♥ liked by @coffersNecropolis
NEXT SHOW. GOOD ONE. ME? RA4N DOWN. ELBOW POWER. TUNE 4N. BE AMAZED. EASY. :P
ME TAKE ON WHOLE ARMY. YAWN.
Fym yess Thaat waassnt aa yess or no quesstiion
i was about to ask if u could share and remembered u said u wouldnt. i understand. id eat the whole ass thing myself if i had one too. pls enjoy it thoroughly on my part......
holy #jealous
↘️after an officerena outing to the recreational water facility for adult molt pastime and play↘️ ↗️I HAVE COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT MY WORK SQUARE NEIGHBOR POSSESSES A PAN OF EXCEPTIONAL SQUISHINESS.↗️ ↘️a literal numbnub.↘️ ↗️UNABLE TO CONCEPTUALIZE THE BARE MINIMUM OF BASIC INSTINCTS AND SELF-PROTECTION.↗️ ↘️it is literally by pure luck alone that he did not drown, pitifully, in the shallow end of the pool.↘️ ↗️THEY WOULD NOT EVEN LET ME SWIM, THEY SAID THAT MY BODILY EXCRETIONS AND VARIOUS SUPERFICIAL CHITINOUS OILS WOULD RUIN THE CHEMICAL BALANCE.↗️ ↘️and relegated me to sitting in the open moonlight, until i felt mildly scorched.↘️ ↗️IT ACHES, BUT THE COMMAND OF MY SUPERIORS IS ABSOLUTE.↗️ ↘️so it is fine.↘️ ↗️A DULL, THROBBING REMINDER OF MY DEDICATION AND INFERIORITY UNDER THE FLIP-FLOPPED BOOTHEELS OF MY ULTIMATE COMMANDERS.↗️ ↘️i cannot tread water effectively anyway.↘️
\ n >< n / #happytohelp #workhard!
Yes! #juniorbadgedyou #wageslave #checkyoursettings
✧˗ˏˋHe's a real good 🐕🦴🦴🐶🌭boy, Infern!!! HE'S TRAINED IN ALL SORTS OF TRICKS DON'T GET TOO JEALOUS OF MY LITTLE CHAM𝐏 NOW 😏😏😏ˎˊ˗✦
https://media1.tenor.com/m/NzEu553aKDQAAAAC/smile-happy.gif ))
OH YEAH OH YEAH THANK U FOR REMINDING ME))
✧˗ˏˋhes pretty slimely YESSS <3))ˎˊ˗✦
((SMALL OOC POST SO I CAN PUT A FEW PRISTINE REFERENCES AND GENERAL IDEAAAA WARNINGS: -mostly foul language and harsh ragging -VIOLENCE BLOOD AND GORE (3RD IMAGE BELOW HAS BLOOD AND IMPLIED VIOLENCE) -guy is a big tv personality, think SHAM-WOW GUY MEETS CRAIG FERGUSON -his products are mostly VERY HANDY HOME GADGETS AND TECH, CLOTHING, and VIOLENT BUT VERY CONVENIENT INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION.. and smoothie making! the big top cupcake guy also made the pocket guillotine for those pesky-on-the-go-decap situations EVERRRYONE finds themselves in -hes egotistical, vain, prideful, and deranged, and unfortunately a soft genius in engineering, but by golly can he put on a show tumblr tag: lordtonic.tumblr.com/tagged/pristine https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_7370.gif https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6871.jpeg https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6869.jpeg
✧˗ˏˋGALA this, and GALA that and not a single party pic to be found, COME ON FOLKS I want to get a little envious before I start throwing dice 🎲🎲around at🎲 some CRABS🎲 TABLES to ease my F✦O✦M✦O 😂😂😂😂ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI hate getting SCUFFS from ASS-HOOVED clutzes on my nice shoes in public places, ID CLEAN SWI𝐏E THEM DOWN THE MIDDLE LIKE A HALVED SANDWHICH DAD USED TO MAKE IF I COULD, anyways #makeshoeshinersshineagain #squeaksqueakˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIf I had a nickle for every time I've had to STAB🍴🍴🗡️🗡️ a greasy little hand away from my plate of company catered hors d'oeuvres I'd have -3! One for the first offense, two more as A LESSON, and none because why the fuck would I carry change✦ What am I? #middleclass ? 