d make my crew change ttheir 0wn inztead 0f tthe aut0mated pr0cezz i d0 f0r tthem. [END MESSAGE]
IF WE'RE DOING A FUCKING TRICKSTER THING I'M HUNKERING DOWN. THERE IS NO REALM OR REALITY WHERE I INDULGE IN YOUR CANDY-COATED COTERIE AND DEBASE MYSELF FOR ALL OF THE TIMELINE TO WINCE AT. MY DOORS ARE LOCKED, MY WINDOWS LATCHED. STAY. THE FUCK. BACK.
YOU CAN'T GET ME FROM BEHIND THE COMPUTER SCREEN, BUT DO *NOT* CALL ME YOUR 'LOVELY DESCENDANT'. FUCKING YUCK. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, NO MATTER WHETHER YOU'RE SPORTING A SUGAR RUSH OR NOT.
YOU ARE THE SINGLE MOST VISCERALLY CRINGE AND EMBARRASSING FUCKER I'VE EVER MET. WE ALIGN ON BASICALLY NOTHING, HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT, AND I FIND HOW MUCH YOU LOOK LIKE ME BUT TO THE LEFT DISTURBINGLY OFFENSIVE TO MY GANDERBULBS. I WAS HOPING TO SPARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT, BUT HEY, IF YOU'RE GOING TO ASK DIRECTLY!
DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES YOU EXEMPT FROM MY SCORN? DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING LAUGH. THE VANTAS LINE IS PERHAPS MOST UNDEFENDED FROM THE LASER CONCENTRATED BORE OF MY HATE.
i am curling up around you and growling at any tricksters! they can hang out once they come down >:c
THIS FEED IS A FUCKING MESS.
IT IS, BUT SOMETIMES ITS EVEN MORE OF A MESS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WATCH TWO OF YOUR ALT-SELVES (I FUCKING GUESS) CLUMSILY FLIRT WHILE YOUR ANCESTOR FUMBLES AROUND BLUSHING LIKE AN ANIME BOY. AND THROUGH ALL OF THAT, YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY AND KEEP YOUR BREAKFAST DOWN AT THE DISGUST IT BRINGS UP IN YOU.
THERE'S SELF LOVE THEN THERE'S WHATEVER HEINOUS, MASTURBATORY SHIT THAT THEY'RE DOING. #NSFW #ISH??
OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SO TIRED. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?! A DECENT NIGHT'S REST AND I FEEL AS THOUGH I JUST STAYED UP THE ENTIRE TIME?! UGH. I'LL JUST SHOWER, EAT AND THEN GO BACK TO MY RECUPERACOON FOR A FEW HOURS.
I CAN'T IMAGINE HAVING SO LITTLE TO DO IN MY DAY TO DAY LIFE THAT I GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT TO CALL OUT WHEN SOMEONE'S BLOCKED ME ON CHITTR.ING. DO YOU NOT FEEL EXTREMELY JUVENILE? IT'S SOME BARE BONES "WE ARE WRIGGLERS ONCE MORE" MUPPET BABIES BULLSHIT. IT JUST MAKES SAD FOR THEM IN ALL HONESTY.
IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER, THOUGH. WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT SOME DOUCHEBAG ON CHITTR THINKS? IF THEY BLOCK YOU, THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, OH WELL. IT'S REALLY A NON ISSUE
GOD, SOME OF YOU ARE SO FUCKING DESPERATE IT MAKES MY GANDERBULBS BLEED.
GOD FORBID I GROW TIRED OF YOUR POSTS, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CRAWL INTO *MY* FUCKING REPLIES WITH THE SAME TIRED SHIT YOU KEEP POSTING ON YOUR MAIN FEED.
"I CAN'T LET YOU GET CLOSE" MIGHT BE THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I'VE SEEN IN MY LIFE.
HTTPS://YOUTU.BE/5WMAP81UXGU?SI=KLUP5J4FULAE-OFY&T=118 ITS TIMESTAMPED BUT IN CASE IT DOESN'T WORK FOR WHATEVER REASON, PLAY FROM 1:58 TO 2:34. I CAN'T LET YOU GET CLOSE!
FUCK YOU, THIS ISN'T ME!! THIS IS FUCKING CHITTR NOT LETTING YOU DE-QUIRK YOUR POSTS
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
ALLOW ME TO ENDEAR MY FOOT UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE. I DON'T NEED THIS FUCKING CONDESCENSION FROM YOU. I'M COMING OVER THERE.
