Karkat Vantas
@carcinoGeneticist
SURVIVOR OF SGRUB / EARTH-C SQUATTER / BASICALLY JUST GOT HERE SO 'CAUSAL SPOILERS' ARE APPRECIATED THANKS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'VE NOT ASKED FOR IT, BUT IT'S HAPPENING ANYWAY. THIS SATURDAY, AT 6 AM BST (BILIOUS STANDARD TIMELINE) I WILL BE HOSTING A WATCHALONG ON HYPERBEAM FOR THE HUMAN MUSICAL CHICAGO. I WILL BE ATTENDED, HOPEFULLY, BY @ARCHIVEADDICT AND @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST AS ASSHOLES I'VE ROPED IN TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME. BE THERE, OR DON'T, I DON'T CARE. IT'S NO SKIN OFF OF MY BACK. #WATCHALONG #MOVIE #WHATELSESHOULDITAG #SUCKMYBULGESATURDAY #CHICAGOSATURDAY
TW #s9cialgatherings #9ccularn9rmative #audi9n9rmative #murder #death #vi9lence #expl9itati9n #lying #impris9nment #crimeandpunishment #r9manticentanglements #humans P.S: I may attend.
THAT'S FINE SO LONG AS YOU DON'T TAG EVERYTHING THE WHOLE MOVIE. PLEASE JUST BE NORMAL? FOR ONCE?
Hm. Y9u are n9 d9u6t aware that I see it as my s9lemn duty t9 ensure all p9tentially harmful material is pr9perly categ9rized and tagged, and asking me t9 refrain fr9m d9ing s9 n9t 9nly is a disservice t9 my eff9rts 6ut als9 risks y9u 9r 9ne 9f y9ur guests unkn9wingly walking straight int9 distressing territ9ries which they were n9t prepared f9r. At the same time h9wever I realize that as the 9rganizer 9f such an event y9u are und9u6tedly placed under greater strain than usual, and as such are in greater need 9f a c99perative envir9nment; if it w9uld make y9u m9re c9mf9rta6le, I c9uld perhaps attempt t9 restrain myself. Perhaps, th9ugh, a c9mpr9mise: My a69ve p9st sh9uld serve as a sufficient preemptive 6lanket warning f9r p9tentially triggering t9pics within the musical experience. (Als9 in future please refrain fr9m assigning 6ehavi9urs as 'n9rmal' 9r 'a6n9rmal', as such descript9rs are frequently used t9 9stracize s9cial 9ut-gr9ups f9r acts which d9 n9t c9nstitute any harm 6ut are simply seen as 'weird' and deserving 9f ridicule.)
YES, FINE, WHATEVER. YOUR POST THERE CAN BE THE CONTENT WARNING AND WHEN YOU GET INTO THE ROOM YOU CAN POST ONE (1) CONTENT WARNING BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTS. DOES THAT SOUND FAIR?
Yes. A6s9lutely. Thank y9u f9r y9ur c99perati9n in ensuring this experience is a safe 9ne f9r all inv9lved. This is why y9u are my fav9urite disciple, Karkat. N9t that I mean t9 imply any 9ne disciple is 6etter than an9ther, 9r that I 'play fav9urites' in regards t9 wh9 receives my messages, 9f c9urse.
I'M SICK OF EVERYONE PRETENDING THAT FAYGO IS INHERENTLY ALCOHOLIC OR SOPORIFIC IN SOME WAY. IT ISN'T A DRUG IN ANY CAPACITY- NOT ANY MORE THAN ANY ENTIRELY TOO SUGARY SODA IS. IT REALLY IS JUST FUCKING SODA, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCK UP A TROLL BY GIVING THEM A BOTTLE OF FAYGO. AT BEST THEY'RE JUST GOING TO GET A SUGAR RUSH. NOW, I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS COMMON MISCONCEPTION COMES FROM. CLOWNS ARE KNOWN TO SPIKE THEIR FAYGO, OR TAKE IT ALONGSIDE OTHER SHIT THAT'LL FUCK THEIR PAN UP FOR A BIT. THIS IS CORRELATION, NOT CAUSATION. I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYBODY ACTUALLY BELIEVES THIS SHIT, COME ON NOW. A WARRIOR SPECIES WHO EVOLVED TO SUBJUGATE TRILLIONS OF DISTANT STARS, INCAPACITATED BY A REDPOP? YOU'RE INSANE.