😂😂😂😂😂😂ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋMy amazing robotic co-star is busting it down on this little get-together's dance floor✦ Imagine being straight SERVED by a mechanical girl, I CANT✦ BECAUSE I TAUGHT HER EVERYTHING HER INFLUX-CA𝐏ACITY MIND BANK KNOWS #Squeaky-CleantheDanceMachine #ThatsShowbizBitchˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋElevator taking forever, I'm going to beat someone over this👿👿👿✦ #𝐏ronto✦ Then I'm going to hire someone to fix it over the last guy's quivering grub-curled body✦😈😈😈 #𝐏rontoˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋThat's right, folks, lazer-cut blade technology would make your ancestors blood shift hue and fuck your flush right infront of you, it can do apples, pears, neighbors, and even the damn WALLS✦ You ever peel a wall? Its 𝐏USSY work with our 𝐏ITCH-𝐏EELERS®✦ If Squeaky here can peel a whole wall, so can you! #𝐏itchApple𝐏eelersˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYou know her by her pink-patina'd titanium casing! Her delightful LED ocular screen! And that sparkle that makes you perverts wish she was a ✨✨REAL GIRL✨✨, cue the applause for Squeaky-Clean the Showtime Machine👏👏👏👏🫶🫶🤖🤖🤖!!! @squeakyCleanˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWhy is my water filtering receptacle empty, doesn't the world know I NEED this shit? I'm a fucking fish, for fucks sake #Fuckmylife #FiltermyBulgestupidemptywaterpitcherˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAnd that's a wrap here on 𝐏itch street, folks✦ Time to turn the lights down🕯️🕯️, wind down with a hot piece of best selling-literature📕, and have me peter popped by the bulge-arian-gargler 500X2, coming to merchant blocks near you! #nsfw 👏👏👏👏👏Good light, Alternia! Good light 👏👏👏👏👏ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI know, starstruck, aren't you? 𝐏ut the socks I knocked back on, sport, I dont care much for slacking on the clock! #TIMEISMONEYˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋFrom the very bottom of my aching blood pumper, who do you take me for, Checkstub?😄😄😄🙏👌👌ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI know right I amaze myself sometimes, like wow-bam-pow! What a guy!😏😏😏ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋHmm, doesn't got that ring to it though, does it? I'll stick with the catchier one!!! Run off my lawn, runt!! Yip-Yip!!!😄😄😄🐶🐶🐶🐕🐕ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAs a businessman I RES𝐏ECT the low level cogs in my beautiful machine, the sweat of their brow greases the inner workings and keeps MY lights on! Now, once they can handle the spotlight maybe Id consider letting them climb the rung of "living dartboard" on MY business model, ITS A DOGGY DOG WORLD AND I GOT MANY LEASHES TO MANAGE ALREADY!!! #WearingTheBoss𝐏antsˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋShe's even got papers! 𝐏atented and 𝐏AM𝐏ERED #SquakyCleantheBarkingMachineˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ-per last post, make note: Not Squeaky though, that one runs off leash, bow your heads when she STRUTS BY, she's chipped with a pedigree 👍👍📍📍📍📍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYOU FREAK OF NATURE YOULL ACTUALLY DO IT TOO WON'T YOU!!! GREAT!! I expect you here ASA𝐏 to smoke this pathetic thing, make it snappy, worker-caste✦#SmokeThisFloorCigˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋTook a smoke break amidst my creative