~~~brQ, please. breathe! dQn't- AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!~~~
THE TRUEST FUCKING HORROR OF CHITTR IS WATCHING FACSIMILES OF YOUR FRIENDS ACT LIKE FUCKING CARICATURES OF THEMSELVES ON THE TIMELINE, DEBASING THEMSELVES FOR ALL TO SEE IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME NOT WHOLLY UNCONVINCED THAT THEY'RE RANDOM EARTH-C PEOPLE CYBER COSPLAYING AS 'CREATORS' FOR SOCIAL MEDIA CLOUT. JANE POSTED THAT ONE MALFORMED CLONE FROM THE HUMAN SHOW POWERPUFF GIRLS THE OTHER DAY AND IT REALLY IS FUCKING LIKE THAT. WELL, SHE HAS A LOT MORE PATIENCE FOR YOU FREAKS THAN I DO, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH RIGHT NOW.
ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A WRIGGLER'S SHOW?!
wHAT? wE'RE TALK1NG ABOUT, tHE BBEG, hERE, dUDE,
I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT BARNEY. I'VE COMPLETELY LOST THE THREAD OF THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU FUCKING PEOPLE DO TO ME?!
karkat be nice >:c they are just expressing themselves! although obviously youre not talking about me ;p
OKAY I SCROLLED DOWN THE TIMELINE AND I'M ALREADY PISSED OFF. SOME OF YOU FUCKERS ARE SO GOD DAMN ANNOYING, POSTURING FOR EVERYONE ABOUT HOW BADASS YOU ARE. YOU ARE IRREPROACHABLY FUCKING DEMENTED IF YOU THINK ANY OF THAT POSTUREPLUMEBEASTING IS IMPRESSIVE.
I REALLY WASN'T AWARE OF THIS IN ANY CAPACITY BUT HEY. IF SOMEONE'S GOING TO SAVE THE CITY I GUESS IT MAY AS WELL BE YOU, RIGHT? SO CONGRATULATIONS AND THANKS FOR MAKING SURE MY FAVORITE PIZZA PLACES AND ALSO MY HIVE WASN'T...UH...WHAT DID YOU SAVE IT FROM? I'LL ASSUME IT WAS A KAIJU FOR EXCITEMENT REASONS. THANKS FOR BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THAT GIANT MONSTER THAT EXISTED FOR NO REASON, TAVROS.
oH, i DID NOT, bEAT IT UP, oR ANYTHING i JUST, uSED MY POWERS TO BEFRIEND IT, aND MAKE IT WALK AWAY, bACK INTO THE SEA, tHUS SAVING, tHE CITY, bUT YEAH TH1S WAS A WHILE AGO, hONESTLY BUT, i MENT1ONED IT EARLIER, wHICH MAYBE WAS POSTURING, wHICH MADE ME THINK, i WAS 1NCLUDED IN YOUR THING ABOUT, pOSTURING, wHICH IS WHY i COMMENTED ON YOUR THING ABOUT, pOSTURING,
... COOL. WELL YOU WEREN'T. SO GLAD WE SORTED THAT OUT.
THIS POST IS LITERALLY FROM TWO HOURS AGO, MAN. LET IT GO.
no dude i care so much about what you think of me im shaking and shivering under the covers right now at the thought of you not thinking im the best possible dave
FUCKING EYEROLL. AT LEAST YOU'RE ABLE TO POSIT EVEN A SMIDGEN OF SARCASM- THAT PUTS YOU ABOVE THE MEDIOCRE MAJORITY AT A BASELINE.
ITS MORNING AND THE MIGRAINE HASN'T LEFT ME. ANYONE IN THE VICINITY OF WHERE I LIVE GET OUT OF THE GOD DAMN WAY ITS GONNA BE A CLASSIC KARKAT GROUCH DAY.
IN OTHER NEWS I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME THIS WEEK PLAYING VARIOUS RACING GAMES WITH VRISKA. THE VERDICT IS IF IT'S MORE OF A TECHNICAL GAME SHE WINS PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME, AND SHE *LOVES* TO REMIND ME OF HOW MUCH OF A 'GAMER GIRL' (YUCK) SHE IS. BUT IF IT'S A LESS SERIOUS RACER? YOUR MARIO KARTS ETC, I WILL KICK HER ASS TWELVE WAYS TO SUNDAY. EAT THIS BLUE SHELL THEN EAT MY DUST, SWEETHEART.