Also, unfortunately, Faygo Cotton Candy, Redpop, and Cream Soda kinda really fucking hit.
i dunno man that firZt Zip of a faygo cotton candy maKeZ me thinK otherwiZe maybe all the faygo in your TL iZ defective
I'M NOT EVEN ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT. THERE ARE SOME GOOD FAYGO FLAVORS- ITS KIND OF LIKE AN OOKBEAST ON A TYPEWRITER TYPE THING? THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT ONES THAT STATISTICALLY SOME OF THEM HAVE TO BE GOOD.
DON'T COME IN HERE CRITICIZING MY SHIT LOOKING LIKE AN OFF BRAND VERSION OF ME. YOUR NAME EVEN BEGINS WITH A K, COME ON MAN.
I Must Admit This Misnomer Crossed My Mind While I Was Questionably Enjoying The Experience In Partaking Of A Human Soda Yesterday And Worried Someone May Have Gotten The Wrong Idea
wAiT, mOtHeRfUcKeRs aCtUaLlY BeLiEvEd tHaT ShIt? NaH BrOtHeRs tHeY GoT ThAt rIgHtEoUs sHiT UnDeR ThE BiG ToPs. MoSt sAcReD FaYgO 40's wIlL KnOcK A MoThErFuCkEr oN ThEiR AsS In a hUrRy. HoLiDaYs hAd tHe sTrOnGeSt sHiT, bLeSsEd wItH ThE MoSt aNcIeNt eLiXiRs fRoM ThE GrEaT CuLlInG. (O: cAn't eVeN MaKe tHe sHiT PrOpEr nO MoRe.
Truly one of the biggest practical jokes played on trollkind. It is hilarious to think people are still falling for it to this day.
GOD I'M SO FUCKING TIRED.
I KNEW POSTING THIS WAS A MISTAKE BUT YOU JUST SOLIDIFIED THAT IDEA INTO CRYSTALLIZED THOUGHT.
apologies its a habit a mine to make people regret their choices upon wwakin up
SOMETIMES HAUNTING SHADOWS WILL WEAR THE FACES OF YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON LIKE ITS FINE.
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
YOU...REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. BUT LIKE, IF YOU'RE INSISTING I WON'T SAY NO.
WHOEVER THIS "ANONYMOUS BENEFACTOR" IS, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE RUMBLESPHERE-TWISTING CONUNDRUM OF SIMULTANEOUSLY DELIGHT AND DISGUST AT YOUR DESCRIPTION OF THE CLEARLY RELIGIOUS, ALBEIT DISTURBINGLY *CHARGED* EXPERIENCE YOU HAD SMASHING YOUR SLAVERING MAW AGAINST THAT MOLTEN PUPA POOL OF PIPING HOT, DAIRY-THICK ENLIGHTENMENT. AND I WISH I COULDN'T. BUT READING THIS CAUSED THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TO TICK *ONE* DEGREE UPWARD. I APPROVE.
MAYBE I WILL. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, LARDAAS. SO RIGHT NOW, I CHOOSE TO SEE YOU AS A DEEP DISH EARTH-C-HICAGO-STYLE PIZZA. AND WE BOTH KNOW *FULL* WELL WHAT A KARKAT CAN DO TO ONE OF THOSE.
awwright fearless leader im takin the hint and goin out for pizza i shall say a prayer of thanks unto you for blessin me wwith your infinite culinary wwisdom and im only being half-sarcastic, the revvieww is sellin it to me big time as a guy wwho typically prefers neww hork pizza, because of course human neww york is simply superior in all respects
LISTEN DUDE, PREPARE TO BE FUCKING FLOORED. IT'S JUST NOT NATURAL HOW GOOD THIS SHIT IS.
...ON WHETHER OR NOT I CONCOCT A FETISH VIDEO FOR AN INCEL? I'M GOOD, MAN.
