Sollux Captor
@givememyDoordash
ju2t waiitiing for my doorda2h 2o iim u2iing thii2 account tiill iit arriive2 iif you look liike my banner pl2 dm me
watched two cop 2how2 and one of the2e 2o called buddy cop fiilm2 my abiiliity two be a chiief of poliice expand2 exponentiially
WE COULD MAKE THIS HAPPEN. ->
2ound2 liike you wiill be properly iinformed about your dutiie2. II under2tand the job come2 wiith a near iinfiiniite the2e amaziing human pa2triie2 called donut2. II wiill have two do re2earch iinto them my2elf.
yeah donut2 delegatiion gun2 whiich are 2hiit but whatever and ii get two order people around whiile beiing nonchalant iit2 perfect really
what even ii2 an iintern
they usually get paid less or work for free 2 get job points or some shit
BREAKING NEWS: A slave that gets you coffee and you don't have to pay, We here at Hivemind News love our interns! THIS HAS BEEN HIVEMIND NEWS, SIGNING OUT.
damn that2 crazy ii 2hould get 2ome of tho2e two do my chore2
if they start stealin our stuff then ur gonna have 2 pay for it or get consequences
iimagiine thiinkiing you could ever hate a captor a2 much a2 we hate our2elve2 genuiinely p2ycho po2tiing
what2 fuckiing next department of dii2ea2e 2preadiing
We do indeed have a department, but it is not under such a crude label, it is the department of Bioweaponry Research. Thank you. - BlackHat Incorporated
i'm not out here sa7ing he7, pla7 the game, but it's not like what an7one wanted ever made a damn bit of differen(e when it (ame to that
iim not agaiin2t the concept of a department of 2burban affaiir2 but iim certaiinly agaiin2t giiviing adviice about iit liike iit2 an actual viideo game and not a troll 2aw trap the adviice 2hould be dont play iit
i reiterate it's not like what an7one wanted ever made a damn bit of differen(e when it (ame to that
yeah no that2 not how iit work2 ye2 iif 2omeone enter2 the game u2iing your adviice they were alway2 2uppo2ed two but the fact iit exii2t2 iin the fiir2t place could be the rea2on they were de2tiined two enter the game ju2t becaue 2burb ii2 prede2tiined doe2nt mean throwiing fuckiing fliier2 everywhere about how fun and 2elf empoweriing the game ii2 wont diirectly iincrea2e the number of 2e22iion2 beiing boot up
i’m not tr7ing to make it sound good and fun, i’m tr7ing to understand it and help people. the7’re alread7 in the saw trap, i’m tr7ing to make sure the7 get out alive
iif they are meant two make iit out they wiill iif they wont then they wont iif they were meant two 2ee your tiip2 then yeah they would have but you are ju2t giiviing the game leverage two pull more people iin nothiing fuckiing more gog ugh
waiit there2 a department of 2burb affaiir2 2iince when
new chiief of poliice ordiinance all cueball2 are two be put iin a 2ack and thrown iinto the neare2t large body of water effectiive iimmediiately do iit or youre gettiing 2watted #viiolence #chiiefofpoliice
me when ii went through the liiteral torment nexu2 only two e2cape by dyiing liike fiive biilliion tiime2 2eeiing people on the da2hboardiing giiviing theiir la2t meme2 before (con2en2ually miind you) 2ubjectiing them2elve2 two the 2ame game liike what the fuck
bit too late to stop it now
ii had two go iinto the torment nexu2 2ay2 iindiiviidual who can defiiniitely choo2e not two go iinto the torment nexu2
choosing to go into the torment nexus harder just to mildly annoy you
you know what true my troll cortii2ol 2piiked pretty hard there iin fact ii 2hould be happy iill get two 2ee a 2hiit2how from the out2iide lookiing iin
he get2 pregnant and wont even let me expo2e the wriiggler two banjo kazooiie nut2 and bolt2 liike can you beliieve the wiire2 on thii2 guy #n2fw #n2fwe #pregnancy
Vagueposting about me, are we?
how am ii vague ii2 there a factory out there poppiing out pregnant robot2 and you could be ea2iily confu2ed wiith any one of them
I can't believe you would say such a thing.
You seem to have an obsession with me. What is your problem?