THERE IS NOTHING QUITE LIKE A MIGRAINE THAT DOESN'T FOLD TO MEDICATION. WHY YES, I LOVE HOW MY THINK PAN DECIDES TO ATTACK ITSELF WITH THE DRIVING FORCE OF A JACKHAMMER TO THE SKULL FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON!
DON'T WORRY, I'M AN EXPERT IN THIS SHIT BY NOW. I'VE SPENT THE LAST HOUR WITH MY FACE DOWN IN A LOUNGEPLANK LUMBAR SUPPORTER.
have you ever tried slamming your hand full speed into something metal and or sharp so you'll be too focused on the pain in your hand to notice the migraine #violence
... YEAH DUDE I THINK I'LL PASS ON THAT ONE BUT THANKS FOR THE INTIMATELY VIOLENT SUGGESTION I GUESS? THERE'S A DAVE FOR EVERYTHING I SUPPOSE, EVEN A DAVE FOR ADVOCATING IN THE DIRECTION OF GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM.
dave corp. thansk you for your review or some shit step on a lego
fuuuuck, dude. legit, i am sorry. i hate migraine days.
OH GOD AND HERE IT IS AGAIN TO REAR ITS UGLY HEAD JUST AS I FUCKING LIVE AND BREATHE. ARE WE BACK TO THIS BULLSHIT? ARE ASK BOXES BACK IN VOGUE WITH YOU DESPERATE ATTENTION GRUBBING FUCKS? YOU'RE SO DESPERATE FOR SYCOPHANTS CLAWING UP YOUR WASTE CHUTES THAT I CAN BARELY TRAWL THE TIMELINE WITHOUT SEEING SOMEONE *BEGGING* TO HAVE THEIR BOX PUMPED FULL OF QUESTIONS. ARE YOU PEOPLE TRULY THAT IN NEED OF TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF? PICK UP A FUCKING PEN AND WRITE A MEMOIR LIKE THE REST OF US.
I d9n't kn9w. I feel like the ask 69xes are a great way t9 get t9 kn9w m9re a69ut pe9ple. May6e y9u w9uld see that if y9u tried it.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE MORE? I HAVE MY CIRCLE AND I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH EVERYONE ELSE ON HERE STAYING STRANGERS OR, AT BEST, PLEASANT ACQUAINTANCES. I DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF WHERE SOME RANDOM ALTERNIAN WORKS OR WHAT KINKS THEY'RE INTO- SOME OF US PREFER PRIVACY? ALSO, I'VE BEEN GIVEN THIS 'MAYBE YOU'D LIKE IT IF YOU TRIED IT!' GOTCHA BEFORE. IT DIDN'T WORK THEN AND IT WON'T WORK NOW BECAUSE I DON'T FIND THE IDEA OF DIVULGING EVERY INCH OF MY BONE BULGE TO THE PUBLIC LIKE EVERY OTHER LITTLE OVERSHARING WEIRDO ON THIS PLATFORM. #NSFW #IGUESS???
Well. D9n't y9u think an ask69x w9uld let y9u talk a69ut what y9u've 6een d9ing lately regarding y9ur interests? May6e it'll let y9u ram6le 9n a69ut the latest r9mc9m y9u watched. Wh9 kn9ws! Just try it!
IF I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF I'D JUST MAKE A CHIT ABOUT IT. I DON'T NEED TO WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES ME PERMISSION TO TALK. CLEARLY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE ENDLESS FREEFALL OF WORDS WHEN I TALK ABOUT MY FOOD REVIEWS. ALSO I'M NOT TAKING ANY FUCKING ORDERS FROM *YOU* OF ALL PEOPLE.