#NOWPLAYING JOAN JETT - BAD REPUTATION HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=MZWZ9DCEWRQ
THIS NEW TREND OF EVERYONE BEING A FUCKING ASKBLOG IS GETTING REAL FUCKING OLD. HERE I AM, DESPERATELY TRYING TO SIFT THROUGH THE HOME TIMELINE, HOPING TO SEE ANYTHING. AN INSPIRING POST. MAYBE A PIECE OF ART! A SELFIE, PERHAPS? OOPS, SORRY KARKAT! ITS A THOUSAND IRRELEVANT FUCKS WHO THINK THEY'RE WORTHY OF THE VAUNTED ASKBLOG CLOGGING THE TIMELINE BY POSTING LIKE TWELVE OF THESE AT ONCE! I AM LEFT ADRIFT TO FLOAT IN THE OCEAN OF BANDWAGON JUMPERS. I EXTEND AN ARM OUT TOWARDS THE LIGHT ABOVE, HOPING THAT SOMEONE WILL TAKE IT AND PULL ME OUT OF THE MIRE NO SUCH LUCK, IT IS MY DESTINY TO DROWN AND NEVER SEE AN ORIGINAL POST EVER AFUCKINGGAIN.
かわいい羊のようなフード付きのふわふわのケープを、裸の体に直接羽織るつもり。服の紐をほどき、床に落として。チョークを使って、私たちの2人のエロ漫画を描いてみるよ。それから、アジアの龍がいかに強大で力強い存在かをお見せしてから、あなたを使ってアタシの口唇固着を満たしてやる。
then why dont you make one? surely your super duper popular blog is worthy!!
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT RANDOM ASSHOLES I DON'T CARE ABOUT PRYING INTO MY SOCIAL LIFE?
it is not prying you weirdo! its called making little connections with other people!! its fun!!!
OH, DID YOU THINK I WAS JUST GOING TO POST REVIEWS FOR PIZZA? YOU FOOL. YOU FUCKING MORON. YOU FUCKING IGNORAMUS. OH MY SWEET SUMMER FUCKHEAD. NO, WE'RE MOVING ON TO BURGERS NOW. THE RIGHT BURGER IS SOMETHING THAT CAN RARELY BE PUT INTO WORDS AND MIGHT ONLY BE ABLE TO BE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED WHEN PUT INTO SONG. BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST. FOR YOU. YOU UNGRATEFUL LEECHES. THE METRICS FOR WHICH I ENJOY A BURGER ARE VERY SIMPLE. I LOOK FOR THREE THINGS, NO MATTER WHAT TYPE OF BURGER IT IS: MOIST, FLAVORFUL MEAT, ENOUGH CHEESE TO PUT AN ESPECIALLY LARGE SHRIEKBEAST INTO THE GROUND AND ADEQUATELY TOASTED BUNS. NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN THE COMMENTS TO SAY: HAHA, BUNS! HAHAHAHAHA, HE SAID MEAT! YES. THIS IS THE PRICE WE PAY WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING AS WONDERFUL AS THE HUMBLE BURGER. SOMETIMES SHIT IS GOING TO END UP SOUNDING REALLY FUCKING #SUGGESTIVE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN REALLY DO ABOUT IT. SO HERE, THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. YOUR TIME EVEN! MOIST MEAT. TOASTED BUNS. SUPPLE, DELICATE BREAD. OOEY, GOOEY CHEESE. WASN'T THAT FUNNY? AREN'T YOU JUST TICKLED FUCKING PINK AT THE VAGUEST BULLSHIT? I BET YOU ARE, YOU KNUCKLE-DRAGGING MOUTHBREATHER. ANYWAY, TODAY I VISITED A BURGER PLACE KNOWN AS TITO'S. HERE THEY SERVE A VARIETY OF BURGERS, INCLUDING THE FABLED 'SMASH PATTY', AND HERE'S WHERE OUR TASTES MAY DIFFER. THIS MAY BE THE PART WHERE YOU RAISE YOUR PITCHFORKS AND PUT ME TO THE FUCKING TORCH BECAUSE HOT TAKE? I DON'T REALLY LIKE SMASH PATTIES. I THINK THEY HAVE THEIR PLACE. I WOULDN'T TURN MY NOSE UP IF I FOUND ONE ON MY PLATE, LOVINGLY CRAFTED BY ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO SAW FIT TO FEED ME. "YOU'RE SAFE NOW, MY CHILD", THEY SAY. "DON'T EVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT AGAIN!" I REPLY. BUT YEAH I WOULDN'T *CHOOSE* A SMASH PATTY SO THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD TITO'S HAS OTHER OPTIONS. WHEN TRYING OUT A NEW BURGER PLACE I ALWAYS DEFAULT TO THEIR MOST BASIC BURGER AVAILABLE. HERE, THIS HAPPENED TO BE THE DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER. BULLY FOR FUCKING ME, THAT HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE KIND. THIS DOUBLE CHEESE CAME WITH A SALAD TOPPING AND SOME OF THE HOUSE'S SIGNATURE 'BURGER SAUCE', WHICH LOSES POINTS BECAUSE I HATE IT WHEN SHIT IS NAMED LIKE THAT. WHAT'S IN IT? WHAT DOES IT ENTAIL? IS IT SPICY OR SWEET? ROLL THE FUCKING DICE YOU IGNORANT FUCK! