ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. I’VE NEVER BEEN SORRY. AND I’M NOT STARTING NOW.
you look great wwith a tie i guess i wwas just expectin it to be more green @handMaid i thought scratch forced you poor devvils to be green
I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD PUT HIM IN THE MAIDLY MINISKIRT. #MISSEDOPPORTUNITY.
D--> This is e%tremely displeasing news if I was able to share my immunity to such nefarious mind controlling capabilities I would do so even if not especially if doing so would remove said immunity from my thinkpan....allowing the focus of...b100....and....highb100ds....to finally....attempt to dominate my mind....not that they would have much....success. D--> Musings aside if you need any support do not hesitate to ask. I am uncertain how far my parado%ical associatoin with Lord English goes in terms of its place on the Felt hierarchy...hopefully not....too low I mean...could you imagine me being beneath all those plush shoes....but I will stretch whatever capabilities I have to assist you even if it leaves me gaping from e%haustion. #nsfw #liteerallythatworkisnotsafe
Finally. Some competent help.
HHHHH. KUDOS.
D--> I am e%periencing quite the...confused conflu% of emotions over your....e%citement over my post.
so happy to have you as part of the team! 0u0 also i just finished giving @caliBorn his bath could you deep clean ablution block 42 theres a lot of blood
AND VERY LITTLE OF IT. IF ANY AT ALL. WAS MINE. IF RECOLLECTION SERVES. THERE SHOuLD BE A REALLY EFFICIENT FIFTEEN PERCENT PEROXIDE SOLuTION. SOMEWHERE IN ONE OF THE MILK CARTONS. IT SHOuLD BE LABELED. WITH A FROWNIE FACE. TO SuGGEST IT IS SPOILED. OR AT LEAST. WOuLD SPOIL THE INTERNAL CONTENTS. OF ANYONE FOOLISH ENOuGH TO DRINK IT. BE WARNED. IT IS NOT EDIBLE. IT IS ONLY FOR REMOVING THE ALL TOO COMMON BLOODSTAINS. THERE IS. HOWEVER. NO MEANS OF DISCERNING ONE FROM THE OTHER. WITHOuT THE SNIFF TEST. AND SINCE WE DO NOT uSE THAT FRIDGE FOR ANYTHING. BuT HARBORING CHEMICALS. FAILING THAT. THERE IS ALSO THE VERY MINISCuLE. TASTE TEST. IF YOu DID NOT DIE. YOu HAVE NOT FOuND IT YET. GOOD LuCK.
1 KNOW 1 H4V3N'T B33N ONL1N3 MUCH R3C3NTLY BUT FUCK. PL34S3 B3 OK4Y