In all h9nesty, I d9n't see y9u much when I l9g 9nt9 Chittr f9r the day. Als9. 9uch. Reaaaaaaal glad t9 kn9w y9u're 9ne 9f the maaaany Karkats with gripes against me... I'm n9t even here t9 lect... "Discuss" with y9u. Just wanted t9 tell y9u that having an ask69x isn't a 6ad idea. An ask69x c9uld als9 serve as a suggesti9n 69x. If y9u want pe9ple t9 give y9u new films t9 watch.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO RIDE A FINE LINE WHEN IT COMES TO FISH STICKS. COOK THEM BASTARDS TOO LONG AND YOU HAVE THE WORLD'S CRUNCHIEST FOSSIL TO GET THROUGH- BUT COOK THEM NOT ENOUGH AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN FOR THE WORLD'S SLIMIEST, MOST DISGUSTING EXPERIENCE EVER CONCOCTED. ALL THIS TO SAY, I STRUCK THE FORMER PROBLEM TODAY AND GOD DO I FUCKING REGRET POWERING THROUGH TO EAT THOSE. THERE WERE ONLY SIX OF THEM BUT EACH ONE FELT LIKE AN INSURMOUNTABLE FUCKING EXODUS TO GET THROUGH. FUCK EVER TRYING TO COOK IN THE HOUSE EVER AGAIN I'M JUST GONNA KEEP GOING OUT TO EAT.
༊࿐ ✤ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ Why gign't you just put dhem back in dhe oven for anodher minute? ༊࿐ ✤ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
BECAUSE I SAID 'THE FORMER', NUMBNUTS. AS IN THEY WERE OVERCOOKED? PUTTING THEM BACK IN WOULD'VE TURNED THEM INTO A CHARRED HUSK.
༊࿐ ✤ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ Oh, I dhougght dhat you meant dhat dhey were dhe floppy king. Why not just gget new ones ang make some more? Or you can hire a cook to come ang make dhem who is really ggoog at it ang won't burn dhem ༊࿐ ✤ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
ANOTHER THING I'M GLAD WE'VE LARGELY MOVED ON FROM IS THE ASK BLOG FORMAT. FINALLY WE CAN BE A REAL FUCKING WEBSITE AND SCROLL THE TIMELINE WITHOUT BEING FLOODED UP TO OUR KNEES IN WORTHLESS ASSHOLES CHOMPING AT THE BIT FOR A CRUMB OF ATTENTION WITHOUT EVEN TAGGING THEIR SPAM. NOW I GET TO SEE *REAL* POSTS LIKE CHRONIC VIRGINS BEGGING TO BE FUCKED AND GETTING NO REPLIES OR LIKES AND PEOPLE WHO ARE PRETENDING TO BE CHARACTERS FROM HUMAN ANIMATION SERIES FOR SOME REASON. AS WAS ALWAYS INTENDED. #NSFW #IGUESS?
I wanted t0 hate but y0ure t00 right I get sec0nd hand embarrassment when i see a tryhard nsfw p0st with 0 interacti0ns
I GET THIS, MAN. THEY SUCK. GLAD TO SEE SOMEONE WHO GETS ME.
I'VE SEEN LESS AND LESS OTHER KARKATS RECENTLY AND LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU WHAT A GOD DAMN DELIGHT THAT HAS BEEN. IT SEEMS THEY'VE ALL BEEN RELEGATED TO MY BUSY AND/OR OFFLINE HOURS AND I BARELY HAVE TO SEE THEM ANYMORE! HARK, IN THE DISTANCE! DO YOU HEAR THE WHINY GRUMBLES OF YET ANOTHER KARKAT WHO IS HEAD OVER HEELS OBSESSED WITH SOME RANDOM DICKASS GUY AND CAN'T TALK OR THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE? I SURE AS FUCK DON'T! I'M FUCKING FREE! AND IF ANY OTHER KARKAT SEES THIS ASIDE FROM THE SELECT FEW I APPROVE OF (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), GET A FUCKING GRIP! WE USED TO HAVE A PERSONALITY, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? YOUR EXISTENCE IS AN EMBARRASSMENT AND A BLIGHT ON PARADOX SPACE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, ON MY CHITTR TIMELINE.
dont worry karkat! whether there are 10 other karkats or 1000, you will always be the most insufferable prick of them all <3
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK A SIGMUND IS
IF EVEN ONE MORE PERSON CHIMES IN WITH REDUNDANT FUCKING INFORMATION I'M GOING TO TEAR MY RESPITE BLOCK INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES!
Aw geese. I had an answer, but people Already Beat Me To The Punch! I'll just post it anyway: Sigmund Freud was a HUMAN NEUROLOGIST who founded the revolutionary concept of PSYCHOANALYSIS——the idea of uncovering one's mental bases through scrutiny of the unconscious mind. Though his postures have their share of REFUTING FLAWS (arisen from his gender biases and sexual desires), he predicated the framework to understanding the mind, all of which permeate our modern societ(ies).
