Pristine Saint Pitch
@showtimeExecutor
Natural born Pitchman, Show-host, and CEO of your favorite hive products OFFICIAL BRAND AND PERSONAL ACCOUNT ONLINE STATUS: OFF THE AIR
✧˗ˏˋTHEY CAN HATE ME CUZ THEY AIN'T ME BUT THEY CAN'T DENY MY SLA𝐏✋ CHO𝐏🫱🔪 WORKS🍅🍆🥕🥔🫑🍠, CAN THEY!!! CAN THEY!!!!!!!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI GOT SLA𝐏 CHO𝐏, I GOT DARK TO𝐏 CU𝐏CAKE, I GOT IT ALL, BABYYYYˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSURE DO-- OH WAIT, YOU MEANT MY CERTIFIED HIVE-MADE QUALITY CAKES🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰, Shoot and here I thought you noticed the 𝐏ilates paying off 😳😳😳😳ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋThey think they can make me stay? FUCK OFF🗣🗣🗣✦ I HATE HOS𝐏ITAL FOOD! EEEE-yuck! A series of spit-takes ensue💦💦🤧🤧✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT CONTRA𝐏TION✦ DONT LET THAT SMILE FOOL YOU, THAT GRIN LASTS 5 SECONDS✦ https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/images✦jpegˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI WONT LIE TO YOU, OLD 𝐏AL, I JUM𝐏ED THE GUN ON THIS ONE✦ THE CONSTRUCTION SEEMED EASY, AND I WAS GREEDY FOR RESULTS✦ IT'S THE INVENTOR 👨🔬🔬🧪🥼IN ME✦ MY HUBRIS✦ IT WORKED WELL✦ As everything I make does🔧👩🔧, as you know✦ BUT, TOO WELL✦ HAHAHA🤭🤭😛😬ˎˊ˗✦
.png)
[HOLY $HIT I #AN ALREADY IMAGINE YOUR HEAVILY DI$FIGURED $PINE PRI$TINE ME AND THE WHOLE OFFI#E $END YOU OUR DEEPE$T #ONDOLEN#E$.. UH #AN YOU MAKE $URE THAT TROLLMU $HIT DOE$NT HAVE THE KELDAM LABEL ON IT]
✧˗ˏˋTELL THE LOT I'M FIIIINE, MY FISHY FELLA✦ I'VE HAD WORSE, LIKE, WOAH MAMA🗡✋️😱😱🤯 TY𝐏E WORSE✦ THIS IS 𝐏USSY SHIT TO ME, THESE WONDERFUL 𝐏AIN KILLERS AND A MEAN HUG FROM THE BOYS ON STAGE RIGHT CANT FIX✦ MEDS ARE A BOYS BEST FRIEND, CURLS😉😉💊🚰🚰ˎˊ˗✦
[OH YEAH THAT MU$T HURT, THE OFFI#E HA$ PROMPTLY EMAILED ME $HITTY RENDITION$ OF YOUR PRE$UMED INJURY.]