juices flowing and saw a whole cig on the floor, who died to give that shit up, I'm half tempted to smoke the thing to honor the clearly dead prior owner✦ Not even stepped on✦ #Cinderellaˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOh, so you save me caeger, I like that moxie, BLUE-BOY🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👍👍👍👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSomeone, come pick this cigarette and smoke it infront of me, Ive become pissed off at the idea of this delicious little shit going unsmoked😒😒😒✦ I wont do it 🤢but Ill watch for a couple of bucks just to ease these nerves✦ I need another smoke✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGetting my face done up ✨before set and you know what, I've always liked when a team of 10 or more crowding me and futzing over my appearance, feels good to take a break from having to make MYSELF look camera ready✦ Like a 𝐏ooch at the groomers✂️✂️✦ And fuck, with my looks, I'm basically already there 🛑🛑🛑✦ Nothing like that extra mile, am'iright, folks?ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWell, are you going to make me look silly here??? START TALKING, SQUEAKS 🔫🔫🔫ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAHHHHH, OKAY, OKAY!!! HEY, YOU'RE LEAVING ME WITH NO CHOICE HERE!!! If you want to bask in a FRACTION of what it feels like to be ME🌟🌟🌟, be around me, slinging it straight with the big boys, getting TAIL, HITTING THE BIG 𝐏EO𝐏LE 𝐏LACES??? Open your smell sponge and whiff, what's that? Woodsy, dewy notes?💧💧🌳🌳🌲🪓🪓 You fucking know itˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGoing to be doing more sniffing-salves for the sniffin' man, and I remembered my first release!!! IT ROCKED THE JOINT, HAHAHAAHA✦ #RememberingTheGoodTimes #SmellLikeMe https://i✦ibb✦co/BV1DW4yN/IMG-7372✦pngˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ#BeforeTheShowJitters✦✦✦✦NOT!!! Got some great things planned tonight folks, DON'T TOUCH THAT FLICKER!! ✨✨🔨🔨🪚🪃🎥🎥🎥 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/pristine%20backstage✦png?v=1778135972047ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIM SLI𝐏𝐏ING✦ IM FLATLINING✦I NEED A MARGHERITA🍸 AND A GOLF CLUB🏌♂️🏌♂️🏌♂️, STAT✦ YOU'RE RIGHT, I HAVE THIS IN THE BAG, that's the curse of bosshood😫😫😫🏆🏆🏆ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGET ME OUT OF THIS BORING MEETING, its been 3 hours more like 3 SWEE𝐏S, I'm the guy that runs things in this place, I need to hire someone for this im going to start biting my nubs off!!! #HELLISREALANDITSA𝐏OWER𝐏OINTSLIDESHOWˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋBest part of this meeting is seeing that flexed arrow driving itself to the top of the stock charts📈📈📈, with every dip of a fail being cucked by my righteous evidence of SHOW-STO𝐏𝐏ING salesmanship 🤝👌👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ⭐Live Count,🚗🚗🚗 How many pedestrians I can make my driver hit before he starts bitchin'!🚗🚗🚗: 5 so far, let's roll for lucky number 6!