@nautiliteMooncatcher — #violence
⦓ Maybe this is a "journal factory burned down" kind of post, so feel free to scroll away if you don't want to read my overthinking about how much I hate being angry... ⦔ ⦓ Sometimes I feel like anger is something ugly and disgusting, but only when I'm the one who has it. If someone is enraged that someone hurt them, or hurt someone they love, I go yes, that's so fair! That's so fair, you can be angry about that, anyone would be! But when it's me, when I'm the one who's mad, I... I just feel like some sort of monster. Like a stereotype. Classic seadwellers always getting mad and putting other castes in...Read more
⦓ Someone hold me the fuck back. I may not be able to purposefully kill but I am capable of #violence and I have a very justified target someone fucking stop me. Someone stop me. ⦔
⦓ I would sooner break my own Heart to remove the block that prevents me from killing people than allow that man to lay a single hand on my people. And if I can't kill, I'll just remove the hands in question. I'm capable of that much. #specificposting #violence #gore ⦔
⦓ ... Sometimes I think about how very easy it would be to kill someone. I could just... Do it. They'd be gone in an instant. Teleport their pusher right out of their chest. Teleport something sharp inside their neck. Swap their pan's hemispheres. Air in their blood, even, if I wanted nobody to notice. It would be so, so easy. But I could never. I could never do that, like... Emotionally. Which is why it's so terrifying that it would be that simple. Eugh... I don't feel good thinking about it, but I'm just... Stuck on the thought... I don't like it... ⦔
⦓ It's quite funny that the majority of my friends at present have more blunt teeth than I. My partner's teeth were able to shear flesh and bone like it was absolutely nothing. She was quite terrifying! I miss her so much... ⦔
⦓ ... So I'm just sitting here. The guy who killed my partner and two others, and just stabbed me to death several times in a row, is smoking a cigarette like five feet away from me. But I can't really do anything about that. So I'm just sitting. I don't even think I have the energy to be mad right now. She would've pulled his spine out. I know she would've. But I'm... Not. For some reason. ⦔
⦓ He said he feels a little better after taking out his anger on me so he's not going to do it again. I don't trust him, but... I don't know. He said he was killing people under his Queen's orders, and she's dead now so he doesn't technically have a reason to want me to actually stay dead. ⦔ ⦓ Then he made a joke about a stress toy. I don't think it was actually a joke at all. Sigh. ⦔
⦓ ... Well, I knew it would be empty, but... It's emptier than I expected. I guess I never got to see if our Jack actually left a body, or if they got him with his own weapon... Still don't know where he got a weapon like that, honestly. But there's nothing here. Maybe they buried him. Maybe he got up and walked away. I kind of don't really care... Godspeed to the guy who permakilled the first three players within a couple days. Fuck him. That particular one, obviously. ⦔
⦓ ... I know he didn't leave a body. I saw it. But... I ... I mean, if I'm here, there's no harm checking where he died, right? We fought Jack there, too. That was a rough time. ⦔
⦓ Okay while I was napping I received offers so I would like to reiterate; I am NOT letting anyone offer their limbs to help me deal with this curse!!! Absolutely not! I will find a way around it that does not involve horrific bodily harm!!! ⦔
⦓ @naknakGodhead Apologies, I was not able to capture the ghost. It uh. Hurt my friend so I scattered its molecules across the multiverse... ⦔
⦓ At least I know now why I keep fucking up at the most important moments. They wanted me to. Fuck. I just don't know why...! I just do not understand why! Why would anyone want their companions to die? Why would anyone want to make it look like it was my fault? I believed it was! I truly... I thought I... I thought I was the reason they died... ⦔