Pristine Saint Pitch
@showtimeExecutor
Natural born Pitchman, Show-host, and CEO of your favorite hive products OFFICIAL BRAND AND PERSONAL ACCOUNT ONLINE STATUS: OFF THE AIR
✧˗ˏˋ⭐Live Count,🚗🚗🚗 How many pedestrians I can make my driver hit before he starts bitchin'!🚗🚗🚗: 5 so far, let's roll for lucky number 6!ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋBest part of this meeting is seeing that flexed arrow driving itself to the top of the stock charts📈📈📈, with every dip of a fail being cucked by my righteous evidence of SHOW-STO𝐏𝐏ING salesmanship 🤝👌👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGET ME OUT OF THIS BORING MEETING, its been 3 hours more like 3 SWEE𝐏S, I'm the guy that runs things in this place, I need to hire someone for this im going to start biting my nubs off!!! #HELLISREALANDITSA𝐏OWER𝐏OINTSLIDESHOWˎˊ˗✦
# $tay $trong! You ¢an make it through! Then you ¢an…I don’t know, hit $omething with a golf ¢lub out$ide! Whatever you do to de-$tre$$! #
✧˗ˏˋIM SLI𝐏𝐏ING✦ IM FLATLINING✦I NEED A MARGHERITA🍸 AND A GOLF CLUB🏌♂️🏌♂️🏌♂️, STAT✦ YOU'RE RIGHT, I HAVE THIS IN THE BAG, that's the curse of bosshood😫😫😫🏆🏆🏆ˎˊ˗✦
# That’$ the $pirit! Keep that line $piky and you’ll get allll the margarita you want! Probably! I don’t know your workpla¢e poli¢y on that $ort of thing! But your hive i$ waiting for you when you make it through! #
✧˗ˏˋ#BeforeTheShowJitters✦✦✦✦NOT!!! Got some great things planned tonight folks, DON'T TOUCH THAT FLICKER!! ✨✨🔨🔨🪚🪃🎥🎥🎥 https://file✦garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/pristine%20backstage✦png?v=1778135972047ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGoing to be doing more sniffing-salves for the sniffin' man, and I remembered my first release!!! IT ROCKED THE JOINT, HAHAHAAHA✦ #RememberingTheGoodTimes #SmellLikeMe https://i✦ibb✦co/BV1DW4yN/IMG-7372✦pngˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAHHHHH, OKAY, OKAY!!! HEY, YOU'RE LEAVING ME WITH NO CHOICE HERE!!! If you want to bask in a FRACTION of what it feels like to be ME🌟🌟🌟, be around me, slinging it straight with the big boys, getting TAIL, HITTING THE BIG 𝐏EO𝐏LE 𝐏LACES??? Open your smell sponge and whiff, what's that? Woodsy, dewy notes?💧💧🌳🌳🌲🪓🪓 You fucking know itˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWell, are you going to make me look silly here??? START TALKING, SQUEAKS 🔫🔫🔫ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGetting my face done up ✨before set and you know what, I've always liked when a team of 10 or more crowding me and futzing over my appearance, feels good to take a break from having to make MYSELF look camera ready✦ Like a 𝐏ooch at the groomers✂️✂️✦ And fuck, with my looks, I'm basically already there 🛑🛑🛑✦ Nothing like that extra mile, am'iright, folks?ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋSomeone, come pick this cigarette and smoke it infront of me, Ive become pissed off at the idea of this delicious little shit going unsmoked😒😒😒✦ I wont do it 🤢but Ill watch for a couple of bucks just to ease these nerves✦ I need another smoke✦ˎˊ˗✦
↗️I WILL DO IT FOR FREE.↗️
✧˗ˏˋOh, so you save me caeger, I like that moxie, BLUE-BOY🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👍👍👍👍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋTook a smoke break amidst my creative juices flowing and saw a whole cig on the floor, who died to give that shit up, I'm half tempted to smoke the thing to honor the clearly dead prior owner✦ Not even stepped on✦ #Cinderellaˎˊ˗✦
↗️THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF A TRUE, UNADULTERATED SUPERIOR.↗️ ↘️so unwavering in his devotion to filling his internal tarsac that he is just inviting opportunity.↘️ ↗️JUST ROLLING IN POTENTIAL.↗️ ↘️i would do it.↘️ ↗️AS IN, I WOULD ADVISE YOU DO IT.↗️ ↘️and if you are unwilling to place the remaining nub of your nictotinestick anywhere else.↘️ ↗️I WILL TAKE IT.↗️
✧˗ˏˋYOU FREAK OF NATURE YOULL ACTUALLY DO IT TOO WON'T YOU!!! GREAT!! I expect you here ASA𝐏 to smoke this pathetic thing, make it snappy, worker-caste✦#SmokeThisFloorCigˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋ-per last post, make note: Not Squeaky though, that one runs off leash, bow your heads when she STRUTS BY, she's chipped with a pedigree 👍👍📍📍📍📍ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋShe's even got papers! 𝐏atented and 𝐏AM𝐏ERED #SquakyCleantheBarkingMachineˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAs a businessman I RES𝐏ECT the low level cogs in my beautiful machine, the sweat of their brow greases the inner workings and keeps MY lights on! Now, once they can handle the spotlight maybe Id consider letting them climb the rung of "living dartboard" on MY business model, ITS A DOGGY DOG WORLD AND I GOT MANY LEASHES TO MANAGE ALREADY!!! #WearingTheBoss𝐏antsˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋHmm, doesn't got that ring to it though, does it? I'll stick with the catchier one!!! Run off my lawn, runt!! Yip-Yip!!!