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL ITS IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, ASSAULTING YOU WITH ITS AIRHEADS: WHITE MYSTERY. TO CUT A LONG DIATRIBE SHORT THOUGH THE SAUCE WAS FINE I THINK IT WAS A MUSTARD BASE WITH SOME SPICES. I GIVE THIS BURGER A SOLID 7/10. IT WAS A GOOD BURGER! I ENJOYED IT! TASTY ENOUGH FOR SURE AND I WOULDN'T SAY NO TO GOING TO THE PLACE AGAIN. THE MEAT WAS JUICY, AND HELD ALL THE GREASY SHIT THAT I LOVE. TITO, THE PROPRIETOR HIMSELF, WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO ACCOMMODATE MY REQUEST FOR EXTRA CHEESE AND BOY DID HE DELIVER- THAT SHIT WAS DRIBBLING ONTO MY SHIRT I FELT LIKE A WRIGGLER AT MCDISORDERS WHO'S LUSUS IS TOO BUSY TO ADEQUATELY TAKE CARE OF THEM. FAST, FRIENDLY SERVICE. NOW LET'S GO ONTO WHAT BRINGS IT DOWN IN THE SCORE. THE SALAD ITSELF WAS TASTY BUT *NOT* CRISP. WHEN I BITE INTO A PICKLE, I EXPECT IT TO CRUNCH, I EXPECT IT TO RESIST ME. I EXPECT IT TO BE A BRIEF, FLEETING FIGHT BETWEEN MY TEETH AND THIS OBSTINATE VEGETABLE. UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS ALL A BIT LIMP. AS BEFORE MENTIONED, I DON'T ENJOY A MYSTERY SAUCE- EVEN IF I ENDED UP LIKING IT, THE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF BEING HESITANT TO TAKE A BITE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS WHITE SHIT IS KIND OF PUT ME OFF A BIT. THE BIGGEST OFFENDER TO MY RATING SYSTEM WAS THE FACT THAT I HAD TO ORDER FRIES *SEPARATELY*. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHERE A BURGER DOESN'T *COME WITH* THE FRIES? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING THAT IT'S A SEPARATE CHARGE?! THIS SPITS IN THE FACE OF THE ENTIRE BURGER EXPERIENCE! A BURGER WITHOUT HER FRIES IS LIKE A THRESHECUTIONER WITHOUT HIS SICKLE. WHICH IS TO SAY: HE'S A VERY FUCKING PISS POOR EXCUSE FOR A THRESHIE TO BE QUITE HONEST!!! A DRINK AS A DISJOINTED PIECE I WILL ACCEPT. A DESSERT, TOO! HELL, I'LL EVEN ACCEPT SEPARATE ONION RINGS! BUT FRIES? THE FRIES?! IF THIS IS WHERE THE FUTURE OF THE BURGER RESTAURANT IS HEADED THEN I AM NOT FUCKING OPTIMISTIC. AS ITERATED BEFORE, 7/10. JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHERE I REVIEW A HOT DOG OR SOME SHIT WHO KNOWS! I SURE AS HELL WON'T UNTIL I GET TO THE RESTAURANT, SO FUCK OFF WITH YOUR NOSY, PROGNOSTICATIVE BULLSHIT! KARKAT OUT.
honestly i was g0ing two give y0u shit for this 0ne but i cant. comprehensive reviews ab0ut something harmless are when y0ure at your best. im genuinely l0oking f0rward two m0re of these. further th0ughts: i DID laugh at the meat and buns and shit. im not g0ing two pretend my sense of hum0r is refined and subtle. youre abs0lutely right re: mystery sauce. tell me what the fuck it is before i bite intw0 something disgusting and my broken-ass pan tells me weve been p0isoned and 0ur body is under attack and i need two spit it 0ut right now. shit be embarrassing yo. als0 was the salad topping just lettuce?
i am staring at ny screen with a little :O on my face and stars in my eyes!! this is vvvvv interesting karkat especially because i dont have nearly as refined a palate as you ._. ill eat anything if its in a bowl so it is nice to see you give very detailed thoughts on the matter!!! i surrender to your food reviewing prowess hehe
I'M GLAD THAT IF NOTHING ELSE WE CAN UNITE ON NOT WANTING TO PUT SHIT IN OUR GLUTTONOUS MAWS WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS. AND NO, IT WAS LETTUCE, PICKLES AND ONION.