UGH. THAT FEELS BAD COMING FROM YOU. SORRY, I'M KIND OF FLYING OFF THE HANDLE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
HELLO AGAIN. LET'S TALK. DID YOU KNOW THAT MOLTING MAKES YOU RAVENOUSLY FUCKING HUNGRY? IT'S TRUE- YOU SPEND A WEEK OR EVEN UP TO A WEEK AND A HALF COCOONED IN A SHELL OF YOUR OWN MAKING AND ITS PRETTY REASONABLE TO EXPECT YOU'D COME OUT OF IT STARVING. THAT ISN'T THE WHOLE STORY, THOUGH. SEE, WHEN MOLTING, YOUR BODY IS USING THE SUGARS AND PROTEINS FOUND WITHIN TO CONSTRUCT YOUR BODY ALL OVER AGAIN FROM ITS GENETIC BLUEPRINT, BUT THIS TIME IT'S BIGGER, YOUR CHITIN IS THICKER AND IN GENERAL YOU'RE JUST KIND OF MORE THAN YOU WERE BEFOREHAND. THIS HAPPENED TO ME. IF YOU'RE A TROLL, IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. (MOSTLY. SORRY, TAVROS.) ALL THIS TO SAY...I'VE BEEN TEARING THROUGH THE KITCHENS OF VARIOUS FAST FOOD PLACES LIKE A SCUTTLEBUGGY RACER ROARING DOWN THE TRACK AND SUBSEQUENTLY CAREENING HIS THICK-SKULLED ASS DIRECTLY INTO THE ONCOMING TREELINE. SURPRISE, BITCH. BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME. FOR TODAY'S REVIEW I MADE MY WAY ALLLL THE WAY ACROSS TO THE HUMAN KINGDOM TO TRY SOMETHING CALLED A 'CARVERY' ESTABLISHMENT. NOW, IT BAFFLES THE FUCKING MIND THAT ALTERNIA DIDN'T HAVE THESE. THIS ONLY BARELY COUNTS AS FAST FOOD, I FEEL, SO MAYBE I'M GIVING UP SOME OF MY STREET CRED AS THAT ONE KARKAT WHO EATS LIKE SHIT HERE BUT HEY WHO GIVES A FUCK. THIS PLACE WAS CALLED THE 'SQUIRREL AND OAK TREE', WHICH FOR MY ALTERNIAN READERS ROUGHLY TRANSLATES TO THE NUT CREATURE AND LONG SHAFT. HAH. THAT WAS A JOKE. MOSTLY. THE IDEA OF THE 'CARVERY' IS THAT YOU WALTZ IN, SIT DOWN AND DEMAND MEAT TO ORDER LIKE SOME KIND OF THIRD-IMPERIAL ERA KING. THERE ARE MANY AVAILABLE- BEEF, CHICKEN, PORK...WHY THE FUCK DID ALTERNIA NOT HAVE THIS? WE JUST HAD REGULAR FUCKING RESTAURANTS, NOT ESTABLISHMENTS ENTIRELY DEDICATED TO THE WORSHIP OF SLABS OF FUCKING FLESH. IT'S GODLIKE IN CONCEPT. BUT DOES THIS ONE ESTABLISHMENT LIVE UP TO THE HYPE? YES. YES THE FUCK IT DID. TODAY'S MEAL WAS KIND OF A BUFFET MISHMASH OF A BUNCH OF SHIT THAT I WANTED DESPERATELY TO SHOVE INTO MY GAPING, GREEDY MAW BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IF I DIDN'T EAT THAT SECOND I'D EXPIRE. HONESTLY? I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT I PUT ON THAT PLATE. I KNOW IT WAS BEEF BRISKET, SOME ROAST POTATOES AND A BUNCH OF VEGETABLES, BUT THE FINER DETAILS ARE LOST TO THE MEAT-FUELED HELL HAZE I ENTERED AFTER TAKING MY FIRST BITE. I THINK I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF VRISKA, AND FOR THAT I'M TRULY FUCKING SORRY, BUT YOU ATE THAT FOOD TOO AND YOU KNOW HOW GOOD IT WAS SO MAYBE LEARN TO CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK? ANYWAY, I DEVOURED THAT SHIT IN LIKE 30 SECONDS FLAT. I THINK I LICKED THE PLATE CLEAN? IT WAS MONSTROUS, I'VE NEVER BEEN SO THOROUGHLY POSSESSED BY THE SPIRIT OF GREED LIKE THAT BEFORE I CAME AWAY FROM THE WHOLE ORDEAL A LITTLE BIT MORE FRIGHTENED OF MYSELF AND MY NEW CAPABILITIES. ...THAT WAS AFTER THREE MORE PLATES FULL, THOUGH. THANK GOD THAT I HAVE BASICALLY INFINITE MONEY FROM BEING CARTED THROUGH SPACE AND TIME AND BEING A USELESS FUCKING LOSER BASICALLY THAT ENTIRE TIME. THE HORRIBLE TRAUMA AND CO-DEPENDENCY I NOW LIVE WITH WAS ENTIRELY WORTH IT FOR UNLIMITED REFILLS ON MY SLOP #MYSLOP. ALL IN ALL, 10/10 EXPERIENCE. THE SERVICE THERE WERE EXTREMELY UNDERSTANDING WHEN I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS JUST POST-MOLT, AND THEY WEREN'T MAD ABOUT IT LIKE YOU SAID THEY WERE, *VRISKA.