😄😄😄🐶🐶🐶🐕🐕ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋFrom the very bottom of my aching blood pumper, who do you take me for, Checkstub?😄😄😄🙏👌👌ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWOAH THERE TIGER✦ I love that attitude! Find me when you get into managing showbiz🌟, I dont let just anyone lap at my feet✦ I pay good money for these!! 🤣🤣🤣👞👞👞ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI know, starstruck, aren't you? 𝐏ut the socks I knocked back on, sport, I dont care much for slacking on the clock! #TIMEISMONEYˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋAnd that's a wrap here on 𝐏itch street, folks✦ Time to turn the lights down🕯️🕯️, wind down with a hot piece of best selling-literature📕, and have me peter popped by the bulge-arian-gargler 500X2, coming to merchant blocks near you! #nsfw 👏👏👏👏👏Good light, Alternia! Good light 👏👏👏👏👏ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋWhy is my water filtering receptacle empty, doesn't the world know I NEED this shit? I'm a fucking fish, for fucks sake #Fuckmylife #FiltermyBulgestupidemptywaterpitcherˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋYou know her by her pink-patina'd titanium casing! Her delightful LED ocular screen! And that sparkle that makes you perverts wish she was a ✨✨REAL GIRL✨✨, cue the applause for Squeaky-Clean the Showtime Machine👏👏👏👏🫶🫶🤖🤖🤖!!! @squeakyCleanˎˊ˗✦
🫧HELLO PEONS™ AND PERVERTS®. DO NOT™ HOLD YOUR® APPLAUSE©. INSTEAD: HOLD THESE BRAND. NEW®. PITCH BRAND APPLE PEELERS. 14.99. WORKS ON FRUIT© AND FLESH.🫧
✧˗ˏˋThat's right, folks, lazer-cut blade technology would make your ancestors blood shift hue and fuck your flush right infront of you, it can do apples, pears, neighbors, and even the damn WALLS✦ You ever peel a wall? Its 𝐏USSY work with our 𝐏ITCH-𝐏EELERS®✦ If Squeaky here can peel a whole wall, so can you! #𝐏itchApple𝐏eelersˎˊ˗✦
🫧IN THEORY. BUT I™ AM ALSO VERY® TALENTED©. YOU WILL NEVER BE™ ME. YOU WILL NEVER BE US®. BUT YOU CAN BE AN IOTA LESS SAD™ AND PATHETIC™ IF YOU PURCHASE! NOW!🫧
✧˗ˏˋElevator taking forever, I'm going to beat someone over this👿👿👿✦ #𝐏ronto✦ Then I'm going to hire someone to fix it over the last guy's quivering grub-curled body✦😈😈😈 #𝐏rontoˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋMy amazing robotic co-star is busting it down on this little get-together's dance floor✦ Imagine being straight SERVED by a mechanical girl, I CANT✦ BECAUSE I TAUGHT HER EVERYTHING HER INFLUX-CA𝐏ACITY MIND BANK KNOWS #Squeaky-CleantheDanceMachine #ThatsShowbizBitchˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋIf I had a nickle for every time I've had to STAB🍴🍴🗡️🗡️ a greasy little hand away from my plate of company catered hors d'oeuvres I'd have -3! One for the first offense, two more as A LESSON, and none because why the fuck would I carry change✦ What am I? #middleclass ? 😂😂😂😂😂😂ˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋI hate getting SCUFFS from ASS-HOOVED clutzes on my nice shoes in public places, ID CLEAN SWI𝐏E THEM DOWN THE MIDDLE LIKE A HALVED SANDWHICH DAD USED TO MAKE IF I COULD, anyways #makeshoeshinersshineagain #squeaksqueakˎˊ˗✦
✧˗ˏˋGALA this, and GALA that and not a single party pic to be found, COME ON FOLKS I want to get a little envious before I start throwing dice 🎲🎲around at🎲 some CRABS🎲 TABLES to ease my F✦O✦M✦O 😂😂😂😂ˎˊ˗✦
((SMALL OOC POST SO I CAN PUT A FEW PRISTINE REFERENCES AND GENERAL IDEAAAA WARNINGS: -mostly foul language and harsh ragging -VIOLENCE BLOOD AND GORE (3RD IMAGE BELOW HAS BLOOD AND IMPLIED VIOLENCE) -guy is a big tv personality, think SHAM-WOW GUY MEETS CRAIG FERGUSON -his products are mostly VERY HANDY HOME GADGETS AND TECH, CLOTHING, and VIOLENT BUT VERY CONVENIENT INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION.. and smoothie making! the big top cupcake guy also made the pocket guillotine for those pesky-on-the-go-decap situations EVERRRYONE finds themselves in -hes egotistical, vain, prideful, and deranged, and unfortunately a soft genius in engineering, but by golly can he put on a show tumblr tag: lordtonic.tumblr.com/tagged/pristine https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_7370.gif https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6871.jpeg https://file.garden/aVIln_Qn93xoMwYZ/IMG_6869.jpeg
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https://file.garden/ZXTQg2HNBXlcqhN2/lego-batman-falls-in-love.gif
also dont forget to pin ur post if you want it to stay at the top of ur page for people to see))