iim not ob2e22ed wiith you iim ju2t mad you wont liike open up the fene2trated wiindow on your iincubatiion chamber 2o we can get the wriiggler u2ed two viideo game2 before he pop2 out cu2 after he doe2 gamiing traiiniing wiill be a lot harder okay iim ju2t tryiing two 2ave both of u2 a headache but fuck me ii gue22
for the record iim not gonna 2tart acknowledgiing ampora2 agaiin untiil after ii meet formally wiith thii2 cronu2 okay iit2 a 2low proce22 allowiing my2elf two perceiive them agaiin on the da2hboard the only exceptiion of cour2e ii2 the cute beforan one wiith ma22iive rumble2phere2 and thiigh hiigh2 they can get my attentiion by clappiing and not ju2t wiith theiir hand2 #n2fw
how the fuck ii2 ampora beiing outcompeted by a human iin term2 of mii2ogyny liike holy fuck iill need two reorganii2e my leaderboard there2 been a 2eriiou2 up2et wiith thii2 ultiimate diick enteriing the competiitiion
I wwas just asleep goddamn givve me a minute you lowwblood battery
vwait i am? shit i need to step it up
yeah iill make 2ure two 2tiick iit twogether wiith 2uper glue and 2end iit iif no one pull2 ahead iin the rankiing2
nah iit2 okay youre the goat for beiing 2uch a huge piiece of 2hiit youre liiterally alteriing the land2cape for week2 two come
yeah ju2t make 2ure two keep any tear2 of 2hame and anguii2h away from iit iit2 gonna be very fragiile and 2hiitty two match the qualiity of iit2 owner of cour2e
ii dont care iif iit2 the only worthwhiile thiing youve ever receiived acknowledgement for iin your liife youre gonna keep your grabby 2weaty paw2 off my du2t bunny ma2terpiiece
I would like to address something regarding my fellow sapphics. There is a particular kind of individual who encounters lesbian culture only through a series of poorly photocopied warnings left under their windshield wiper. It is always a special little miracle when a gay man discovers lesbian culture the way a Victorian physician discovers a woman with opinions. Clipboard out. Brow furrowed. Suddenly very concerned about hysteria. Somehow, he has acquired a remarkably heteronormative view of a nuanced queer topic. Because, of course, when straight men say lesbians are dramatic, predatory, sexless, angry, unfeminine, cliquish, or fundamentally broken, we recognize the sound. It is boring. It is ancestral. It smells faintly of mildew and fatherhood. But when a gay man says it, he often expects the critique to arrive pre-washed. He, too, has been harmed by heteronormativity. He cannot possibly be speaking in its ancient and cruel tongues. He is merely trying to help. Unfortunately, Dirk, not only do you speak in its accent, you have mastered the dialect. How generous. Dirk’s little #lesbianlifehack series is interesting because it occasionally wanders within spitting distance of a real point, then immediately wraps that point in such a thick, glistening membrane of contempt that one is forced to ask whether the lesson is “lesbians should have healthier relationships” or “Dirk should not be allowed near women unless supervised by a committee of exhausted school counselors.” Let us begin with the emotionally unavailable woman. Yes. Congratulations. Some people are terrible to date. Some people are dangerous to date. Avoidant, self-destructive, addicted, cruel, radioactive. It is perfectly fair to say, “Do not romanticize someone who will harm you and call it love.” Bravo. It becomes less fair when the description turns into a fetishized wanted poster of a tall, handsome, substance-adjacent, vaguely masc woman who “would be a real stunner if she would man up and start T already.” Textbook gender resentment wearing a little paper hat that says “concern.” You are not helping lesbians by implying every troubled masculine woman is a proto-man who has failed to complete the customer survey. You are not protecting women by teaching them to read masculinity, addiction, and emotional unavailability as one big predatory silhouette. You are not critiquing harm. You are eroticizing the hazard sign, then blaming lesbians for looking at it. Yes. Do not build your nest in the ribcage of a woman who cannot hold you without making it feel like a hostage negotiation. Do not convince yourself that her distance is mystique. Do not confuse addiction, avoidance, cultivated indifference, or unresolved trauma with hidden tenderness that only you are clever and beautiful enough to excavate. That is useful advice. Unfortunately, Dirk cannot simply deliver useful advice. His advice is studded with little barbs slid between the ribs of each sentence. He cannot resist treating gender nonconformity as diagnostic material. Nor can he resist a cisgendered narrative. How quaint. How refreshing. The wounded seductress who eats girls alive because she is empty inside. That woman exists. She is also not a species. The problem is not that lesbians are drawn to masculine women. Or complicated women. Or traumatized women. Or women with nicotine habits, hard faces, and poor coping mechanisms. The problem is romanticizing unavailability. The problem is treating damage as proof of depth. The problem is deciding that if someone cannot love you well, the failure must mean the love is profound. Dirk found the correct door. However. He kicked it open with a boot full of misogyny confetti. So yes. Hit the bricks when someone shows you she cannot give back what you put in. But do not mistake every haunted woman for a trap. Do not mistake every masc woman for a threat. Do not mistake every hard-edged lesbian for a spider. And do not let a gay man with a clipboard convince you that his contempt counts as field research. Quite literally everything he has said about lesbians can be flipped on virtually any orientation. The outright targeting of women, sapphics, lesbians, femineity, feminine adjacent individuals, brought in under this microscopic lens is not unlike the wretched magnifying glass burning our little ant hill. A tool for research being used as a weapon again. I will continue these rants shortly.
(( Daraya typed 7 responses to this, deleted all of them and just sat at her husktop fuming at having been clocked so well
((the way i am fuming i have no roxy account to signal boost this exact post omg
((It's okay, Ally of Women Everywhere, Sollux Captor.))
