Pristine Saint Pitch
@showtimeExecutor
Natural born Pitchman, Show-host, and CEO of your favorite hive products OFFICIAL BRAND AND PERSONAL ACCOUNT ONLINE STATUS: OFF THE AIR
((SMALL OOC POST SO I CAN PUT A FEW PRISTINE REFERENCES AND GENERAL IDEAAAA WARNINGS: -mostly foul language and harsh ragging -VIOLENCE BLOOD AND GORE (3RD IMAGE BELOW HAS BLOOD AND IMPLIED VIOLENCE) -guy is a big tv personality, think SHAM-WOW GUY MEETS CRAIG FERGUSON -his products are mostly VERY HANDY HOME GADGETS AND TECH, CLOTHING, and VIOLENT BUT VERY CONVENIENT INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION.. and smoothie making! the big top cupcake guy also made the pocket guillotine for those pesky-on-the-go-decap situations EVERRRYONE finds themselves in -hes egotistical, vain, prideful, and deranged, and unfortunately a soft genius in engineering, but by golly can he put on a show tumblr tag: lordtonic.tumblr.com/tagged/pristine https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_7370.gif https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6871.jpeg https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6869.jpeg
G0T MY$3LF 4 L1L TR34T. M4YB3 B1G! 10 L4Y3R CH0C0L4T3 TRUFFL3 C4K3. 1 BR0UGHT $0M3 T0 W0RK C4U$3 1 N33D TH3 $UG4R! 4ND N0 1'M N0T $H4R1NG. UNL3$$ B0$$ W4NT$ $0M3. 0:>
holy #jealous
1 W0ULD B3 J34L0U$ 0F M3 4$ W3LL!
i was about to ask if u could share and remembered u said u wouldnt. i understand. id eat the whole ass thing myself if i had one too. pls enjoy it thoroughly on my part......
✧˗ˏˋTHEY CAN HATE ME CUZ THEY AIN'T ME BUT THEY CAN'T DENY MY SLA𝐏✋ CHO𝐏🫱🔪 WORKS🍅🍆🥕🥔🫑🍠, CAN THEY!!! CAN THEY!!!!!!!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI GOT SLA𝐏 CHO𝐏, I GOT DARK TO𝐏 CU𝐏CAKE, I GOT IT ALL, BABYYYYˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSURE DO-- OH WAIT, YOU MEANT MY CERTIFIED HIVE-MADE QUALITY CAKES🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰, Shoot and here I thought you noticed the 𝐏ilates paying off 😳😳😳😳ˎˊ˗✦
──────── ❕❕ POLL ALERT ⤵︎ VOTE BELOW Are you into humiliation? https://strawpoll.com/BDyNzmrmJyR ──────── ・・・・・ ╰┈➤ poll expires 72 hours from now.
Wheres the both option?
Thank you.
✧˗ˏˋThey think they can make me stay? FUCK OFF🗣🗣🗣✦ I HATE HOS𝐏ITAL FOOD! EEEE-yuck! A series of spit-takes ensue💦💦🤧🤧✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT CONTRA𝐏TION✦ DONT LET THAT SMILE FOOL YOU, THAT GRIN LASTS 5 SECONDS✦ https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/images✦jpegˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI WONT LIE TO YOU, OLD 𝐏AL, I JUM𝐏ED THE GUN ON THIS ONE✦ THE CONSTRUCTION SEEMED EASY, AND I WAS GREEDY FOR RESULTS✦ IT'S THE INVENTOR 👨🔬🔬🧪🥼IN ME✦ MY HUBRIS✦ IT WORKED WELL✦ As everything I make does🔧👩🔧, as you know✦ BUT, TOO WELL✦ HAHAHA🤭🤭😛😬ˎˊ˗✦
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[HOLY $HIT I #AN ALREADY IMAGINE YOUR HEAVILY DI$FIGURED $PINE PRI$TINE ME AND THE WHOLE OFFI#E $END YOU OUR DEEPE$T #ONDOLEN#E$.. UH #AN YOU MAKE $URE THAT TROLLMU $HIT DOE$NT HAVE THE KELDAM LABEL ON IT]
✧˗ˏˋTELL THE LOT I'M FIIIINE, MY FISHY FELLA✦ I'VE HAD WORSE, LIKE, WOAH MAMA🗡✋️😱😱🤯 TY𝐏E WORSE✦ THIS IS 𝐏USSY SHIT TO ME, THESE WONDERFUL 𝐏AIN KILLERS AND A MEAN HUG FROM THE BOYS ON STAGE RIGHT CANT FIX✦ MEDS ARE A BOYS BEST FRIEND, CURLS😉😉💊🚰🚰ˎˊ˗✦
[OH YEAH THAT MU$T HURT, THE OFFI#E HA$ PROMPTLY EMAILED ME $HITTY RENDITION$ OF YOUR PRE$UMED INJURY.]