✧˗ˏˋOH C'MON NOW, IF I'M GONNA GET A RAGGING I MIGHT AS WELL SEE IT✦ SEND THOSE ASA𝐏✦ I NEED A LAUGH✦😛😛😛😷🦴ˎˊ˗✦
[HTTP$://FILE$.#ATBOX.MOE/I50R9P.PNG HTTP$://FILE$.#ATBOX.MOE/61J$RL.PNG]
✧˗ˏˋYOU KNOW WHAT, this is pretty accurate to how it felt✅️✅️✅️✅️✦ You got some SEERS in your place that's good to have✦ Wow, they really captured my eyes👁👁ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAH YES, STATE OF THE ART✦ VROOOOM VROOM, HEALTHY S𝐏INED, SAINT 𝐏ITCH IS ON THE ROAD WITH A A𝐏𝐏ETITE FOR 𝐏ROJECTING MY TRAUMAS! AHAHHAHAHAHAHA🚗🚗🚔🚗🚗🚗🚗💥💥💥ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋANYWAYS, got real into that chiropractic nonsense! TRIED IT MYSELF, AND WOWEE✦DOES IT WORK, I'M TELLIN' YA✦ THOSE MATTRESSES🛏🛏🛏 I WAS TALKING ABOUT? I'M GONNA NEED IT FOLKS✦ Fucked myself up, HAHAHA✦🏨🏨🏨🏨🏨ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSorry for my rude outburst, as you might've heard, "Done broken brokened myself"✦Yeowch😷😷😷😷ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ Yes, But You're So Loud About It. I Can Almost Hear You Shrieking Even If You're Not Speaking. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋI got a strong voice, come onnn it just makes that hidey hippie place your in less lonely🥺✦ ARE YOU GETTING THIS? CHECK CHECK, YES, YOU, THERE, TREE-LOVER✦ IN THE BUSHES✦🗣🗣🗣👉👉👉🌲🌲😲🌲🌲ˎˊ˗✦
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ Do Not Call My Hive A Hippie Place. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
⋅˚₊‧ ୨ It's In The Woods. That's All You Need To Know. ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
✧˗ˏˋLooks at the camera🎥📷 with a shrug and a knowing glance!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWhatcha gonna do, lob a few 'matoes🍅 at lil' ol me? 🫣🫣🫢🫢ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOf course I advocate for employee wellness🏥, HOW ARE THEY GOING TO DO MY BACK🎒 BREAKING🦴🦴🦴 𝐏LANS IF THEIR BACKS BREAK EASY✦ Every contract comes with a sculpting mattress🥱🥱😪😪💤🛏🛏🛏, courtesy of, well, ME✦ HAHA✦✨️✨️✨️ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ𝐏apa ain't raise no BEEYATCH, WHAM👊 BAM✋, THANK YOU👌, MA'AM💃 I've bitten it out 😁😁😁✦ 𝐏roblem solved-o! Nothing a little swishing under the sink won't fix! #Never𝐏ussyOutˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIn the Biz, they say you gotta crack a few 🥚eggs🥚 to make a real good omelette🥚🍳✦ NEWS FLASH, BREAKING EGG MOMENT📢📢📢✦ There's a screw in my handˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋRise and GRIND, ALTERNIA'S NATION OF THE DUTIFULY EM𝐏LOYED!!!🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🕺💃 SHAKE, THOSE, MONEY MAKERS💸💸💸💸!!! Your services may go unnoticed half to most of the time, but just know✦✦✦𝐏ristine's thinking of ya 🫶🫶🫶🫶😘😘😘😘🤑🤑💜💜💜💜ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWatching the crew get the stage together from the office window and it makes all my lackees look so CUTE, LIKE ANTS🐜, OR HAMSTERS, I JUST WANT TO 𝐏ICK 🤏THEM U𝐏🤏 LIKE🤏🤏🤏 WOBBLING MIIS AND TOSS THEM AROUND✦ THROW ONE IN A 𝐏OOL, MAKE ANOTHER RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES, start a drama! Gasp! THE SCANDAL IN THE STUDIO😱😱😱😱? I could Big Brother 👁️ this concept✦ I just saw one trip and he thinks no one saw, oho, little does that little guy know✦ #INTERCOMTIMEˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ😎SUMMER 😎HEAT USUALLY NEVER GETS ME DOWN but these scum-suckling flies? ON MY LAST DAMN NERVE, IF ONE BUZZLING-SHIT-CHOKING FUCK ZI𝐏S 𝐏AST MY FIN AND EVEN FEEL A FRACTION, A WIS𝐏 OF