DAMN STRAIGHT YOU WILL. AND ANY SCURRILOUS LOSER WHO TRIES TO SAY OTHERWISE ISN'T WELCOME ON MY AMAZINGLY POPULAR CHITTR ACCOUNT (LIBEL PUBLISHED BY MYSELF)
CLEARLY? WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD THIS BE. LET A MAN HAVE HIS HOBBY.
oni0n on burgers kinda disrupts the experience f0r me tbh but im glad some0ne enjoys them.
OKAY COOL WE'RE BACK TO FIGHTING AGAIN. AS IF ONIONS ON A BURGER ISN'T A GOD DAMN CLASSIC OF THE GENRE YOU FUCKING PHILISTINE. READ ANY CULINARY HISTORY BOOK OR MAYBE JUST GET OUT OF YOUR NASTY HIVE AND ACTUALLY EAT ONE AT A RESTAURANT.
i wasnt trying two fight?? s0rry you cant handle a guy having a different opini0n because a sudden fucking CRUNCH of flav0r that completely overp0wers everything else kind of fucks with my delici0us savory meat and cheese.
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PIZZA PLACE TO TRY. I'M STILL SEARCHING FOR ANYWHERE ON EARTH-C WHERE THEY ACTUALLY GET THIS SHIT PERFECT. I'M TALKING THE OPTION FOR STUFFED CRUST, A CRISPY BASE, ADEQUATE GREASE AND PLENTY OF CHEESE. I DON'T CARE WHAT HUMAN '''ITALIANS''' THINK- THE TRADITIONAL STYLE OF FLAVOR DISCS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU MEAN YOU'RE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SKIMP ON THE CHEESE AND FLOUNDER A BUNCH OF GREEN SHIT ON THERE HAPHAZARDLY? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. TODAY'S SLICE ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE. MY FAVORED TOPPING IS PEPPERONI WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND THEY SURE AS HELL DELIVERED ON THE EXTRA CHEESE PART. THIS SHIT HAS A CHEESE PULL STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ONE IN WHICH AN ANTHROMORPHIC BARKBEAST AND HIS BARKBEAST SON HAVE TO TRAVERSE THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING CARETAKER AND GRUB WHILE ON A SCUTTLEBUGGY TRIP ACROSS THE ALTERNIAN MAIN CONTINENT TO GO FISHING BUT THE KID WANTS TO GO SEE A CONCERT INSTEAD TO IMPRESS HIS FLUSH CRUSH. THE ONLY THING THIS LOSES POINTS FOR IS THAT THE PEPPERONI IS LESS CRISP THAN I'D LIKE. IT SHOULD HOLD THE GREASE LIKE A CUP, PERFECT FOR GETTING ALL OVER YOUR NASTY CHIN AND MAKING YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR LATER AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. ANYWAY, STILL A SOLID 8/10 BUT NOT PERFECT. THE SEARCH CONTINUES. #FOODPOSTING #THESLICESEARCH
THIS IS FUCKING RICH COMING FROM YOU. YOU'RE THE SECOND DAVE TO ACCOST ME ON THIS THREAD TODAY SO COLLECTIVELY YOU'VE PROBABLY SAID MORE WORDS TO ME THAN I'VE SAID OUT LOUD ALL DAY COMBINED.
\ mad respect f0r kn0w1n what y0u want 1n a flav0rd1sc! g0tta be just the r1ght texture and flav0r /
WELL DUH. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HAS THAT LITTLE OF A BACKBONE THAT THEY'LL JUST ASSUME THE MOST SUBMISSIVE POSTURE AVAILABLE AND SAY 'WHATEVER YOU THINK IS BEST!' TO THE PIZZA GUY.