The importance of the actual content aside (as, whilst it's pertinent to me and I agree with you, I'm not going to say I have the full context and will refrain from commenting further outside of my concurrence), there is something to be said about a beautifully executed deconstruction such as this one. You have both my kudos and my thanks, for what they're worth.
This Really Is A Far More Nuanced Take
iif at 2ome poiint ii could 2top randomly prediictiing 2hiit ii have no need two know of or de2iire two gue22 at that would be great
tf happened now
ii have two break my fa2t and acknowledge an ampora wiithout ma22iive tiit2 becau2e a joke ii made happened two be typed iin the pre2ence of a treeapebea2t paw that wa2 iinvii2iible
guy2 ii thiink elderly meenah2 up2et about the fact ii piilfered 2ome 2oda once can we all go over two her po2t and leave a biig fat piity react two make her feel better 2he wa2 talkiing 2mth about how much 2he love2 beiing other troll2 confiidant2 ii gue22 beiing 2eniile turned her p2ychopathy actually rea2onable
todays #wizard post ;3 how do u like my new orb #rorogallery https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9c7dc121a360.png
「AH. HOUSEBROKEN BUT NOT HOMEWRECKING.」 「GOOD.」
「HELLO.」
That's my man, though. Thanks for your input.
「YOUR QUEER HUMAN ATTEMPTS AT INTIMIDATION ARE NOTED AS SILLY AND LACKLUSTRE.」 「YOU ARE TERRITORIAL OF YOUR MAN.」 「BEFORE I EVEN FLIRTED.」 「I AM NOT A HIVEWRECKING BITCH.」 「UNLIKE CERTAIN HOOFBEASTS.」 「I DO NOT FAULT YOU WHOLLY.」 「VALUABLE TREASURE WITHIN.」 「HOWEVER.」 「COME AT ME WITH ATTITUDE AGAIN, AND I WILL ENSURE THE MEGA-CLOWNS GET A THIRD TERM OF PRESIDENCY.」
I'm always territorial. In general. And attitude is just a thing I have. I'll kill your clown shit, don't worry. But we don't really have presidents.
Hot. What happens if you put a wizard and a witch in the same room?
I could get behind that.~
:33 < damn, roro! looking good as pawlways! *ac wolf whistles!*
ii feel a dii2turbance a2 iif a really fun 2et of number2 ju2t became taiinted forever more by iit2 u2age by a lo2er
vwhat the fuck
The biit may have gotten le22 funny now that the per2on who 2aved me from the voiid ii2 teariing at my pu2her goddammiit ii miight be a piiece of crap okay ii am repealiing the chore enforcement actiion or whatever #chiiefofpoliicepo2tiing
lmao im not mad or upset it was funny ngl
#theiirrobe2 #2ugge2tiive
ii wiill be hiiriing deputiie2 two protect the hard re2tiing people of our great poliitiical whatever ii havent done the appliicatiion yet becau2e iim already workiing overtiime on doiing nothiing and 2iittiing on my rear cu2hiion but when ii have iit you wiill know the qualiifiicatiion2 are beiing obediient and beiing chiill iin that order
roomiie2 ii have a job and a2 my fiir2t act a2 chiief of poliice ii am offiiciially declariing that forciing people two do chore2 they dont want two ii2 2lavery iif you actually thiink about iit effectiive iimmediiately @turiingTran2cendence @tiip2ynekoGno2talgiic #chiiefofpoliicepo2tiing
oh ii crank iit everyday dont you worry iim what they call a perpetual crankiing machiine the only rea2on human2 even crank competiitiion2 ii2 becau2e iim not around two take the number one tiitle everytiime they call me the troll magnu2 carl2on of crankiing iit #n2fw
Every day, amazing. I hope you're not shy about cranking it in front of cameras. My systems love to catch your bad side, though I could adjust them to make sure you're not too dopy looking next time~
You, despite the ability to have a room, use the living room as your crash pad. I have security cameras there.
man ii wii2h my roommate2 bought a fuckiing couch layiing on the floor wiith a piillow on my back2upportiing bone 2uck2
wtf happened 2 the couch
realiizatiion my hiive ha2 no couche2... but the floor ii2 2o iinviitiing... why do II need couche2 agaiin?
roxy we were on the floor iif there wa2 a couch worth rememberiing that diidnt have dii2turbiing 2ub2tance2 on iit ii would remember
man the floor ii2 2o hard here ii 2hoiild pull a rug from 2ome other room two help out why diidnt ii thiink of iit 2ooner
Doe2 he thiink the floor2 or the rug2 are 2omehow iin any diifferent condiitiion than the couch II wonder?
can you two 2top mentiioniing furniiture that doe2nt exii2t kiind of annoyiing lowkey.
2ound2 liike iit'2 hiigh key annoyiing, ngl, 2peakiing of low key annoyiing, there'2 2omethiing II need two fiind out.