✧˗ˏˋOH C'MON NOW, IF I'M GONNA GET A RAGGING I MIGHT AS WELL SEE IT✦ SEND THOSE ASA𝐏✦ I NEED A LAUGH✦😛😛😛😷🦴ˎˊ˗✦
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[HTTP$://FILE$.#ATBOX.MOE/H34AJI.PNG]
✧˗ˏˋYOU KNOW WHAT, this is pretty accurate to how it felt✅️✅️✅️✅️✦ You got some SEERS in your place that's good to have✦ Wow, they really captured my eyes👁👁ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAH YES, STATE OF THE ART✦ VROOOOM VROOM, HEALTHY S𝐏INED, SAINT 𝐏ITCH IS ON THE ROAD WITH A A𝐏𝐏ETITE FOR 𝐏ROJECTING MY TRAUMAS! AHAHHAHAHAHAHA🚗🚗🚔🚗🚗🚗🚗💥💥💥ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋANYWAYS, got real into that chiropractic nonsense! TRIED IT MYSELF, AND WOWEE✦DOES IT WORK, I'M TELLIN' YA✦ THOSE MATTRESSES🛏🛏🛏 I WAS TALKING ABOUT? I'M GONNA NEED IT FOLKS✦ Fucked myself up, HAHAHA✦🏨🏨🏨🏨🏨ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSorry for my rude outburst, as you might've heard, "Done broken brokened myself"✦Yeowch😷😷😷😷ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ Yes, But You're So Loud About It. I Can Almost Hear You Shrieking Even If You're Not Speaking. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋI got a strong voice, come onnn it just makes that hidey hippie place your in less lonely🥺✦ ARE YOU GETTING THIS? CHECK CHECK, YES, YOU, THERE, TREE-LOVER✦ IN THE BUSHES✦🗣🗣🗣👉👉👉🌲🌲😲🌲🌲ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ Do Not Call My Hive A Hippie Place. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ It's In The Woods. That's All You Need To Know. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋLooks at the camera🎥📷 with a shrug and a knowing glance!ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ You'd Better Not Be Filming Me. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋWhatcha gonna do, lob a few 'matoes🍅 at lil' ol me? 🫣🫣🫢🫢ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ Nightshade Poisoning. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋOf course I advocate for employee wellness🏥, HOW ARE THEY GOING TO DO MY BACK🎒 BREAKING🦴🦴🦴 𝐏LANS IF THEIR BACKS BREAK EASY✦ Every contract comes with a sculpting mattress🥱🥱😪😪💤🛏🛏🛏, courtesy of, well, ME✦ HAHA✦✨️✨️✨️ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ𝐏apa ain't raise no BEEYATCH, WHAM👊 BAM✋, THANK YOU👌, MA'AM💃 I've bitten it out 😁😁😁✦ 𝐏roblem solved-o! Nothing a little swishing under the sink won't fix! #Never𝐏ussyOutˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIn the Biz, they say you gotta crack a few 🥚eggs🥚 to make a real good omelette🥚🍳✦ NEWS FLASH, BREAKING EGG MOMENT📢📢📢✦ There's a screw in my handˎˊ˗✦
Issue #715 of "Alternia's Greatest", the magazine show€asing the best of Alternian work ethi€, has given a front-page feature to two valuable heads of department at €lemti & €o. Planetary Development. €ongratulations, @ardour€orvidae @infeli€itousFreak I hope the rest of the €ompany €an follow in your lead. https://file.garden/aReFoSMd7€6GgbtB/pRETTY_tROLOLMIZER.png
｢gyyuuuuhhhhh~ *drools* vkei-chan~~ so kawaiiii!!!! nuzzling this sashin!(´ 3｀) mwahmwahmwah.｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: sashin means kyutiegraph!!]
i think there'S a number of people that would say otherwise. i mean, i have more chittr clout than both these people combined. even if they do look cool as hell.
;] <3
Boost this post's engagement just a little more, or I'm blo€king you.
Lik£, LOL. Lik£, I s£ll lik£, ch£ki!;P <3 lik£, sign£d and kiss£d with lik£, lipstick on if you lik£, pay £xtra, lik£, LOL!
｢megane-san will pay any kakaku.｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: kakaku means pl.......... money. (-зo)-☆]
READING ONTO THE RECORD! omg @ardourCorvidae im so proud!!!!! you made it!!