I DID FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE YESTERDAY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT GOT ME? MY MOIRAIL (??) COOKED ALIVE IN AN OVEN! I'M GOOD ON THE WHOLE 'TOUCHING GRASS' THING FOR A GOOD FUCKING LONG WHILE THANK YOU.
YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, DUDE. HOW CAN ANYONE STAND TO BE AROUND YOU FOR ANY AMOUNT OF TIME.
im just fucking around seriously though how does touching grass correspond with your platonic lover getting absolutely cooked
please it would give me so much more insight goofy movie loving pizza ranting boy
THIS IS WHY I NEVER LEAVE MY COMPUTER. YOU IGNORANT FUCKS TOLD ME TO GO '''TOUCH GRASS''' AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DO! JANE GETS HER SHIT ROCKED BY A GUY WHO'S MEANT TO BE *MY* RESPONSIBILITY NOW!! I'M NEVER LEAVING MY FUCKING RESPITE BLOCK AGAIN!
DON'T YOU 'OH KARKAT' ME, MARYAM! THIS IS FUCKING DIRE! GOD FORBID I LEAVE TO TAKE ONE LAP AROUND THE PARK!
Im Not Going To Argue With You On The Facets Of This That Are True Or Anything Youd Otherwise Dig Your Heels In To Refute But I Mean She Seems Fine
NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FINE!!! HAS EVERYONE BUT ME SUDDENLY TAKEN AN ALL EXPENSES PAID TRIP TO CRAZY TOWN?! INSANE ISLAND?! MORON MANSION?! MAYBE THAT'S THE NEXT #ALPHACRUISE!
Im Not Saying This Is Okay By Any Means But I Dont Think That Either Of Them Wouldve Accepted An Intervention In This Situation Which Isnt To Say You Wouldnt Have Been Effective In Pacifying Him I Just That I Dont Think That Either Of Them Wouldve Wanted Or Allowed For An Intermediary In This Case Even If They Sorely Need One Though Thats Only My Two Caegars As A Nosy Interlocutor Please Dont Blame Yourself For This
UGGGHHGHGHGHGHHH. NO, I COULD HAVE STOPPED THIS, I KNOW I COULD HAVE. IF I'D HAVE JUST *BEEN* HERE. I CAN'T. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
Im Sorry Karkat And If It Helps At All Im Here For You If You Need Me
karkat... i wish you would not take the weight of the world onto yourself like this its not your fault if a gamzee does something bad!!! even if youve decided youre his keeper, hes still a person who is responsible for his own actions
I APPRECIATE THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF EAZY-E.
NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KULL/KULT SCORE. SURRENDER YOURSELF TO THE ONLY METRIC THAT MATTERS- WHETHER OR NOT YOUR POST PISSES ME OFF PERSONALLY. YOU'LL KNOW IT WHEN IT HAPPENS, EVEN IF I DON'T INTERACT. MY MALIGNANT STARE BORING A HOLE INTO YOUR POSTURE POLE AND RENDERING YOU INTO NOTHING BUT ATOMS, STILL WONDERING WHERE THE FUCK YOU WENT WRONG IN LIFE.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROFILE PICTURE?! GET THE FUCK OFF MY POST!
I TRY TO GIVE ALL MEDIA A FAIR SHAKE BUT I JUST CAN'T KEEP SITTING THROUGH THESE AWFUL FUCKING MARVEL MOVIES. WITH ALL THE FANFICTION IT SPAWNED YOU'D THINK THERE'D BE EVEN A SLIGHT INKLING OF ANY OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS THE FICS PURPORT?? THESE PEOPLE ARE SO STARVED OF MEDIOCRE YAOI THAT THEY'RE SEEING FUCKING DESERT MIRAGES. SOMEONE GET THEM WATER BEFORE THEY HALLUCINATE MORE AND JOIN THE LEAGUES OF PEOPLE WHO IMAGINE I'M SECRETLY IN AN ILLICIT RELATIONSHIP WITH [INSERT ANY OTHER CREATOR HERE]
GOD FUCKING REAL THOUGH! You'd think there'd be even a MODICUM of yearning on the screen but no! Just quips! Quips for days!