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋBRING MY FRIENDS? IF YOU 𝐏ROMISE ME A GOOD TIME, I'll meet up with my enemies and we can see some ⭐⭐⭐STARS⭐⭐⭐ together, but Ill be the only one coming back down from that ride, big guy, HAHAHAAˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋNOWWWW THAT IM THINKING ABOUT IT, I haven't even been to a insane man's ride fair in a WHILE, do they still got rides that crush your spine🎢🎢🎢? Those were always the best ones🏆, if there isn't a clown sending me off to rupture my shit-maker I 'ON'T WANT IT!!!!! #SHITTYBUSINESSFOR𝐏USSIESˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI like the way you're thinkin, big man 😉😉😉😉ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWhen I was a squirmling the Trachea 𝐏unch at the cult carnival still had spikes on the seat to keep you from pussying out and sitting down mid-catching-air✈️✈️✦ NEW, WOKE TRACHEA 𝐏UNCH HAS A NEW SEATBELT✦ GET THAT SHIT✦ OUT✦ OF ✦ MY✦ MUG!!!!!!!!!!! BRING BACK THE CHILDREN 🪁FLYING🪁 FROM THE SEATS WITH DELIGHT!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋDONT S𝐏ARE ME ON ANY DETAILS RICH, how about over some drinks🥂🥂🥂 you catch me up on your GROWING HAREM OF RE𝐏UTABLE WORKERSˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋRITCHAYYYYYYYYY, LIKEWISE I'VE MISSED YOU YOU FANCY-SHMANCY SHMUCK, YOU KNOW HOW IT GETS✦ MANY FINGERS IN MANY 𝐏IES✦ 🥧🥧🥧🥧🕴🕴🕴👆👆👆 But I gotta step back and socialize with my people once more!🤝🤝🤝ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI'm a bit of a pro at the program called MS 𝐏AINT, old sport, it's a little gift from me🙋 to you🫵🫶🫶🫶ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIT'S TOO LATE, I MUST✦ HGUHG✦ CA𝐏✦✦✦✦CA𝐏ITALIZE✦✦✦ON✦✦✦🧟🧟HRUGH✦✦YOUR🧟🧟 FAILURE✦✦HRGHH✦✦✦THE FLEAS✦✦✦THEYVE BEEN TALKING TO ME, CAS𝐏ER OL BOY✦ #ALTERNIASFUNNIESTCHITTERBLUNDERSˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOOF A diiii-RECT HIT TO THE FAMED CHITTERALIST, let's see that again,#RE𝐏LAY🔄🔄🔄 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/casperfail✦png?v=1779746251811ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI'd sooner be on the other end of a LOADED BARREL than admit I have fleasˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ😎SUMMER 😎HEAT USUALLY NEVER GETS ME DOWN but these scum-suckling flies? ON MY LAST DAMN NERVE, IF ONE BUZZLING-SHIT-CHOKING FUCK ZI𝐏S 𝐏AST MY FIN AND EVEN FEEL A FRACTION, A WIS𝐏 OF AIR🌬️ FROM THE DES𝐏ICABLE LITTLE BEAST, IM GOING NUCLEAR ON A INTERN✦ I'M GOING NUCLEAR ON THE GOD DAMN FUCKING MOON✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWatching the crew get the stage together from the office window and it makes all my lackees look so CUTE, LIKE ANTS🐜, OR HAMSTERS, I JUST WANT TO 𝐏ICK 🤏THEM U𝐏🤏 LIKE🤏🤏🤏 WOBBLING MIIS AND TOSS THEM AROUND✦ THROW ONE IN A 𝐏OOL, MAKE ANOTHER RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES, start a drama! Gasp! THE SCANDAL IN THE STUDIO😱😱😱😱? I could Big Brother 👁️ this concept✦ I just saw one trip and he thinks no one saw, oho, little does that little guy know✦ #INTERCOMTIMEˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋRise and GRIND, ALTERNIA'S NATION OF THE DUTIFULY EM𝐏LOYED!!!🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🕺💃 SHAKE, THOSE, MONEY MAKERS💸💸💸💸!!! Your services may go unnoticed half to most of the time, but just know✦✦✦𝐏ristine's thinking of ya 🫶🫶🫶🫶😘😘😘😘🤑🤑💜💜💜💜ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIn the Biz, they say you gotta crack a few 🥚eggs🥚 to make a real good omelette🥚🍳✦ NEWS FLASH, BREAKING EGG MOMENT📢📢📢✦ There's a screw in my handˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ𝐏apa ain't raise no BEEYATCH, WHAM👊 BAM✋, THANK YOU👌, MA'AM💃 I've bitten it out 😁😁😁✦ 𝐏roblem solved-o! Nothing a little swishing under the sink won't fix! #Never𝐏ussyOutˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOf course I advocate for employee wellness🏥, HOW ARE THEY GOING TO DO MY BACK🎒 BREAKING🦴🦴🦴 𝐏LANS IF THEIR BACKS BREAK EASY✦ Every contract comes with a sculpting mattress🥱🥱😪😪💤🛏🛏🛏, courtesy of, well, ME✦ HAHA✦✨️✨️✨️ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWhatcha gonna do, lob a few 'matoes🍅 at lil' ol me? 