Lik£, I know right? Lik£, pinch m£, lik£ OMFG!!!
✧˗ˏˋRise and GRIND, ALTERNIA'S NATION OF THE DUTIFULY EM𝐏LOYED!!!🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🕺💃 SHAKE, THOSE, MONEY MAKERS💸💸💸💸!!! Your services may go unnoticed half to most of the time, but just know✦✦✦𝐏ristine's thinking of ya 🫶🫶🫶🫶😘😘😘😘🤑🤑💜💜💜💜ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWatching the crew get the stage together from the office window and it makes all my lackees look so CUTE, LIKE ANTS🐜, OR HAMSTERS, I JUST WANT TO 𝐏ICK 🤏THEM U𝐏🤏 LIKE🤏🤏🤏 WOBBLING MIIS AND TOSS THEM AROUND✦ THROW ONE IN A 𝐏OOL, MAKE ANOTHER RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES, start a drama! Gasp! THE SCANDAL IN THE STUDIO😱😱😱😱? I could Big Brother 👁️ this concept✦ I just saw one trip and he thinks no one saw, oho, little does that little guy know✦ #INTERCOMTIMEˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ😎SUMMER 😎HEAT USUALLY NEVER GETS ME DOWN but these scum-suckling flies? ON MY LAST DAMN NERVE, IF ONE BUZZLING-SHIT-CHOKING FUCK ZI𝐏S 𝐏AST MY FIN AND EVEN FEEL A FRACTION, A WIS𝐏 OF AIR🌬️ FROM THE DES𝐏ICABLE LITTLE BEAST, IM GOING NUCLEAR ON A INTERN✦ I'M GOING NUCLEAR ON THE GOD DAMN FUCKING MOON✦ˎˊ˗✦
That's my bad, Pristine. It's my bad.
✧˗ˏˋOOF A diiii-RECT HIT TO THE FAMED CHITTERALIST, let's see that again,#RE𝐏LAY🔄🔄🔄 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/casperfail✦png?v=1779746251811ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIT'S TOO LATE, I MUST✦ HGUHG✦ CA𝐏✦✦✦✦CA𝐏ITALIZE✦✦✦ON✦✦✦🧟🧟HRUGH✦✦YOUR🧟🧟 FAILURE✦✦HRGHH✦✦✦THE FLEAS✦✦✦THEYVE BEEN TALKING TO ME, CAS𝐏ER OL BOY✦ #ALTERNIASFUNNIESTCHITTERBLUNDERSˎˊ˗✦
You spent too much effort on this..
✧˗ˏˋI'm a bit of a pro at the program called MS 𝐏AINT, old sport, it's a little gift from me🙋 to you🫵🫶🫶🫶ˎˊ˗✦
[YOU TELL EM MAN AL$O WHERE HAVE YOU #BEEN I HAVE QUITE #MI$$ED $EEING YOU AND YOUR EMOJI$ ON MY FEED]
✧˗ˏˋRITCHAYYYYYYYYY, LIKEWISE I'VE MISSED YOU YOU FANCY-SHMANCY SHMUCK, YOU KNOW HOW IT GETS✦ MANY FINGERS IN MANY 𝐏IES✦ 🥧🥧🥧🥧🕴🕴🕴👆👆👆 But I gotta step back and socialize with my people once more!🤝🤝🤝ˎˊ˗✦
[YEAH YEAH YEAH GOOD TO HEAR YOURE $TILL ↑ AND RUNNING IN THE BIG LEAGUE$ $O MU#H HA$ HAPPENED $IN#E YOU LEFT I UH I HAVE A BUN#H OF NEW EMPLOYEE$ AND UHHHHH NEVERMIND]
✧˗ˏˋDONT S𝐏ARE ME ON ANY DETAILS RICH, how about over some drinks🥂🥂🥂 you catch me up on your GROWING HAREM OF RE𝐏UTABLE WORKERSˎˊ˗✦
[WE #AN DO THI$ HOWEVER YOU WANT, I MET A NEW GUY AND DON'T GET ME WRONG HE$ KINDA #UTE AND PATHETI# BUT UGLY AND ANNOYING AT THE $AME TIME YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIM IN THE WAY YOU LOVE A BALD $QUEAKBEA$T...IT$ UGLY AND $T↑ID BUT KINDA #UTE!]