MANY PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS BUT THEY'RE SAYING THAT LISTENING TO CDS IN YOUR RECUPERACOON IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO MEETING GOD AS YOU'RE EVER GONNA GET.
i bE SaYiNg tHiS ShIt kK CaN FeEl iT In tHe sLiMe mInD GeTs aLl fUcKiNg tWiStEd uP In tHe bAsS aBoUt rEaDy tO JuSt fLoAt aWaY
UGH, BEDS JUST DO NOT PROVIDE THE SAME REST THAT SOPOR DOES. I'VE TRIED TO ADAPT TO THIS SHIT BUT ITS JUST RESTLESS SLEEP AND NIGHT TERRORS. I'M JUST GOING TO USE THE BED TO RELAX CASUALLY AND SLEEP IN SOPOR FROM NOW ON.
being +rapped on ear+h i s+ill miss +he sopor.
Have you tried using a coffin? Those seem more useful than your ordinary beds.
do whatever you need to to be comfy!!! theres no shame in sopor <3 actually i tried it myself recently! it is... interesting but i dont think id use it all the time!
SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU WILL COME TO THE CONUNDRUM OF BEEF BURGER OR CHICKEN BURGER. THIS IS A TRICK QUESTION- THEY'VE PUT THIS IN FRONT OF YOU BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU'RE A DUMB FUCKING WRIGGLER WHO PISSES THEIR PANTS AND SHITS ON THE FLOOR. THE CORRECT ANSWER IS BOTH, EVERY TIME. ITS YOUR MORAL FUCKING IMPERATIVE, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU HAVE TO EAT BOTH.
UGH, YEAH. THE PARLANCE HAS BEEN LEAKING INTO MINE SINCE I GOT TO THIS ABYSMAL ROCK. YES, I MEANT ITS VERY FUCKING GOOD AND IS MAKING ME MARGINALLY LESS LIKELY TO BLOW SOMEONE UP WITH THE MIND POWERS I DON'T HAVE.
WHAT?! THIS IS A FUCKING CRAZY THING TO JUST PROPOSITION SOMEONE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THREAD. FUCK NO! GET THE FUCK OFF MY POST!
૮₍⑅´꒳`₎ა yippie! binkii⁀is⁀glad⁀you⁀enjoy⁀the⁀sandwich! how⁀joyous!
∙☾__☽ uugggghhh lame ̶f̶ucking all these grrey text have been so borring whateverr
YOU CAN EAT THAT FAKE SHIT, TAVROS, BUT YOU WILL NEVER GET ME TO GIVE UP MEAT I'M SORRY
yOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ANYTHING UP BUT, bUT i BET IF YOU GAVE IT A TRY, yOU COULDN'T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!
SEE EVERYONE WHO EATS THAT SHIT SAYS THAT BUT I GUESS I HAVE TASTE BUDS THAT HAVE EVOLVED PAST THE REST OF YOU CAVETROLLS BECAUSE I CAN ABSOLUTELY TASTE THE DIFFERENCE AND THEY'RE FUCKING GROSS.
BAGELS ARE JUST KIND OF FINE.
Asiago Bagel. Cheese, Egg, Cream Cheese. Season It. It Will Be An Experience.
IM LIKE TROLL VAN GOGH. UNAPPRECIATED IN MY TIME. UPON THR DAY OF MY DEATH ALL OF YOU WHITLESS FUCKERS WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE ARBITER OF BAGELS AND BAGEL OPINIONS.
THEY SHOULD MAKE A TYPE OF CEREAL THAT DOESN'T FUCKING SUCK TO EAT.
I'LL STOP YOU RIGHT HERE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO KEEP GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH VARIOUS TYPES AND BRAND OF CEREALS AND I'LL JUST SAY THEY ALL SUCK. I'VE TRIED THEM, AMPORA. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BULLSHIT BLOCK ONCE OR TWICE. THEY HAVE NOT YET INVENTED A GOOD CEREAL.
look in my defense i tried my best to offer my assistance here it aint my fault your taste in foods sucks major ass
MY TASTE IN FOOD IS HONED INTO A BEAUTIFUL POINT. A HOLY SPEAR SET TO PENETRATE THE VENEER OF FANCY SCHMANCY FUCK-AROUND THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN LED TO BELIEVE IS 'GOOD CUISINE'. MY TASTE IN FOOD IS SO WELL REFINED THAT YOU COULD USE ITS TIP TO OPEN VARIOUS CANNED FOODS- THE VERY SAME WHICH I FIND MYSELF DINING UPON DAY BY DAY.
ANYTHING WITH CHEESE IS A GOOD STARTING BET, AND ANYTHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HOT ASS THE DAY AFTER.