🫣🫣🫢🫢ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋLooks at the camera🎥📷 with a shrug and a knowing glance!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋThen pray🙏🤲 tell👂🤚, DEFINE IT FOR ME🎤ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI got a strong voice, come onnn it just makes that hidey hippie place your in less lonely🥺✦ ARE YOU GETTING THIS? CHECK CHECK, YES, YOU, THERE, TREE-LOVER✦ IN THE BUSHES✦🗣🗣🗣👉👉👉🌲🌲😲🌲🌲ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSorry for my rude outburst, as you might've heard, "Done broken brokened myself"✦Yeowch😷😷😷😷ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋRAH RAH RAH RAH RAH📣📣📣📣👩🎤👨🎤🗣🗣🗣🗣and with a melodic slide--rrrrRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHhahahahh!🎵🎵🎵ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋANYWAYS, got real into that chiropractic nonsense! TRIED IT MYSELF, AND WOWEE✦DOES IT WORK, I'M TELLIN' YA✦ THOSE MATTRESSES🛏🛏🛏 I WAS TALKING ABOUT? I'M GONNA NEED IT FOLKS✦ Fucked myself up, HAHAHA✦🏨🏨🏨🏨🏨ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAH YES, STATE OF THE ART✦ VROOOOM VROOM, HEALTHY S𝐏INED, SAINT 𝐏ITCH IS ON THE ROAD WITH A A𝐏𝐏ETITE FOR 𝐏ROJECTING MY TRAUMAS! AHAHHAHAHAHAHA🚗🚗🚔🚗🚗🚗🚗💥💥💥ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYOU KNOW WHAT, this is pretty accurate to how it felt✅️✅️✅️✅️✦ You got some SEERS in your place that's good to have✦ Wow, they really captured my eyes👁👁ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOH C'MON NOW, IF I'M GONNA GET A RAGGING I MIGHT AS WELL SEE IT✦ SEND THOSE ASA𝐏✦ I NEED A LAUGH✦😛😛😛😷🦴ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋTELL THE LOT I'M FIIIINE, MY FISHY FELLA✦ I'VE HAD WORSE, LIKE, WOAH MAMA🗡✋️😱😱🤯 TY𝐏E WORSE✦ THIS IS 𝐏USSY SHIT TO ME, THESE WONDERFUL 𝐏AIN KILLERS AND A MEAN HUG FROM THE BOYS ON STAGE RIGHT CANT FIX✦ MEDS ARE A BOYS BEST FRIEND, CURLS😉😉💊🚰🚰ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI WONT LIE TO YOU, OLD 𝐏AL, I JUM𝐏ED THE GUN ON THIS ONE✦ THE CONSTRUCTION SEEMED EASY, AND I WAS GREEDY FOR RESULTS✦ IT'S THE INVENTOR 👨🔬🔬🧪🥼IN ME✦ MY HUBRIS✦ IT WORKED WELL✦ As everything I make does🔧👩🔧, as you know✦ BUT, TOO WELL✦ HAHAHA🤭🤭😛😬ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT CONTRA𝐏TION✦ DONT LET THAT SMILE FOOL YOU, THAT GRIN LASTS 5 SECONDS✦ https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/images✦jpegˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋThey think they can make me stay? FUCK OFF🗣🗣🗣✦ I HATE HOS𝐏ITAL FOOD! EEEE-yuck! A series of spit-takes ensue💦💦🤧🤧✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSURE DO-- OH WAIT, YOU MEANT MY CERTIFIED HIVE-MADE QUALITY CAKES🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰, Shoot and here I thought you noticed the 𝐏ilates paying off 😳😳😳😳ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI GOT SLA𝐏 CHO𝐏, I GOT DARK TO𝐏 CU𝐏CAKE, I GOT IT ALL, BABYYYYˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋTHEY CAN HATE ME CUZ THEY AIN'T ME BUT THEY CAN'T DENY MY SLA𝐏✋ CHO𝐏🫱🔪 WORKS🍅🍆🥕🥔🫑🍠, CAN THEY!!! CAN THEY!!!!!!!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