✧˗ˏˋWhen I was a squirmling the Trachea 𝐏unch at the cult carnival still had spikes on the seat to keep you from pussying out and sitting down mid-catching-air✈️✈️✦ NEW, WOKE TRACHEA 𝐏UNCH HAS A NEW SEATBELT✦ GET THAT SHIT✦ OUT✦ OF ✦ MY✦ MUG!!!!!!!!!!! BRING BACK THE CHILDREN 🪁FLYING🪁 FROM THE SEATS WITH DELIGHT!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋNOWWWW THAT IM THINKING ABOUT IT, I haven't even been to a insane man's ride fair in a WHILE, do they still got rides that crush your spine🎢🎢🎢? Those were always the best ones🏆, if there isn't a clown sending me off to rupture my shit-maker I 'ON'T WANT IT!!!!! #SHITTYBUSINESSFOR𝐏USSIESˎˊ˗✦
⚜ [ We got dat down at our park n' mo'! Yessuh tell ya friends bring ya friends if ya'd like ta see if ya soul fo' yaself come on down! :^)))))) ]
✧˗ˏˋBRING MY FRIENDS? IF YOU 𝐏ROMISE ME A GOOD TIME, I'll meet up with my enemies and we can see some ⭐⭐⭐STARS⭐⭐⭐ together, but Ill be the only one coming back down from that ride, big guy, HAHAHAAˎˊ˗✦
⚜ [ Dat's da spirit!! We promise a night you won't forget, everythin on us fo' ya! (Justputoutagoodwordfo'uswillya ;^))) ) We got an amazin coasta ta send dem skyyyy high n' wit our special hummm reeferrrrrr dey won't even know who on it wit dem. ]
✧˗ˏˋ⭐Live Count,🚗🚗🚗 How many pedestrians I can make my driver hit before he starts bitchin'!🚗🚗🚗: 5 so far, let's roll for lucky number 6!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋBest part of this meeting is seeing that flexed arrow driving itself to the top of the stock charts📈📈📈, with every dip of a fail being cucked by my righteous evidence of SHOW-STO𝐏𝐏ING salesmanship 🤝👌👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGET ME OUT OF THIS BORING MEETING, its been 3 hours more like 3 SWEE𝐏S, I'm the guy that runs things in this place, I need to hire someone for this im going to start biting my nubs off!!! #HELLISREALANDITSA𝐏OWER𝐏OINTSLIDESHOWˎˊ˗✦
# $tay $trong! You ¢an make it through! Then you ¢an…I don’t know, hit $omething with a golf ¢lub out$ide! Whatever you do to de-$tre$$! #
✧˗ˏˋIM SLI𝐏𝐏ING✦ IM FLATLINING✦I NEED A MARGHERITA🍸 AND A GOLF CLUB🏌♂️🏌♂️🏌♂️, STAT✦ YOU'RE RIGHT, I HAVE THIS IN THE BAG, that's the curse of bosshood😫😫😫🏆🏆🏆ˎˊ˗✦
# That’$ the $pirit! Keep that line $piky and you’ll get allll the margarita you want! Probably! I don’t know your workpla¢e poli¢y on that $ort of thing! But your hive i$ waiting for you when you make it through! #
✧˗ˏˋ#BeforeTheShowJitters✦✦✦✦NOT!!! Got some great things planned tonight folks, DON'T TOUCH THAT FLICKER!! ✨✨🔨🔨🪚🪃🎥🎥🎥 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/pristine%20backstage✦png?v=1778135972047ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGoing to be doing more sniffing-salves for the sniffin' man, and I remembered my first release!!! IT ROCKED THE JOINT, HAHAHAAHA✦ #RememberingTheGoodTimes #SmellLikeMe https://i✦ibb✦co/BV1DW4yN/IMG-7372✦pngˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAHHHHH, OKAY, OKAY!!! HEY, YOU'RE LEAVING ME WITH NO CHOICE HERE!!! If you want to bask in a FRACTION of what it feels like to be ME🌟🌟🌟, be around me, slinging it straight with the big boys, getting TAIL, HITTING THE BIG 𝐏EO𝐏LE 𝐏LACES??? Open your smell sponge and whiff, what's that? Woodsy, dewy notes?💧💧🌳🌳🌲🪓🪓 You fucking know itˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWell, are you going to make me look silly here??? START TALKING, SQUEAKS 🔫🔫🔫ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGetting my face done up ✨before set and you know what, I've always liked when a team of 10 or more crowding me and futzing over my appearance, feels good to take a break from having to make MYSELF look camera ready✦ Like a 𝐏ooch at the groomers✂️✂️✦ And fuck, with my looks, I'm basically already there 🛑🛑🛑✦ Nothing like that extra mile, am'iright, folks?ˎˊ˗✦