AIR🌬️ FROM THE DES𝐏ICABLE LITTLE BEAST, IM GOING NUCLEAR ON A INTERN✦ I'M GOING NUCLEAR ON THE GOD DAMN FUCKING MOON✦ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋOOF A diiii-RECT HIT TO THE FAMED CHITTERALIST, let's see that again,#RE𝐏LAY🔄🔄🔄 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/casperfail✦png?v=1779746251811ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIT'S TOO LATE, I MUST✦ HGUHG✦ CA𝐏✦✦✦✦CA𝐏ITALIZE✦✦✦ON✦✦✦🧟🧟HRUGH✦✦YOUR🧟🧟 FAILURE✦✦HRGHH✦✦✦THE FLEAS✦✦✦THEYVE BEEN TALKING TO ME, CAS𝐏ER OL BOY✦ #ALTERNIASFUNNIESTCHITTERBLUNDERSˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI'm a bit of a pro at the program called MS 𝐏AINT, old sport, it's a little gift from me🙋 to you🫵🫶🫶🫶ˎˊ˗✦
[YOU TELL EM MAN AL$O WHERE HAVE YOU #BEEN I HAVE QUITE #MI$$ED $EEING YOU AND YOUR EMOJI$ ON MY FEED]
✧˗ˏˋRITCHAYYYYYYYYY, LIKEWISE I'VE MISSED YOU YOU FANCY-SHMANCY SHMUCK, YOU KNOW HOW IT GETS✦ MANY FINGERS IN MANY 𝐏IES✦ 🥧🥧🥧🥧🕴🕴🕴👆👆👆 But I gotta step back and socialize with my people once more!🤝🤝🤝ˎˊ˗✦
[YEAH YEAH YEAH GOOD TO HEAR YOURE $TILL ↑ AND RUNNING IN THE BIG LEAGUE$ $O MU#H HA$ HAPPENED $IN#E YOU LEFT I UH I HAVE A BUN#H OF NEW EMPLOYEE$ AND UHHHHH NEVERMIND]
✧˗ˏˋDONT S𝐏ARE ME ON ANY DETAILS RICH, how about over some drinks🥂🥂🥂 you catch me up on your GROWING HAREM OF RE𝐏UTABLE WORKERSˎˊ˗✦
[WE #AN DO THI$ HOWEVER YOU WANT, I MET A NEW GUY AND DON'T GET ME WRONG HE$ KINDA #UTE AND PATHETI# BUT UGLY AND ANNOYING AT THE $AME TIME YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIM IN THE WAY YOU LOVE A BALD $QUEAKBEA$T...IT$ UGLY AND $T↑ID BUT KINDA #UTE!]
✧˗ˏˋWhen I was a squirmling the Trachea 𝐏unch at the cult carnival still had spikes on the seat to keep you from pussying out and sitting down mid-catching-air✈️✈️✦ NEW, WOKE TRACHEA 𝐏UNCH HAS A NEW SEATBELT✦ GET THAT SHIT✦ OUT✦ OF ✦ MY✦ MUG!!!!!!!!!!! BRING BACK THE CHILDREN 🪁FLYING🪁 FROM THE SEATS WITH DELIGHT!!!!!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋNOWWWW THAT IM THINKING ABOUT IT, I haven't even been to a insane man's ride fair in a WHILE, do they still got rides that crush your spine🎢🎢🎢? Those were always the best ones🏆, if there isn't a clown sending me off to rupture my shit-maker I 'ON'T WANT IT!!!!! #SHITTYBUSINESSFOR𝐏USSIESˎˊ˗✦
⚜ [ We got dat down at our park n' mo'! Yessuh tell ya friends bring ya friends if ya'd like ta see if ya soul fo' yaself come on down! :^)))))) ]
✧˗ˏˋBRING MY FRIENDS? IF YOU 𝐏ROMISE ME A GOOD TIME, I'll meet up with my enemies and we can see some ⭐⭐⭐STARS⭐⭐⭐ together, but Ill be the only one coming back down from that ride, big guy, HAHAHAAˎˊ˗✦
⚜ [ Dat's da spirit!! We promise a night you won't forget, everythin on us fo' ya! (Justputoutagoodwordfo'uswillya ;^))) ) We got an amazin coasta ta send dem skyyyy high n' wit our special hummm reeferrrrrr dey won't even know who on it wit dem. ]
✧˗ˏˋ⭐Live Count,🚗🚗🚗 How many pedestrians I can make my driver hit before he starts bitchin'!🚗🚗🚗: 5 so far, let's roll for lucky number 6!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋBest part of this meeting is seeing that flexed arrow driving itself to the top of the stock charts📈📈📈, with every dip of a fail being cucked by my righteous evidence of SHOW-STO𝐏𝐏ING salesmanship 🤝👌👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGET ME OUT OF THIS BORING MEETING, its been 3 hours more like 3 SWEE𝐏S, I'm the guy that runs things in this place, I need to hire someone for this im going to start biting my nubs off!!! #HELLISREALANDITSA𝐏OWER𝐏OINTSLIDESHOWˎˊ˗✦