* THE FOOD WAS...UH...I THINK IT WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD? I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS. HONESTLY I DON'T REMEMBER THE TASTE MUCH MORE THAN I REMEMBER FINALLY FEELING FULL AFTER BASICALLY A WHOLE WEEK. VRISKA...I THINK SHE LIKED IT? I'M PRETTY SURE SHE LIKED IT. YOU CAN CHIME IN WITH YOUR OPINIONS WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IN THE REPLIES. IT WAS A GREAT DATE ANYWAY. IF NOTHING ELSE I GOT TO EMBARRASS THE SHIT OUT OF HER, AND IS THAT NOT WHAT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS TRULY ABOUT? YOUR MOVE, SERKET. #KARKATFOODREVIEWS
I'm sorr"E", I didn't quite understand that command. Please r"E"phrase. If you n"E"d to contact customer support, f"E"l fr"E" to do so through our DMs. Our Social M"E"dia manager will help you out shortl"E"!
You didn't SCARE me, you were just so voracious I started to wonder my hair was going to end up 8eing vacuumed up into your gaping maw and start a ridiculous series of events culmin8ing in some kind of meat-fueled com8in8ion heimlich and suplex maneuver. Plus those w8ers were totally annoyed with how much of #yourslop they had to carve and cart out. You don't get to deny their mild irrit8ion. We all saw it!!!!!!!!
OH PLEASE, IF IT WASN'T GOING TO BE FOR ME THEY'D HAVE TO DO IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE! GOD FORBID PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THE JOBS THEY'RE PAID TO DO, I GUESS??? ALSO MAYBE YOUR HAIR WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN MY DANGER RANGE IF YOU WEREN'T HANGING OFF OF MY ARM SO GOD DAMN CLOSE THE WHOLE TIME! CLINGY, MUCH? I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY INTO ME POST-MOLT BUT IF ANYONE WAS ANNOYING OTHER PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT IT WAS YOU HANGING OFF OF MY ARM!
#myslop hehehe glad you were able to destroy a small countries worth of meat products!!
the goat returns. im glad y0ur molting went well, dude.
DUDE. ME THE FUCK TOO. THERE WASN'T REALLY ANY REASON IT SHOULDN'T BUT IT'S ALWAYS KIND OF A NAILBITER TO SEE IF YOUR GENETIC CODE IS PREDISPOSED TO FUCKING YOU OVER IN THE COCOON.
yeah, mo0d. but youve been through w0rse. so y0ure a lot taller n0w, huh?
NOT AS DRAMATIC A GROWTH SPURT AS SOME TROLLS, BUT YEAH. I AM STRUGGLING TO FIT THROUGH SOME DOORFRAMES.
TURNS OUT STAYING UP EXTREMELY LATE MAKES YOU BONE TIRED BEYOND ALL CELLULAR COMPREHENSION, WHO KNEW? SURELY THERE WAS NOTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE TO PREVENT THIS. WHAT THE FUCK EVER, IT WAS WORTH IT. ISN'T LIKE I EVER HAVE ANYWHERE TO BE ANYWAY. IT'S *MY* WRIGGLING DAY +FOUR AND I GET TO DECIDE WHEN I HIT THE 'CUPE.
hugs...i still pass out at random sometimes so i sort of get how you feel!