The Worst Karkat
@contagionsGenesis
AMATEUR SCRIPT EDITOR, PROFESSIONAL FUCK UP. A PAINFULLY EMBARRASSING MEMOIR TO THE DEPTHS OF SHEER MEDIOCRITY IN TROLL FORM. HE/HIM //pfp @goosey-hnz
ATTENTIONS, CHITTRITES. YES, YOUR GANDERBULBS AREN'T DECEIVING YOU. I AM, INDEED, ANOTHER FUCKING KARKAT VANTAS TO BE TOSSED ONTO THE EVER GROWING PILE OF KARKAT VANTASES THAT, FOR SOME INANE REASON, ARE ATTRACTED TO THIS WEBSITE LIKE HEAT-SEEKING MISSILES OF INSIPID BULLSHIT. I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU'RE COMPLETELY REVILED AND DISMAYED BY MY PRESENCE. I WOULD BE TOO. FEEL FREE TO GRACE ME WITH RAUCOUS JEERS EVERY TIME MY POSTS DEIGN TO CROSS YOUR FEED IN RECOMPENSE FOR THIS HEINOUS MISDEED. YOU MAY KNOW A KARKAT AND DECIDE THAT THAT MEANS YOU KNOW ME TOO. TAKE THAT THOUGHT AND SHOVE IT YOUR ASS, THROW IT BACK UP, AND THEN SHOVE IT UP *MY* ASS. LIKENING ME TO SOME OTHER KARKAT IS A BRUTAL, DISASTROUS MISTAKE, THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM. I'M NOT LIKE YOUR KARKAT. I'M NOT LIKE ANY KARKAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN, AND FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NOT LIKE ONE YOU'LL EVER HAVE THE GREAT MISFORTUNE OF MEETING AGAIN. WHY? BECAUSE I'M THE WORST ONE. WELCOME TO MY TWISTED FUCKING THINKPAN. #INTRODUCTION #PINNEDPOST
OF ALL THE REACTIONS I EXPECTED TO GET ON THAT POST, A *MEDIATE* WASN'T ONE OF THEM. WHO THE FUCK MEDIATES SOMEONE WAILING ABOUT A HEADACHE.
OH, SHIT, REALLY? IS *THAT* WHAT THAT MEANS? THANK HOLY FUCK THAT YOU WERE HERE TO TELL ME THAT SOMEONE MEDIATING MY POST MEANS THEY THINK MY POST REQUIRES MEDIATING. THIS NEWFOUND REVOLUTIONARY PIECE OF INFORMATION IS REALLY CHANGING MY ENTIRE WORLDVIEW. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOUR SUPREME INTELLECT. THANKS, JACKASS.
Your wwwvelcome, it seems you wwwwvould havwwwve struggled to come to that conclusion
UPDATE ON MY HORRIBLE HEADACHE SITUATION FROM LAST NIGHT, FOR ANYONE WHO CARES, WHICH I SUSPECT IS NONE OF YOU. IT HASN'T GOTTEN BETTER. ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S GOTTEN WORSE. IT FEELS LIKE MY THINKPAN IS FINALLY MUTINYING AGAINST MY SKULL AND TRYING TO TAKE THE REST OF MY BODY DOWN WITH IT. URGH.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that
NORMALLY I'D SAY SOMETHING CAUSTIC LIKE TELLING YOU TO STUFF THAT SORRY BACK DOWN YOUR WINDTUNNEL AND SAVE YOUR PITY FOR SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY DESERVES IT, BUT FRANKLY, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD. SO. INSTEAD I'LL JUST SAY THANKS.
Thank you, I am not having the best day either, so probably for the best
Thanks, I guess
yeah, she d0es that sometimes.
GOOD FUCKING SHIT, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT *THAT* RIGHT NOW. #DASHWATCHING
then… maybe we can think about nice things, likeeeee… dogs and movies?
SIGH. ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE TIME OF LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING WHEN I LAMENT THE FACT THAT THE ONLY EVEN SEMI-OFFICIAL QUADRANT I'VE EVER HAD WAS MY CLUB WADDLEFOWL MATESPRIT. PUFFLELUVR69 IF YOU'RE STILL OUT THERE...
wow.
WHAT. CAN A MAN NOT AGONIZE OVER HIS NONEXISTENT LOVE LIFE IN PEACE?
i suppose. the mention of the club waddlefowl matesprit was just kind of sad is all.
I AM ***THIS*** CLOSE TO CRACKING MY NUGBONE OPEN AND CHUCKING MY THINKPAN AT THE NEAREST WALL. URGH. AS LOATHE AS I AM TO ALREADY BE REDUCED TO ASKING FOR ADVICE WITHIN 60 MINUTES OF MY CHITTR DEBUT, I'M AFRAID SOME THINGS JUST CAN'T BE HELPED. DOES ANYONE KNOW THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH A PERSISTENT HEADACHE THAT *DOESN'T* INVOLVE OVERDOSING ON NSAIDS? OR AM I DOOMED TO SUFFER FOR THE REST OF MY MISERABLE LIFE? #SUBSTANCE
8=l < I know a way that isn't helpfoal to you
GEE, THANKS! FUCK ACTIONABLE ADVICE. WHAT I WAS *REALLY* HOPING FOR WAS SOMEONE TO CHIME IN WITH SOMETHING COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO ME. WHAT IS IT.
8=l < I can heal you with my hands using magic
8=l < I'm a god 8=l < Healing is one of my abilities
8=l < I don't e%pect everyone to immediately believe that 8=l < Doesn't stop it from being true, hoofever
8=l < She's dead last I checked
ATTENTIONS, CHITTRITES. YES, YOUR GANDERBULBS AREN'T DECEIVING YOU. I AM, INDEED, ANOTHER FUCKING KARKAT VANTAS TO BE TOSSED ONTO THE EVER GROWING PILE OF KARKAT VANTASES THAT, FOR SOME INANE REASON, ARE ATTRACTED TO THIS WEBSITE LIKE HEAT-SEEKING MISSILES OF INSIPID BULLSHIT. I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU'RE COMPLETELY REVILED AND DISMAYED BY MY PRESENCE. I WOULD BE TOO. FEEL FREE TO GRACE ME WITH RAUCOUS JEERS EVERY TIME MY POSTS DEIGN TO CROSS YOUR FEED IN RECOMPENSE FOR THIS HEINOUS MISDEED. YOU MAY KNOW A KARKAT AND DECIDE THAT THAT MEANS YOU KNOW ME TOO. TAKE THAT THOUGHT AND SHOVE IT YOUR ASS, THROW IT BACK UP, AND THEN SHOVE IT UP *MY* ASS. LIKENING ME TO SOME OTHER KARKAT IS A BRUTAL, DISASTROUS MISTAKE, THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM. I'M NOT LIKE YOUR KARKAT. I'M NOT LIKE ANY KARKAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN, AND FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NOT LIKE ONE YOU'LL EVER HAVE THE GREAT MISFORTUNE OF MEETING AGAIN. WHY? BECAUSE I'M THE WORST ONE. WELCOME TO MY TWISTED FUCKING THINKPAN. #INTRODUCTION #PINNEDPOST
1T'S 4LW4YS N1C3 TO T4ST3 TH3 R4NTS 4ND ORN3RY B3H4V1ORS OF K4RK4TS. W3LCOM3! >:]
B33 < sup karkat