# $tay $trong! You ¢an make it through! Then you ¢an…I don’t know, hit $omething with a golf ¢lub out$ide! Whatever you do to de-$tre$$! #
✧˗ˏˋIM SLI𝐏𝐏ING✦ IM FLATLINING✦I NEED A MARGHERITA🍸 AND A GOLF CLUB🏌♂️🏌♂️🏌♂️, STAT✦ YOU'RE RIGHT, I HAVE THIS IN THE BAG, that's the curse of bosshood😫😫😫🏆🏆🏆ˎˊ˗✦
# That’$ the $pirit! Keep that line $piky and you’ll get allll the margarita you want! Probably! I don’t know your workpla¢e poli¢y on that $ort of thing! But your hive i$ waiting for you when you make it through! #
✧˗ˏˋ#BeforeTheShowJitters✦✦✦✦NOT!!! Got some great things planned tonight folks, DON'T TOUCH THAT FLICKER!! ✨✨🔨🔨🪚🪃🎥🎥🎥 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/pristine%20backstage✦png?v=1778135972047ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGoing to be doing more sniffing-salves for the sniffin' man, and I remembered my first release!!! IT ROCKED THE JOINT, HAHAHAAHA✦ #RememberingTheGoodTimes #SmellLikeMe https://i✦ibb✦co/BV1DW4yN/IMG-7372✦pngˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAHHHHH, OKAY, OKAY!!! HEY, YOU'RE LEAVING ME WITH NO CHOICE HERE!!! If you want to bask in a FRACTION of what it feels like to be ME🌟🌟🌟, be around me, slinging it straight with the big boys, getting TAIL, HITTING THE BIG 𝐏EO𝐏LE 𝐏LACES??? Open your smell sponge and whiff, what's that? Woodsy, dewy notes?💧💧🌳🌳🌲🪓🪓 You fucking know itˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWell, are you going to make me look silly here??? START TALKING, SQUEAKS 🔫🔫🔫ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGetting my face done up ✨before set and you know what, I've always liked when a team of 10 or more crowding me and futzing over my appearance, feels good to take a break from having to make MYSELF look camera ready✦ Like a 𝐏ooch at the groomers✂️✂️✦ And fuck, with my looks, I'm basically already there 🛑🛑🛑✦ Nothing like that extra mile, am'iright, folks?ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSomeone, come pick this cigarette and smoke it infront of me, Ive become pissed off at the idea of this delicious little shit going unsmoked😒😒😒✦ I wont do it 🤢but Ill watch for a couple of bucks just to ease these nerves✦ I need another smoke✦ˎˊ˗✦
↗️I WILL DO IT FOR FREE.↗️
✧˗ˏˋOh, so you save me caeger, I like that moxie, BLUE-BOY🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👍👍👍👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋTook a smoke break amidst my creative juices flowing and saw a whole cig on the floor, who died to give that shit up, I'm half tempted to smoke the thing to honor the clearly dead prior owner✦ Not even stepped on✦ #Cinderellaˎˊ˗✦
↗️THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF A TRUE, UNADULTERATED SUPERIOR.↗️ ↘️so unwavering in his devotion to filling his internal tarsac that he is just inviting opportunity.↘️ ↗️JUST ROLLING IN POTENTIAL.↗️ ↘️i would do it.↘️ ↗️AS IN, I WOULD ADVISE YOU DO IT.↗️ ↘️and if you are unwilling to place the remaining nub of your nictotinestick anywhere else.↘️ ↗️I WILL TAKE IT.↗️
✧˗ˏˋYOU FREAK OF NATURE YOULL ACTUALLY DO IT TOO WON'T YOU!!! GREAT!! I expect you here ASA𝐏 to smoke this pathetic thing, make it snappy, worker-caste✦#SmokeThisFloorCigˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ-per last post, make note: Not Squeaky though, that one runs off leash, bow your heads when she STRUTS BY, she's chipped with a pedigree 👍👍📍📍📍📍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋShe's even got papers! 𝐏atented and 𝐏AM𝐏ERED #SquakyCleantheBarkingMachineˎˊ˗✦